[Sean and River are in a pushing feud as they head back to their lockers. River is embracing his Polaroid of him and Tiffany...taken very awkwardly and without a smile from the woman wrestler.]

Sean: Like, how could you even like, say Tiffany is the better one man? She like, totally doesn't respect anyone...especially Nina man. I mean like, that Nina girl is totally the only reason why that chick is even fighting in this fed man.

River: At least Tiffany doesn't like, lose matches dude. She can actually fight like...dudes.

Sean: Oh come on...that like, Can dude wanna-be isn't exactly a wrestler man. I mean like, he's pretty tall and buff and cool stuff like that. Besides, Nina almost won if it wasn't for your spoot woman holding up that like, Jew toy or whatever. See what happens when a chick pulls out a polythiestic thingy or whatever? Everything goes totally bogus man! That Tiffany doesn't like, know how to handle things maturely. She just thinks there are little magical elves inside your basement that come out in the night and make things better. Well what if you don't have a basement dude!? It'd be pretty hard than!

River: And your point man?

Sean: How could you not get that logic dude? That Italian dude wrote it or something. Man, that Diar dude probably beat you too much man.

River: Listen, there is no like, logic involved. Tiffany is the babe...she will always be the babe...and your precious little Nina or whatever will never ever compare to her.

Sean: Gee, maybe that Diar dude didn't hit you hard enough or something. Face it dude, this Nina chick went through so much...living with Tiffany, huge work-outs, like, being made-over by you or something, facing some freak of nature...and she still managed to give me a picture or something. What did this Tiffany spoot do? Like, shop or whatever?

River: Listen dude, this Nina talk is just about getting on my nerves man! I oughta just like...

Sean: Just like, what?

[Sean and River start to slap each others shoulders. Sean, with the quickness of his hands, grabs the picture of Tiffany and tears it in half in one swift motion. River shrills at the top of his voice as Sean sits there, waving the roll of film in front of River's face.]

The camera than cuts to the announcers.

Arthur: Umm....Did we miss something?

Wilbur: I guess so...

Raskolnikov: Don't those four hate each other?

Arthur: Who knows. This is the world of wrestling remember. Don't try to understand...just accept...

Wilbur: Now it is time for the Hardcore battle royal. The winner of which gets the SUPERMASOCHIST DEATHWISH title. But to win it, they have to beat off 9 other men...survive jellyfish infested watter and electrifed barb wire instead of ring ropes! Should be quite a match! men have to take a motorized raft out to the ring. let's meet the contestants!

Announcer: it is TIME to crown our first ever SMDW heavyweight champion! Here is combatant #1...Soylant green!

(SG comes out wearing an NRA tee shirt and a gorilla mask. He jumps in a raft and goes to the ring.)

Wilbur: SG is a reculse. Haven't heard from him in quite some time. can he still win this? Who know?

Announcer: Wrestler #2....BLINK!

(Good fan pop. The cut-up clown waves to people and heads out himself.)

Wilbur: Again...Blink's been absent for a while. But he's one f'd up dude!

Announcer: Wrestler #3...Greg Townsend!

(Greg comes out with a fat lip. He has some bruises on his body, but he doesn't seem to be in any pain as he jumps in his raft and heads out as well.)

Arthur: Greg's a dark horse for this...but only because he's already wrestled tonight!

Raskolnikov: There's Rob and Sarah ian! Both has put up deck chairs by the beach's edge. Guess they're interested in the winner...

Announcer: Wrestler #4....BlackThorne!

(Blackthorne gets lots and lots of boos. He poses, stares at Rob and then gets in his raft.)

Arthur: BT is a multi-champion. But is this title out of his grasp? (no real crowd reaction. The masked Brit gets into his raft and takes off.)

Raskolnikov: Hmm. Haven't heard from Inferno in a while either...

Announcer: Wrestler #6...Scottie Harrison!

(Scott gets a big fan pop. He waves good bye to his midget and joins the others in the ring.)

Arthur: Oh good...high tide is picking up!

Announcer: Wrestler #7...Brotha Biohazard!

(Lots of Boos for Double B. He and Logan mock the fans before taking off in his raft.)

Announcer: Wrestler #8...Bomber!

Arthur: Weird goings-on between the Horsemen, WoD and Nuclear Weapon. Especially over the past 24 hours.

Announcer: Wrestler #9....Nuclear Weapon!

Raskolnikov: Speak of the Devil!

Announcer: And finally...Wrestler #10....Carnage!

Arthur: Well..here comes carnage...and from the fans...it's Fender bender! he tackles Carnage and then drives his head into the guard rail! Fender picks up carnage and then picks up a chair! Jumping DDT intot he chair! Carnage is busted open! He throws Carnage into the raft and sets it adrift towards the ring!

