Arthur:Well..now for our first battle of the sexes! Mike Fortune and Alexandra have really had a hot battle of words...but now they square off!
Wilbur: But since it's a special match...hubba hubba! We've got some special
commentators! Give it up for the babe squad!
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(Suddenly "Miss World" plays and The Babe Squad comes out to massive catcalls and whistles. Tiffany wears a sleek, white, catsuit that shows off her huge chest and curvaceous figure. Nina wears a blue, mini dress and maching heels. The two radiant beauties slap hands with the fans as they reach the announcer's booth. They sit at the announcer's table, putting on head sets.)
Tiffany: Yes. The Babe Squad has decided to grace you all with our presence! Uncle Sam knows that you can /never/ have too much Babe Squad and has asked us to call the action for this match.
Nina: Everyone knows that we're the hottest, sexiest, and most beautiful women in the FWO. Everyone loves The Babe Squad.
Announcer: This match is a one fall, fifteen minute match. First from Detroit, MI, standing at 6'1 and weighing 250 lbs, Mike Fortune!
(There is a pop as he comes out to the strains of "Voodoo Child" by Jimmy Hendrix. Mike wears a pair of black tights, with gold dollar signs on either side, and matching boots. He wears sunglasses as he arrogantly makes his way to the ring. He poses for the fans.)
Tiffany: Boring!
Nina: This guy is soooo outclassed! Alexandria is going to whip his sorry carcass, but good!
Tiffany: Too true, Goddess. Too true.
Announcer: And his opponent is the reigning Incredible champion, from France, and accompanied by Vanity. She stands 5'9 and 145 lbs, she is Alexandria Parker!
(There is a mixed reaction as the two women strut to ringside. Alexandria wears a peach, sports bra and matching tights. She finishes the ensemble with peach boots and matching kicking pads. Vanity wears a peach, business suit, open to reveal a brief bit of cleavage. Alexandria holds the Incredible championship in the air as she turns her nose up at Mike.)
Nina: (clapping) Yay! It's the Incredible Champion! She holds that title with grace and honor.
Tiffany: Exactly. Mike Fortune was a fool to sign for this match. Alexandria is a champ. I /personally/ crowned her The Incredible Champion because her skills are simply incredible. That geek has as much chance of beating her as The Surfer Circuit has of beating us. And that's no chance in hell!
Nina: Proper!
(The bell rings and Alex attacks with a fast missile dropkick to Mike's face. She tosses him from the ring and distracts the ref, as Vanity attacks him with some quick kicks.)
Nina: Look at Vanity showing Fortune her new shoes. They are so cute.
Tiffany: And they're real labels! Unlike the designer knock offs that Honey Majors wears. And now she's helping him back in the ring so Alex can beat him up some more.
Nina: And Alex with a snapmare and elbow drop to his throat. She follows with a leg drop to the throat and covers.
Tiff: Is it over already? Gee, that was fast!
(Fortune manages to kick out before the two count. Alex brings him to his feet and takes him back down with a DDT! She then clamps on a sleeper hold.)
Tiff: Look at the power in Parker! She has that fool squirming in that hold. I smell a submission victory. I feel it in my bones. He's reaching for the ropes and manages to tap the bottom rope with his foot.
Nina: The ref forces the break. Darn. Alex whips him to the ropes and he surprises her with a lariat. He follows with two more! What the hell!
Tiff: He lifts Parker and drops her with a Samoan drop! Oh no! Come on Alex, kick his ass! He splashes her but she kicks out at two. It'll take more than that to finish her, she is the Incredible Champion, after all.
( Fortune grabs her and takes her down with a tilt-a-whirl suplex. He follows with some quick stomps before grabbing her leg and turning her over in a Boston Crab! Alex struggles to the ropes as Fortune clamps on the hold.)
Nina: Ref, he's cheating! How can the ref allow him to do this to the Incredible Champ?
Tiff: At least this is a non-title bout, Nina.
(Alex finally reaches the ropes and Fortune releases the hold, not before a few quick stomps to Parker's back. He lifts Alex and powerslams her to the mat. He repeats the move for a two count.)
Tiff: This is a travesty! That bum is cheating. Boo him, people! Boo him!
