Arthur: Well..two tables destroyed in two matches! Nice!
Raskolnikov: Poor jorge! Maybe we'll see a third broken!
Roy: Would would we do for an encore?
Arthur: Knowing Sam...feed a bunch of preschoolers DDT.
Roy: Hey! I used that in my garden way back when...
Raskolnikov: Know why you died?
Roy: i think i was poisoned...
Arthur: Next up is one of the Two matches P.I.M.P is in. Not smart trying to wrestle twice in one night. But Nor...er...Omnipotent has never been accused of being a genius.
Roy: Wouldn't Omnipotent imply genius?
Raskolnikov: You'd think that, wouldn't you?
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Announcer: This match is a tag team bout with a twenty minute time limit. First, at a combined weight of 547 lbs, The Knights of Hardcore, Chaos and the Notorious PIMP!
There is a pop from the fans as the two men walk down the aisle, to the strains of "I Love it when you call me BIg Poppa" by the Notorious B.I.G. PIMP is wearing his bright green, "pimp" suit and sunglasses. Carnage wears a sleeveless, gold, blue, and red, body suit. As they enter the ring, Alkatraz Pimp Theme by Al Kapone suddenly begins to play.
Announcer: And their opponents, weighing in at 555 lbs, are the Skeleton Crew, Shango Mustafa and Mejicano El Esqueleto!
There is a decent pop as the Skeleton Crew walks out, flanked by three of Mustafa's zombie hoes. MEE tries to cop a feel on one of the zombie hoes, but thinks better of it, remembering that zombies love human flesh. They enter the ring and Shango immmediatey laughs at PIMP. He mocks PIMP and calls him a pimp with no hoes. This promises to be an interesting battle of pimp vs pimp.
The announcer leaves the ring as the bell rings. MEE and PIMP start off for their respective teams. The luchadore vs the extreme high flyer. PIMP surprises MEE with a fast drop kick to the chest. He whips MEE to the ropes and the luchadore counters with a Mexican arm drag. Pimp hurries to his feet and charges MEE and MEE repeats with another Mexican arm drag! He drops a knee onto PIMP's throat and follows with a leg drop. MEE body slams PIMP and mounts the top rope. He flies off with a frog splash! He covers and almost manages a two count before PIMP kicks out. MEE drags PIMP to his feet and whips him to the ropes. PIMP reverses the move and sends MEE flying. MEE rebounds and catches PIMP with a fast hurricanrana! He covers and manages a two count. He lionsaults on top of PIMP and manages another two count. He races to the second rope and comes off with a spinning back flip but PIMP rolls out of the way. He catches MEE and slams him to the mat. PIMP rebounds off the ropes and drop kicks a sitting MEE in the back of the head. He follows with a Dragon Sleeper on MEE. The young luchadore struggles in the hold and refuses to tap out. PIMP, getting a little frustrated, releases the hold and proceeds to attack MEE with kicks to his body. He lifts MEE from the mat and brings him back down with a tilt-a-whirl suplex! He covers but MEE kicks out at the two count. He drags MEE to his corner and tags in Chaos. Chaos grabs MEE and punishes him with a quick clothesline.
He follows the move with a huge Razor's edge. He whips MEE to the neutral corner and charges with a Stinger splash! MEE, seeing Chaos, moves out of the way, sending the bigger man into the turnbuckles. Chaos, a little woozy, turns and is surprised with a russian leg sweep. MEE follows with diving foot stomps, to the chest, from the top rope. MEE covers for a two count and tags in Shango Mustafa! There is a huge pop from the fans as Mustafa enters the ring. He points as PIMP before attacking Chaos with a flurry of punches to the face. He whips Chaos to the ropes and boots him square in the jaw. He follows that move with an elbow to Chaos' chest. He lifts Chaos and delivers a face first power bomb! He covers but Chaos manages to get his foot on the ropes! Shango sends Chaos to the ropes for a back drop attempt but he reverses and DDT's Shango! Chaos scurries to his corner and tags in PIMP. PIMP mounts the second rope and connects with a missile drop kick to Shango's chest. He does a second drop kick and then a third. He attempts a pin but Mustafa kicks out in time. He rebounds from the ropes and catches Shango in the throat with a forearm smash. Shango staggers and his caught with a Rocker Dropper! PIMP attempts another three count but fails as Shango gets his shoulder up. He races from the ropes again but Shango surprises him by catching him by the throat and choke slamming him. Shango lifts PIMP and gorilla press slams him, face first, into the mat. He attempts the pin but Chaos breaks it up. Mustafa lifts PIMP in tomb stone piledriver postion and MEE comes off the top rope, spike piledriving PIMP in the process. MEE races back to his corner as PIMP's face is sent crashing into the mat, courtesy of a double arm DDT by Mustafa. Mustafa covers again but Chaos breaks the count again. Mustafa grabs Chaos, before he can run back to his corner, and lariats him out of the ring.
