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(scene begins before the card. Tulu and Shiva are walking through a zoo. Shiva has a big bag o' popcorn and Tulu has a big bag of....evil.)
Tulu: I don't know why the hell I let you talk me into going here. if people see me with you they'll think I'm gay too!
Shiva: Nothin' wrong with being gay....besides empathy with animals is a basic tenant of the Shaivite teaching. Maybe spending some time with our lower-lifed brether will do you some good.
Tulu: Like what? My laughing my ass off when you start thinking that wildebeast is your grandfather.
Shiva: I think my grandfather is a bit more evolved than a Wildebeast...although there was that messy incident in Calcutta with the trombone might have made him a dingo...
Voice from over behind a tree: Damn it! Stop throwing acorns at me you little brat!
Kid: Mommy! The bear talks!
Voice: I'm not a bear, you poor excuse for a welfare check!
Mother: Bad Bear! Bad BOO BOO!
Ferrett: Climb in here and I'll show you a booboo you witch!
Shiva: Uh-oh...sounds like trouble!
Tulu: Good. Let's go check it out. Maybe I'll throw the bear some turbo truffles. Hee hee hee. Bear on a caffine high...
(Both FWo employees walk over to see a zoo employee with a fire house and Ferrett grabing the bars of the cage and screaming profanity. The Nuns of the local Catholic school cover their children's ears...)
Zoo dude: I told ye ta keep quiet! (Tunrs ont he fire house and blasts Ferrett with it.)
Ferrett: GLUBGLUB*&^*&^*^*GLUB!
Tulu: Well I'll be damned! Our missing wrestler! This wraps up neater than a sitcom plot!
Shiva: Hi ferrett!
(Ferrett says something uintelligable seeing that he is being sprayed with water. But he does a gesture with his hand to demonstrate how he feels about the past week and a half...)
Shiva: That's not very nice...
Tulu: Sam'll probably pay us a little extra for getting him back...
Shiva: Right! You create a diversion and the I'll steal the keys to the cell from the zookeeper.
Tulu: All we need now is a laugh track...
Shiva: Hola there my compadre!
Zoo dude: HIndu's don't speak spanish...
Shiva: You know...spraying a bear with water isn't very humane.
Ferrett: I'm not a bear you Glubb'in Homo!
(All of a sudden shrieks come from the lemur cage. Zookeeper stops his fire hose as a female zoo keeper comes up to him.)
Zoo chick: It's....it's horrible! Someone...somehow the lemurs got a hold of a bunch of thumb tacks! At first they were calming useing them to itch each others backs...then this horrible man screamed at them and Zarky accidentally poked Ralphus and now they're slahing each other, poking them in orrifices and maiming each other! It's a lemur massacre!
Zoo Dude: We've got to hurry.
(Zoo people run off with Shiva leabing on the side of the Cage, twirling the ring of keys around his index finger and whistling...)
Ferrett: Let me out!
Shiva: I could do that...
Ferrett: It was the callling you a homo thing, right? Sorry! SORRY! Let's see you prefer...QUEER? QUEER? Right????
Shiva: I actually like being called Shiva...
(Tulu walks up without his bag)
Shiva: You know...you could've distracted them without causing lemurs to become homicidal maniacs...
TulU: *shrugs* I COULD have done that...but it just wouldn't have been as CRAAAAAZY of a scheme...
Shiva: That's right! We always do have to have some madcap scheme, don't we?
FErrett: SHUT UP AND LET ME OUT!
**************************************************************
(Fireworks ad pyrotechics go off in the Alamodome and fans let out a collective primal shriek! It's gotta be FWO time again! One fan swings from the balcony on a human chain screaming, "MOMMY! I WANT MORE BISQUICK!" One fa holds a sign reading, "I drank me some Mexican water and I can FEEL the parasites!" Then we g to our normal intrepid staff of Uncle Sam, Lord talbot...and everyone's beloved newlywed...who is being pulled off the head of a chubby Hispanic child.)
