(scene begins with Sam working on the contracts for all the new FWO employees)
Sam: Yeesh. So many new guys. Another Marvel comics guy? DAMN! I'm gonna be sued by them more often than I am by the WW...that federation up north...
(HiD comes bounding in with a large staff in his mouth)
HID: ARRRRRR!
Sam: Where'd you get that boy? Wanna play fetch??? HUH? DO YA???
HID: GRRRRR!
(Sam grabs one end of the stick and yanks. HID sits down hard and refuses to budge.)
SAM: GIVE!
HID: ARRRRRRRGGGGGRRRRR!
(Fool's Crow rushes in)
FC: No you idiots! That's my....
*BREAK*
FC: New warding staff! DAMN IT! What is it with everytime i get a new one of those, some chucklehead has to break it????
(Suddenly ghosts appear)
Ghost1: WOOOOOOOO!
GHost2:WHOOOOOOOOO!
HID: RRRRR?
Sam: great! Just what i need! Ghosts!
Ghost1: We're in yoooooouyr offffffice nooooooow! You can't make us gooooo away!
Ghost2: Give ussssss back ourrrrr land! WHOOOOOOO!
Sam: our what? You're dead guys in sheets. What're you gonna do?
*silence*
GHost1: well...urm...
Ghost2: We hadn't thought of that. We just assumed you'd all run away.
Sam: What kind of ghosts are these???
FC: They're sure not indian ghosts....
(ghosts huddle and talk to each other)
HID: *climbs on the table and goes to sleep*
Sam: he's got the right idea.
GHost1: We've decided what we'll do to you!
sam: What?
Ghost 1: Do it!
Ghost 2: BEETLEJUICE! BEETLEJUICE! BEETLEJUICE!
Ghosts: muhahahahahahahahahaha!
*silence. nothign happens*
Sam: ooooookay.
Ghost1: DAMMIT! That works on that one movie!
Sam: You get movies in the afterlife?
Ghost2: Actually...when you're all gone late at night we watch Shiva's movie collection!
Ghost1: Can you belive he owns every Danielle Steele movie ever made? Is he gay or something???
Sam: Actually, he is.
Ghost 1: oh...
Ghost2: I told you!!!
Ghost 1: Shut the hell up!
Sam: What am I paying you for?
FC: Sorry boss. Just amazed how when you're dead...you don;t get any smarter. Guess my ancestors were wrong!
Ghost1: HEY! We heard that!
Ghost 2 *crying*: Just bec---because we're dead..doesn't mean we don;t have feelings!
Sam: Christ!
*shiva walks in*
Shiva: Hey Sam...I'm starting the proofs for the New FWO magaz...hey! Ghosts!
Ghost1: hey Shiva!
Shiva: hey Roy!
Sam: You know the ghost? *looks at the Ghost* ROY??? Roy the ghost???
FC: There are no native American's named Roy!
Ghost1: HEY! Shut up! I'm native American!
FC: Oh yeah? What tribe are you from?
GHost1: Deleware!
FC: Liar!
Ghost1: OKAY! OKAY!!! I'm Roy Bivins! I'm from Queens!
Shiva: umm...why are you haunting an Indian Burial ground?
Ghost2: Umm...he's with me. I'm Sherman Alexie?
FC: Sherman Alexie?
Ghost2: Yup!
FC: Sherman Alexie..writer of "The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in heaven"?
Ghost2: nice to see you read my stuff!
FC: Sherman Alexie...who just released a new book???
Ghost2: Ummm..well...
Ghost1: You're NOT Sherman Alexie?
Ghost2: FINE! I'm Gualinto Gomez! From El paso!
Sam: A mexican and Caucasian ghost? In an Indian burial ground??
FC: I'm as confused as you are!
Shiva: Ummm...hey! I let you two watch "Soul Food" and it's not rewound!
Ghost1: Sorry Shiva...
Sam: Look! What the hell are you two haunting here anyways???
Ghost2: Ummm...well, the Indian ghosts are on summer leave and well...