As Chaos attempts to make it to his feet, outside of the ring, he is hit with a spring board plancha by MEE that sends both men crashing into the guard rail. Meanwhile, inside of the ring, Shango continues to brutalize PIMP. He lifts PIMP for a power bomb but PIMP reverses into a sunset flip! The ref counts but Mustafa kicks out at two. PIMP kips up and attacks Shango with a flurry of chops to the chest, backing the voodoo pimp into the ropes. He sends Shango to the opposite ropes and flies off with a cross body block. He attempts a three count but Shango kics out again! PIMP mounts the top rope and comes off with a moonsault. He lands on Shango and hooks the leg. The ref counts 1...2...but Shango lifts his shoulder from the mat. PIMP lifts Shango and mounts him on the top turnbuckle, sending Shango crashing back down to the mat with a superplex! PIMP goes for the win but is drop kicked in the face by a returning MEE. MEE races back to his corner as Shango makes it to his feet. He lifts PIMP and delivers the Northern Lights bomb. He tags MEE and the luchadore cmes from the top turnbuckle with a 450 leg drop to the throat of PIMP. He covers but PIMP manages to get his leg to the ropes. MEE mounts PIMP's shoulders and catches him with a fast victory roll. The ref counts again 1...2....before Chaos breaks up the attempt. MEE slaps the mat and complains to the ref about Chaos. He grabs PIMP but PIMP thumbs him in the eye. PIMP tries a power bomb but MEE reverses into a face buster! He covers but PIMP kicks out. Chaos enters the ring but he is speared by Shango Mustafa. All four men are in the ring battling, giving the ref one huge headache. Mustafa lifts Chaos and Death Valley Drivers him from the second rope, knocking the poor man unconscious! At the same time, MEE crashes onto PIMP with a sky twister press! Mustafa clotheslines Chaos from the ring as two of the hoes distract the ref by doing a little strip tease. The third hoe throws a chair to MEE and he whacks PIMP in the head with it! MEE then proceeds to do his Pa...er MEE dance. Shango lifts PIMP on his shoulders and delivers Damballah's Herpes Simplex II! The ref, managing to turn his attention from the stripping, zombie hoes, makes the three count! He signals for the ringing of the bell as MEE continues his funny little dance.
Announcer: The winners of the match: The Skeleton Crew!
The Skeleton Crew raises their hands in victory as the fans shower them with cheers and applause. They celebrate with the hoes as PIMP and Chaos leave ringside.
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Roy: That guy had herpes?
Raskolnikov: No..it's just the name of his finishing move. And what a *&^(*&^(in weird name it is!
Arthur: Good to see those two return after some computer problems.
Roy: What's a computer?
Arthur: Wait, we're getting something that's happening in the back.
(Scene cuts to backstage, where the Babe Squad Locker Room has been ransacked. Boxes are all over the floor, Tiffany is unconcious, lying on the floor, and the mirror has been smashed. Nina Larue is nowhere to be found.)
Raskolnikov: It looks like the time we raided the Democratic Traitor's house!
Arthur: But your country is nothing but a democracy now!
Raskolnikov: And it BURNS me up inside it does!
Arthur: Next match please!
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Arthur: It's time for our next match for the CyberFight title. Whoever wins this match will have their hands full, fighting at the next three cards.
Announcer: "Coming to the ring first, from Death Valley, California, weighing in at 1,442 lbs, THE UNDERBAKER!"
(The lights go out in the arena. The Dinner Bells Underbaker theme plays as Druids lead out the Underbaker. He enters the ring and raises the lights back up.)
Announcer: "And his opponent, from Death Valley, California, weighing in at 326 pounds, THE BIG RED RETARDED DEMENTED DENTIST TRUCKER!"
(The lights go out once again, and the arena completely marks out. A red tint glows over the arena, and pyros explode on the entrance ramp. Out walks BRRDDT, with his title belt over his shoudler. He walks into the ring, and begins to do his pyro explostion. But instead, the Underbaker comes from behind and clotheslines him down to the canvas.)
Arthur: Here we go, Underbaker is stomping away on Retard. Underbaker pulls him back up to his feet and hits a vertical suplex. He bounces off the ropes and hits a 747 Big Splash. 1....2...Kickout.
