Sam:Hopefully this is all cleared up now. As well, on May 9th, we will be having a PORTUGEUSE MAN O' WAR BATTLE ROYAL for the Supermasochistic Death Wish title. If you enter this, I STRONGLY advise you NOT to enter the CF tourney. Especially since it's so close to the finals...
Sam: Now...I'm sure you're wondering how you get entered into these, right? Well all you have to do is email me before the Sunday, April 25th card and state which of these special events you want in! Now, I can only accept the first 12 entries into the CF tourney that I get...but that shouldn't be a problem. So..now that is out of the way, I look forward to your submissions and Hope to see you beat each other to a pulp! (sits back down at the booth)
Talbot: What about the two world titles, Sam?
Sam: What? Oh..they can read the PPV page for that...Let's get to the TGi Fridays bar Fight!
(we get a shot of the TGI Fridays. Both men enter through different doors. Enforcer comes into the bar with a wheelbarrow full of weapons. They include a crowbar, a wrench, a ladder, a 7 inch lead pipe, a metal mop, and other items for malevolent mischief. DBR enters from the opposite side... with nothing.)
Sam: Someone seems awful confident...
HID: RARRRRR!GRRR! RRR?
Sam: Both men look at each other..and Enforcer hurtles the wheelbarrow at DBR! DBR doesn't react in time and it knocks the wind out of him! Enforcer grabs and wooden chair and smashes it over DBR's head! Whips him onto a booth! Enforcer grabs his crowbar and swings it at DBR's knee, but DBR kicks and drives the crowbar into the ribs of Enforcer. DBR lunges and dives off the table, causing both men to fallover the railing and into the bar area! Dbr grabs Enforcer and slams him on the hard oaken floor! Elbow drop, but Enforcer rolls out of the way and grabs his pipe! CRACK! Right into the orbital of the eye! Dbr holds his socket, but blood oozes out between his fingers! Enforcer with a low blow and DBR cries out in pain! Enforcer grabs some chicken wings ala HID and shoves them in DBR's throat! DBR chokes, spits them out and...HAHAHAHAHAHA! DBR Choking....Chicken...HAHAHAHAHA!
Talbot: Enforcer with a head lock and then a DDT intot he wheelbarrow! Enforcer yanks DBR out and a cover! 1...2...kickout! DBR is hurtles over the bar counter and into the bar! Enforcer climbs over, but DBR grabs a vodka bottle and cracks it over Enforcer's head, busting him open! DBR lunges with what remains of the bottle, and the jagged glass rips through the cheek of enforcer like butter! That's gonna need stiches! Enforcer kicks the bottle out of DBR's hand and then both men exchange fists! Blood from DBR's eye socket gets in his way, and Enforcer takes advantage by kicking DBR in the breadbasket and then hoisting DBR up in the air...GORILLA PRESS into the rack of liquor! Booze, blood and gore little the floor! Enforcer climbs up the counter! Elbow drop..and those broken shards of glass are driven into the back and legs of Scott carr! Hooks the leg! 1...2...thr..kickout! It's not over yet!
Sam: Dbr is hurtled over the counter again. Enforcer climbs over and then grabs a trival pursuit game from the bar! Smashes it over DBR's head! headbutt by Enforcer and then a suplex attempt through a tale, but DBR blocks, rakes the eyes and then drives a plate fromt he buffet table into the temple of Enforcer! DBR grabs that crowbar and bashes it into the ribs of enforcer! Again! AGAIN! AGAIN!! Enforcer coughs up some blood! Not a good sign! Dbr picks up Enforcer....Belly to belly through the buffet table! Enforcers face lands right in a bowl of soy sauce..although the sauce is now turning red! Cover by DBR! 1...2...kickout! DBR grabs a bar stool and smashes it against the back of Enforcer! Pick up and...a scoop slam on the splinters! 1...2...kickout! DBR goes for his patented side cresent kick, but Enforcer grabs the leg, buries the point of his elbow into the knee and then urtles him against a wall! The force of the impact rattle the wall and the TV falls from the shell it was on directly onto the head of DBR!
