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(We are shown the outside of the arena before the show. Sam, Shiva and Tulu are watching a very large U-Haul drive up.)
Shiva: sooo...What's in the truck Boss Man?
Sam: Why would I have Ray traylor in a U haul?
Shiva: No....I called you Boss Man
sam: Do I look like a fat hayseed to you?
Shiva: No...I meant...oh screw it!
Tulu: Now for real...what's in the truck?
Sam: Well, it wouldn;t seem right to have an FWO card without our world champion...
Tulu: You...have the bear?
Sam: Yup: he's been in that truck since Monday. Drove from Wyoming to here straight.
Shiva; You've had a bear that beat six of our best guys...locked in a TRUCK FOR TWO DAYS?
Sam: How else could I get him here? I'm not springing for first class seats on a plane!
Tulu: So what's he doing here?
Sam: well, since he's part of the FWO family now...it only makes sense that he gets to know his new brothers and sisters...hangs out in the back..signs autographs. Stuff like that.
Tulu: sam...he's a frickin bear! A BEAR! if we have Bill Apter interview him..he'll probably eat him! Wait..that's not a bad idea...
Sam: Come on Tulu! He's our champ! We can't ostrize him for being different.
Shiva: I agree with Tulu here Sam. Different would be if he wrestled in an thong. This is a BEAR! That's been trappe din a U-haul for two days! And you think we'll just let him out and he'll sit down next to Blackthorne or Scott Carr and chat about how internet stocks took a plunge today?
Sam: Come on! You're not like this towards HiD!
Tulu: Sam..we're the guys that would make him chase his tail until he vomited. Darque was the guy who was nice to HiD.
Shiva: Bears may not be sacred to my religion..but still, forcing him to wrestle seems wrong! He has no contract! people are going to use him to hurt their enemies. And what did it take for Yellowstone to actually let you take the bear away?
Sam:......
Tulu: Sam...?
Sam: Umm...you think I should have told them I took their bear?
Shiva: WHAT? WHAT!!! GReat! (throws his hands up in the air) Now we're BEAR-NAPPERS as well as animal labor exploiters!
Sam: What? They don't own him! he's his own person! He came willingly! I loaded the truck up with meat and he went in!
Tulu: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *Puts his head in his hands* This is like some bad british comedy sketch...
Sam: What is it with you two? I mean at least Darque would just look at me oddly or tell me to shut up. *to the u haul driver* LET HIM OUT BOB!
(U haul door opens and out lumbers the bear. He stretches and scratches against the side of the van.)
Sam: SEE? He's gentle and happy. (Walks up to the bear) How are ya doing champ? Ready for your legions of fans?
BEAR: ARRRRRRGH!
(Bear swats sam with one of his giant paws. Sam goes flying into Shiva who catches him.)
Shiva: Guess he feels the same way about you as we do. (Drops sam on his ass.)
BEAR: ARRRRRH!
(Bear lumbers over to Dylan Walsh's car...climbs on it's roff and lays down. The hood of course...collapses under his weight)
Sam: NOOOO! BAD! BAD BEAR! I'm contracted to replace that!
Shiva: man...animals hate Dylan as much as they do Sam...
Tulu: maybe they're cousins...
Bear: YAWN....
Sam: NO! Don...It's not time to sleep! You have to meet your fellow wrestlers! BAD!
BEAR: ZZZZZzzzz
SAM: AHHHHH!
Shiva: YOu wanna say it?
Tulu: nah...I normally do.
Shiva; yes...but you're so much better at it.
Tulu: Very well. *ahem* "well at least it can't get any worse...."
(Policeman drives up)
Sam: DAMN YOU TULU!
Policeman: You have a liscence for that wild animal?
Sam: he's not a wild animal!
Policeman: Looks like a bear to me....
Sam: Well...yeah he's a bear...but he's not just ANY bear! He's the FWO World heavyweight champion!
Policeman: Uh huh....(looks over at Tulu and Shiva)hey! You're those famous wrestlers!