Ghost1: Gomez and I were hired to take their place until they get back. Union stuff.
Shiva: This is all so surreal!
FC: tell me about it! First time Alex uses me since the first damn card and I have no good lines.
Shiva: *shrugs* Well, any exposure helps...
Sam: Okay, this is all nice and fine...but I have to get these contracts written properly so I screw these guys outta more money.
Ghost1: But we need to haunt you! Fool's Crows staff is broken!
Ghost2: PLEAAAAAASE! We'll be quiet!
Shiva: Poor guys...I suppose you can come haunt me while I work on the magazine layout!
Ghost2: REALLY???
Ghost1: THANKS SHIVA!
*ghosts leave with Shiva. Sam and Fool's Crow stare at each other* Sam: Christ...This is a mad house! Why am I surrounded by nutjobs?
FC: Didn't you used to be the nutjob back when you were a manager?
Sam: I wasn't a nutjob...I was an eccentric buisnessman full of clever schemes and crazy capers!
FC: Why does someone allways say that line?
Sam: *shrugs* Got me. Ask the no-talent writers.
HID: RARRRRRRR!
FC: At least I get better lines than him....
****************************************************************
(Fireworks go off as usual, signifying yet another Sunday Night Slobberknocker is ready to roll! We're in....Kentucky this week. Mainly because Sam is a cheap bastard. Drunken hick fans scream in their seats. One holds a sign made out of old wifebeater tank tops that reads, "I sold my kids for tickets." yet another holds a sign reading, "Necrophilia 4 life!" Suddenly a chant of "Brown-BEAR! Brown-BEAR!" starts up and every single man, woman, and closet transvestite join in the chant. Then we are wisked away by the miracle of camera technology to Wilbur, Arthur and Raskolnikov for the start of our show!)
Arthur: Greetings ladies and gentlemen! What a card we have for you tonight! Three title matches lined up! An "Ultimate Hardcore" match...and two others!
Wilbur: Folks as usual, the FWO brings you the finest..and sanest wrestling action in the world!
Raskolnikov: Sanest?
Wilbur: Well...it's on the teleprompter. Sam must've been sued again.
Arthur: Bloody hell!
Raskolnikov: Well folks, we've wasted enough of your time by talking. You tuned in for some wrestling action so...
["Wipeout" by Surfaris plays throughout the arena as Surfer Circuit comes out without Bonnie. With their heads a little low, Sean and River enter the ring. Sean flashes his pearly whites which brings a few boos from the crowd to the team that is slowly dropping to the mid-carder's position. They ignore it as Sean goes and sits himself on top of the turnbukle as River is seated on the mat under him. Sean blows his hair out of his face as he takes a microphone from the ring announcer.]
Sean: You know, we like, come in here every week...well...like every few weeks or something and fight our butts off for the likes of like, you dudes out there. But I like, recolle...umm...look back on these fights and there's like... (He starts counting on his fingers) ...one thing in common with them. I like, so cleverely detected that all our losses...all two of them...were from some spoots that don't think they get enough air time. I mean, no one interferes, and we don't lose. But you send out some freaky dead dudes or something and everything is blown out of proportion. So I like just want to...
[River gets up and grabs the microphone from Sean.]
River: No way! We're not gonna like, quit without me saying a few words... (The crowd gets an awe-like persona about them) ...darn, they dragged it out of me.
Sean: You spoot! We were supposed to like, wait until the end of the show before you actually did something stupid like that! Oh well...you said something before we like, said we quit or something, so it's my turn to speak. So dudes out there, I hope you know the reasons why we like, well...quit I guess. You see, when you need half the dudes to rush out of the locker room...two of which I so did not totally know...all of which were pretty much on those chick's sides...and like, needing that for us to lose, well like, that is just so totally uncool. When you hire Russian chicks to watch over you, that is just so totally uncool. When like, everyone likes you for your like, secondary sex characteristics...or something...and not for pure talent, that is just so totally uncool. Let's face it dudes, everyone in this fed except like, us, are just so totally uncool.
