*************
Raskolnikov: Now we go to a tag team match up, where Tiffany Lane and Blackthorne will stomp….er, I mean ‘fight’ Sylvia Morose and Orgasmatron.
Wilbur: Both teams are all ready in the ring, and it looks like the women will start off for each team. The women are circling, and Lane locks it up with Sylvia.
Raskolnikov: Tiffany sends Sylvia to the ropes, and hits Sylvia with a short drop kick. Tiffany yanks Sylvia up by the hair, and gives her a tornado DDT. She’s going for the pin already, but Sylvia kicks out at 1 and a half. Heregay is on the apron grunting and pacing, Blackthorne has a look of confidence in his eye, and seems quite pleased with Tiffany’s performance thus far.
Wilbur: *looking at Raskolnikov * Sylvia tags in HereSEY and Tiffany stands in front of the man who is a good 2 feet taller then her. It almost looks like she’s contemplating fighting him, but no, she’s going to tag in Blackthorne.
Raskolnikov: Yea, looks like the little girl can’t handle the pressure…
Wilbur: *looking at Raskolnikov again* Actually, she could probably beat up Heresey, but Blackthorne wants in. Blackthorne and Heresey circle, Heresey with a look of lust in his eye. Blackthorne hits a quick short kick to the midsection, and now a swinging neck breaker. Blackthorne to the turnbuckle, the ropes, WOW! Asai Moonsault! Great move!
Raskolnikov: Great move my foot…I can do that any day of the week back in Mother Russia, with one leg while wrestling a tiger, not some wussy little sadist.
Wilbur: *frustrated* ANYWAY. Blackthorne throws Heresey to the ropes falling closely, HUGE LARIAT! Heresey is on the outside, and Blackthorne is looking at Sylvia. He just punched her! Sylvias on the ground suffering from the huge right, and Heresey is on the outside in pain. Blackthorne springs off the opposite ropes of the ring, and jumps over the top rope with a huge splash landing on Heresey.
Raskolnikov: Its about time! Nine Larue is finally getting involved, and is kicking Sylvia brutally and beating her with her purse. Blackthorne rolled Heregay into the ring, and is putting up on his shoulders.
Arthur: This looks like it could-
Raskolnikov: Shut up, Arthur. Nobody wants to hear you. Anyway, before I was interrupted by this limy, I was saying that Heresey is on Blackthornes shoulders, and Tiffany is on the turnbuckle. Tiffany springs off, and nails Heregay with a pretty impressive drop kick. Now the men are hollering and whistling.
Wilbur: I guess they don’t realize that I am the only man Tiffany could ever want.
Arthur: For some reason I really doubt-
Wilbur: Shut up limy! Nobody wants to hear you. Anyway, back to the match. Tiffany and Sylvia have both been tagged in, and are circling. Tiffany hits Sylvia with a devastating spin kick, followed by a spring board cross body! 1-2- kick out.
Raskolnikov: Tiffany pulls up Sylvia, and whips her to her own corner. She follows with a running missile drop kick, and Sylvia drops in pain. Tiffany is starting to climb the turnbuckle…Heregay stops her with a slap to the face. Tiffany falls off the turn buckle, briefly stunned, and Heregay is groaning! Oh god! Tiffany stands up and puts Heresey on the ground with a brutal superkick, but Heregay is still moaning! Tiffany climbs the turnbuckle once again.
Wilbur: Sylvia is up though! She’s running over, and punches Tiffany in the stomach. Tiffany sits down on the turnbuckle, and Sylvia is trying to hook Tiffanys arms. Members of the first couple of rows of the crowd are getting out umbrellas as Orgasmatron groans in pleasure. Tiffany manages to ram her forehead into Sylvias nose, who reels in pain, but is still on the turnbuckle with Tiffany. Tiffany flips over Sylvia, Michinoku Driver off the top rope!!! That was incredible!!
Arthur: Look, Heresey is getting-
Wilbur and Raskolnikov: Shut up limy!!