(He stands Alex up and attacks her with a flurry of forearm shots to the face and chest. He slams her to he mat and lionsaults her for a two count, Alex bridging her way out of the pin. Fortune piledrives Alex and drives a knee to her stomach. He sling shots her across the ring, sending the French woman crashing. As she slowly gets to her feet, he charges with a spear. But Alex swiftly moves out of the way, sending Fortune crashing into the turnbuckle.)
Tiff: Ha! Now we're talking! Get him, Alexandria!
Nina: That doofus is in for it now! Parker is going to beat him like you beat on Solomon, a few weeks ago.
(Parker attacks Fortune with some rapid kicks to the face. He grabs her foot and she delivers an enzugiri, to the back of his head, with her other foot. She snap suplexes Mike and whips him to the ropes. He reverses the whip but Alex surprises him with a sunset flip. Mike barely kicks out before the three count. Alex pounces on Fortune and traps him in an STF.)
Nina: Yay Alex! You go, girl!
Tiff: I think he just submited. Ref ask him.
(Fortune manages to make his way to the ropes and Alex releases the torturous hold. She mounts the second rope and catches him with a flying bulldog, planting his head in the mat. She scurries to the top rope and hits an awesome moonsault! The ref counts but Fortune gets his foot on the rope before the three count. Alex grabs him from behind and delivers a savage release, German suplex!)
Nina: Wow! One German suplex! Whoa! Two German suplex. No! Three German suplexes!
Tiff: And Alex hits a fourth release, German suplex! This is over! Somebody call the fat lady, this one is over.
Nina: (looking around) I didn't know Darlene Hayes was wrestling tonight.
Tiff: Ha! Ha!
(Alex covers but Fortune kicks out. Parker grabs his leg for a figure four but he surprises her with a small package! Parker kicks out at two and rakes Fortune in the eyes. Vanity jumps on the ring apron, distracting the ref and Alex stomps on Fortune's crotch. Fortune grabs himself, rolling on the mat in pain.)
Tiff: Good one, Alex. Do it again, sister!
(Alex mounts the top rope and connects with a missile drop kick to the face. She repeats the move but Fortune moves out of the way! He whips her to the ropes and swings a wild, clothesline. Parker ducks under and Dragon suplexes him!)
Nina: Did you see that? This is it.1....2....what! The bum kicked out! Slow count ref!
(Alex slaps the mat and argues with the ref. Fortune gets to his feet and sneaks up behind Alex, grabbing her in a bear hug. Parker cries out in pain as Fortune squeezes the hold. The wily Parker stomps on his foot, forcing the break and follows with an elbow to his jaw. She tries for a bodyslam but Fortune reverses with a slam of his own. He goes to the top for a shooting star press but gets only canvas, as Parker rolls out of the way!)
Tiff: Look at Parker put the boots to that loser. She lifts him up and ...Michinoku Driver! Wow.
Nina: The ref counts. 1...2....kick out. This ref is counting too slow. He must be related to Fortune. Alex lifts him again and bodyslams him. She goes to the top rope and guillotine leg drop! What a move! She covers but Fortune kicks out again!
Tiff: Now Parker goes to the ropes and comes off with a flying, body press but Fortune catches her! He gorilla, press slams her and covers for the pin. But Alex kicks out! (breathes a sigh of relief) That was close. Oh no. He's put her on his shoulders for a Death Valley Driver!
Nina: Wait a minute! Alex spins out of the move and jumping DDTs Fortune. Go Alex!
(Alexandria follows the move with a diving head butt to his crotch, much to the ref's chagrin. Alex whips him to the ropes and goes for a back drop but Fortune reverses and lifts her for a power bomb!)
Nina: Uh oh! Alex may be in trouble if he hits this move!
(But Alexandria manages to reverse the move flipping Fortune over with a hurricanrana. The ref makes the count but Fortune kicks out at two. Alex nods to Vanity and she nods back. Suddenly Vanity jumps on the apron again, distracting the ref.)
Tiff: Vanity's on the apron talking with the ref. I think she hurt her arm.
Nina: I know what it's like to get those arm injuries in the middle of a match. It always helps to talk to the ref about them. Fortune slowly making it to his feet and Alex with a low blow! Woo hoo!