River: I didn't even see why we had to face the babes. We had more points than them in that like, tourney thing. I mean, we didn't lose to Darquefyr and like, that other dude. In fact, if it weren't for us an our really cool plans with the chick clique, we would've won that one. We had them pinned on umm...well...several occassions. I just couldn't get in their to stop them cause like, I had some injury.
Sean: Alright, enough complaining. Surfer Circuit isn't about like, complaining, everyone else aready has it like, covered for us. You babes enjoy your little like, reign or something, I just hope you don't like, sprain your like, wrist's or something writing out all those thank-you cards.
River: Ooo, good one.
Sean: Well I try dude. Anyways, I guess you heard enough from the coolest dudes in this fed...like...ever man. I hope you enjoy a fed without any cool people or something. So long dudes...
[Sean blows a kiss to the fans, and waving 'good-bye' to the camera, he heads to the back with River as "Wipeout" plays throughout the arena.]
Wilbur: WOW! What an announcement! The Surfers have quit the FWO!
Raskolnikov: Please...they were mid-carders. Who'll miss 'em. Besides.. I doubt they're gone. This is liek Sam giving money to charity. Something's not right at the core of it.
Arthur: Think we could have a wrestling match now?
Wilbur: Well..we're supposed to mindlessly babble for another five minutes, but...sure why not!
Arthur: And now we have an exciting match between two of the federations young up and coming talent!
Raskolnikov: They rescheduled the matches? I have Blade and Carnage scheduled!
Arthur: No, that's the match I'm talking about. Great young talent!
Raskolnikov: You're kidding, right? I don't even know who those guys are.
Arthur: They're good! I promise!
Raskolnikov: All right, I suppose its match time.
Arthur: Yes, time for the match to start.
Raskolnikov: What are we waiting for?
Wilbur: I don't know? I feel like someone should be coming out to do guest commentary.
Arthur: Or someone should be stealing our feed from a pirate spot somewhere in the arena.
Wilbur: I don't think it will happen this time. Maybe we should just start with the match.
Arthur: Hmm... Yeah, I guess you're right.
Announcer: This next match up is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Sacramento, California and weighing in at 6 feet, 2 inches, 250 pounds... Blade!
("Bow Down" by West Side Connection plays as Blade comes out to a pretty neutral corwd response.)
Raskolnikov: You're kidding, right? His finisher is the Razor Burn?
Arthur: *reading his sheet* Yes. The Razor Burn. A devastating inverted cradle piledriver that...
Raskolnikov: But its called the Razor Burn? I mean that's one of the worst names I ever heard.
Announcer: His opponent... Hailing from Part Unknown and weighing in at 6 feet, 7 inches, 310 pounds... Carnage!
("Freak On A Leash" by KoRn starts as Carnage comes out to yet another luke warm response from the crowd.)
Wilbur: Here comes Carnage with that creepy costume ready to take on Blade in a real testing ground match in FWO.
Raskolnikov: Yes. Razor and Mr. Marvel are fighting to see who here can most be unrecognized by the fans and send them to the bathroom and concession stands.
Arthur: And they lock up tight to start this match and the bigger Carnage muscles Blade into the corner. The ref is telling Carnage to break the hold but he sends a knee up into the jaw of Blade!
Wilbur: And the ref is once again backing Carnage up as Blade reels in the corner. Carnage shoves the ref away and slams his knee into Blade's gut!
Raskolnikov: The comic character is crushing the life out of the other guy in the corner and the ref can't get him off. And he steps back and sends a hand to the other guy's throat to throttle the life out of him.
Wilbur: And the ref finally got Carnage up and off of Blade. Blade is in bad shape in the corner and Carage doesn't plan to let him up. He has him by the arm and whips him hard into the far turnbuckle!
Arthur: Carnage follows him in and slams him hard into the corner with a splash. Now Carnage just grabs him by the head and shoves him down to the mat.
Raskolnikov: The great Carnage is proclaiming his greatness to all of the fans out there. He should be watching the ring because his opponent is getting up to his feet.