Wilbur: Heresey is up, and he’s still twitching in pleasure, but is trying to come, no pun intended, to Sylvias aid! Here comes Blackthorne…he hits Heresey with a Baseball Slide and Heresey drops. Blackthorne is on the top ropes…Shooting Star Press on to Heresey!! Incredible!!
Raskolnikov: Tiffany stands up Sylvia…. Tiffanys Secret!! Its over!! 1-2-3!
Announcer: Your winners, Tiffany Lane, and Blackthorne! (The ref. Raises both their hands and cheers come from the crowd, and the front row fans peek out from their umbrellas to see if the path is clear from Orgasmatron. Tiffanys not done though! She’s standing up Sylvia, and she’s tearing off her clothing! Sylvia manages to roll away barely clothed, and Heresey is back in the ring…probably looking for more ‘bliss.’ Blackthorne delivers a smashing Thorne Punch, and Heresey drops like dead weight. Blackthorne yells out, "One Orgasm, One Thorne punch…sick bastard.")
Wilbur: Can he say Orgasm on TV?
Arthur: Orgasm?? What about bas-
(Raskolnikov and Wilbur smack Arthur upside the head)
Wilbur:Will you shut up now??
*********************************** Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest, is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Coming to the ring first, weighing in at 275 pounds, from Sheepshead Bay, New York, here is: ARCHANGEL!
('Possum Kingdom' by Toadies plays as the crowd goes nuts. Arch comes to the ring. He stops at the ramp, as a huge firework display goes off behind him. He rolls into the ring, and climbs to the second turnbuckle, and raises his hands. The crowd is completely behind him.)
Announcer: And his opponent, from Chicago, Illinois, weighing in at 256 pounds, another former FWO superstar, the master of the Jabrone Killer, SLAMMIN' JOJO!
(The arena loses it's roof with all of the boos as Slammin' JoJo walks down to the ring alone. He offers his hand out to a fan, then pulls it away at the last second.)
They start off with a stalemate as they stand nose to nose. Then, JoJo shoves Archangel. Arch responds by punching him in the face, knocking him over. JoJo gets up shocked and runs at Arch. Arch ducks his clothesline attempt at the last second and dropkicks him in the face on the rebound. JoJo gets up and dives at Arch, hitting him with a low uppercut. JoJo runs off the ropes and hits a legdrop. He goes for the pin: 1....2..kickout by Arch. Arch tosses JoJo into the corner. He charges at him, and leaps with a Stinger Splash. JoJo gets out of the way and Arch's face hits the ringpost. JoJo spins him around and hits a DDT. Another cover by JoJo: 1......2....Kickout. Arch barely escaped. JoJo puts him on the top rope, sets up, and hits a Double Arm Superplex! Whoa! JoJo doesn't go for a cover, but instead hits an elbowdrop from the second rope. JoJo picks Archangel up and slouches him down in the corner. JoJo just begins to put the boots to him, kicking him in the midsection repeatedly. He then begins to ram knees into Arch's midsection. Arch is really taking a pounding. JoJo tosses him into the ropes, runs off with a diving shoulderblock! JoJo against begins to put the boots to him with tough kicks to the back of Archangel. Arch is in trouble. JoJo picks him up, puts him between his legs. He's setting up for the JoJo Juggler. He tries to pick him up, but Arch is blocking it. Arch picks him up by the legs, spins around, and slams him down with a Booker T Sidewalk Slam! Arch begins to hulk up! Arch picks JoJo up and bodyslams him to the mat with authority. The arena begins to boo uncontrollably as Blackthorne makes his way down the aisle. He stops in the middle of the aisle. He has a lifesized cardboard cuttout of Allison, wearing a blindfold, a gag, a bra, and panties. Arch doesn't notice him immediately. He picks JoJo up and hits a big vertical suplex. He runs and drops an elbow on JoJo. Arch picks JoJo up again and throws him into the ropes. JoJo bounces off and is hit with a diving clothesline from Arch. JoJo rolls out of the ring. They are in front of the broadcaster's table. Arch begins to just beat on JoJo with forearm shots to the back of the head while JoJo is on all fours. He runs and kicks him right in the ribs. In a last minute desperation, JoJo rolls out of the way of a kneedrop