(Two circus freak make there way to the announcers table, One has an extra arm, and the other is the famous bearded lady! Wilbur fields looks confused, as they sit down next to him.)
Wilbur Fields: Umm Hello.
Freak #1: What the hell are you starring at!
Wilbur Fields: That arm hanging out of your chest.
Freak #2: Leave him alone! Or I'll kick your ass myself little man.
Wilbur Fields: it's times like this I miss JoJo and Ferret... any ways it's time for a Tag Match! Rob Ian and Darque vs Carr Brothers... (phone rings) who the hell is that? (picks up the phone) God damn it! Shouldn't you be training for your match tomorrow, fine I'll put you on the speaker phone so you can announce the match.
Slammin' JoJo: How could I miss announcing at a PPV event Wilbur, you like my replacement jabrones to annoy you with?
Wilbur Fields: Thanks JoJo, your so kind... lets got to the announcer.
Announcer: At this time making there way to the ring, here is Rob Ian and Darque.
("Descent" by Fear Factory plays as Rob Ian and Darque come out to a mixed reaction from the crowd.)
Slammin' JoJo: Come on! What the hell are with masked wrestlers! the jabrones dressed up in a frilly white shirt, black pants and a black vest. What the hell! Fake Fangs, and a cape! It looks like Gangrel was eaten my a whale, then crapped out!
Wilbur Fields: Can you say anything nice about anyone?
Slammin' JoJo: No
Wilbur Fields: GRR!!
Announcer: And now their opponents. The Car Brothers!!
Wilbur Fields: We're having trouble finding the Carr Brother's Music.
Slammin' Jojo: Really, I'll sing it....(To the theme of "Miss America") Here they are, two jabrones.
Wilbur Fields: Enough! They're in the damn ring!
(The bell rings, Rob Ian runs over, and nails DBR with a lariat, followed up =by Darque nailing Lover Boy with a moonsault! Rob Ian picks up and nails DBR with a Corkscrew Tombstone Piledriver! Lover Boy blocks a drop kick by darque, and throws him outside the ring, the two brawl outside, while Rob ian continues to dominate DBR. Irish Whip by Rob Ian, reversed by DBR, DBR goes for a flying lariat, but it's blocked by Ian! POWER SLAM! He goes for the pin, but the ref is too busy getting Darque and Lover Boy back into their corners.)
Slammin' JoJo: Now I may be watching this from a cheap TV, but I'd say that ref is a jabrone!
Freak #1: DBR SUCKS!
FREAk #2: KICK HIS ASS LOVER BOY!
Wilbur Fields: Oy!
( Rob Ian starts complaining to ref, and gets nailed in the balls. DBR picks up Rob Ian, POWER BOMB! He then locks him in a hlaf crab, but is too close to the rops, and the ref breaks it. Darque begs Rob for the tag, and YES! Here goes Darque like a bat outta hell on DBR! He flings him into the ropes, and then grabs him to some kind of weird DDT! Lover Boy jumps in to help out his partner, but gets tied up in the ropes. Darque goes over to him, and begins taunting him by slapping him on the back of the head, Lover BOy gets seriously pissed and trys to free himself. darque climbs to the top, and almost rips Lover Boys head off with Armageddon Jam!!!)
Freak #1: RIP OFF HIS DAMN HEAD! DIE DIE DIE!
Wilbur Fields: he isn't gonna get up from that! No one could get out of that one...
Slammin' JoJo: Speak for yourself, I wouldn't of been stupid enought to tangle myself int he ropes like that jabrone did.
( Darque continues dominating DBR, while Lover Boy lays outside the ring motionless. The ref goes to check on him, and Rob Ian comes into the ring, and flings DBR into the ropes, Darque picks him up on his shoulders... and ROB IAN NAILS HIM WITH A 3D DUDLEY DEATH DROP! darque goes for the pin, but the referee is once again busy doing something else. Darque tags in Rob Ian, then goes to get the ref attention. Rob picks DBR up, and throws him into Darque. darque brings him into the corner, sets him up on the top rope... and nails him with Funeral Pyre!!!!!!! There's the pin, and this time the ref sees it, 1....2...thre.... NO! Lover Boy somehow got back intot he ring to break the count. Once again Darque goes to the top rope, Lover Boy doesn't realize where he's at, Armageddon Jam AGAIN! Lover boy's body goes limp, and Rob Ian picks up DBR, and nails him with a Running Power Bomb right on top of Lover Boy, he covers both of them! 1...2...3!!!)
Announcer: here are your winners... ROB IAN and DARQUEFYR!!!
FREAK #1: HE KILLED THE LOVER BOY! HA HA HA! LONG I GIVE HIM THREE THUMPS UP!
FREAK #2: CRUSH, KILL, DESTROY!
Slammin' JoJo: Hey Jabrone, I mean Wilbur, before I go... I'd just like to say... I'm feelin lucky! So Your soon to be FWO Champ is gonna hang up! GOODNIGHT JABRONES! (hangs up)
Wilbur Fields: Oh well, if he does win the belt, maybe he won't come out here to announce matches anymore.