Sam: DOWN! DOWN! Doesn't Honey feed you enough at home?
HID: RRRRR?
Sam: You need a nice Jewish woman!
Talbot: Sam! he's married!
Sam: So? Honey's playing Wheel o' Adultery...let HiD get a little action as well...poor puppy!
HID: RRRR? *hack violently until something that resembles a femur pops out.
Sam: ew.....
Talbot: We have a great card tonight folks! A CF match, and EV match and a shot at the tag team titles! What could spoil tonight's exciting action?
Sam: You mean besides our first match, the numerous lawsuits from various animal rights activists and the fact that the Pope issued a statement today defaming Tulu as the Anti-Christ just because Tulu stuck a whoppie cushon in the PopeMobile?
Talbot: *sigh* I should go back to teaching at oxford...
Sam: You should! You've only got one vote on the popularity poll! What the hell are you good for???
Announcer: This next match is for one fall with a 15 minute time limit...coming to the ring first, from Outerbanks, NC...here is NUCLEAR WEAPON!
(Lots of boos. Someone throws a fudgesickle ad it hits NW in the back right betweet he shoulderblades where he can't reach the sticky mess. Quite a vaudeville-esque scene ensues as he struggles in vain tog et it off.)
Talbot: Bwhahahahaha!
HID: RRRR!
(Hid Starts to get up, but Sam holds him back)
Sam: You can eat AFTER the show....
Announcer: ad his opponent...from Denver, Co...here is Scott Williams!
(Little, if any reaction for the new guy. Untested ad unknown he marches to the ring..in search of his destiny.)
Sam: What the hell was that last line? Who writes this crap? Some goth???
Talbot: Both men in the ring now.
HID: AWOOOOOOOOOH!
Sam: OH GOD! That stinks! Honey must buy a crapload of air fresheners! What's she been feeding you? Coffee grounds???
Talbot: Lock up! Side headlock by Scott. NW with an inside leg and turns it into a modified Russian legsweep! Scott on the mat and NW grabs his legs! headbutt to the groin...which he must have learned from SHIVA. Scott is picked up and scoop slammed to the mat! Elbow drop and a cover! 2 count only! NW grabs Scott's legs and tries to slingshot him, but on the way up...Scott turns it into a Thez press! Scott sits on Nuke's chest and starts pounding away with fists of fury! Nuke with a rake of the face and Scott rolls of him! Weapon is to his feet and stomps away at Scott's head. irish whip into the neutral corner! Weapon with a running clothesline, but Scott sidesteps. Nuke knocks his own wind out and Williams from behind with a rollup! 1...2...kickout! Nuke to his feet, but Scott with a savate kick and the a hip toss into a knee to Nuke's head! Hooks the arms ad now Scott hits a double arm suplex into a power bomb! 1...2...th...choulder up in the knick of time! Scott bounces off the ropes ad drops a leg...but Nuclear rolls out of the way! Nuke grabs the leg and hooks on a single leg boston crab! Scott winces!
Sam: Ref asks Scott is he gets up..and Nuke grabs the ropes for extra leverage! ref looks up and sees the cheat and demands the instant break! Nuke complies but he argues with the ref. Scott blindsides him with an axhandle blow and then a forearm to the kidneys! Scott hooks the head and smashes Nuclear with an inverted DDT! Cover! 1...2...thre...kickout! Scott looks pissed and starts choking Nuclear! Ref calls for the break, but doesn't get it! Ref threatens DQ! Scott lets up! Now Scott holds onto the top rope and stomps away at Weapon until he rolls out of the ring! Scott goes up top while NW staggers on the floor like a chimp! Scott comes off the top with a flying axhandle...but Nuclear catches him and... SPINEBUSTERS him through the Spanish Anouncer's table!
Jorge: Por qué el infierno cada uno rompe el vector español???