Tulu: Yup.
Policeman: This bear's the world champion???
Shiva: Why ye...(gets an elbow in the ribs from Tulu)
Tulu: Nope. Never seen either of these two in my life. In fact this man was soliciting this bear for carnal activites?
Sam: TULU!!!!
Policeman: Hmmm. Bear prostitution...that's a serious offense. I'm afraid you'll have to come with me!
Sam: WHAT? I'm Uncle Sam! I'm famous!
Policeman: Nope. don't know you.
Sam: Dammit! I own America INC! I'm rich! I'm Famous! This is America!
Policeman: You're that uncle sam?
Tulu: Would the famous Uncle sam have a bear for a hooker? Nope...he's a clever fake.
Sam: You BASTARD!
Policeman: COme along you hooligan...
Sam: Stop! Let me go! TULU!!!!!
Shiva: You wanna commentate tonight?
Tulu: You don't?
Shiva: Nah. I have a poetry reading to go to...
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(card begins with a nice shower of pyro technics and varied pictures on the Sam-O-Tron. Fans are ecstatic and on their feet. various signs are held. "ALL HAIL BEAR!, "BEAR IS GOD," and of course, "GOLD-BEAR! GOLD-BEAR!" We are then taken to the announce team of HiD, Lord talbot and....Tulu Marduk)
Talbot: Welcome to the card that kicks off the aftermatch of the Circus Freak Orgie! And since Sam is occupied...Tulu will be taking his place tonight...in all functions. Dear God in heaven...help us all.
Tulu: Come on my Cockney friend. It'll be a blast. *es* Thankfully though...our world champion was able to make it here tonight after all. In fact...he's in the back now!
(Camera shows the bear face first in the buffet.)
BEAR: chomp chomp!
Paul Barber: HEY! I'm the fat pig in this federation!
BEAR: (bats Paul to the floor)
(Back to the announce team)
TUlu: Sam was right..having the bear here will be great...
HID: AWOOOOOOOOH!
Tulu: Oh be quiet!
HID: RARRR! RRR! GGARRR!
Tulu: Fine! I'll buy you a corn dog.
HID: RRRR!
talbot: How come you and Darque can understand him?
Tulu: I can't. I just buy him food so he shuts up...
HID: RRRR! (chokes on the stick)
Tulu: Well..the Iridum *snicker* cage is up. Let's review what's in this match. A big cage with a with a bunch of crap. Boy oh boy. And the participants are A guy who have superhuman strength...*Stifles back uncontrollable laughter* and Unforgiven
HID: HACK! (spits a hairball on a kid)
Announcer: This first match is an "Ultimate Hardcore" match. Coming to the ring first, from Hollywood, CA...here is VENOM!
(Lots of boos come out. Someone holds a sign saying, "PSYCHO MIME RULES!".)
Tulu: Well, here comes the biggest reason I have to my wife never smokes crack while pregnant.
talbot: You're married.
Tulu: Yeah right! I'm a freak! I was being fececious. With this hair the only lady I could catch would be Luna Vachon!
Announcer: His opponent, from Arnprior, Ontario, Canada...here is UNFORGIVEN!
(Mixed reaction. One fan is caugh on the Sam-O-tron picking his nose)
Tulu: Okay, why does Unforgiven wear a mask. We know he's Scott Carr's brother.
(Both men walk through the cage door. Ref slams it shut. The whole cage creaks and wobbles.
Talbot: What the hell? Tulu! You're in charge tonight! What happended?
Tulu: Well..I had the iridum cage put up like Venom requested...
(Cage creaks some more as the two lock up)
HID: HACK!
TulU: AHHH! Dog slobber!
Talbot: And?
Tulu: Well...it cost so much I did what sam would do...cut corners...
(unforgiven is slammes to the mat. Cage shakes more.)
Talbot: Oh bloody hell.
Tulu: I asked myself...what could I cut out and still draw a large amount of ratings with...
(Unforgiven with an eye gouge and then a wirstlock into a clothesline. Cage teeters to one side.)