Wilbur: And he's paying attention now but it might be too late as Blade sends a kick to his gut. And another one... And a right fist to the head that sends Carnage reeling. Blade quickly scoops Carnage up and slams him down to the mat with authority. Blade is wasting no time as he grabs Carnage back by the head and is helping him to his feet.
Arthur: And right out the ring. Carnage goes crashing to the mat as Blade follows out. Blade is waiting up on teh apron as Carnage gets to his feet and... he drops the elbow into a dazed Carnage!
Raskolnikov: And Blade is back up on his feet and looking to show why he is the... *snicker*.. "Innovator of violence"... I can't...
Wilbur: Blade whips Carnage across the aisle and hard into the railing! Carnage is shaken up as ringside fans cheer for the destruction. Blade grabs Carnage again and decides to whip him back where he started.
Arthur: But Carnage reverses it! And Blade goes slamming into the steel steps! Carnage makes his way over and starts slamming his head into the steps!
Raskolnikov: Shouldn't the referee be counting them out?
Wilbur: Yes, and he is. But Carnage rolls back in to break the count.
Raskolnikov: And he goes back out. Carnage wants to be as extreme as he can be and he's doing that in the only way you folks know how to do it... he's taking it to the spanish announcers table.
Jorge: El dios querido, cuál es estos corredores que hacen venir esta manera? No pueden justo golpear sus cabezas vacías en los pasos de progresión del acero mayor hasta que se golpean hacia fuera y nos salvan el apuro de mirar este extremo? No es bastante malo que debo tratar del lobo pero ahora debo tratar de éstos también?
Wilbur: And Blade gets his head slammed down into that table. And now he gets slammed down into Jorge's monitor!
Raskolnikov: But his table stays intact as they bring it back into the ring. And Carnage goes right back on Blade by choking him across the middle rope.
Arthur: And the ref gets him off Blade. Carnage willingly backs off but he's just setting Blade up. Here coems Carnage off the far ropes and he comes down across Blade's back and nails him onto that second rope! Blade falls back to the mat as Carnage climbs to the second rope and... he drops the fist down onto Blade!
Wilbur: Cover up. 1... 2... kickout. Carnage stands Blade right back up and slams him face first into the corner. A few kicks to the ribs and a belly to bellyto the center of the ring!
Raskolnikov: And the regularly scheduled playing to the crowd ensues and Blade uses that to rise up and get ready for his regular comeback.
Wilbur: Blade back up and... clothesline from Carnage! He took him right down and Blade won't be coming after that. Carnage scoops Blade up and hooks him up in the old tree of woe.
Raskolnikov: A series of kicks to Blade's empty head as all the blood flows in there. And Carnage scoops down and puts Blade across his shoulder... and a shoulderbreaker.
Arthur: This should be all as Carnage stands Blade up and sets him up. Tip Blade over and here comes Maximum Carn... Backbody drop from Blade!
Wilbur: Carnage is shaken up but he gets bakc to his feet and walks right into the arms of Blade... And he sweeps him down to the mat face first! Blade with the cover. 1.. 2.. kickout!
Raskolnikov: And this crowd has been overwhelmed by the unexpected comeback of Blade. And Blade looks as surprised. He doesn't know what to do next.
Arthur: Blade pulls Carnage to his feet and nails a right hand to his head. Now an irish whip. Blade goes for the clothesline... and Carnage ducks it! He comes off the far rope and nails a clothesline of his own.
Wilbur: Carnage is quick to get Blade back up and he's got him setup for the end. Powerbomb coming... Maximum Carnage!
Arthur: Cover up by Carnage, 1... 2... 3!
Raskolnikov: And Carnage wins this battle of FWO's titans and yet another epic battle is ended.
Wilbur: Why are you so mean to the young talent?
Raskolnikov: I prefer to think of it has a sort of hazing.
Arthur: You had hazing in Russia?
