two matches down....five to go!
**************************************************************
FWO World Tag Team Championship Round-Robin Match
Carr Bros. vs. Babe Squad
[Once again, for the second time this Pay-Per-View, "Ironman" by Black
Sabbath plays over the speakers. The trio of speakers immediately get up to
go get security and complain. Instead, just Caped Dude comes through the
crowd and sits down to do the commentary work for the day. He smiles when he
sees he's alone.]
CD: Whoa dude, like, how cool is this man. Doing this stuff alone and...
[Just than "Zoo Station" by U2 plays across the arena as the handcuffed Honey
and her 'husband' Kevin Hunter walk down the aisle, squabbling about their
predicament. Caped Dude claps a little to see he has guests and pulls up the
two extra chair spots that the trio of announcers left when they left. Honey
is the first to sit down and she is offered to put on the headphones by Caped
Dude. Kevin Hunter quickly follows.]
CD: Wow, it's like, so much of a pleasure or something to have you
guys...err...people here.
Honey: Why thank you, it's a pleasure to be here...with you at
least.
Kevin: Listen Honey, how many times do I have to explain this to you. There
were witnesses, I have the certificate of marriage, we indeed are married to
each other. There is no way to get out of this. You could end this ignorant
argument and just admit that I, indeed, am right.
Honey: Oh puh-leez, save me the grief. The day I admit that...
CD: I don't mean to like, interrupt or something, but we do have a match
going on the way or something, and I kind of have to commentate it. So if
you'd be quiet or something, it would be so totally helpful. (Honey and
Kevin look at him with piercing eyes and than sit back in their chairs, Honey
trying to keep themselves as far apart from each other as possible.) Thanks,
I sort of appreciate it I guess. Now lets go to that crazy dude in the ring
that always announces the dudes that fight...in this case dudes and babes.
(Honey smiles.) What?
Honey: Oh, nothing. (She takes a sip of her coffee.) Nothing at all.
Ring Announcer: The following match-up is with a twenty minute time limit and
is an FWO World Tag Team Championship Round Robin match-up. Introducing
first, weighing a combonation of five hundred thirty eight pounds, "Da Big
Rig" Scott Carr and "Lover Boy" Robbie Carr, they are the Carr Bros.!
["5 Minutes Alone" by Pantera plays over the loudspeaker as Scott and Robbie
Carr come out from the entrance and are greeted with a barrage of boos.
Scott heads straight towards the ring as Robbie kind of straggles off to
flirt with the women of the crowd. After a while, he makes his way to the
announcer's booth where he tries to flirt with Honey Majors, but Kevin shoots
right up to protect her. Honey rubs her wrist a little from the unsudden
jerk of it. Robbie enters the ring to join his brother.]
Honey: Ow, there was no reason for that Kev. If he did try to do anything
stupid, you know I could always handle them on my own.
Kevin: It'd be stupid for a husband to let some playful little boy that
happened to grow up too fast to start playing with his wife.
Honey: Kev...
CD: Guys, shut up! This is my favorite part of this show. I mean, two hott
chicks man...what else could be better than this? (Honey rolls her eyes as
she attempts to stay as far from Kevin as possible.) Here they come!
Ring Announcer: And now announcing their opponents. Weighing in at a total
of two hundred forty-five pounds, Tiffany Lane and Nina LaRue, they are the
Babe Squad!
[As "Sexy MF" by Prince plays, The Babe Squad comes out to catcalls and
whistles, and a few boos. Both women wear long, white, floor length robes.
When they enter the ring, they take off their robes to reveal slinky, skin
tight, white, thong bikinis that show off her sleek, sensual bodies and ample
cleavage. The outfits are completed with white, thigh high boots. The men in
the audience go crazy at the sight of these awesome beauties. Blackthorne
will follow these beauties soon after, a little sore from yesterdays bout
with Ferret. He'll linger ringside and notice Honey out of the corner of his
eye. He'll smile a false smile and than pay attention to the match.]
CD: Oh my gosh those babes are like, so friggin' hott man! How great do they
look? Come on, how great do those chicks look in those...those...that's
like, dental floss I think. And like, those boots are so friggin' sexy on
those babes. Oh, I'm in like, heaven...or purgatory or something.