Raskolnkiov: OH SH*T! Fender's got a gun! He's gonna shoot Carnage!

BANG!

Wilbur: no..he just shot the raft...which sinks quickly...into the jellyfish infested waters! Uh-oh... Fender Leaves...doing the damage he set out to do.

(three minutes pass. Finally Carnage surfaces and pulls himself up to the ring, although he is covered with multiple Man O' War stings/burns. Carnage rolls into the ring...and passes out.)

Raskolnkiov: Five bucks says he goes out first!

Arthur: We're off! Bio goes after Showtime, screaming about his midget! Soylant green tackles Blink..while BT pulls out a yo-yo and cracks Inferno in the orbital of the eye! Bomber and Nuke double team their mutual enemy Carnage. Townsend stands in a neutral corner, saving his energy and watching the match! NW holds Carnage while Bomber hits him with kicks and stomps. BT slams Inferno to the mat, but is tackled from behind by Blink! Soylant green is having his face shoved into the ocean by Showtime. Brotha Bio lunges at Greg townsend, but Greg sidesteps him and Brothe drives his shoulder intpo the metal pole of the turnbuckle. Brothe Bip woth a back suplex into a puddle of water! ahhh! high tide! a BIG WAVE splashes the ring! Showtime tries to get salt water out of his eyes. Soylant green picks him up and slams him to the mat! Nuclear weapon ties up Carnage's arms in the electrified barb wire and with each little wave, Carnage screams! Blink whips Brotha Bio into the barb wire and then hits him with a drop toe hold intot he knee of blackthorne! It's sheer pandimonium! Another wave hits the ring...and a Jellyfish washes into the ring!

Wilbur: BT picks it up with his gloved hands and hurtles it into the face of Bomber! Bomber falls to the mat screaming! Welts a plenty! Nuclear Weapon grabs the head of Townsend and Inferno! Noggin knocker...but then both men with an elbow into his gut and a snap mare onto the canvas! Carnage has freed himself from the barb wire, but he has burn marks and scrathes all over his body, not to mention jellyfish stings. Carnage is whoosy! Blink runs at him with a clothesline, but Carnage collapses and Blink throws himself into the barb wire. Soylant green grabs a leg and tries to throw Blink over. BT comes over and grabs the other leg! Save made by Inferno, who is axhandled from behind by Brotha Bio! Carnage is hot shotted onto the barb wire by Bomber, whose left eye is swollen shut from the jellywish! Nuclear Weapon stomps on the back of Bomber and then slams him onto Carnage Scottie harrsion knifeedges chops Soylant green in the buckles. Townsend from behind with a knee to Scott's Kidneys and then a DDT! Another wave hits the ring! Three jellyfish are lying in the ring now!

Raskolnikov: Townsend goes to Bulldog Scott into one of the jellywish, but BT clotheslines Greg and then Scott with a back suplex...and Greg goes over the top!

Greg Townsend Has been eliminated

Rask: BT then euro uppercuts Scott while Soylant green head scissors Blink to the mat! Inferno kicks a jellyfish into the chest of Brotha Bio! Nuclear weapon is choking Carnage with the barb wire and trying to throw him over! Bomber from behind and he chucks Nuclear Weapon over the top!

Nuclear Weapon Has been eliminated

Arthur: 8 men left! BT has Soylant green and repeatedly drives fists into his gut. Blink has Brotha Bio teetering on the ropes, but Inferno shoves a jellyfish down blinks tights! Blink hollers in pain and Inferno hits a flatliner on Blink. Carnage and Bomber are going toe to toe with each other. Carnage with a thumb to the eyes, and then a swinging neckbreaker. He sits on Bombers face and starts punching away! Another wave hits the ring...and Bio gets shocked from being to close to the wire! Inferno baseball slides Bio in the knee and goes to throw him out, but BT with a clip of the leg and then an atomic drop on Inferno! Scott drop kicks him and sends Inferno into a reverse DDT from Bomber.Carnage with a clothesline to the back of Bomber's neck which sends Bomber into a hip toss from blink...and over the top!

Bomber has been eliminated

Wilbur: BT spins Blink around and hits him with the Thorne! BT goes to send blink over, but Scottie hits BT with a German suplex from behind! Soylant green grabs Carnage and scrapes his face against the electrified wire. Carnage juices even more! Brotha Bio puts Blink on the top Turnbuckle...DDT from up high! A huge wave crashes against the ring, sending our 7 men to the mat! A jellyfish washes up on Blinks chest and he screams as it stings him. Carnage goes to slingshot Blink, but Infero hits him with a gourd buster! BT from behind with an inverted brain buster on Inferno and then SG hits the Masked Brit with a snap legdrop! Inferno is whipped into the ropes, but He leap frogs over SG and hits him with a mule kick! SG grabs his crotch and wiggles around on the mat. Inferno stands up straight, but harrsion with a spinning heel kick which sends inferno into Carnage, stunning them both. Brotha Bio grabs Blink's arm and together they double clothesline out the two goons!