Raskolnikov: No...but we had midnight raids and beat-downs by the KGB. I'm guessing it was close to hazing.
Wilbur: *nods silently*
(Footage of AC Smooth sitting in the front row.)
Arthur: What's he doing here? i thought he changed his mind about this crazy zoo of a federation?
Wilbur: Who is he? Scott Smooth?
Raskolnikov: No there's Scotty Smooth and AC Smooth. Maybe they're brothers.
Arthur: if they're brothers and they feud..I quit!
Wilbur: Now folks...it's time for the CYbErFight Title match.
Arthur: Why'd you cay CyberFight All funny?
Wilbur: Trying to be trendy.
raskolnikov: Shut up! All this stupid bantering! It's the unbeatable CF champ taking on Kid Dice. it's KiD Dice's first match in the FWO.
Arthur: back story is he asked for a title match the second he arrived, which cheezed the Big Red washing Machine so much..he gave it to him! I wonder if KidDice will fare well against an ANGRY Retard?
Announcer: This next match is for one fall with a 20 minute time limit. Coming to the ring first, along with grease...from las vegas, NV...here is KID DICE!
(An enormous amount of boos greets the rookie. People throw trash and whatever isn't bolted down at him.)
Wilbur: poor kid!
Raskolnikov: Are you kidding? This is GREAT heel heat!
Arthur: great like the fans'll kill him, or great like the wrestling staff will kill him?
Wilbur: Well there are more fans than wrestlers so if we got by the laws of probability...
(suddenly the lights go out and the fans cheer like crazy.)
Raskolnikov: Your lame nerd math skill'll have to be put away now!
(Suddenly each of the four corners burst into flames and the lights come up in a dimly lit red glow.)
Announcer: His opponent, hailing from Death valley and being led to the ring by Paul Barber...here is the FWO CyberFight Champion...THE BIG RED RETARTED DEMENTED DENTIST TRUCKER!
(Fans go nuts as the Champion strolls down the entry ramp with a Rainbow Brite Doll. Paul Barber hobbles to the ring on a crutch and his head is still bandaged.)
Wilbur: Poor Paul...always picked on.
Raskolnikov: BRRDDT steps in the ring..and Kid Dice rushes him! A series of fists and forearms to the midsection. BRRDDT just looks down at him! Kid Dice continues the barrage..but no affect! BRRDDT tugs on his glove and then.. picks up Kid by the throat...One handed Choke slam! Kid Dice rolls out of the ring. BRRDDT Climbs over the top and follows him! Kid Dice runs aorund the ring with BRRDDT in hot pursuit. Kid Dice grabs a chair and waits for the champ to turn the corner! HE swings...but BRRDDT grabs it with both his hands and yanks it away! Kick to the chest by Big Red and he irish whips Kid Dice into the guard rail. he hoists Kid onto his shoulder and slams him onto the Spanish announcers table! It doesn't break! BRRDDT looks at it. Grabs Kid Dice and slams him onto it again! It STILL doesn't break! Must be solid construction for once! BRRDDT picks up Kid Dice a third time...and this time he CHOKES SLAMS him through the table! YES!
Jorge: Usted retraso estúpido! El SAM hace para arriba la paga para cada uno de esos vectores! Porqué hace nuestro vector consiga destruido cada semana! Bastardos!
Arthur: BRRDDT flicks the hair out of his face and rolls Kid Dice back into the ring! Kid Dice staggers to his feet, but the champ off the top with a great forearm smash!
Wilbur: BRRDDT makes the cover! 1...2...thre..kid gets his foot on the ropes! BRRDDT stomps away on Kid Dice and then hurtles him into the neutral corner! BRRDDt tugs on his glove then crushes Kid Dice with a Stinger Splash! What agility by the big man! Kid Dice crumples into a heap on the floor. Fans are screaming for the Kid's blood. BRRDDT hoists the Kid onto the top turnbuckle and then he goes up top. Kid Dice isn't fighting back! He's been slaughtered so far. OH CRAP! BRRDDT off the top with a Choke Slam from up high!