Sam: This might be the only place i the US where people understand him! NW picks up scott and hurtles him into the steel stairs! Weapon wraps his hand around Scott's hair and drives his face repeatedly into the steps until he breaks open like a Sunkist orange! Sunkist...the best citrus fruit around!
Talbot: Always the shill, eh Sam? Now Scott is rolled in the ring And Nuclear calls for it. Nuclear picks up Scott for the ATOM BOMB..but Scott turns it into a victory roll! 1...2...3!!!What an upset!
Announcer: here is your winner...Scott Williams!
(Scott barely looks like he's concious, much less aware of the fact he wont he damn match.)
Talbot: Instinct and knowledge of the ring is what won this match for him!
HID: ARRRRR! RRRRR! WHINE!
Sam: I told you to de-bone it before you ate it!
Talbot: Folks...up next is the CF title match...but first...an ad. *shudder*
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(Scene starts in a back yard. There is A BBQ going on. Some fat balding yutz is roasting weenies. two kids are wading in a blow up...pool and a bunch of people are drinking beer and enjoy a good game of "Which oriface with my gas go out?") narrator: Sad, isn't it? A bunch of American joes that THINK they're having fun! that THINK this is how to celebrate our Nation's 223rd birthday! Well would Abe Lincoln sit around swilling beer and scratching his crotch? Would Nixon ask more more cole slaw and baked beans on this illustrious day? Would any TRUE AMERICAN desecrate the true meaning of this Holliday?
familiar: Voice: NO WAY JOSE!
(Hicks all turn around and see Uncle Sam standing there)
sam: This year, we're gonna celebrate the fourth of July the way the Founding fathers would want you too! By watching 2 days straight of FWO INSANITY!!!!
(suddenly HiD leaps off the roof of the house and mauls the cook for a hot dog.)
Narrator: That's right! This year, don't blow your hard-eared minimum wage cash of m-80's and weenies! Spend it on 2 days of FWO excitiment! It's the first ever... "Uncle Sam's cheap ass excuse to turn a national holiday into a way to rob you outta 70 bucks!!!"
Sam: Ad the truth is...even though we're TELLING you it's gonna be a rip-off right off the bat..we'll know you'll buy it anyways because it's either that...or a lame ass family reunion! Hard choice huh? Bears and lycanthropes eatig people...or sloppy joes? We'll see you on the fourth!
(Pictures fades out)
Narrator: THE FWO...Jesus endorses it, you wanna argue with jesus?
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Talbot: What happened to the card being in England?
Sam: *sigh* They told us no! US!!! they told ME no! Said it was disrespectful to their country. Whiny tea-suckers!
talbot: I'M British!
Sam: Like I said...Whiny tea-suckers!
HID: ARRRRRRRR!
Sam: I mean...lovely intelliget superbeings...
Announcer: This ext match is for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. it is also for the CyberFight championship! Coming to the ring first, along with Craig Laroux and Bobbie here is Dylan Walsh!!!
(Fans boos and mock him as he comes out. A chant of "FELCHER! FELCHER! starts. Dylan gets very mad!)
Sam: Ever notice his name is a composite of Luke Perry and that other guy from 90210! Bet he watches melrose too.
HID: RARRRRRR!
Sam: I know you hate Melrose. it's on the same time as Emeril Live!
Announcer: And HIS opponent...(Lights go out. Fans Mark out)
Sam: it's that time again!
(Pyro explodes and the lights come up dimly lit and red)
Announcer: from Death Valley, CA and accompanied by Paul Barber, here is the FWO CyberFight Champion...the Big Red Retarded Demented Dentist Trucker!
(Fans cheer for the very dominant champion. He drags his title on the ground. Camera gets a big closeup of Paul's many chins and then of the mystical urn.)
Talbot: Man's yet to taste defeat in the FWO ring. Many speculate that Phenom might have been the one to do it...if he wasn't in jail!
