[The lights go on and the set of "Goth Talk" comes on as Molly Shannon and Chris Katan are dressed up as their Gothic characters. The logo comes up as the lights than get dimmer. The crowd applauses as they recognize the set of a popular skit. The two wait for their applause to end and than they introduce themselves. Everyone gives a little giggle to the high-pitched voice of Chris Katan on his character. After the introduction of the character 'Todd' by Jim Bruer, the two than introduce their first guest, "The Gothic" Sean Ryan. The crowd somewhat applauses as Sean comes out. He is wearing a steel mesh costume and a black and red satin cape with multiple face paintings of crosses and other cool stereotypical Gothic stuff. He mistakenly goes against the script and gives them a surfer's sign. He than sits down on the couch.]

Molly: Hello Sean, and welcome to the show. I just adore your costume, it's so Goth... (She waves her hands in the air and the crowd laughs a little.) What exactly is this for? You know, Sean is the first recorded Goth to be allowed on the Hardcore Underwater Purple-Quilt Weaving Junior Circuit Federation. Is this some kind of...Goth thing that you wear?

Sean: No.

Molly: Oh...well than what is it than?

Sean: So I don't like, get killed or something later. (The two look at him weird.) And what the heck is with you chicks...and dudes...introducing me as like, the Gothic or whatever? I'm not Goth.

Chris: (The crowd laughs a little as Sean just shrugs with a smile on his face.) Umm...anyway Sean, aren't you made fun of because of your...ooo, Goth appearance...on the Hardcore Underwater Purple-Quilt Weaving Junior Circuit Federation? I know at my job at Dunkin Donuts the little seventh graders usually make fun of me and throw straws at me. I wish I was a count in a 15th century where little children who spoke blasphamic praises towards their elders were hung or burned at the stake.

Sean: (The crowd gets a good laugh from this.) Oh, well, the dudes over at FWO don't really make fun of me. Some might call me stupid, but when they saw how great I like, invested or something, they totally told me I was so not stupid.

Molly: Umm...okay. Well, I heard you bought a clip with you of your very...Goth...hardcore underwater weaving to show us here today.

Sean: No, not quite.

Molly: Actually... (She leans over and whispers.) Listen Sean, just nod your head and kind of agree to this thing. I'm not sure you're getting it but while they show the clip, can you straighten up and at least try to memorize your lines? (Sean sort of nods as he waves to River who is sitting in the crowd.) What's he here for?

Sean: Interference...that Tiffany chick is so jealous of me now and she's probably out to ruin this skit. (The crowd laughs a little as River than punches some guy in the chin.) You tell that dumb spoot who's like...in charge or something!

Molly: Alright, just show the clip now.

[She starts to bend over to whisper to him his lines as the 'clip' comes up. It flashes back to last Sunday where River Snow came from behind with his crutches and batted them over the head of Tiffany Lane. It later continues through and shows how Sean put Nina LaRue in the Alterna Crest outside the ring, further injuring the petite wrestler's physique. As the clip fades, Sean is now joined by Bonnie with the same type of attire as Sean, only with a sexy sleek skirt (alliteration if this counts for anything). Molly and Chris are looking at them wierd.]

Chris: Excuse me, I don't mean to sound a little out of line, but what the heck was that?

Sean: Hello? Where have you dudes been? I like, won that match or something from those dumb dopey babes or whatever. (They still stare at him blankly.) Oh come on, that was like, such a genius thing...we were leading those chicks on for like, ever I think. You never saw it? (They shake their heads.) Oh, well I did it. In fact the only reason I am here is because like, there's some title thingy I have to win and like...I have to win it here or something.

Bonnie: Yeah. I like, so totally got him this match-up and we're like, going against these two bimbos or whatever and...

Molly: Excuse me, who are you? I mean...umm...excuse me, you look so Goth...who could you be?