Carnage and Inferno have been eliminated!

Raskolnikov: That partnership didn't last long as Blink blindsides Biohazard with an axhandle and then a fist full of barb wire! SG and Scott are double teaming BT in the corner! Scott goes to throw out BT, but Soylant green with a headbutt to the back of Scott's cranium and then chokes Scott with the barb wire. BT with a full nelson from behind on SG into a Dragon suplex. BT picks up Sg and goes to throw him out, but SG wraps his legs around the neck of Blackthorne and hurtles him to the mat! Scott pulls the Barb wire off his neck and he tackles Blink to the mat! Bio pulls him off screams, "Gimmie my midget!" and smashes Scott in the face with a jellyfish! Scott holds his face and Bio continues his beatdown with his fist full of Barb Wire! Scott is becoming a bloody mess! Blink jumps on the back of brotha Bio and starts flailing away at him! Now Blink is on Bio's shoulder and he is trying to choke Bio to the mat! Blackthorne with a shoulderblock from the top rope into the back of Blink allows Bio to bend over and toss Blink over the top rope into jellywish waters!

Blink has been elminated!

Arthur: Final four! Soylant green...Brotha Bio...Blackthorne...and Showtime.

SG nudges Brotha Bio. They seem to have formed an alliance! Brotha Bio rushes Scottie harrison and SG attacks BT. SG and BT back into a corner and exchange fists. Scott knees Bio in the stomach and backs him into the barbwire. Bio's back spouts out blood! Scott with knifeedges chops, but a big fist from Bio's barb wired hand sends Scott reeling! Now Scott is up against the ropes and Bio starts wailing on him. Meanwhile BT and SG are watching this with some amusement. Both look at eahc other and nod...then rush and push Brotha Bio over the top!

Brotha Biohazard has been eliminated!

Wilbur: Pick up and...Double brainbuster on Harrison. The whip him into the ropes and hit him with a double knee lift and then a double DDT! Blackthorne lifts Scottie to his feet and hits him with the THORNE which sends Scottie into SG's waiting arms and... JABRONE KILLER! What the heck! SG doesn't know that move. Both men pick up Scott and throw him over the top!

Scott Harrison has been eliminated

Raskolnikov: HEY! LOOK!

(suddenly from the back...the REAL soylant Green, wearing a Charlton Heston mask comes out with his arms still tied behind his back, a gag in his mouth and completely naked except for a pair of "Planet of the Apes" underoos.)

Arthur: Then who is...

(The man in the ring standing by BT rips off the monkey mask to reveal...FERRETT!!!)

Arthur: Bloody hell! What a set up! Both men high-five each other..and ferrett jumps over the top rope and eliminates himself!!! it's over!

Ferrett has been eliminated

Announcer: Here is your winner...and first ever SUPERMASOCHISTIC DEATH WISH CHAMPION...BLACKTHORNE!

(Fans boos heavily and BT and Ferrett get into a raft together laughing.)

Raskolnikov: now THAT's evil! Ferrett gets the CF title and BT the SMDW title! What a scheme! Worthy of Lenin himself!

(BT grabs the SMDW title and holds it over his head laughing.)

Arthur: Uh-oh...here comes Rob ian!

(Rob climbs over the guardrail and slides into the ring as BlackThorne celebrates. Rob sits down in the corner and has a microphone as the winner notices him.) Rob: I would like to congradulate on winning that belt. But let it be known that I will be coming after you and the belt. After your little match with Enforcer, so just be ready. (Both men star each other down...)

Raskolnikov: Here comes that little swine....Uncle Sam!

Uncle Sam: HEY HEY! You want a match with him Robbie Boy? well, next Sunday BT has a mandatory title defense...so it might as well be you! You don't have to wait until after the PPV because in one week the two of you will collide...in a Graveyard Symphony match! *Rubs his hands in glee* THAT'll draw ratings!

Arthur: WOW! What an announcement! Bt doesn't even have five minutes to celebrate before he prepares for his first challengers! Folks...we are out of time!

Wilbur: But this weds...we crown the Educational Values champion, and next Sunday it's the last card before the PPV! Someone's walking away with the CF title then...but WHO??? For Raskolnikov and Arthur Dent... I'm Wilbur Fields....GOOD NIGHT!

(Card fades out with BT and Edge staring each other down...)