Honey: Oh puh-leez, they could pick up any two bimbos from the street and
take off some clothes...probably in this case put on some clothes...and send
them out here and the crowd would cheer. All the men who in this arena have
no morals. (She looks over at Kevin.) All the men in here.
CD: All right, everyone just chill! The bell rang already and that Scottie
dude and the Tiff babe are starting this one off. Tiff puts her arm around
Scottie and...and they're like, whispering sweet nothings in each other's
ears. How cool is that? What I wouldn't give to be Scott right now.
Now...oh man, Tiffany just Russian leg sweeped him or something. I guess I
wouldn't want to be Scott now. Tiffany is putting her boots right in his
stomach. She picks up the spoot and throws him across the ropes and...a
standing dropkick from the babe. How amazing was that?
Honey: I know, I'm surprised she could even stand in those smutty heels let
alone jump high enough to drop kick Scott Carr.
CD: Umm...okay. She bounces off the ropes and a leg drop over the neck of
Scott Carr. Like, wow, you'd think the man would be in control right now.
She goes over to Nina and tags her. Now two chicks are in the ring. They
throw Scott against the ropes and...double hiptoss...I think. Scott is
flapping around the ring holding his like, lower back I think. Nina picks
him up by the head and introduces her fist to his jaw. Scott staggers back a
little...and again another fist to the jaw. And now...now Tiffany is calling
over the ref. Wow, she's showing him some like...well she's showing him what
she is wearing and...and a low blow by Nina! She than tosses him over her
shoulder by the hair! This Nina chick is getting fiesty. She hurries to the
second rope and lays Scott out with a driving elbow to the like, sternum I
guess. She puts his neck up on the ropes and like, starts choking him.
Robbie is just staring at Nina's a...err...butt while Tiff still has the ref.
Finally she lets the ref go and he starts the four count.
One...two...three...four...and Nina lets go. Scott still is like, hung over
on the ropes and Nina bounces off the opposite and...a like, leg to the back
of the neck of Scott!
Honey: How much cheaper could they get? When is this organization going to
sign up women as referees? That way no one could impress the ref with their
collection of silicon. Obviously the Carr Bros. should be winning, but this
referee is blind to any type of fairness whatsoever.
CD: Cool babe. Back to the match. Nina goes and whips the dude into the
corner of Tiff and starts like, complaining to the ref about her arm or
something. Oh no, she must've hurt it! Go get help someone!
Honey: Calm down, that little smut queen is once again cheating. Look at
Tiffany, pulling the hair of Scott Carr. And all these men are
cheering...how common. They'll get theirs sooner or later though, you don't
keep winning matches by cheating without having someone else cheating to win
against you. You know the old saying, "What goes around comes around."
CD: A merry-go-round?
Honey: What?
CD: A merry-go-round, that's what like, goes around and like, comes around or
something. (Honey sighs and shakes her head.) Nevermind than. Anyways, the
babe Nina finally lets the ref go and rushes over towards the Scott dude
and...tornado DDT from the ropes! Wow, and now Scottie is like, down on his
back. Nina makes the tag and Tiffany is on the top ropes and...what's Nina
doing? Nina has Tiffany on her shoulders and...face-first powerbomb onto
Scott! Tiffany holds for the count...one...two...thra, no! Robbie comes out
and just pretty much grabs Tiffany off of his brother. The two stare face to
face now. The ref tries to get Robbie back to his spot in the corner, but
Tiffany is showing off a lil'T&A...whoa! She's really gonna like, show them
off!
Honey: Funny, I never thought that they gave wrestling scholarships to people
who can pole dance.
CD: Doesn't matter to me, I just...oh, and Nina is on the top ropes and a
huge driving knee to the like, sternum I guess of Scott. The ref turns
around to see what is going on and...Tiffany with a dropkick to Robbie! Now
she wishbones him as Scott is on the ground and the Nina chick is like, being
forced to the corner. Tiffany now has Robbie and a huge knee to
the...umm...err...
Honey: Groin?
CD: Umm...yes, thanks babe.
Kevin: Hey punk, you better start watching what you say to my wife,
understand buddy?
Honey: How many times do we have to go through this silly conversation Kev?