Bonnie: Eww! Like as if I would be like one of those little stupid little people who are like, dark and yucky! I mean, did you ever see one of those peope's like, hair? It is so...so...simple and common. So Cher like, and that is just plain disgusting or something.

Molly: Okay...what the hell are you talking about?

Sean: Listen babe, we have to win some titles, and you are like, so totally screwing it up for me, all right? Just, attempt to act like, educational and values, okay babe? My babe here really has some 'beating the like, panties off of the other manager chick people' fetish thing. The only way we could win is like, if you just starts saying smart stuff. We have to do it with some dog or whatever.

Molly: (She looks around a little nervously.) Wha...what dog?

Jim: (Being cued, he comes in from the back and starts rubbing the hair of Chris Katan.) Hey lil'bro, Mom says you better be ready to go to family bowling night with her in twenty minutes, and she's serious. And take off that ridiculous outfit you have on. (He catches Bonnie from the corner of his eye.) Why hello babe, and what might your name be there honey?

Sean: Her name might be Bonnie but it's...well...alright, it's Bonnie.

Molly: Wait! What is this dog thing you people are talking about?!

Jim: Well Bonnie, why do you hang out with these loser friends of my stupid little...Gothic brother? Look at these losers here. (Sean laughs at everyone there as Jim just stares at him.) Anyway, how bout you and me skip "The Devil's Brew" tonight and go out in my car where we can get it on!

Bonnie: Eww, disgusting!

Chris: Shut up Todd, Goth people are not stupid! You're stupid you big jock!

Molly: For God's sake, what dog!?

Jim: Yeah they are, they're the dumbest, stupidest people that this planet could cough up!

???: RRRRRRR?!

Molly: What was that?!

Jim: Probably one of your loser Goth friends, you little shrimp! I remember the whole football team just ran into one of your little...
Chris: Be quiet you big idiot!

Molly: I hate dogs! What about a dog?!

Jim: Listen you little twerp! All you dumb Goths out there can go...

[From no where, Hunter in Darkness comes out and pounces on Jim Bruer with blood-curdling screams. The crowd scatters except for River who chants 'Kick his ass'! Molly Shannon starts screaming and jumping on the couch, but slips down from the heels she is wearing. Chris Katan just faints on the floor as Bonnie jumps from the lap of Sean and runs as far as possible while still being able to see it. Sean just sits there, looking around.]

Sean: Like, what the heck is going on man? Did everyone forget their daily chill pill or something, is this a joke man? What's with this? It's just some dog man, I was forced to bring it. Listen, you dudes are so totally screwing this up for me man! Dudes, how am I supposed to win this dumb match if I have you stupid spoots working for me? And where's that famous wrestler special guest I was like, promised to meet?

River: Sean! That dog is the dude that like, bailed out of a match a while ago when the FWO closed like, for the first or ninth or third time or something. Are you just gonna let him do that?

Jim: My genitals!

Sean: That hairy spoot is that dude? (He looks at Jim Bruer on the floor with half his body dismembered from his body.) That lil'wimp dude bailed out on me? (River nods his head.) Whoa, this is so friggin cool man. I could like, get my revenge or something now...is that what you're saying?

Lorne: (Lorne Michaels appears from out back with a parade of cops.) All right, this is getting out of hand. My beautiful cast...ooo that Uncle Sam is gonna pay for this! How dare he put that stupid mutt on my... (HiD looks up from his 'meal' and twitches his ears over towards Lorne.) Oh crap. This is really, really fu...

[HiD leaps from the stage onto the producer and creator of the show. Sean goes into the back and comes back with a steel chair, laughing along with River, whom is clapping estaccally. Sean draws the chair back and is about to hit him when...]

Sean: Hey...how could they like, show a clip of me with that Nina chick on Saturday Night Live when it was Sunday?

[Clip ends as Sean just goes to the back, pulling at his hair to think about the question as HiD continues tearing apart the cops]

Tulu: (to HiD) So that's where you were the other night. I know someone who was AWFUL WORRIED about you...