(Fortune slinks to his knees and Alex power bombs him and then applies The Mankiller. The ref returns his attention to the match and Fortune quickly taps out to the dragon sleeper. The bell rings as Alexandria Parker is declared the winner.)
Tiff: Justice has been served and the FWO, Incredible champion has another win in her belt!
Nina: Seeing stuff like this makes me have faith in our justice system.
Announcer: The winner of the match, Alexandria Parker!
(There is a mixed reaction as Parker raises her hand in victory, Vanity holding The Incredible title in the air. The Babe Squad claps for their friend's victory.)
Tiff: Let's go. I've got a Cyberfight Title to win!
(The Babes leave to catcalls and whistles.)
**************************************************************
Arthur: What an...educational match!
Raskolnikov: But speaking of educational...TulU marduk, thanks to your hundreds
of letters has been giving his own special segment! let's go join him LIVE at the
FWO Studios!
**************************************************************
(Cheezy game show music!)
Tulu: Hello folks...it's time for the first ever installment of the game show I like to call, "Extortion!" It's quite simple. Unless paid large sums of money...I will reveal humilating...and even possibly incriminating evidence about both FWO fans and superstars! The clock is ticking...so let's get a' playin'!
(a TV screen comes down.)
Tulu: We are about to watch a video that could humilate a person if their true name was ever revealed. There face is blotted and their voice is distorted...but this is actual footage of a famous person! Unless that person sends 500 pounds sterling to the following address
(Shot of Tulu leading a camera man down a hallway. It is very dark and gloomy. Tulu leads you to a closed door and puts his finger to his lips.)
Tulu: Shhh! Listen!
Voice (singing with CD) Say you will say you won't! Say You'll do what I don't!
Tulu: Teen pop music?
Voice: Say you'll be true! Say to ME....C'est la Vie!
(Suddenly Tulu Kicks the door down and we see a built man whose face is blurred. He is wearing all black and has a bahaus Tee Shirt on)
Disguised voice: TUlU? What the F***?
Tulu: AH HA! B*Witched! You listen to B*Witched! And What's this??? Backstreet Boys? Britanny Spears???
Disguised Voice: You bastard!
TulU: wait until the whole world finds out you like Bubblegum Pop!
Disguised voice: NO! NO! Damn it I'm a goth! A GOTH!!!
(Footage ends with the man on his knees screaming and Tulu laughing. We are now back in the studios.)
Tulu: Once again..unless that man wants his name revealed...he must send me 550 pounds, british Sterling....
(Tulu grabs a piece of paper and begins reading it)
TulU: Oh my my my my...What we have here is a set of documents, video tape footage and signed confessions that couldlead to criminal proceedings, the loss of a job, divorce, premature retirment and even excommunication for a man named BARRY in Boise, Idaho! Barry...for 1000 pounds sterling sent to "Extortion," I will not reveal your last name, the name of the store where you managed to buy enough PVC for your illegal activity, the Priest who sold you the Communion wafers, the 5 other people involved, the name of the Youth Organization which they belong to, and the name of the farmer who sold you the mule! Again...1000 pounds sterling please.
(Tulu shuffles his papers and flickers his forked tongue at the camera)
TUlU: Finally...for 10,000 pounds we will...
(Sam bursts in)
Sam: What are you DOING? I never gave you permission for this!
TUlU: yes you did. You said I could have my own segment!
Sam: You said the segment would be about "Hello Kitty!" And it would have Shiva in it! Not blackmailing our fans and friends!
TulU: Well..Shiva was the guy I was ABOUT to blackmail...
Sam: You know how illegal this is? The FWO could get sued! I could get sued!
Tulu: *sigh* You're right Sam..I don't know what i was thinking. I guess I'll burn these incriminating photos of Rupert Murdock with Maffiaso ties, or his letters demanding pay cuts in sweat shops...
(TulU whips out a lighter, but Sam grabs the dossier)
Sam: NO! I CAN US...er...that's okay! I think letting you off with a warning this time is all you need...no gimmee!
Tulu: Whatever you say boss.