Raskolnikov: "off the top with a choke slam from up high?" isn't that repetative?
Wilbur: Shut up!
Arthur: Regardless of Wilbur's poor use of the English Language...it was still a very nice move. Kid Dice is flat out in the middle of the ring and Paul is telling his little boy to finish him like Raskolnikov finishes off a big plate of beets!
raskolnikov: What the hell?
Arthur: Don't Russians like beets?
Raskolnkiov: BORSCHT! BORSCHT! And I hate the stuff!
Wilbur: Brimstone Driver from the Cyberfight champ! Folds Kid Dice's arms across themselves and gets the 1-2-3!!!
Announcer; Here is your winner...and STILL CYberFight Champion...THE BIG RED RETARDED DEMENTED DENTIST TRUCKER!
(Fans cheer like mad. Paul would come in the ring to congradulate his son... but the whole crutch thing.)
Wilbur: HEY! Sean Ryan and Blackthorne didn't come down to annoy the Champ in this match. Maybe the Surfers really ARE gone....
Arthur: Paul hands BRRDDT his rainbow brite doll on the floor...and it BURSTS into flames! BRRDDT looks very upset...and I can't blame him! Those things are expensive and hard to fine! Paul pulls a Blue Jay Beanie baby out of his urn which sates the big giant. Remember...you can buy a Blue jay beanie baby, along with 11 others at McDonalds right now. McDonalds...just because their burgers are soy and grease...doesn't mean the rumours about the PCP in the quarter Pounders with Cheese are true!
Wilbur: great Arthur! Now we've just lost ANOTHER sponsor!
Arthur: Sorry. I'm just sticking it to the man!
Raskolnikov: *sigh* Well..it's time for yet another match between Fender Bender and Venom. This time venom again requested the "ultimate hardcore" match. This should be good for a laugh. Too Bad Tulu's not in charge tonight.
(Suddenly "Sexy MF" begins to play over the speakers and the crowd goes wild.)
Announcer: I would like to introduce the number one contenders for the FWO tag team titles, The Babe Squad, Tiffany Lane and NIna Larue!
(There is massive catcalls and whistles as the two beauties come to ringside, both wearing matching black, Calvin Klein, mini dresses. They slap hands with the fans as they walk over to the commentator's table. They each put on head sets and sit down, ready to call the action.)
Announcer: First from Hollywood, CA. He weighs in at 650 lbs. He is Venom!
(There is a small pop as he walks out. A few kids in the audience hold up Spider-man comic books.)
Nina: And here comes the man called Venom. With that strange black costume. What's up with that mask? Tiff?
Tiffany: Who is he? I've never seen him wrestle in the FWO before.
Nina: Sure you have! He's with that group consisting of P.I.M.P. and Carnage. He was even at the ppv.
Tiffany: Who the hell are they? Nina: Never mind!
Announcer: And his opponent hails from Muffler, SD. He stands 6'4 and weighs 276 lbs. He is Fender Bender.
( Fender comes out to cheers from the fans. He is wearing black tights, with gray smoke on them, and gray boots. He finishes his attire with a buckled seat belt. His body is scarred from previous accidents.)
Tiffany: Now this is somebody that I know. Yay Fender Bender! (She pauses) Wait a second. Don't I face him in a match soon? Booooo! Boooo!
Annoucer: This match was to be the ultimate insane, hardcore match. But the FWO's insurance won't cover another of those.
Tiffany: Ha! Stick it to them, Sam. You ol' cheap skate.
Announcer: So instead the match will be a normal, steel cage match and you will each be given either a plunger or hobby horse. Enjoy!
(Venom and Fender look at each other in confusion as the announcer scurries from the ring. The ref hands Fender the plunger and Venom the hobby horse. Suddenly the cage begins to lower from the ceiling. Fender, watching the cage lower, doesn't see Venom sneaking up behind him. Venom lifts the hobby horse and smashes across Fender's back. The bell rings just as the cage has reached the floor.)