attempt, and Arch hits the floor hard. JoJo picks him up and gets him set for the Jabrone Killer. He picks him up in a vertical suplex and holds him there for a while,. Arch is kicking away, but JoJo keeps holding him. Finally, Arch falls, landing on hs feet behind JoJo. JoJo takes a wild swing at him, but Arch ducks and picks him up in a Samoan Drop. Arch drops him backwards, breaking the timekeepers table. Dazed, Arch goes for the cover. The ref reminds him that this isn't falls count anywhere. Archangel begins to stomp away on JoJo's back. He rolls back into the ring. JoJo grabs a chair from ringside and brings it into the ring with him. He sets it down in the corner. JoJo turns back to a tired Arch and gets dropkicked right in the face. JoJo is down. Arch picks him back up and puts him on his shoulder, setting him up for a running powerslam. But JoJo slips off while Arch is running, and pushes Arch into the ref. The ref is knocked out. Archangel is dazed. JoJo does a quick spinning neckbreaker. He sets him up and tries for another Jabrone Killer. This time, Arch grabs his neck while in the air and lands behind him, locking him in a Dragon Suplex/Inverted DDT hold. He's setting up for the Doomsday. Blackthorne gets into the neutral corner and sets up the chair, jamming it in-between the top and middle turnbuckle. He rolls into the ring behind Archangel. He calls to him. Arch notices him, and looks right in his eyes. Blackthorne points to the cardboard cuttout, still standing in the aisle. Arch sees it and screams with rage. He drops JoJo and runs at Blackthorne with a spear attempt. At the last second, Blackthorne moves out of the way and Arch hits the steel chair, pushing it back into the post. Arch is completely unconcious. The ref is getting up, but didn't see any of this. JoJo regains his composer. Blackthorne rolls out of the ring and grabs the cardboard cutout. JoJo picks Arch up and sets him in a Vertical suplex, right in the middle of the ring. Arch is out cold, and will not reverse it. JoJo holds him there for about 6 seconds before dropping him into a stunner. Jabrone Killer! JoJo makes the cover, the ref crawls over. 1........2........3! JoJo wins!
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, the Winner of the match, with the Jabrone Killer, SLAMMIN' JOJO!
JoJo gets up and flicks sweat on Arch. He walks out. However, Blackthorne walks into the ring, and looks down at the unconcious Archangel. He lays the picture of Allison on him, and leaves through the crowd. When BT is in the locker room, Arch wakes up, groggy, and screams as he looks at the revealing cutout of his wife. He runs toward the locker room. As he gets to the ramp, a picture of Blackthorne leaving the arena with his bags inside of a black limo gets shown over the Sam-O-Tron. Arch looks on in disbelief.
**************** raskolnikov: Is Blackthorne Russian? He remind me of this lt. I once had that helped me break peasent legs in the Ukrane...
Arthur: Too bad that match wasn't clean. it would've been nice to see a clean match this card...
Wilbur: Well...it's time! three way elimination! I've been told the winner gets the 32 seed and a bye in the CF tourney, runner up gets the 16th spot in the tourney..and the other guy gets the shaft!
Announcer: This next match is the main event for the evening. First...from Maui, HA....and accompanied by lelani Kiki...here is "Monarch" Ambrose Sans.
(boos echo throughout the arena as He comes to the ring as "Smashing Young Man" by Collective Soul plays. Ambrose wears a cocky smile...and little else. One fan holds a sign saying, "Kill the Ambrose "Bourgeous" sans".
Raskolnikov: That fan has the right idea. Government should make all people equal...
Wilbur: SHUT UP! This isn't a Poly Sci class! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!
Arthur: and you're supposed to be the good guy out of us...
Announcer: His opponent, along with Slammin' JoJo...here is FERRETT!
("Body Movin" by The Beastie Boys starts up and out comes the hairy wonder! he lets a little kid scratch his head...but the little kids happiness turns to revulsion as he sees the lice on his hand.)
Announcer: and their opponent...from Miami Fl...here is Triple A...Adam "Attitude" Agee!