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Arthur: Rob and Darque are in the lead with 20 points. But the tourney's still going on tomorrow!
Wilbur: and now...a rematch between two champions! Will Solomon get two belts...or will Big Red manage to keep his unbeaten streak alive?
Raskolnikov: And joining us in a bit to do commentary...is Matt Pallfy!
Announcer: This next match is for the Cyberfight championship!Coming to the ring at this time, along with Honey Majors...here is the Educational Values Champion...Solomon!
(Good mixed reaction for Solomon. They either hate 'em...or they love 'em. Camera closes in on a fan in the front row in a five freaks tee-shirt showing Sam being mauled by HiD with the legend "Balanced Diet, balanced Mind.")
Announcer: and his opponent...
(Lights go out and the fans go absoultely BONKERS! Suddenly everything glows an eerie red and..BAM! Through Fire and Brimstone, it's The Big Red Retarted Demented Dentist Trucker!)
Wilbur: Here comes the champ, along with big fat Paul barber. This should be a great match once again pitting brains against brawn!
Arthur: And at this time..let's welcome our special commentator...MATT PALLFY!
(two minutes pass and then nothing comes. Suddenly the Sam-O-Tron lfickers to life!)
Pallfey is hanging upside down with barbed wire holding him up. It is poked through the holes of the locker and is wrapped all over him. He is bleeding profusely and has a severe bump on his frehead from some chair shots. Suddenly ADAM AGEE comes into view and waves at the camera. Triple A superkicks Pallfy, smashing more barbwire into him. AAA picks up another roll of barbwire, he has on padded gloves, and Smashes it into Matt's head, busting him wide open. Then He hits him with the Attitude Adjustment on the concrete floor.)
Triple A: You thought it was funny when the got her eys huh? Get him babe.
(Mandy then pull out a bottle of hair spray and sprays it all over Pallfy's eyes and face. Then the two walk out of the locker room and deadbolt it shut with Pallfy still trapped in barbed wire. Then Triple A looks into the camera.)
Triple A: Don't cha love camera delays? Turn around Honey.
(As Honey turns around, Triple A jumps the guardrail behind her and grabs her by the hair. Mandy comes from behind the main curtain with a table and sets it up. Triple A throws Honey over his shoulder and carries her to the table and Mandy grabs a mic and hits Honey with it and she is out. Triple A then grabs the mic.)
Arthur: What the hell? This is sick and wrong!
Triple A: We all know she is the reason behind your wins Sol. Lay down and get pinned now or I'll give her the Attitude Adjustment through the table.
Wilbur: What's solomon going to do?
Raskolnikov: Solomon and BRRDDT look at each other. Solomon looks at Honey and then lies on the mat! BRRDDT looks down at Solomon and jus stares!
Paul: Pin him you twit!
BRRDDT: BUT I DIDN'T....BEAT HIM...UP!
Raskolnikov: Look! Someone just jumped over the guardrail! it...it's KEVIN HUNTER!
Arthur: Kevin whirls Adam around, boots him in the chest and then as Adam drops Honey to the ground, he drives Adam through the table with a spine buster, knocking him out cold!
Kevin Hunter: Get your hands off my wife...
All: WHAT THE HELL?
HID: RRRRRR?
Honey: (While kicks Adam in the face with her high heels) I'm NOT your wife!
Wilbur: I'm confused!
Arthur: You're confused? The Ref, BRRDDT and Solomon are all just standing in the ring staring at this mess!
(Kev grabs Paul Barber and shoves a peice of paper under his nose.)
Kevin Hunter:Doesn't that look like a marriage certificate to you?
Paul: Well actually...I'm a mortician. Marriage documents aren't my forte...
Kevin Hunter: Shut up!
Raskolnikov: Honey is waving the ref down here and as he leaves the ring, Honey puts a large burlap sack on the ring apron.
Honey: Look, does a marriage count if both participants and the witnesses were under the infulence at the time of the ceremony?
Kevin: Darque wasn't!! And he was the best man!
Honey: But he was too busy keeping HiD from eating the Minister...so he doesn't count!
Raskolnikov: As they squablling continues, Solomon pulls out an ant colony and shoves it down the back of BRRDDT's tights! BRRDDT falls to the mat as the red ants bite his scarred flesh!
Paul: Look...there's a match that is supposed to be...
Kevin: Shut up!
(Kev shoves Barber into the announcers table, and as AAA gets back to his feet, Kev picks up a chair and slams it into his ribs and then DDTs him on the floor.)
Kevin: Don't you dare say Darque and Sugar BABE weren't perfectly sound witnesses!
Honey: (putting her coffee mug down on the apron)Look ref, does a a flower girl strewing chunks of cactus down the aisle sound like a SOUND witness?
Arthur: Solomon picks up the mug half-full of coffee..and pours it down BRRDDT's tights as well!
Kev: Allright! That's it! You're not leaving my sight until we straighten this out!