Talbot: What....did....you...cut?
(Unforgiven whips Venom into the side of the cage....and it shakes violently)
TulU: Why...the wielders of course...
(Cage starts to fall apart, large metal sides coming down with a CRASH! In the blink of an eye the ring is surrounded by rubble. fans are on there feet cheering.)
Talbot: OH MY GOD!
Tulu: What? it's not like I cut out the electrified walls!
(Clip of both men lying under the rubble getting shocks at a timed interval.)
Talbot: THEY COULD BE DEAD!
Tulu: What? I gave them what they wanted! Venom never said anything about the cage being weilded together!
Talbot: You sick twisted freak!
TulU: *sigh* There is just NO pleasing some people.
HiD: RARRRRRR?
Tulu: No...once they're cooked...then you can eat them.
(it's quiet for a few minutes. FInally...Unforgiven crawls out from under a table covered in bar wire and he lies on top of Venom!)
TulU: 1...2....3!!! What a hardcore match! You could almost say they...brought down the house! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Talbot: ....
Tulu: That was a pun. Laugh. LAUGH DAMN YOU!
Announcer: Here is your winner....UNFORGIVEN!
(Fans don't care due to their desensitization by other hardcore type matches. Stretchers come to load Venom and DBR on.)
Tulu: Well...that probably drew so ratings! I mean what else is on? You could watch Animal Planet Court....or The PowerPuff girls. But where else can you get two saps willing to step into a cage built by America Inc? God I love how most wrestlers have more rpoid induced hemmroages than brain cells..
HID: ARRRRRR! *gnaws of guard rail*
Tulu: What a perfect example...
Talbot: Folks...as we clear the rubble from the ring, we've got some special footage to show you. As you know, Ferrett, our SMDW champ was kidnapped by relatives of our world champion. He has not been heard from...until now. Risking life and limb, a cameraman ventured into the woods to give us THIS footage...
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(Camera footage shows us entering a large cave. it is quiet, except for the slow methodical dripping of water. The cameraman coninutes walking until he hears a noise.)
Voice: *strained* Please....get...up!
(Camera goes farther intot he cave and sees a large grizzly bear with a pack of cubs. Ferrett in trapped under her.)
Ferett: I keep telling you...I'm not your cub!
Bear: ARRRRR!
Ferrett: LEt me gooooooo!
(Bear cub comes up and whaps Ferrett in the face.)
Ferrett: Why you..
BEar: RRRRRR!
Ferrett: sweet...little guy.
(The mama bear stretches and lets Ferrett up.)
Ferrett: Hot Damn! I can finally escape!
(Ferrett gets up and starts to run...smack dab into ANOTHER BEAR!)
Ferrett: Oh....hi "Dad!"
BEar: RRR! (Plops a lot of raw fish down for his family)
Ferrett: Raw fish??? RAW FISH! I'm used to Bennigens! To Omlets with three kinds of cheese! I'm no sushi eater!
(Bears tear into the fish. Ferrett tummy growls)
Ferrett: No! There is no way I am eating that slop! It got parasites, and bones and...
(BEars are almost done eating the fish)
Ferrett: OH hell...(Grabs some fish and starts eating.)
Ferrett: Okay...that's not bad. Better than I thought. I hardly tasted the eye or gills. Now what's to drink around here?
(bear cubs suckle at the mothers teet)
Ferrett: OH NO! That's where I draw the line! I am not nursing! I a m not a baby bear!
Father bear: RARRRRR! (Slaps Ferrett's head down to the momma bear's chest)
Ferrett: Did I mention how much I loooove calcium?
(Fade out)
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Tulu: Sadly...and hour after that footage was transmitted to us, the cameraman's ravaged corpse was found in Yellowstone. Sadly, we don't know where the SMDW champ is, nor frankly...do I care!
Talbot: Tulu! A man's trapped! With bears!!!
HID: RARRRRTGH RRRR!