Sam: HOT DAMN! Fox is as good as mine! (looks up at the camera) What? We're still on? Go back to the card! Damn it! I should've stopped hiring all those migrant workers...
****************************************************************
Wilbur Fields: Now, once again ... special announcer Slammin' JoJo.
("Intergalactic" Blast over the PA system as JoJo comes out, he does his typical find a fan with a sign, this time a "Scott Douglas Sold Me Crack", he takes it, and walks over to the announcers table. he pulls out a staple gun from his back pocket, and staples it over the FWO logo.)
Slammin'' JoJo: Now that's a logo!
Wilbur Fields: Uncle Sam isn't gonna be happy with that, and neither will Douglas.
Slammin' JoJo: Think I care? Douglas is a jabrone, and Uncle Sam only wishes he could be as cool as me! I'm the best wrestler in the FWO. Fire me, and lose ratings. No one can beat me!
Wilbur Fields: BRRDDT is undefeated you know...and he has a lot more wins then you.
Slammin' JoJo: The guy fights more women, then Clinton's had under his desk! Speaking of people being trapped, Ferret I'm prayin for ya, Praying that he bears will teach you some personal hygiene! Anyways...
(The lights go off)
Slammin' JoJo: Damn it! Turn hose lights back on jabrones!
(A Dinner Bell Rings, followed by a cheesy rip off of the Undertaker's theme plays over the PA system. The Underbaker rises from the ground, and walks over to the announcer's desk. JoJo seems a little worried.)
Underbaker: Errrr Jo...Jo. You come out here running your mouth week after week, and you think you can take out my Customers, Cousin's, Sister's Nephew's, Uncle ... then you have something coming to you.
Slammin' JoJo: Excuse me? Did some fat guy steal the Undertaker's gimmick, or am I still trippin' on that heroin?
UnderBaker: Errr, mess with BRRDDT, and your messing with the Lord of Pastries. Got it?
Wilbur Fields: Good, maybe JoJo won't be so damn cocky his week.
("5 Minutes Alone" by Pantera plays as Scott Carr Comes running to the ring.)
Slammin' JoJo: A jabrone.
Underbaker: Errr JoJo, you will be quiet, or I will bake a cake, and I will stick it where the sun does not shine.
("(Can't You) Trip Like I Do" - Filter & Crystal Method plays as "Showtime" Scott Harrison me walking to the ring. DBR doesn't wait, he jumps out of the ring and nails him with a lariat. The two brawl outside the ring, Showtime gets the upper hand and tries DBR out rather quickly. He brings him back towards the ring. Showtime gets on the apron, and hits DBR with a moonsault. Showtime picks DBR up, and thrwos him back into the ring, then quickly gets on the apron. He catapults himself over, and nails DBR with a Leg Drop. There's a pin... 1...2... KICK OUT! DBR pulls himself up using the ropes, only to get a russian legsweep.)
Wilbur Fields: Doesn't look good for Scott Carr.
Underbaker: Errrr (rolls eyes) Scott Carr needs one of my "Darkside" biscuits, made with real death valley goat cheese.
Slammin' JoJo: Sick! What kind of Jabrone would eat tha crap!
Underbaker: Paul Murphy always loved them.
(While the announcers continiue argueing, Scott Harrsion continues to dominate the match. DBR is getting a beating like Bill Clinton in a Whore House. Shotime pile drives DBR's skull againstt he mat. Follwed by a DDT, then to finish it off a power bomb!)
Wilbur Fields: Look, he; signaling for Air Showtime!
(Showtime nails DBR with Air Showtime, but no cover. he picks up DBR, then plants him to the mat with a Front Layout Superplex. There's the cover, 1....2....thr....ee!!!)
Your winner: Showtime Scott Harrison via pinfall.
Wilbur Fields: Oww, poor DBR.
Slammin' JoJo: Whatever! This baker jabrone smells like yeast, and I can't stand yeast! I'm out of here. ados jabrones!
Underbaker: Err, you will accept me as your lord of pastries! (rolls eyes)
Wilbur Field: Let's see, I've announced with Blue Haired Freaks, Circus Freaks, Stinky Wrestlers, and now an Underbaker! I don't get paid enough for this!!