There is absolutely no way that we are married. We were all under the
influence at the time, you could pretty much say anything and it'd be true in
your eyes. But face it, we were not married. (Kevin jingles the handcuffs a
little.) Kev, I don't care about a pair of ridiculous handcuffs or...
CD: People, people, there's like, a match in the ring right now.
Honey: Looks more like a cheap stripclub with cheaper strippers and two sorry
customers.
CD: And...well anyway, Nina is back in her corner and Scott is getting up a
little. Tiffany is still in the process of low-blowing that Robbie
dude...and now the ref is speaking to her. This is it! She might take it
off this time! And...no, Scott from behind with a huge lariat! Oh man,
who'd a thunk it...or something. Tiffany is down and...oh great, the refis
out to against the turnbuckle. Scott now tries to pick up Tiffany but Nina
from behind with a huge dropkick to the back of the neck. Tiffany shakes off
the pain and the two throw him out of the ring. And now it's just the Robbie
dude and...well...he's not exactly in the mood to fight. Love, not war is
like, his motto or something. And now they're kinda like, seducing him over
or something. He's in the ring and now the two go up to him and start
playing with his hair and...and they throw him down with a hair toss! Ouch,
that has to hurt!
Honey: And on the outside Scott Carr is finding it difficult to get in the
ring via the interference of Diarmuid. What a pitty, this match could've
been such a great match.
CD: Diarmuid tosses him into the guardrail and follows it up with a kick to
the jaw. He picks him up and, like, prepares for...yes, The Thorne!
Scott is like, probably considered out of it right now. Meanwhile, in the
ring, Robbie is kind of in pain cause like, he's getting hurt. Nina picks
him up by the head and tosses him against the ropes. She ducks and he
jumps...right into a flying shoulder tackle by Tiffany! Nina rushes to the
top ropes and...a moonsault! Poor Rob man, how are all his like, girlfriends
gonna cope with his like, loss or something?
Honey: CD...I really think that it is just a clever gimmick.
CD: ...no way. Oh, so I guess it's no real loss. They pick up Robbie and
set him up for...a spike piledriver! Robbie is pretty much like, out of it
or something and the chicks are pretty much winning the thing. And
now...hey, where you going Honey?
Honey: Just want to talk to my 'competition' I suppose.
CD: Okay...well Nina is about to wake up the ref so Tiff could...hey, what's
Diar doing? He pulled Nina out of the ring. Nina is like, talking to the
dude and Tiff is like, wondering what's going herself. And than...hey, Honey
is lounging around ringside looking at Tiff's pieces of strings...I err, mean
her ring attire or something. Tiffany is getting a little upset at her
presence and like, she's going over to the ropes to complain. Tiffany is
leaning over... ... ...sorry, had to savor that moment. Okay, she's looking
at Honey and...oh man! Honey just threw her coffee in the eyes of Tiffany!
Tiffany is hobbling around and now Robbie is up and...right into a powerslam!
Robbie gets her back up again and...snap suplex! Like, again...and
again...and again! He throws her into the turnbuckles and she's staggering
back and...Heartbreak! Tiffany is down and Robbie goes for like, the
cover. Scott is too like, dizzy or something to like, wake the ref or
something. Robbie gets up to go wake the ref and like, Nina is still arguing
with Diarmuid. Robbie finally gets the ref up and he goes over for the
cover...one...two...thra, no! He starts like, arguing with the ref for being
asleep or unconscious I guess, and now Tiffany is on the top rope...and he
turns around a sunset flip from the top rope! One...two...three! It's over,
and the Babe Squad like, advance or qualify or just plain old won it.
Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of this bout and gaining
ten points in the FWO World Tag Team Championship tourney, Tiffany Lane and
Nina LaRue, the Babe Squad!
CD: The ref is trying to raise the hand of Tiffany, the only chick in the
ring, but she is going over and trying to claw at Honey. Kevin pulls her
back and Kev and Tiff are having like, a few words for themselves. Look at
the chick claw away at...oh man! In the back, Diarmuid just laid out the
other chick with The Thorne! Nina is down on the ground and pretty
much out of it, and her babalicious partneress didn't see it cause she is
like, too busy arguing. Diar goes for a chair and he walks back over and
drives the chair right into the like, side of the neck of Nina! Oh man, how
cool is this?! He kicks her over in the aisle and climbs the apron with the
chair. He springboards himself and a...like, a moonsault right onto the
lower back of Nina with that chair! Now he just leaves her and heads over to
join Tiff in her argument. He approaches Honey...but Kevin clocks him down
with the side of the handcuffs! Diar is on the ground and he has like, a cut
or something! Tiffany springboards off the ropes and like, goes for a double
clothesline...but Kev and Honey take her by the neck with the handcuff link!