Sam: BRRDDT climbs over the top rope...and Dyaln rushes him and starts attacking with a flurry of punches. BRRDDT looks down at Dylan. Dylan looks up, smiles and waves! BRRDDT waves back...then picks up Dylan by the throat and hurtles him into the nuetral corner. BRRDDT backs up and then levels Dylan with a big Stinger splash! Dylan crumples to the mat! Not a good start for the California kid! BRRDDT picks him up by the hair and drapes him on his shoulder! BRRDDt with a standing powerslam! Golly..what power! Cover! 1..2..th..kickout! Bobbie and Craig cheer on their partner! BRRDDT sets him up in the corner and hits a series of knifedge (WHOO!) chops! BRRDDT now goes for a hiplock out of the corner..but Dylan from deep inside manages to turn it into a whirlwind DDT! Dylan scrambles to make a cover! 1...2...kickout! Dylan with a series of stomps to the chest...but BRRDDT sits up! Dylan bounces off the ropes and connects with a kneelift! It staggers the champ...but doesn't knock him down! Dylan comes off with a spear attempt... but BRRDDT doesn't budge and the California kid looks awful foolish! BRRDDT wraps his arms around his waist and...POWER BOMB! Dylan rolls out of the ring.
Talbot: Gotta feel bad for Dylan. he's basically Phenom's bitch! BRRDDT Steps over the top rope and comes down to the floor as well. Bobbie steps out in front of Dylan, guarding her charge...but BRRDDT merely shoves her to the side and goes back to stalking Dylan! Dylan rolls back i the ring with the champ about to follow, but Sean Ryan comes to ringside in a gold wetsuit! BRRDDT turns and stares at him! Sean has that surfboard...but he doesn't need to use it as Dylan comes off the top with a corkscrew planca sending BRRDDT face first into the concrete! Sean just smiles and is now talking to Bobbie and Craig. Dylan grabs BRRDDT by the mask and rolls him into the ring! Dylan goes up! Frog Splash...but BRRDDT sits up! Dylan rolls on the mat holding his gut and the champ gets back to his feet. Short offensive flurry by Dylan! BRRDDT hoists Dylan into the air and sends him crashing to the mat with a vertical suplex! BRRDDT bounces off the rops and drops an elbow into Dylan's sternum! 1...2...kickout! BRRDDT grabs Dylan and raises him into the air for the choke slam...but Bobbie and Craig each grab a leg saving Dylan! BRRDDT drops Dylan to the mat and Shakes off his partners. He grabs Craig by the hair and pulls him up to the apron! BRRDDT wraps his fist around craig's throat for a chokeslam..but Dylan with a dropkick to the inside of BRRDDT's knees! BRRDDT drops Craig...on the floor, and the drops to the mat after another low dropkick from Walsh!
Sam: Walsh grabs BRRDDT's leg and while holding it...drives his knee repeatedly into the champs thigh. Walsh bounces off the ropes...and as BRRDDT sits up, he gets a face full of Walsh's baseball slide! Walsh goes up top now... Off the top with a somersault legdrop! Cover! 1...2...t..not enough to take the big man down! Walsh goes up top again as BRRDDT gets to his feet! Sunset flip off the top! Walsh tries to get the champ over...but he reaches down and grabs Dyla by the throat ad drags him into the air and...CHOKE SLAM! Here comes Sean Ryan and..HEY! GIVE THAT BACK! Sean just stole the CF title! Paul barber tries to stop him..but he gets a surfboard to the skull, knocking him to the mat! BRRDDT has Dylan ready for the Brimstone Driver...but Sea pelts BRRDDT with a small object and the Champ, with his short attention span, drops walsh and turns around! It was a snickers bar! Now BRRDDT stares at Sean who has his belt! Sean drapes it on his shoulder, blows his hair out of his face, smiles and leaves. BRRDDT starts to go after him..but Dylan with a low blow! Dylan follows it up with a rollup! 1...2...kickout!