(JoJO and Baker Leave...)
***********************************************************
Arthur: Well..it's time for the CF title match! Two undefeated wrestlers go at it! But can little Tiffany defeat the Monster that is our CF champion?
Announcer: This next match is for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Coming to the ring first is the challenger. Accompanied by Nina LaRue and hailing from Beverely Hills, CA...here is Tiffany Lane!
(As "Miss World" blares out of the sound system, Tiffany Lane comes to ringside with Nina Larue. They are greeted with cheers and a huge amount of catcalls and whistles. Tiffany wears a pink, sports bra and matching tights. Her oufit is completed with matching boots. Her long, blonde hair falling down her back. The equally gorgeous Nina wears a pink, cat suit and matching heels. The fans are shocked as both women slap hands and high five!)
Wilbur: Nina Was trapped with the World champion last Weds thanks to Blackthorne...but there does not appear to be any significant injuries. Both ladies are as lovely as ever! Can't wait to see them in action!
Announcer: And her opponent...(Lights turn to a deep red and fans mark out)
(Pyro Explosion)
Announcer: Hailing from Death Valley and accompanied by Paul Barber...here is your CyberFight Champion...The Big Red Retarded Demented Dentist Trucker!
(The champ comes out dragging his title belt on the ground. Paul Laughs like Santa Claus. Both enter the ring. BRRDDT raises his arms, brings them down quickly...and the Spanish Announcing Table explodes into flames!)
Wilbur: Dear god! This guy has got to learn to control that!
Arthur: Tiffany takes advantage of BRRDDT's little display by dropkicking him in the back of the legs from behind! Now she kicks him in the face as the ref rings the bells for the match to begin!
Raskolnikov: Tiffany gets the Reatard to his feet and whips him into the rope! Tiffany With a beautiful hurnacanrana to take him down! BRRDDT gets to his feet..but Tiffany with a triad of martial arts kicks and then a standing enziguri sends the champ back down! Tiffany poses for her male fans..and the champ sits up! Tiffturns around...and gets a fist wrapped around her throat! Nina grabs The Big Red's leg and pulls on it so he can't choke slam her. BRRDDT drops Tiffany and grabs Nina by the hair! He's gonna choke slam Nina...but Tiffany with a low blow staggers the Champ! Tiffany spins him around and nails him with a DDT! Cover! Only a two count! Tiffany goes up high! BRRDDT sits up and gets to his feet! Missle dropkick by Lane! She's really taking it to the champ! Tiffany bounces off the ropes for a lionsault...but BRRDDT raises his knees and that's all she gets! Tiffany rolls on the mat while BRRDDT gets to his feet! He picks her up by the hair...and then levels her with a right uppercut! legdrop by BRRDDT and a cover! Only a two count again!
Wilbur: BRRDDT picks her up and slams her to the mat! Elbow drop and another pinfall attempt! 1..2...t..kickout! BRRDDT picks her up and sends Ms. lane back to the mat with a bone-jarring flap jack! Now BRRDDT goes up top! Tiffany to her feet..and BRRDDT with a forearm smash off the top rope! Cover! 1..2...thre..kickout! BRRDDT picks up Tiffany for a choke slam..but Tiffany with a knee to the breadbasket and then a swinging neckbreaker! Both wrestlers are down! Ref starts counting! BRRDDT sits up at five! he grabs Tiffany by the hair, but she jabs her thumb into his eye. BRRDDT bends over in pain! Tiffany with a leg sweep takedown and then drives a knee into BRRDDT's throat, choking him! Ref calls for a break. She does..but then immediately goes back to work with the knee! hey! Here comes Sean Ryan to ringside in a silver wetsuit with a surfboard in hand!. He has issues with both wrestlers! Tiffany lets up the knee and applies a neck scissors on the champ...trying to wear him down. He stands on the opposite side of the ring from Nina and Paul anfd flicks them both off. BRRDDT gets his foot in the ropes and Ref calls for a break. tiffany lifts her petite self up..and then goes to stomp BRRDDT in the gut!