Raskie: Big Red sits up and is trying to leave the ring. Underbaker grabs him by the hair and throws him back into the ring. He puts one hand around the Retards neck, and goes for a chokeslam. This could be over quick! He lifts him up, but Retard kicks him and pokes him in the eye. He tosses Underbaker over the top now. But all 6 of Underbaker's druids come at Retard and start pummeling him. The ref comes over and tries to get order. Big Red grabs one of the druids, CHOKESLAM! He clotheslines two more! Retard rolls into the ring.
Arthur: Underbaker is waiting for him, and slams the Retard back down to the mat! The retard has had no offense. Underbaker off the ropes, clothesline! He walks toward the Retard's head, legdrop. Elbowdrop to the head of Retard. Retard gets back to his feet, and gets powerbombed by the Underbaker! Underbaker goes for another pin. 1.....2.....thrKICKOUT. Retard needs to do something. Retard into the ropes, bounces back and ducks a clothesline. Underbaker turns around, gets a boot to the face! Retard picks him up, knocks him back down with an uppercut to the throat! Legdrop from the retard! Retard tosses him over the top again! They are right in front of us. Retard comes up and over with a suicide dive over the top rope and through the Spanish announce table!
Raskie: Crap! Underbaker is barely moving, and Retard just sat back up. He grabs Underbaker and hits a spinebuster on the steel stairs! Underbaker has to be unconcious. Retard rolls UB back into the ring and steps over the top rope. Underbaker hits Retard with a hard right hand. He goes for another one, but Retard blocks it and puts a hand around UB's throat! CHOKESLAM! Retard stands over Underbaker, and sets up for his pyro explosion. He raises his arms, and...falls down to the mat?
Roy: Did he have a heart attack? What about a genital herpes relapse? Arthur: What the hell? Underbaker is hardly moving and Retard is lying down in the middle of the ring. The Underbaker crawls over to the fallen Retard and puts one arm over him. 1.....2.....3! NEW CHAMPION!
Announcer: The winner of the match, and NEW CyberFight Champion, THE UNDERBAKER!
(The fans don't respond to this well, as they begin to chuck almost anything that isn't bolted down into the ring.)
Raskie: A fan has jumped the barrier and is storming the ring. Wait a sec, it's Paul Barber! BRRDDT sits back up and sees his daddy, and gives him a big hug. Barber responds by shoving him away and screaming at him for intentionally losing the belt. He leads his son to the back.
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Arthur: What the hell was that?
Roy: Why'd he fall to the mat???
Raskie: he's a retard! What reason does he need?
Arthur: Well..if he pulls the same crap in the BR later tonight...you can bet that takes out one of the odds-on favorites!
Raskie: i stll can't believe he jobbed...to PAUL MURP...er...ther Friggin' Underbaker!
Arthur: Wait...we're losing feed. What's going on!? Can you hea...
(A corny game show theme plays as a sofa is against a black screen. The sofa spins around to reveal Eric Williams and Enforcer, wearing matching suits. Victoria, wearing a white tank top that reveals a moderate amount of cleavage and skin tight black pants, is standing to the side of the couch. A sheet is over a box behind the sofa.)
Eric: "Welcome, everyone, to a one-time-only segment on the Sunday Night Slobberknocker that I like to call, 'Sweet Revenge'. Enforcer, please explain."
Enforcer: "I will use a visual aid to help explain the rules before I introduce our contestant. I will start with a clip from the April 28th edition of the Wednesday Night yada yada yada show."
(A television shows a video clip for the viewers at home. It shows such clips as Nina splashing Eric's face with Tabasco sauce, Tiffany nailing Eric with a brick, Eric delivering the Natural Talent before Tiffany places Nina's foot on the ropes, Nina hitting a low blow on Eric, and Tiffany walking out with Eric's Incredible Title.)
Enforcer: "Hmm, interesting. It isn't over yet, however. There is one more clip I'd like to show. It is from the May 9th edition of Sunday Night Slobberknocker."
(This clip shows Tiffany Lane giving the Incredible Title to Alexandra Parker.)
Victoria: "Wait, there's one more clip."
(This one, from the June 6th edition of the Slobberknocker, has Eric Williams warn the Babe Squad that he's not done with them.)
Eric: "I warned them, but no, they didn't listen. They just kept calling me a loser and ignoring me. Guess what?"
(The sheet is pulled down to see Nina Larue, bound and gagged in a glass case.)
Eric, Enforcer, and Victoria: "SWEET REVENGE!"
Eric: "We'll be back a little later to follow up on this story."
(Scene goes back to the three broadcasters at the announce table.)
Arthur: GOOD LORD! They've kidnapped Nina Larue! One half of the tag champions! I blame this utterly on Tulu marduk and his corrupting influence!