Talbot: Dylan to his feet...but the champ with a savage boot to the chin! Now BRRDDT tugs on his glove ad then chokes Sean with his fist! Ref calls for a break! BRRDDT sits up and now comes after the ref!He's got the ref cornered! Dylan from behind with an axhandle! BRRDDT turns around and levels him with a right hand! Dylan falls to the mat! BRRDDT goes up top! Dylan gets to one knee...but he's knocked right back down by a forearm from the sky! 1...2...thre...shoulder up! BRRDDT chokes Dylan with his big knee. Dylan's limbs flail..but this time the ref administers a slower count. BRRDDT breaks at four and the grabs Walsh and lifts him to his feet! Big Belly to belly suplex by the CyberFight Champ! Now he flicks the hair out of his face and waits for Dylan to get back up! BRRDDT with a gloved fist to the throat...ANOTHER choke slam! Here comes Blackthorne down the aisle! Barber is just getting to his feet...and the SMDW champion drives the bat into the chubby one's knee just as the champ connects with a BRIMSTONE DRIVER! BRRDDT stares right at BT while he makes the cover! 1...2...3! it is done!
Announcer: Here is your winner..and STILL CyberFight Champion... The Big Red Retarded Demented Dentist Trucker!
(Fans cheer. BRRDDT gets up and stares at BT who grins and throws the bat into the ring. BRRDDT bends down picks it up...and it burts instantly into flames... which makes the fans cheer because we're all so obessesed with fire.)
Sam: BT hightailes it outta here, Dylan is out with his friends coming in to help him and BRRDDT drops the smoldering wood and goes to help his pappy!
Talbot: This is the second time this week Sean and BT have both singled out the CF champ. Some kind of alliance? Or just a coincidence? We'll have to keep our eyes peeled for what happens next!
HID: RRRRRR!
Sam: Right! the Educational Values match IS next! And I get to be judge again..since I'm no longer incarcerated...
Talbot: But first...a commercial, right?
Sam: Maybe...*s*
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(Scene of a bunch of kids sitting around bored and listless. Two boys are playing N64, while the two girls comb their dollies hair.)
narrator: hey kids...are you bored?
Kids: YES!
Narrator: Want something fun to do? Something that'll even make school more fun?
Boy1: Hell yeah!
Narrator: Well...now there's something that'll make you giggle like school girls watching a sex ed film until your parents backhand you and scream how you were a mistake!
Girl: What is it?
Narrator: It's new AMERICA INC. BRAND COOL WHIPPP!
Kids: Oh...
Narrator: What? You should be crapping bricks in delight!
Girl2: it's just cool whip...
Boy2: And Besdies...Cool Whip is a trademarked name!
Narrator: Not Cool whip you stupid Poster child for Down's Syndrome... Cool WHIPPP! Three P's!
Boy 2: Still...it's just Cool Whippp...
Narrator: Boy...kids today really are stupider than a pile of weasel droppings! This is Cool whip Kids! HUFFFING! The greatest activity a pre-puber can do!
Boy1: What's huffing?
Narrator: here! *Normal Cool whip appears* Breath deeply!
Boy1: *Kid huffs* Woooooooah! The colours!
Boy2: Let me try you homo! *Wrests the can and huffs himself. All four kids take turns.* Girl2: This S**T is the best!
Narrator: But Uncle Sam's AMERICA INC. brand Cool Whippp has THREE TIMES the strange chemicals that Cool Whipp has! And better yet, the FDA hasn't decided if AMERICA INC. Cool whip is a food stuff or a poxy so there's so chemical resitrictions! That means you'll get three times the high and it'll last you all day!
Boy1: Now I can tune out the teacher!