Arthur: Tiffany whips BRRDDT into the ropes! She goes for another hurnacanrana..but BRRDDT catches her and...POWER BOMB! Now Blackthorne is down here...carrying his SMDW title in one hand and a syringe in the other! We have a man (or lady) outside the ring in each corner. BRRDDT has placed Tiffany in the neutral corner and chokes her with his big boot! Ref calls for a break..but BRRDDT doesn't comply! Ref threatens DQ! BRRDDT turns around..and grabs the ref by the throat! Don't get DQ'd! Tiffany from behind with a knee lift to the back of the spine! Ref gets set down! tiffany now with an inverted DDT! cover! 1..2....t..kickout! Tiffany goes up top as BRRDDT gets to his feet! Tiffany off the ropes with a beautiful Corkscrew Body Press Suicida! 1...2...thre...kickout! Tiffany with a bounce off the ropes and a hip attack! Tiffany tries for her Tiffany's Secret...but BRRDDT reverses it into a flying mare! he's too big for that! Lane gets to her feet..but Big Red witha HUGE dropkick! He tugs on his glove and then drives a fistdrop into her throat! BRRDDT flicks the hair out of his face and strats choking her with both hands!
Wilbur: Ref calls for a break..but instead BRRDDT lifts her from the mat into the air by the throat and then hurtles her into the neutral corner! BRRDDT with a russian sickle! cover! But Nina is distracting the ref by showing off her lovely legs! Sean Ryan ducks in the ring and cracks BRRDDT with the surfboard! BRRDDT rolls off Tiffany! Paul bearer screams to the ref and Ref turns around, but Sean has slid out of the ring with the surfboard! Tiffany crawls over and makes a cover! 1...2...thre..shoulder up! Tiffany gets to her feet and grabs BRRDDT, putting him into an abdominal stretch. Meanwhile BT has gone over to talk to Paul Barber! Paul raises his urn..and BRRDDT starts to shake...Tiffany can't keep the move locked on legally...so she reaches out and gets extra leverage from her fellow babe Squader! Ref sees this and kicks the illegal linkage of arms apart! Instantly BRRDDT turns the move into a pump handle slam! Tiffany is down! BRRDDT jumps in the air and comes down with a shoulder blade right to her head! he grabs Tiff by the hair, whips her into the ropes and catches her in the jaw with a big boot!
Raskolnikov: BRRDDT picks up Tiffany...CHOKE SLAM! Now Paul Bearer is on the apron! he fakes trying to enter the ring and now he and the ref are arguing! BT is in the ring telling BRRDDT he's there to help! BRRDDT puts a full nelson on Tiffany and BT pulls out that syringe! He smiles..and stabs BRRDDT instead! BRRDDT hurtles Tiffany away and grabs BT by the throat! CHOKE SLAM! Now BRRDDT grabs his head and he drops to one leg! That must have been a sedative! Sean Ryan climbs in the ring and wacks BRRDDT in the head with the surfboard again. Nina leaps into the ring and sits on BT's face, tryingto gouge out his eyes while Tiffany is trying to decide who to attack! Ref turns around and sees the chaos! he's calling for the bell!
Arthur: But here comes two guys from the back! One is a small man in a body suit painted up like a skeleton and the other a big black man with a skull painted on his face, yet he's covered in gaudy gold chains, wears a lime vest and orange pants! they hit the ring and assult Sean Ryan for the surfboard shot! It's just pure chaos in the ring and the ref is throwing this match out! No-Contest!
(BRRDDT is on the mat out cold from surfboard shots and sedatitves. Nina is trying to kill Blackthorne, Sean ryan is being ruffed up by the two skeletal guys and Tiffany Lane is awful pissed at Sean and BT for ruining her title shot.)
Raskolnikov: Here comes Rob Ian from the stands weilding a chair. he's limping and has some bandages..but as he hits the ring...everyone leaves...except BRRDDT who is out! Rob Points at BT. Skeltal dudes hang around at ringside and pull out the CyberFight Champ. Those must be the friends Paul mentioned earlier...
Arthur: What a mess! But you can Bet Tiffany is looking for revenge when she gets her match against the surfers..and probably a rematch against BRRDDT. Man! What a mess! Everyone attacking everyone else!
Wilbur: Chaos is what the FWO does best...but now folks...it's time for the world title match!