Tulu: Who cares? We can always crown a NEW SMDW champ. In fact...that's what I'll do! Smething Sam was gonna do anyways. The SMDW title is vacant! Rob Ian will take on the #1 contender and EX-champ Blackthorne this sunday in the operating room madness match! Should be rather interesting...
Talbot: Well..if Ferrett doesn't shop up for sunday..I have to admit I agree with this decision. And I don;t know WHEN we'll ever see Ferrett again!
HiD: RRARRRR!
Cotton Candy man: AHHHH!
(Camera shows HiD with cotton candy all over him.)
Tulu: And that's an alpha male, huh? let's go to the ring...
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen..this enxt match is for one fall with a 20 minute time limit. Coming to the ring first, accompanied by Slobert Blueford and hailing from Springfield, NJ..here is Homely J. Simpson!
(Fans give a big cheer for the hillbilly. Some are wearing armbands for the lat Mother Terry, Simpson's prize goat. He carries a golf club for a cane and limps to the ring.)
Talbot: Homely was very impressive this weekend. I honestly think he may be a champion in the near future.
Tulu: *snort* Please! The man's from New York's crap dump. What's he gonna do? Make wrestlers submit to his annoying accent? beat someone with his scab collection? The man's a brainless hick!
HID: *gets a wad of cotton candy up his nose* WHINE!
Tulu: Okay...so maybe being a brainless twat is what it takes to be a champion...
Announcer: His opponent, from Denver, colorado...here is ICE (lord of the cold)!
(No real reaction by the fans. Ice comes out to a nifty light show. He enters the ring and poses...and gets a golf club to the back of his head from Homely!)
Talbot: match hasn't started yet and homley is beating Ice with that golf club. Large amount of blood ushers force from Ice's head!
Tulu: See...now this is something I can bring a dat to. Mayhem and screw jobs!
(Ice is laid out cold. Homely grabs a mike and starts talking)
Homely: I knows a lot a ya'll don't think I'm much of a wrestler. Some o' yew even mocked that i got in the main event sunday! But I'm a condenda! And I challenge any two other superstars to a three way Minature Golf Massacre hardcore match! FCA in a Putt Putt golf course! BT...Rob Ian..Solomon...Any o you all! let's see whos got the balls!
Tulu: Pungunt and poor with grammar. What a role model!
talbot: Homely goes to the top as Ice gets to his feet! Exile From Nookie Noookie Land! (Missle dropkick to the groin) He picks up Ice and now...Doggy DooSnow Cone!1...2....3!!! Squash fest!
Announcer: Here is your winner...Homley Simpson!
(Homely gets some good cheers and readjusts his mask. Then he leaves the ring, trying to use the messed up golf club as a crutch.)
Tulu: Chock full of wrestling action tonight baby! And the best thing, three of our four contestants have been carried out on stretchers! This is more fun than the time I peed in some communion wine!
talbot: You're an incorrible bastard!
Tulu: Blah blah blah. I know...let's waste valuable time by going to the back and seeing what our world champion is doing!
(Shot of the Bear hugging Honey Majors and licking her)
Solomon: let her go you baboon@!
bear: RARRRR!
Solomon: Sorry! Hands off her you Ursidae!
Honey: Just because my name is Honey doesn't mean I taste like it!
Tulu's voice: Hee hee hee. Honey just loooves guys with animal characteristics...
HID: RUFF!
BEAR: ARRRRRRR!
(Blackthorne comes out with a SAM's CLUB (Who do you think owns those anyway?) 5 gallon tub of honey. He pours it on the ground and the bear drops Honey onto a counch and starts following BT and his honey trail around.
Tulu: aw....I wanted to watch Honey commit adultry!
Talbot: BT and that bear have had some interesting adventures as of late...wonder where he's taking it.
HID: WHINE! WHINE!
Tulu: Just go on the floor...or better yet...Jorge's leg!
(HiD wanders off to the spanish announce team)
Jorge: Maldígale usted bastardo machihembrado serpiente para enviar concluído este werewolf al urinate sobre mi pierna, así manchar mis pantalones y hacerlos imposibles para que alquile un whore para la noche después de esto difusión! Maldigo a le y a sus egipcios del compañero!