Raskie: Ahhhh, on with the show.....dumb broads.
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Arthur: It's time for our next match, a debut match for both of these men!
Raskolnikov: Great, more American pansies.
Roy: No! Only Captain America is from here, the other fellow sounds foreign to me.
Raskolnikov: Well if they're not Russian they're still pansies!
(Mr. Freedom makes his way to the ring carrying an American flag. He enters the ring an waves the flag around which gets a mixed reaction from the crowd.)
Raskolinkov: See, even your own countrymen don't cheer for your flag.
Roy: No, I think that's because this is so eighties.
(Chi Cheng makes his entrance to the ring, also getting a rather mixed reaction from the crowd.)
Arthur: Crowd has no idea who to cheer for here. Oh! Chi Cheng attacks Mr. Freedom from behind before the bell.
Raskolinkov: Hit him with the flag, hit him with the flag!
Arthur: Cheng is now laying the punches to the bigger Mr. Freedom. Freedom whipped into the ropes and a spin wheel kick by Chi Cheng.
Roy: Chi Cheng now quickly to the top rope and misses a leg drop. He tried for that one too early.
Raskolinkov: Now the Patrio...er Mr. Freedom picks Chi Cheng up with a textbook vertical suplex. Picks him back up and whips him into the ropes and drops him with a hard clothesline. He now gets up and drops an elbow on Chi Cheng.
Arthur: Mr. Freedom now whips Chi Cheng into the ropes going for another clothesline, Cheng ducks, rebounds off the ropes and hits Mr. Freedom between the eys with a flying forearm. Mr. Freedom stumbles backwards and falls out of the ring.
Roy: Now Chi Cheng is running off the ropes and jumps over the ropes and twists then hits Mr. Freedom.
Arthur: A corkscrew plancha?
Roy: Yeah that too. Now Chi Cheng whips him into the guardrail, and follows him in with a dropkick. Chi Cheng has a chair and swings but misses Mr. Freedom and Chi hits a fan with the chair! He looks hurt.
Raskolinkov: The fan's girlfried just threw her soda in Cheng's eyes and smacked him.
Roy: Now Cheng is yelling something to the girl about her dog, which is obviously female. Her dog may be having puppies.
Raskolinkov: He's not talking about a dog you dead twit! He's calling her a bit...
Arthur: A bit distracted is Chi Cheng which allows Mr. Freedom to hit a German suplex on the outside of the ring. Chi hits his head hard on the concrete.
Raskolinkov: Why is Mr. Freedom rolling him back into the ring? He can cheat a lot better outside.
Roy: He's honest, not like some people.
Raskolinkov: Bite me.
(Roy attempts to bite Rashnolinkov, but his mouth passes through Rashnolinkov's shoulder.)
Roy: Man that sucks. Oh well, now Mr. Freedom has wrapped his legs around Cheng's and Cheng is screaming.
Raskolinkov: That's a figure four you dumb as....
Arthur: As Chi Cheng gets to the ropes the hold is broken. Mr. Freedom whips him off the ropes and catches him in a powerslam, for a two count. Now Mr. Freedom throw Cheng into the turnbuckle and tries to get a USA chant started.
Roy: Why aren't they chanting with him? U-S-A!! U-S-A!!
Raskolinkov: Oh great, Hacksaw Jim Ghost. Anyways, Mr Freedom charges into the corner adn Chi Cheng moves out of the way. Chi now grabs Freedom's head and hits him with a hard tornado DDT.
Arthur: Cheng now pulls him back up and hooks him up for a snap suplex, he holds on and does it again! He goes for a third and Mr. Freedom with an inside cradle! 1...2...3!!!!! He got him!
Rashnolinkov: Now the idiot is raising his hands in voctory and Chi Cheng has slid out of the ring and back in with a chair. He pastes Mr. Freedom with it, then hits him a few more times for good measure before leaving.
Announcer: The winner of the match...Mr. Freedom!!!!
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Roy: hey! the spanish table didn't break in that match!
Raskolnikov: You know it's a good night when we only go through three tables over there!
Jorge: Le mataré usted el bastardo ruso! Mataré a todo el usted! Me toman muchos insultos desde ensamblar este FWO... y soy enfermo de él! Soy listo tomar un arma y empujar cada uno en sus regiones privadas! Entonces reiré! Ríase de los testículos de la sangría!!!
Roy: he yells a lot!
Arthur: Yup...
Raskolnikov: Thank god. Only one more match to go before the Battle royal! This card reeks of....
Arthur: Now Now...be nice to those that are lower on the totem pole...