(Kevin Hunter pulls out a pair of hand cuffs and latches the twoof them together. In the ring Solomon chokes BRRDDt with the bottom rope!)
Honey: BTW Ref...there's a match going on!
Raskolnikov: Ref turns around and sees Solomon with a sleeper hold on BRRDDT! ref runs into the ring and calls for the bell so the match can offically begin! What a sneaky whench! I like her!
Arthur: I guess we're off with this match! Ref checks! The arm falls down once! Ref checks again! It falls a second time! Ref checks a third time...but the arm stays up! BRRDDT clenches his fist and brings his arm down hard and fast... and each of the four ring corners bursts into flames, suprising Solomom. BRRDDT takes advantage of this and gets to his feet! He reaches back and grabs solomon by the hair, hurtling him off into the turnbuckles!Solomon hits hard and staggers back...into the hand of BRRDDT! CHOKE SLAM! BRRDDT with a cover! 1...2...thre...Honey puts Solomon's leg on the rope! HiD walks over to Black Knight and Kevin scratches our werewolf behind the ears. BRRDDT puts solomon on his shoulders! he goes for the BRIMSTONE DRIVER, but Honey jumps on the Apron and holds Solomon's legs! Solomon then gouges Ka... BRRDDT's eye and then slides down his back. Solomon with a kidney punch and then he clips the CF champ's knee. Solomon grabs the legs and puts him in the boston crab. He uses that more then his own finishing move!
Wilbur: BRRDDT pushes up off the mat with his arms and then with his legs, shoves Solomon into the turnbuckles! BRRDDT to his feet and he cracks Solomon in the jaw with a big boot! He picks up solomon by the throat with both arms and tosses him over the top! BRRDDT leaves the ring after Solomon, and Honey slides the bell across the floor to Solomon! BRRDDT doesn't see. He grabs Solomon by the hair and Solomon drives the bell first into BRRDDT's chest then across the back of his neck! DDT on the floor! Solomon rolls BRRDDT into the ring and he climbs up top! Frog splash...but the CF champ SITS UP! Solomon hits only mat! BRRDDT bounces off the ropes and almost severs Solomon's head with a big legdrop! BRRDDT drives his elbow into Solomon's sternum and then makes a cover! 1...2...thr..kickout! BRRDDT goes up top! Solomon to his feet...but not for long as BRRDDT comes off with his patented forearm smash! cover! 1...2...thre..kickout! BRRDDT whips Solomon into the ropes! BRRDDT goes for a maffia kick, But Solomon Slides under the boot and then scores with a low blow!
raskolnikov: Solomon with a rollup and a fistfull of tights! 1..2...th..kickout! BRRDDT to his feet...but Solomon with a cross body! 1...2...kickout! Solomon stomps BRRDDT in the chest and then blatantly chokes him. Ref calls for a break! Solomon apologizes...then starts choking again! Ref again calls for a break! Solomon debates that he wasn't choking as much as he was stopping the flow of air to BRRDDT's brain! Ref and Solomon argue over semantics...and BIG RED Sits up! he taps Solomon on the shoulder! Solomon says he's busy and continues arguing with the ref. BRRDDT taps him on the shoulder again! Solomon turns around angrily...and gets caught by the throat! CHOKE SLAM! BRRDDT picks up Solomon and it's deja vu tme for the EV champ as he gets a BRimstone Driver! 1...2....3!!!
Announcer: Here is your winner...and STILL CF champion..the Big red Retarded Demented Dentist Trucker!
(Fans cheer. Honey squabbles with Kevin, saying that if she hadnt been handcuffed, she would have been much more effective. HID gets mad because Kevin stops petting him. Tard boy notices the fuzzy werewolf and claps his hands in delight)
BRRDDT: DOGGIE! HiD: RRRR?
Arthur: BRRDDT runs towards HID and gives hima big hug...but really just squeezes HiD's spine closer to his trachea.
HID: RARRRRRRR!
BRRDDT: MY....DOGGIE!
HID: RARRRRRRRGH!
(Hid starts clawing wildly but BRRDDT just laughs)
BRRDDT: DOGGIE LIKES....TO PLAY!
Arthur: Oh my god...
(Honey, Solomon and Kev go to the back, still squabbling. Adam gets up, dazed from blood loss and runs to the back looking for Honey Inc.)
Raskolnikov: What the hell...This is the most insane PPV ever!
Wilbur: Then for Sam...that means it was a sucess!
Arthur: HID is mauling BRRDDT on the floor here...but Since BRRDDt's sensory nerves were all cauterized when his brother burned him alive...BRRDDT thinks it's play. Dear God...I think this is a match made in hell!
Raskolnikov: Someone start the Odd couple music...
Wilbur: well folks...tomorrow we crown FWO tag team and World heavyweight champion! Bears, Goats, gerbil and Wrestling action! You can't beat it! We'll see you in 21 hours! For the FWO..this is Wilbur C. Fields saying...Good Night!
(Card ends with HID gnawing on BRRDDT's head and BRRDDT "hugging" HiD and laughing.)