Tulu: HEY! Did he just make fun of my hair???
Talbot: All I caught were the words bastard, serpent and werewolf.
Tulu: He better not have made fun of my hair...
Announcer: This next match is for one fall and is for the CyberFight championship! Coming to the ring first, from Muffler, South Dakota and accompanied by Rod Rage, here is FENDER BENDER!
(Fans give a big pop! Fender drives his little car to the ring, waving to the fans and such.)
talbot: Fender had a great match the first day of the PPV! Like Homley...he has a bright future ahead of him!
Tulu: Are you kidding? He beat VENOM! Mr...I-have-superhuman-two-tons-lifting-strength-oh-wait-thats-right-I-live-in-a-fantasy-where-I-jackoff-to-rob-liefield-drawings-of-Jean-Gray! The Pez Dispenser could have beaten him!
Talbot: You are so cruel. And Who is Rob Liefield?
Tulu: Some artist. He draw comics that homo-nerd Shiva reads...
Announcer...and HIS opponent! (Lights go out and fans mark out) Hailing from Death valley and accompanied by Paul Barber...here is your CyberFight Champion...THE BIG RED RETARDED DEMENTED DENTIST TRUCKER!
(Red lights and pyro surround. BRRDDT stops at Fender's car. He tries to take it for a ride, but our fat friend reminds him of his match)
HID: RRRRR!
Tulu: Yeah...you're just loved by everyone, ain't ya. Ladies and freaks lined up around the block.
HiD: RRRRRR!
Tulu: it was just a joke...werewolves have son sense of humour. *looks at HiD..the Talbot* Maybe it's just the BRitish who don;t have a sense of humour.
HID: RRRR!
Tulu: Right. Benny Hill. he's the exception.
Talbot: Both men are in the ring. BRRDDT sees HiD and he's waving to him. Fender takes advantage and drives an axhandle blow into the back of the champ!
Tulu: BRRDDT turns around slowly and gets three right hands from fender! No affect! Fender tries for a left, but BRRDDT blocks it and sends Fender to the mat with one of his own. Fender to his feet, but BRRDDT bounces off the ropes and sends Fender to the mat with a shoulderblock! Fender rolls out of the ring to catch his breath...but BRRDDT follows suit. Fender rounds a corner and as BRRDDT follows, Fender shoves his little car into the shins of the CF Champ! Fender grabs a chair and then srpings off the trunk of the car and smashes BRRDDT in the face with it! BRRDDT staggers, and then fender grabs him by the hair and smashes his face against the guard rail! Fender rolls BRRDDT back intot he ring. Knee drop from the top rope by Fender and a cover! 1....2...kickout! BRRDDT sits up! Fender grabs him by the hair and tries to bring him to his feet, but BRR with a fist to the throat! fender staggers and BRRDDT with a diving clothesline! BRRDDT drops a leg across the back of Fender's neck and rolls him over! Only a 2 count! BRRDDT places Fender in the corner and starts assulting him with a series of fists! Hip toss out of the corner by the big man! He mounts up top! Fender too his feet! BRRDDT comes off with his forearm smash..but fender with a dropkick to the breadbasket sending the champ to the mat! Elbow drop by fender and a cover! 1..2...t..kickout!
talbot: BRRDDT sits up again! Fender bounces off the ropes! He hits the bigman with a flying forearm! BRRDDT staggers! Fender off the ropes again! Cross body...but BRRDDT ctahces him and turns it into a backbreaker! BRRDDT stomps away at Fender! Here comes Sean Ryan to ringside. BRRDDT raches down and picks up Fender by the throat! He hoists him into the air and hangs him there! Ref calls for a break! BRRDDT starts singing the Kit kat song. Ref tries to explain what he means by break ans fender takes advantage of BRRDDt's lapse of concentration and kicks him in the testicles! BRRDDT drops fender and fender makes a cover! 1...2...kickout!