Now Tiff and Diar are on the ground as Kevin and Honey smile over their
success...and now they quit smiling when they look at each other. They start
walking down the aisle.
["Zoo Station" by U2 plays over the sound system as the two argue their way
to the entrance. Tiffany gets up and begins to leave, but realizes she
doesn't know where Nina is. She looks at the unconscious Nina on the aisle
as Diar follows behind Tiffany, shaking his head and holding his wound.
Tiffany drops to the ground to see if her friend is all right.]
CD: And now I think Tiff sees what Diarmuid did, I wonder when the two are
going to fight. Tiffany looks up at the dude and he's just...he just looks
as shocked as Tiffany! He's not going to do anything! In fact, the dude is
picking up the Nina chick over his shoulder and they're begining to walk to
the back...bummer man, that must really like, suck for Nina. I wonder if
she's going to be able to face those really cool surfer dudes later.
[The three original announcers come back to see that Tommy Dobbs was not
there. They look at Caped Dude wierd, and with an over zealous attitude, he
throws himself over the guardrail and starts running around the crowd as the
three take their seats.]
********************************************************************
Wilbur: Someone tell me how those freaks get in here every damn week!!!
Arthur: Interesting turn of events. The Carr's end their stint in the tourney
with no points at all. Tiff and Nina get 10..but it looks like our last match
of this tourney will be only Tiff vs. River! How ironic!
Raskolnikov: Like opening your door on a brisk winter afternoon to
find blood staining the snow in your yard in 3 foot long letters reading, "Bolshiviek scum?"
Wilbur: Umm...sure.
*******************************************************************
Arthur: Well old chaps. It's time for Venom and Psycho Mime. Mime boy doesn't
seem like much of a challenge...but Venom's definetely NOT at 100%!
Wilbur: Regardless..it should be a classic contest between two young
superstars!
Announcer: This next match is for one fall. Coming to the ring first, from
Hollywood, CA...this is VENOM!
(Lots of boos for the man in B&W. He poses menicingly and tries to get heel
heat by scary a small child. The kid throws his coke in his face. Venom grabs
the kid by the throat...but Robert Shapiro is the kids Dad..so Venom lets him
down nice and gently.)
Announcer: And his opponent, from 114 Mime and Mime Street, Mimeville,
Mimeland, MimeWorld, MimeContinet, MimeSolar System, MimeSalaxy,
MimeUniverse, MimeDimension...here is the Psycho Mime!
(Mixed reaction for the man whomakes his debut tonight. The scrawny midget
mime mimes that he's on a motercycle and "Drives" down to the ring while
" Suspended In Gaffa" by Kate Bush plays.)
Arthur: He is so bloody dead...
Wilbur: Both men are in the ring. Mime boy mimes ripping his shirtoff ala
Hulkster. Venom just stares. What a nut
Arthur: Venom kicks the mime in the gut and then drives him to the mat with
series of crushing axhandle blows. He picks the mime up and irish whips him
into the ropes...and catches him on the return with a massive powerslam!
Cover! 1..2...kickout!
Raskie: Venom picks Mime up and slams him to the mat. What follows is a series
of painful elbows into the Mime's back. Mime mimes calling 911.Venom whips
Mime into the ropes and clotheslines him to the mat!
Wilbur: This is insane! Venom with a knee drop to the head Venom grabs Mime
and drags his face across the canvas. Mat burn! venom ties Mime up in the
ropes and starts pounding on him in the face until the ref begs venom to stop.
Psycho mime in untied from the ropes..and collapses in a pool of his mime
blood.
Arthur: Venom kicks the mime over and makes a cover! 1...2....thre...kickout!
Wow! Venom is mad! Pick up and... VENOMIZER! Cover!