Tiff: Well, looks like Venom got the first hit in! He whips Fender to the ropes and connects with a huge lariat! Did you see Fender spin in the air? Woo hoo!
Nina: He drops a leg across Fender's throat and lifts him up for a piledriver! Impressive. He covers but only gets a two count. Uh oh. Now he has Fender trapped in a sleeper hold. Fender tries to break the hold. But Venom is using that huge weight advantage against Fender.
(Fender is able to make it to his feet and begins to savagely elbow Venom in the mid section. Venom releases the sleeper hold and rebounds from the ropes. He charges Venom and runs right into a foot to the face. Venom follows with a huge splash.)
Nina: Man, Venom is one big motha..
Tiffany: Shut your mouth! Now Venom lifts him in the air by the throat!
Nina: We may see the Venomizer! Is he trying to end this match already?
(Venom has Fender in the air for a choke slam! Fender, sensing he is in danger, begins to rapidly kick Venom in the chest. Venom loosens his grip and Fender slips from his grasp. He attacks Venom with a succession of flying drop kicks to the face!)
Tiff: Wow! That was like five drop kicks to Venom's mug. Venom falls to the mat and Fender follows with a lionsault! He covers 1...2...and no. kick out by Venom.
Nina: Fender goes to the top rope and a moonsault! Impressive! These two guys are great! Right, Tiff?
Tiff: They're keeping me awake. Something that I never thought they would do!
(Fender lifts Venom and drops him on his head with a Northern Lights bomb. He goes to the top rope and executes a super fast, Frog splash! He covers, hooking the leg, but only manages a 2 count. He grabs Venom's leg, turning him over into a single, leg Boston crab.)
Tiff: Fender is really working that hold. He has the right idea, keeping the bigger man on the mat and working him over with those high flying moves.
Nina: He seems to really be working on Venom's back. Fender is really tightening that hold.
(Venom tries for the ropes but fails. He musters enough strength and manages to kick out of the Boston Crab. But Fender attacks with foot stomps to Venom's back, before the big man can make it to his feet.)
Nina: That has got to hurt!
(Fender lifts Venom again and sends him crashing into the mat with a Michinoku Driver. He goes to the top rope again, motioning to the fans, and flies off with a moonsault. Venom moves out of the way and quickly grabs Fender by the throat.)
Nina: It's the Venomizer! He covers Fender Bender! 1....2....kick out by Fender. Geez, that was close.
(He grabs Fender and power bombs him into the mat. Venom goes to the top rope. Fender weakly makes it to his feet and is hit with a flying clothesline from the top rope. Venom then picks up a piece of wood from the hobby horse and begins to bash Fender in the head with it.)
Tiff: He's just attacking Fender with that stick! Venom whips Fender to the ropes and clotheslines him with that piece of wood! He tosses it aside and DDTs Fender.
(Venom covers Fender but only gets a two count.)
Nina: I thought the only way to win a cage match was to exit the cage.
Tiff: Who cares? Obviously the ref is doing whatever the hell he wants. Let the man do his job, Nina.
Nina: I guess. Venom lifts Fender on his back and a Samoan drop! Venom starts to make his way to the cage's door. Fender slowly gets to his feet and grabs the plunger. He walks over to Venom and taps him on his shoulder. Venom turns around and...
Tiff: Gross! A face full of plunger for Venom. Who knows where that thing has been?
(Fender kicks Venom in the stomach and hits a DDT of his own. He whips Venom to the ropes and connects with a flying elbow to the face. Venom crashes to the mat and Fender follows with a German suplex! The ref counts but Venom gets his shoulder up. Fender goes to the top rope but misses a flying drop kick. Venom grabs Fender by the head and begins to smash his face into the cage.)
Tiff: And now Venom is introducing Fender's face to the cage. He is just bashing his face into that steel!
Nina: He releases Fender and Fender slumps to the mat. He snap suplexes Fender and covers. 1....2...shoulder up!
(Venom lifts him in the air and a gorilla press slams Fender face first into the mat. Venom begins to climb the cage.