("You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC blares over the loudspeakers. Mandy leads out her fans who gets a suprisingly loud pop from the Pittsburgh audience. One fa holds a sign reading, "I wanna give AAA a REAL innovation sensation!")
Wilbur: AAA's looking good after that attack by Paul Murphy!
Raskolnikov: There's the bell! this should be a great match!
Arthur: Ferrett and AAA pounce on Monarch and start pummeling him with closed fists and kicks! Whip into the ropes! Ferrett with a backdrop and then AAA drops an elbow onto Monarch's knee! Ferrett grabs Monarchs legs and slingshots Monarch right into a spinning heel kick from AAA! Cover! Monarch kicks both men off at two! AAA picks monarch up, but gets a rake of the face and then a scoop slam! Ferrett jumps on Monarchs back as AAA gets up, but ferrett is hurled into AAA knocking them both down! Ferrett gets up. he helps AA up, then clobbers him with a short arm clothesline! Ferrett stomps on triple A's hand! Monarch from behind with a belly to back suplex on the Fuzzy Wonder! Cover by Monarch! 1...2...save by triple A with an elbow to the back of Monarch's neck! Monarch whipped into the ropes! turnbuckles! AAA with a running clothesline, but Momarch counters with a boot to the head and then a bulldog! ferrett with a fistdrop on AAA! ferrett gets up and gets a boot to the chest and then a snap suplex from Monarch! Monarch goes up top! Elbow drop...but AA grabs ferrett's legs and pulls him out of the way! Monarch hits hard! armbar by AAA on Ambrose!
Raskolnikov: Ferrett stomps on Both men's heads, breaking the holds! Ferrett scoops Ambrose up and slams him on Adam! Then a falling headbutt on AAA and a cover! kickout at 2! Ferrett whips Monarch into the ropes. High knee lift! AAA from behind with a rollup on Monarch! 1...2...kickout! Monarch is lifted to his feet and slammed to the mat! double elbow drop by Ferrett and AAA! AAA goes up! Springboard flip....into a neckbreaker on monarch! Monarch is down! AAA is going for the Attitude Adjustment, but Ferrett with a shoulder to the back and then an atomic drop on AAA! Monarch with a lariat and AA goes down hard! Monarch with a spiining toehold on AAA! AAA tries to kick off Monarch but to no avail! Ferrett goes up top...and his Monarch in the back of the head with an axhandle drop! Toe hold in released! Ferrett goes for an inverted DDT on Monarch, but Triple A with a clip of the knee to ferrett and then a reverse DDt of his own! 1...2...foot on the ropes! AAA goes up! Senton splash...but ferrett rolls out of the way! AAA hits the mat hard! Monarch grabs AAA's legs and hooks on a boston crab in the middle of the ring!
Wilbur: Ferett drops a series of elbows on TRiple A's back..but Adam's not giving up! ferrett with a headbutt to the back of Monarch's head and then he goes for the jabrone killer. Monarch wriggles free in mid air and lands behind ferrett! Ferrett turns around...gets nailed with a kick to the chest and then...swinging neckbreaker! AAA is up, but Monarch hip tosses him onto Ferrett! Monarch picks up Ferrett and POWER BOMB! Cover! 1...2...AAA drops an elbow to break the cover...but Monarch rolls out of the way! he recovers ferrett! 1..2....thre..kickout! Monarch gets a kick to the temple from AAA and then an armbreaker followed by a standing enziguri! Monarch is placed up top by AAA! SUPERPLEX!!! 1...2...th...save by Ferrett! Ferrett with a headbutt on triple A and then a flying mare! Ferrett goes for the jabrone killer...but Monarch shoves him to the mat and Monarch catches adam before he falls and turns it into a Dominator! 1...2...kickout! Monarch goes up top! MONARCH'S CROWN! 1...2...thre....foot on the ropes! Monarch goes to pick up AAA, but Adam with a small package! 1..2....thre..reversal into an inside cradle by Monarch! 1...2....Ferrett pushes on Monarch and that allows AAA to reverse it back! 1...2...3!!! Monarch's eliminated!