1..2....th..kickout! Bloody hell! Venom drops a leg, then sits on the mimes
chest and repeatedly smashes his fist into the mimes face. Venom gets up and
poses. The Mime mimes injecting himself with morphine. MIme gets to his feet!
The mime morphine worked! he turns venom around...and mimes hitting him with
knifedge chops! Venom just stares in confusion. Mime is seriously going to
town with a mimed barrage of blows. Venom reaches out and grabs The Mime by
the neck! INJECTOR!
Raskie: well..that ended that "Energy streak." VEnom with a standing splash
and a cover! 1..2.....thre...kickout! This has got to piss Venom off. Venom
with a falling headbutt and another cover! 1...2...th..kickout!
Wilbur: Venom screams in rage! he picks the mime up and gorilla presses him
over his head! Psycho mime flies out of the ring and onto the top of the
Spanish announce team's table!
Jorge: Mon Dios!
Arthur. Venom grabs Psycho mime and then hurtles him into the guard rail!
Psycho Mime teeters on the fence...and then venom clotheslines him over,
causing Psycho Mime to land in a crumpled mess admist the fans!
Wilbur: Psycho mime is picked up by venom...but Psycho mime Mimes kneeing
Venom in the nuts and then mimes hitting him with an Ace Crusher! he gets
up..and Venom kicks him in the ribs and then draps him over his shoulder. He
carries PSycho back into the ring and then mounts the top rope! Holy crap! An
8'5" man on the top! off with a big splash! Psycho Mime rolls out of the way!
Raskie: Psycho Mime with a cover! 1...2..kickout! Psycho mime bounces off the
ropes! Splash...but Venom gets his knees up! Psycho mime crumples into a ball!
Psycho mime is put into a swinging bear hug! Psycho Mime's eyes bug out like a
cartoon characters! Venom laughs! Ref begs Psycho to give up...
Arthur: Psycho Mime mimes an eye gouge! No effect....suprise! Now Psyhco mime
does one for real! My God! he did a wrestling move! HE DID A WRESTLING MOVE!
An illegal one..but STILL! VEnom is blinded! Psycho mime runs out of the ring,
with Venom close behind. Psycho Mime mimes hiding in a box. Venom kicks him in
the back of the head and throws him into the ring post! Venom smashes Psycho
Mime's head into the pole repeatedly! Let him die for God's sakes.
Wilbur: Venom hurtles Psycho back into the ring. Venom follows him back in. He
picks up Psycho Mime... INJECTOR! Cover! 1...2...thre...Mime gets his
foot on the ropes! What the hell? He's not going down! No one cantake this
kind of a beating!
Raskie: Pick up and... Venomizer! A second! A cover!
1...2...thre...kickout! The horror! The Horror! Venom screams and starts
strangling Psycho Mime. Mime kicks a few time and stops moving! Ref pushes
Venom off threatening DQ. Venom yells at the ref to end the match! Ref says He
can't to that! From behind...Psycho with a rollup! 1...2...kickout!
Wilbur: Venom gets up and starts savagely beating Psycho Mime to a pulp! Venom
with a pickup and a running tombstone piledriver! Venom stomps at Mime's head.
Venom with a pick up...ANOTHER INJECTOR! venom with a cover!
1..2...thre...kickout! He screams and throws PM over the top rope!
Arthur: PM gets to his feet, even though he's almost dead on them! Venom
laughs as he Says Psycho mime put up his dukes. Then, Psycho mime starts
dancing and then extends his hands towards Venom with his fingers twitching!
MY GOD! It's the MIME POWERS!
Raskie: Venom just laughs and heads towards the mime...when out of nowhere
come 14 lawyers for marvel comics with a copywright lawsuit on Venom! PM rolls
in the ring and Venom is being handcuffed by an accompanying officer! Ref is
counting. Lawyers are reading some mumbo Jumbo! VEnom is stunned!
Arthur: 7...8.....9...10! HOLY SHIT!
Announcer: Here is your winner...as a result of a countout...PSycho Mime!
(Fans are numb. Venom is carted off screaming. Psycho Mime is a bloody
festering piece of gore not long for this world. He's carted off by a
stretcher.)
Wilbur: I've done damn well seen it all when I see a person get a win like
that!
********************************************************************
Dear god...it's part 3!!