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Roy The Ghost: Umm... it's time for the main event! I don't know if Flair can beat Hogan with Goldberg and DDP in there...
Raskolnikov: You idiot! That's WCW! Our wrestlers have more talent then all those... as some one would put it, jabrones!
Roy The Ghost: Ok Ok, PUPPIES! *Whistles* (makes a girlie voice) Are you ready for the Grind? (Goes back to to using his normal voice) Ahh yes! Phh would you look at those puppies JR!
Raskolnikov: Thats the WWF before some wrestler took a crap in Sable's gym bag, you moron.
Jabrone: Yeah, she's sueing cause of that? HiD does that all the time in the locker room!
Raskolnikov: No, and the wrestlers punched holes in the wall so they could watch her shower and get all naked and stuff.
Jabrone: So! Kevin Hunter does that to the male locker room!
(Darlenes Entrance) She comes out with Hollis. Hollis is carrying two HUGE vibrators with him. Darlene climbs to the apron to some cheers, of course the cheers are for the hug Vibrators that Hollis is teasing the crowd with.)
Jabrone: Ohh, looks like Hollis got into the Babe Squad's Toy Box.
Raskolnikov: yeah, or Kevin Hunters!
(PiMp Entrance) Comes out danceing like the fake wannabe pimp he is. He quickly gets in the ring and checks out Darlene. The crowd begins chanting "You Don'T Get None...You Don'T Get None" as PIMP flicks themm off, then grabs his crotch and screams, Yo Momma Gets THIS!)
Roy The Ghost: No she doesn't! She gets my cat fluffy!
Jabrone: Will you just shut up! There's the bell
! (Darlene runs out, only to get bitch slapped back to the corner! PIMP gets on the rope and begins slapping her ...1..2..3...4 .5..6..7..8..9..10! PIMP jumps off. Darlene stumbles out of the corner. Pimp runs to the ropes, comes back. Darlene catches him and nails him with a Urange! Pimp gives her a low blow... Darlene goes down, but is only playing possuem. She low blowsa him right back! Then Nails him with a Death Valley Driver! There's a cover..1.. KICKOUT! PIMP gets up first, and hits Darlene with a wicked Jaw Breaker! Darlene gets up, but is stumbling. PIMP kicks her in the gut Then Dragon Suplexs her! PIMP puts her in a crossvine crab, but darlene gets to the ropes. PIMP begins argueing with the ref. Darlene grabs him by the neck, and nails him with an inverted DDT! PIMP comes back with a swinging neck breaker! both wrestlers continue beating the hell ot of each other.)
Roy the Ghost: The Greatest Nitro in the History of WCW!
Raskolnikov: Stupid American Swine! this is the FWO!
Arthur: I miss Wilbur! This is turning out to be one hell of a match... wiat a sec! Isn't that Vanity in that sleek silver evening gown? And why does she have a breifcase?
Roy the Ghost: it's Miss Madness!
Raskolnikov: Ahh, stupid american whore more like it. She probaly came out to get her vibratators back.
(Vanity trys to check a cheapshot in on darlene, but Hollis coems running over with the sex toys! He starts beating her over the head with them! Vanity has been knocked out, but wait, he's not done yet. He's pulled up her dress, OUCH! There goes one vibrator on high up her ass! OH NO! There goes the other one up were her finger was last night! The ref has come over to se whats going on, and PIMP comes over to aggue with the ref! darlene sneaks up behind him, and rolls him up! There's a pin! 1..2...3!
Announcer: Your winner, Darlene!
(Darlene goes out to join Hollis in the degrating of Vanity. She tears off her silver dress, as the crowd goes nuts! PIMP just stands in the ring with a pissed off look on his face.)
Darlene: I wonder what's in the breifcase? (Darlene opens it up to reveal the briefcase is loaded with bricks! She throws it too the side, and walks back to the lockerroom with Hollis.)
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(Arthur comes walking down to the announce booth)
Arthur: Well, I'm doing draining the lizard. What'd I miss?
Roy: Catfight!
arthur: Bloody hell!
Raskolnikov: At least that bloody masked jabrone is gone as well!
Arthur: Well folks...it's that time the top ten battle royal! I can't wait!
Roy: What's a battle royal?
Raskolnikov: It's a bunch of guys in the ring at once trying to getting everyone else out of the squared circle!
Roy: oh! A circle jerk! Kevin invited me to one of those!
Arthur: NO! Not that! It's a big match where the only way to get out is by being thrown over the top rope!
Roy: Sounds dumb...
Arthur: IT'S NOT DUMB! You trying to cost us our ratings? Folks...we'll be back with the BR after this!