Girl1: Now I can act like the slut I've always wanted to be and be to high to both realize how I'm acting and forget how my actions will influence my circle of friends when I get to Junior high!
narrator: That's the spirit kids! Now let's all take a huff and thank Uncle Sam!
Boy1: *huffs* Thank you....uckelehjdhsb *snot and drool pour out his mouth at an ungodly rate*
Boy2: *Huffs* My momma's a hooker and he pimps slaps her around lik she was a stuffed bear!
girl1: *huffs* Thank you jesus for impaling the kittens of Deadwood forest!
girl2: *huffs* That's the best f***ing S**T i've had since I drank a can of drain-o!
Narrator: *huffs* Uncle Suzie pecker-eating groundhogs! They smell as bad as they little gerbil butterfly campout!
******************************************************************
Uncle Sam: That bastard! I told him not to huff! Only the kids! Only the kids! He messed his lines!
Talbot: I think it was quite appropriate!
HID: WHINE! WHINE!
Sam: Okay okay...sheesh! It's time for the Educational Values' title match folks!
Announcer: Coming to the ring first, for his part of the competition, along with kevin hunter and Honey Majors-in Darkness...here is the current EV champion...SOLOMON!
(solomon gets a good mixed reaction from the crowd. He carries his EV title proudly.)
Sam: Honey major-in darkness, eh? What's her minor? Adultry????
talbot: Shut up! #1...you don't know she's doing anything with Blackthorne. #2...even if she was HiD wouldn't care because for all he probably knows is she feeds jim more than you do now!
HID: ROOOOF!
(Honey pales and musters a wave. Solomon snickers..but shuts up immediately as Honey glares)
talbot: In fact...I don't know why the announcer added part of HUNTER's name to her. I don't think HiD has a last name to give. If anything it should be HUNTER IN DARKNESS majors.
Sam: Guys don;t take girls names!
talbot: That why should she takes his?
(HID coughs up a big ball of phlegm and blood clots onto Sam's lap)
Sam: CHRIST! I see what you mean! Remind me to give her a bonus so she take take him to a groomer...besides the she can fight the lawsuits we get whenever we take him in for a cleaning...
HID: ARRRR!
Sam: Solomon's topic this week is, "A biological problem rarely dealt with." Should be good. Take it away Champ!
Solomon: This is a short lecture this week folks because for once my topic is clear cut this week... One could almost say cut and dried, but that would be
inappropriate under the circumstances.
I'm here to talk to you about bedwetting - a form of behaviour that has led
to much torture of young ones in boarding schools, and is commonly refered
to with great derrision.
Peer pressure dictates that bedwetting is NOT the thing to do amoungst our
species, but frankly I fail to see why.
Is it not survivalist animal instinct that leads us to mark our territory?
And in what two parts of our territory do we feel the most vulnerable and
in need of security? Why, the bedroom and the bathroom of course.
So, why are we conditioned to let rip with our personal trademark and
internally generated scent in one of those areas and not the other? It's a
grave inconsistancy Ladies and Gentlemen.
Sure, it'd be a lot more appealing if our scent secreting glands were in
our necks as it is with felines, but we were designed so the smeliest thing
we can produce is our bodilly waste and sweat.
Obviously the urge to urinate in our place of rest is a natural instinct,
and in trying to condition this behaviour out of the young we are doing the
survival of the homo sapien species a grave dis-service. Now all the word
will be reaching the monsters under the bed that its safe to come out and
play while we're asleep....
(modest clapping from the audience.)
Sam: Well....that was KINDA good. Sounds like HiD wrote it though...
HID: RARRRRR!
Sam: I don't think it's a good idea to encourage anyone to act like him. That's not very educational..unless you're a fleabag!
Talbot: Yeah sam..insult Honey's husband and her protege in the same scentence...
Sam: HEY! I'm being fair! besides...Moral Majority's watching me like a hawk...not to mention the TEA...*sighs* Well..let's hope the challengers can come up with some that will Ecducate and not Degenerate... (break it down!)