Raskolnikov: Ferrett immediately starts stomping on AAA! Whip into the ropes... SLEEPER HOLD in the middle of the ring! AAA tries to fight....but Ferrett jumps onto his back and wraps his legs around AAA's ribs! AAA has no place to go! he's staggering and Ferrett is tightening his grip! ref checks! Arm falls once! Ref checks again...Arm falls twice! ref checks a third time... but it stays up! Whould've expected that! AAA is fighting back! He stands up straight and runs towards the corner, ducking at the last second! Ferrett it driven head first into the metal pole! Ferrett is out! AAA goes up high! Knee drop right into the breadbasket! he hooks the leg! 1...2...thr...kickout! ferrett is whipped into the ropes! AAA telegraphs a back drop and Ferrett with a sunset flip! 1...2...kickout! ferrett with a standing kick right to the jaw of AAA! Sends him reeling! Rocker Dropper by the Jester of Hardcore! 1...2...kickout! Ferrett whips AAA into the ropes. AAA grabs the ropes and hangs on! Ferrett with a running lariat, but AAA ducks and turns it into a back drop! Ferrett flies to the floor, tailbone first!
Arthur: AAA backs up....and starts running! PLANCHA over the top and the force of the move hurtles both men into the metal guard railing where a sign for, "Duff beer" is being advertised! AAA gets up and rests Ferrett on the guard rail! A series of knife edges chops! AAA grabs Ferrett by the head and tries to ram his head into the metal pole of the ring... but Ferrett blocks, thumbs AAA in the head and then DDT's AAA on the floor! Ferrett picks up the heavy yet hollow metal stairs and slams them on AAA's HEAD! AAA is busted open! Ferrett rolls Agee into the ring and then makes a cover! 1...2....thre..kickout! So close! These two have given it there all! Ferrett drops an elbow between the eyes and makes another pin attempt! Only a 2 count! Ferrett goes for the Jabrone Killer, but AAA blocks it with a knee to the gut! Ferrett with a forearm to the back of the neck and he tries again! Again triple H block, but this time with a low blow! Ferrett moans and backs off and then AAA with a standing X-Factor! Cover! 1...2...thr....kickout!
Wilbur: AAA goes up top! Ferrett is to his feet...but AAA with a moonsault bodyblock! 1...2....thre...kickout! Ferrett's pretty much done! AAA with a european uppercut and then he drives Ferrett head first into the top turnbuckle! Ferrett is hit with a fisherman's suplex! 1....2...thre....kickout! AAA picks Ferrett up..thumb to the Eyes by the Jester or hardcore...Double Arm DDT into a crucfix by Ferrett! 1...2.. kickout! AAA is up...but Ferrett with a kick to the chest and then a bionic elbow into a swinging neckbreaker! Ferrett with a cover! 2 count! Ferrett whips AAA into the ropes and catches him with a SPINE BUSTER! 1...2...thr... kickout! Ferrett is on fire! Ferrett with a rude awakening neckbreaker and a third pin attempt! 2 and a halF! Ferrett goes for the Jabrone Killer...but AAA blocks it and reverses it into a vertical suplex of his own that gets ferrett draped on the top rope wishbone style! AAA with a dropkick right to ferrett's head and Ferrett crumples to the mat! AAA calls for it! Attitude Adjustement German Suplex! Both men have their shoulders down! 1..2...thr.....Ferrett gets his shoulder up....ee!!!!!
Announcer: here is your winner..and the #2 seed for the Cf tourney...FERRETT!!!
(Fans give a mixed reaction..but all are happy with the effort all three men put into the match. Ferrett gets to his feet and the ref raises his hand..but he collapses from exhaustion immediately after! JoJo helps him up and to the back and Mandy checks on AAA!)
Raskolnikov: That was a great match! AAA actually beat himself! he was so exhausted he forgot to bridge his shoulders!
Arthur: But was Ferrett lucky...or good? We'll find out when he faces BT on May 9th!
Wilbur: I'm sure AAA will have a score to settle with Paul Murphy as well!
Arthur: Folks...we're outta time but remember that Uncle Sam and the Weds crew will be with you in 72 hours! Good night everybody!
(Card fades out with Ferrett puking on a stage hand...)