talbot: DBR is dazed! he staggers around...and is then irish whipped into the wheelbarrow, which goes rolling through the kitchen doors with DBR! Enforcer goes after...and is met by a frying pan from DBR! Another smash and then DBR brings Enforcer into the kitchen! Kidney shots by Scott Carr! He sticks Enforcer's head in a microwave and slams it on his neck! Again! Dbr pulls out Enforcer's head and then whips him into the grill. DBR comes at him, but Enforcer smashes DBR in the head with a fry basket! Dbr is kicked into the the edge of the sink! Enforcer comes at him, and DBR drives a crock pot into Enforcer's ribs, causing him to vomit up even more blood. Enforcer doubles over and DBR drives the pot into the back of Enforcer neck! Enforcer is on the floor in a ball! Dbr goes to pick him up, but Enforcer with a glass baking pan that he was hiding into the face of DBR! Glas everywhere and DBR's nose is busted badly! Enforcer grabs DBR, sticks him between his legs and...POWER BOMB into the wheelbarrow!
sam: Enforcer gets DBR to his feet and the sticky DBR with an eye goug! Both men exchange fists! DBR with a low blow and then an axhandle to the top of the head! A flurry of shots to Enforcer's damaged Ribs! Dbr sticks Enforcer between his legs! Is it Paralyzer time? Enforcer blocks it! Blows by DBR weaken Enforcer! DBR tries again, Enforcer reaches out..and grabs a handle to a rack in the fryer! DBR again tries for the Paralyzer...but with a last ditch effort, Enforcer hurtles the pan of warm boiling grease...and it and the grease smack DBR right in the back! OHMIGOD! DBR falls to his knees screaming in pain as his back, neck and arms bubbles and blisters from the grease! We're gonna need a burn unit ready! Enforcer is injured...but not compared to DBR! Enforcer picks up DBR by the throat... ENFORCEMENT CHOKE SLAM! DBR cries out..and then nothing...
HID: RRRR?
Talbot: Enforcer with the cover! 1...2...3!!! Get the medics NOW!
Announcer: Here is your winner....ENFORCER!
( Enforcer gets to his feet, then holds his knee and ribs..and falls back down to floor. DBR doesn't move. Medics run in and load both men onto stretchers. Each man is hurried into a different ambulance. Enforcer's takes off right away..but DBR's doesn't...)
talbot: Why isn't the ambulance going???
(Suddenly the Sam-O-tron flickers on and we see THE SURFER CIRCUIT dressed up as Doctors...in the ambulance!)
Sean: Well doctor dude, this genius who just happens to have like, agreed to some stupid match in a like, resturaunt or something seems to have gotten hurt. So Dr. Snow, you think that this dude deserves to go to the hospital or something?
River: Well Dr. Ryan, it would be pretty nice if we let the dumb spoot go to the hospital. I mean, all that hardcore stuff did seem pretty...like, hardcore.
Sean: You know though, Bonnie doesn't exactly want us to this man. I mean, she wanted us to like...attack him? What's with that? (He starts to rev the engine and slowly turns towards the exit.) That babe just has to mellow out man. She's been on like, some freakishly freaky hate streak. Murph Man really screwed it up...shaving a chick's head and all.
River: Tell me bout it man, she's just like...messed up. She probably wants us to go Goth or something man. I mean, the president dude would never let anyone Goth into this fed.
Sam:(from the announce booth) I would too! I let Orgasmatron and his buddies in. But they wouldn't know goth if it turned out if I myself was one of the biggest goths out there!
Sean: Tell me bout it. Hey dude, you know how to work this thing? That guy is screaming his lungs out in the back and it's really getting annoying. I kinda wanna get the dude to a hospital before he like, busts a cilia...or something. You know about my sensative ear drums man, I don't want to hear this guy yell. Besides, the dude got that totally rancid smell of the Jack Daniel's Steak special on his breath and it's starting to spread around the van, man.
River: Don't you know nothing dude, this is a truck, not a van. Here, I know how to drive these things. (The ambulence revs backwards and heads straight towards the ring. The back of the ambulence smashes into the ring and the sound of medical appliances are heard crashing and a shrilling scream.) Whoa, wrong button.
talbot: BLOODY HELL! those idiots!