*Sam looks around but decides it was just a sound crew error*
Sam: What are you idiots trying to do? Get me sued by titan AGAIN? bring out the first challenger!
Announcer: Challenger #1...from Ireland and along with Matt Palffy...here is Shamus O'Reilly!
(Incredible boos for Shamus. Shamus ignores them and waves to his fellow Europeans and Sam. he enters the ring and is very civil with Honey and her boys.)
Talbot: Shamus and Pallfy are setting up an eisel and a pointer. Must be an educational experience!
Shamus: Well I have been given "Discuss a religion in a neutral context" and I am here to give you a brief background on my topic and then i will show you some pictures.
(Flips over the front cover to reveal the words.)
Amish: Crazy technophobes or the chosen of god!!!!
Shamus: The Amish was a select religious sect who were a breakoff of the Mennomites sect.... *looks up* Matt, what the hell am I reading???
Palffy: Read what is on the paper Shamus!!!!
Shamus: Ummm, ok...Under the leadership of the great Uncle Sam!
Palffy: That was cut out of the final copy!!! *Holding head*
Shamus: Oh... I mean under the leadership of the great Jacob Ammann who was a Swiss Memmomite Bishop the Amish became their own religious sect in between 1693 and 1697. These people led a strictly religious life and did not adopt many of the things that most of us all hold dear but more on that later. The Mennonites persecuted the Amish and made them flee from Europe to North America on a three hour tour... a three hour tour. *looks up* What does that mean??
Palffy: Do not worry we are trying to entertain the same audience which thought calling you Opie was funny!
Shamus: Oh, Ok!!! *Continues reading* When in North America, the Amish settled in parts of Pennsylvania and called it home, the largest of which is in Lancaster but there are even Amish settlements in remote places like Ontario Canada. *looks up* Matt, can I stop this? I feel like I am in fourth grade.
Palffy: Not yet! You are doing great! We are almost done!!!
Shamus: Amish people are famous for uniformity of dress and their self sufficient communities. Woman mostly were long black dresses showing off nothing at all while men where traditional sunday garb all week long. Despite what you are thinking these people do exist today and I think the bastards get tax breaks or something!!!!
Palffy: That wasn't on the paper. Give it to me and let us go to the pictures.
(Palffy grabs the report)
Shamus: Now I would like to end the presentation with some pictures of the Amish people and some closing remarks.
Amish Porn- Picture of a fully covered woman showing off some lower calf
Palffy: And what a looker she is!!! Is that Mandy??? I think it might be time to o to the next picture before we have Hard Copy here looking for an exclusive!
Amish Power- Picture of a hamster running on his wheel to light a candle
Sam: is that Dylan's Hamster???
Talbot: Dyla had a gerbil...
Shamus: Very modern if you ask me!
(Flips page)
Amish Transportation- Horse and Buggy Shamus: Talk about your horse power...
(Flips page)
Amish Hero- Picture of Uncle Sam
Shamus: Wow, this guy is just famous throughout the damn world huh?
That concludes the picture part of the presentation!Now the time has come to make the determination of whether the Amish are the
chose ones of god or technophobes!!!
My conclusion would have to be technophobes, The people do not have running
water, a car or even ESPN how the hell can use think these people are chosen
to do anything but live in poverty. So until they install some cable and show
some skin off I will consider them strange creatures but who am I to say
anything I am in a fed where a Grizzly Bear is a champ. Matt I am done.
(Puts the mic down and looks at Sam)
Sam: *clapping* Very good! VERY GOOD! Dear god...someone didn't just BS through something! It sounded believable! You also put down the freaks of lancaster and kissed my ass! We have a NEW CHAMPION!
Talbot: Um..sam?
Sam: What? I'm crowning a new champ!
Talbot: the Mime still has to go!
Sam: FIne...bring him out!
Announcer: Challenger #2...Psycho Mime!