HID: RRRRR!

Tulu: Well...didn't really act seeing that someone forgot their lines...and it was awful violent for a title that isn't supposed to involve violence....but hey! it was just a pothead who got slaughtered... *looks at solomon* Now it's time for the reigning champ, yes-s-s-s-s. hey..haven't hisse din a long time. Back to the speech therapis-s-s-s-t for me. Well chuckles...your paper is about, "Hitler: dead like Yahoo serious' career, or alive in some South American Country plotting the rise of the Fourth Reich." let's see what you've got for us Little man.

Solomon: (reading his paper) First off, let me clear up any misapprehension this topic may engender in viewers. Hitler, the short chap with the permanent bad hair day, is in every physical sense of the word, dead. To use the vernacular he's dead as a doornail, Dodo or HiD's last groomer. There were no effective cryogenics that long ago despite rumours of advanced nazi technology, and even if Hitler had escaped death with Eva Braun, the geek would've carked it from old age quite some time ago.

Hitler's philosophy however is alive and strong, and as we approach the millenium, it can even be said to be prospering.

I'm not talking about the still existant hatred, prejudice and urge to kill that exists in man - these primitive instincts existed long before the dictator, and may never be erradicated from the homo sapien species.

Rather, Hitler's ruthlessness, his complete dedication to the idea of domination and irradication of opposition, is imitated, duplicated and worshipped in today's capitalist market economies.

Every charismatic CEO is in reality, a descendent of Hitler. Every time a multi-national corporation buys out and then sells-out the local home-grown product, it's a pale reflection of Hitler's drive to conquer Europe and ultimately the world.

There has always been the drive to succeed and be top enchilada, but the twist that Hitler bought to this angle was the way he completely blinded millions into thinking that his way of doing things was the correct and one true way.

Is it not obvious that this has been mirrored in the way the Eastern block has crumbled in the face of the supremely self-confidant and self-righteous western world, trapped under the influence of a series of persuasive charismatic leaders like Clinton, Margaret Thatcher, George Bush… Ok, maybe not Bush, but, certainly Uncle Sam.

Like Hitler with his tragic fashion sense, midget stature and inability to grow proper facial hair, these leaders all appear to be touchingly fallible - Clinton with the lipstick marks on his trouser zipper, Maggie looking like someones granny, Uncle Sam looking pale and vulnerable every time HiD chews on his vital organs in order to boost ratings… And these people have guided the capitalist system to a position of World Domination in a manner that would make their unrecognised guru, Hitler, extremely proud.

Instead of Anti-semitism, they produced a range of boogey-man ranging from Bill Gates to the Communists in order to distract and confuse the world public, but the drive and the motivation are evidently still pretty much the same as in the 1940's except with much more sophisticated marketing.

So remember - every time you see a Tele-evangilist promising their viewers heaven, it's Hitler. Every time you hear of another communist state plunging into chaos, it's Hitler. Every time you see a tele-tubbie brain washing the young, it's Hitler-like propoganda.

Hitler still lives ladies and gentlemen, and the only way you're going to escape him these days is to descend into anarchy.

Tulu: Hmmm...speaking out against society, mocking Sam, proclaiming hate for capitalism. Boy.,.if Sam was here he'd strip you of the title for this little tirade. So of course...I have no choice but to say..the winner and STILL CHAMPION...SOLOMON!

(Fans go nuts. Solomon jumps up and down and does a little dance. HiD snifs kevin hunter's butt.)

Tulu: well folks...we're out of time yet again! We'll see you on sunday with another madcap two hour jaunt into the realm of the FWO. (nudges Kevin) Don't stay up too late. I'll make sure Honey comes back in the morning in pristine condition. Which i can assure you is a rarity after a night of you-know-what.

(card fades out with a shot of Kebin strangling Tulu with both hands saying something about, "How the hell is darquefyr your friend?")