Tulu: Yes folks...A kick to the nuts...the most technical and most used hold you'll find in the FWO. Just ask Rob "Grapefruit" Ian!
Talbot: Fender picks up the big man and hits him with a textbook suplex Another pick up and a double arm suplex into a power bomb! Fender goes up high! He comes off the top with the Crash course but Big Red sits up! Fender hits the mat hard! BRRDDT is to his feet. Picks up Fender and...POWER BOMB! Cover! 1...2...thre...kickout!
Sean ryan walks over behind Paul bearer...and pastes him in the back of the head with that surfboard of his! fat is jiggling even after he's out cold! In the ring....BRRDDT hoists up Fender and...CHOKE SLAM! Cover! 1...2..thre...BRRDDT just let Fender up! Sean is on the apron waving a snickers bar! BRRDDT walks over to try and get it while Fender sits up holding his neck in pain! ref is distracted by looking at Fender's neck. BRRDDT takes the Snickers..but ends up mashing it into his mask.
Tulu: BRRDDT's back is turned and...Sean smacks him in the head with the surfboard too! Sean drags BRRDDT out of the ring and applies the Alterna Rosebud submission on the floor. Ref is still looking at Fender's neck! How stupid are these refs. Do they fail the voight-kampff test or something? Sean has it locked in tight.. but why? BRRDDT pushes off the groung with his strong arms..but Sean leaves it on. Ref still watching Fender. IDIOT! IDIOT! BRRDDT pushes off again...and sends Sean flying into the guard rail! BRRDDT limps up and onto the apron..where fender "Miracuously" is healed and knees BRRDDT in the gut! Snap suplexes the champ to the inside of the ring and makes a cover! 1...2...thre..kickout! Fender grabs the left leg of BRRDDT and drives his elbow into the kneecap. fender with a slingshot into the neutral corner! Champ hits face first! Fender goes for a stinger splash...but BRRDDT sidesteps it at the last second! Fender hits the post hard..and then BRRDDT from behind with a back suplex! BRRDDT goes up again! fender to his feet..but Big Red with an Axhandle from up high! BRRDDT makes a cover! 1...2...thre...Rod rage puts his man's foot onto the ropes! BRRDDT gets up and grabs Rod by the throat, pulling him upto the apron!
Talbot: Fender to his feet! Kidney punch to the back of the champ, followed by a russian legsweep! Rod rage grabs a chair! Fender with an irish whip...but BRRDDT reverses it and Rod hits his own man! fender staggers and turns around...right into the arms of BRRDDT! BRIMSTONE DRIVER!1...2...3!!!!
Announcer: here is your winner and STILL CyberFight Champion...THE BIG RED RETARTED DEMENTED DENTIST TRUCKER!
(fans cheer. BRRDDT looks at the car...looks at Hid...then back at the car. he can't decide what he wants to play with. Then he sees Paul out cold. BRRDD picks up paul and sticks him ont he back of the car. Then he drives it to the back, honking the horn all the way.)
Hid: RRRR!
Tulu: That's okay boy. No hugs from the tard this week.
Talbot: Too much help from people is what ironically...cost Fender the match! I really think he had a chance at winning the title..but Rod smacked the wrong guy!
Tulu: Managers suck. But in the ring Rod and Fender are having strong words with each other. Sean is in the ring. Three squabbling yutzes!
HID: RARRRR!
Talbot: Now all three are heading off. Don't know what just happened or what this was about. Hopefully we'll find out more soon.
Tulu: Well..we have some time to kill before the EV tourney. let's see what the world champ is up to!
(Clip of River Snow, Darquefyr II and Shamus O reiley waiting outside the lavratory.)
River: Like...who is ever in there...hurry up dude! Gotta drian the umm..lizard!
(Clip of the bear with his head stuck in the toilet. he yanks and yanks..but it won't come out.)
Shamus: *sigh* I'm gonna end up getting constipated if I don;t go soon!