Sean: There's no buttons in this van dude.
River: Wow, would someone shut that dude up in the back! I mean, I know Bonnie told us to like, hurt him, but we didn't even start. Does he like, read minds? That would be totally gnarly man.
Sam: he's already hurt!
Sean: Hey man, just chill. Wow...that guy is really screaming in pain. This can't wait for the hospital, let's just treat the dude now, man. I'll pop the trunk and you go get him...sound cool? (Both give each other the thumbs-up on it.) Very rad man. Alright, here we go. (He drives into the ring even more.) Oh, whoops. Maybe if I just drive into the ring more, the trunk will pop open. (He proceeds and soon enough the doors break open.) Whoa man, catch him before he falls out! Darn! You missed man. Let me get out and help.
River: Chill, I got him. (He lifts up DBR and sets him up in a stretcher on the ring. He rolls the man into the post.) Oh man, those wheels are like, screwed up man. Better get a new one Sean.
Sean: (Sean walks into the ring and brings another stretcher which he throws onto the ground. River wheels him over but slips on the doctor's pants and DBR goes rolling out of the ring.) Darn! You know, I really can't stand you as of late dude. I mean, Bonnie really wants us to do this stuff man. That other chick that made fun of us is like, really ticking her off. You should hear Bon in the RV... (Sean and River jump over the ropes and land on the chest of DBR. They pick him and throw him into the ring.) ...she's like, crazy.
Talbot: She's crazy! Where the hell is security!
River: I think there's going to be a catfight somewhere here down the line. But it's like, Bonnie's right. This Tiffany babe just can't come in and like, totally rat on all the other babes. I mean, beauty is only skin deep, right?
Sean: Yeah, I like my babes nice. I especially like them not speaking this like, Spanish ciao stuff. See, at least Bonnie speaks American, not some foreign stuff. (He picks up DBR by the head and puts him into the Alterna Rosebud position over the stretcher.) You think we should put this spoot in the good stretcher now? (River nods his head, bounces off the ropes, and spears DBR as Sean DDT's him. DBR lands hard on the stretcher's side.) Always land on the side man, you wonder why this spoot wants to team with that babe, he's a friggin maroon.
River: Well, not everyone could be as like, intelligent as us. I mean, I wouldn't mind facing her every once and a while, but like, the fact that like, everyone wants her is just plain...like...sickening. (He kicks DBR into place on the stretcher. The both start heading to the opposite sides of the ring and climbing the posts.) Even that Diar dude wants her. Doesn't he have that rich, like, skinny girlfriend though with the big ti...teeth?
sam: HEY!
Sean: Well, Diar probably couldn't contact his spoot son and/or nephew or someone so he needed someone with as much high of voice and like, as much annoyingness or something. I mean, the dude doesn't annoy me or anything. It's just that he's really, really wrong for like, getting messed up in the 'popular' thing. Now this Tiff gal is ruining things for Bonnie and us man. It's not like we want to do this to this spoot. (River shakes his head in agreement.) But...it's not our choice man. For the babes?
River: For the babes.
(Both of them leap and hit the double Riptide Elbow Drop. DBR is screaming in pain and is twitch uncontrollablly. Sean seems mad at himself for doing such a bad thing. He'll drag out the shock pads out as far as they can and River drags DBR over. Sean zaps him as he jolts up a bit. Finally security, REAL medics and the like come. The Surfers beat like hell intot he Ambulance and drive back out of the arena. DBR is quickly loaded up and taken to the third and final ambulance and it races off to the intensive care burn unit....)
talbot: Listen to those fans! That's a lot of booing! And i can't blame them! Sure DBR is an idiot of the 9th magnitude, but no one in that shape deserves being treated like that!
sam: Eh...it's wrestling. least he wasn't crucified or attakced by Death or fed to dwarves...
HiD: RRARRRR! Talbot: well...time for the main event! two great veterans about to square off!
Sam: Nope! it's time for a COMMERCIAL!
********************************************* Go to part 3!!! (LOOOONG CARD!)