Darque: *pounding on the door* IN IN IN!
(Suddenly the door bursts open, causing a massive flood of water and other "things" to storm out of the bathroom, spilling all over everyone's shoes/feet. The bear stumbles out, head still attached to the toilet, even though the toilet is not attached to the floor any more.)
Bear: (confused and very upset at his situation) RARRRRRH!
Shamus: RUN! Mad bear! MAD BEAR!
(footage of the bear rampaging through the back with a commode on his noggin)
Tulu: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! this is great! I wonder if Pehnom's gonna try and deal the new guy crack?
Talbot: Scott's not a drug dealer!
Tulu: Tell that to JoJo....or the cops!
talbot: Well folks...it's time for the EV matchup. Tulu and HID are gonna take off into the ring. Tiffany Lane,and sean ryan are in the ring waiting to challenge the champion!
(Out comes the Champion Solomon, flanked by Kevin Hunter and Miss (Mrs?) Majors.) HID: AWOOOOOH!
Tulu: What's wrong Honey-kins? No kissies for your sweetie? (Flickers his forked tongue at her and puckers his lips. HiD cleans himself in a place that only an animal could on Live TV. Then he hacks up a bone from..something.)
Tulu: Brrr. it's chilly in here. Guess we know who's sleeping alone tonight! Well..let's get this started eh, babe? (Puts his arm around honey...who quickly removes it. She turns to walk over to her stable..and steps in a puddle of HiD drool.)
Honey: *trying to keep calm under all this insanity.* HID: RARRRRRGH!
SolomoN: *snicker*
Honey: *glare*
Tulu: What a lovely family. Have they seen the honeymoon slides yet??
(Honey starts to raise her arm for a slap across the cheek. But HiD rolls on the ground whining for a tummy rub. She decides to channel her energy into a less destructive means.)
Tulu: So much for foreplay...*sighs* let's get down to business! Our first competitior is Tiffany Lane. he asignment from Sam was to, "Show how the media can predict the future" Well, Tiff..let's see if you're more receptive to An Egyptians request...
Tiffany: (reading the paper.) The Planet of the Apes was a movie that saw a world where humans were ruled by apes. My assignment is to point out why this is to be our future. (She stops reading and smles out at the crowd. She points at Honey, Solomon, and Sean.) Voila! Proof that the world will soon be ruled by apes! These three are a /prime/ example. (The crowd starts laughing) I mean, these three apes here can walk, talk, and even wrestle, although a little pathetically. Call all of the scientists! The Planet of the Apes has arrived!!! (She shoots them a superior smirk and bows to the crowd.)
Tulu: Both cruel...and yet hilarious. But no real educational merit. I was hoping you'd force them to take a bone marrow sample... or maybe a diagram of their sloping foreheads. But still..a decent effort!
From the back: RARRRRRRRRRRR!
Girl's voice: EEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Tulu: What the hell? CAMERAMAN!
(Camerashot of a trail of honey leading up to the Babe Squad Dressing room door. BT is pressed against the door, holding is shut. Loud bear-like and nina-like screams are heard)
Tiffany: NINA! (Runs to the back)
Tulu: What is it about animals and the women who love them in this fed. (smiles at Honey and sticks out his tongue again) of course...some women prefer their animals a little more human...or is that reptilian?
Honey: *Glares*
HID: WHINE!
Honey: Oh Shut up!
HID: RRRR!
Honey: *sigh* I'm sorry...(Continues the tummy rub while Kev Hunter and Solomon are either holding back a wave of laughter... or trying to scream out profanity. it'sa hard to tell)
Tulu: Okay...Sean Ryan is up next! His task was, "Show your Dramatic abilties" Well..that's educational. But..asking a wrestler to act? Hopefull you;re not in Mr. Nanny III....
Sean: I...um...like taped my umm...thingie already. Cause I'm an umm,.. Guest appearing on that NBC show thing...
Tulu: Boy...gotta love the American School system, eh fans? Okay...let's see this thing on the Sam-o_tron!