More From The Honeymoon's Over PG-13 G/B By JA Chapman Disclaimer: All of the Characters herein are the sole legal property of Paramount. Officially they're merely on loan until I get through putting them through the Hell Of Eternal Commitment...that's right gentlemen, this story deals with commitment so run you dogs before your Momma finds out and starts picking china patterns and baby clothes...this also goes for the ladies, but being one myself, I prefer to think of it as merely being cautious rather than shit-scared. If you haven't snuck a peek at the first part of my domestic selection, I'll bring you up to speed by asking you to assume that all those G/B fans were right and our boys have tied the knot, not Sophie's kind but the forever after one, and are in the middle of discovering someting all of you committed types know and we single types chuckle about--marriage ain't easy-in fact, some days it sucks....but, and there is the redeeming 'but' here (Am I the only one here who got a sudden vision of Billy Graham's ass filling the TV screen? Hey, it's late- what can I say?), love is love, and the romantic in me must believe that dirty laundry, petty squabbles, and annoying in-laws don't stand a chance against the real thing. Probably.... *Laundry vs. the Love Nest* Julian "Please, PLEASE, put the clothes through the regenerator unit," Garak implored a bit annoyingly as he headed out the door, "I'll do the hand washing myself when I get home." "Garak, I am not a three year old, I have done laundry before," Julian complained seeing him out. "I'm sure you have," came the patronizing tone that always managed to make the Doctor grit his teeth in frustration, "Still, I'd feel better if I did it myself." The Cardassian kissed the younger man briefly and started out the door when the Doctor reached out and suddenly grabbed him by the shoulders drawing him in a passionate embrace. When the kiss ended Garak looked up at his companion in suprize, "What was that for?" "I'm not a baby, Garak," the human smiled with smug satisfaction, "I was just making sure you understood that." "Oh, yes, I certainly do...and I'd love for you to prove it," he smiled ruefully, "Unfortunately, though, I have an appointment." Julian watched as Garak left their quarters, "Bye Luv," he called before strutting toward the bathroom, "Oh, yeah, I'm just that good," he chuckled aloud. Julian walked over to the hamper and drug it toward the regenerating shute before going back and retrieving the second load of delicates. Upon returning he noticed a note on the wall in Garak's bold handwriting. "Make sure to use bleach on the whites and color-safe on the rest," Julian read aloud, "Hot water for towels, warm for whites, and cold for colors. Cold rinses for all. Love, Garak." he sighed, "Easy enough." Julian began to sort the laundry before steepping back and examining the growing number of piles with a great deal of irritation, "This is just ridiculous," he said to the empty room, "It is completely illogical to have three different wash cycles for one load of laundry." He picked up several armloads of clothes until they were all crammed inside, "There, now lets see...bleach or color-safe?" he paused for a second, "Both," he decided pressing the buttons, "Detergent--better make that double," he said again hitting the appropriate keys, "and water temperature?" this he debated for a moment, "Well, we want to kill the germs so the hotter the better," he then came to the last button on the console, "Rinse? Hmmm, hot. Garak may be a tailor but I know a bit more about sanitation." He glanced down at the second hamper, "There's still some room, I think, "He took the remaining laundry and shoved it inside, "Who says you need to hand wash every little thing?" Julian started the unit and began to preprogram the drying cycle, "Let's see-extra starch, Garak will like that, and extra hot so it will be done faster," the young man then stepped back and admired his handiwork, "Finished! Now I wonder if Miles has time to try out that new holoprogram?"" He whistled merrily as he exited the quarters, silently congratulating himself on a job well done. *LATER* Garak arrived at their quaters just as Julian was returning from the holosuites, "Did you do the laundry?" "I had a wonderful day and you?" he responded archly. "I'm sorry, " Garak conceded, "and how was your day?" "After I did all of the laundry, Miles and I reenacted the sea battle of Queen Anne's Revenge in the holosuites," Julian said leading Garak into the room, "He wanted to also do the Rover but I told him I still had to fold. Needless to say, he wasn't impressed but then again Miles isn't as considerate a husband as I, wouldn't you agree?" "I certainly do," Garak smiled in appreciation and rewarded him with a kiss, "but I'll fold, you go sit down, and rest...you might need to conserve some of your strength for later tonight." he winked with a chuckle. "No," Julian said shaking his head, "I said I'd do the laundry and I meant it. Besides, I believe I'm hardy enough to fulfill my spousal duties without requiring a nap, thank you." "How very Klingon of you," he chuckled kissing him again then pushing him out of the room, "Now go get something to eat, at least, and let me finish." Julian swaggered into the kitchen, well pleased with his own manly abilities, when suddenly he paused. There was an odd...keening sound coming from their bedroom, "Is something wrong, hon?" he called out, mildly concerned. Garak marched into the room grimly as he held up two handfuls of shredded, discolored material up for his spouse's inspection, "What in Dukat's Drawers did you do Julian!?!" Julian shrugged, "The unit must have malfunctioned, are they all ruined?" he asked calmly. Garak's normally pale features were suffused with color, "YES! You managed to destroy, shrink, and discolor EVERYTHING!" he yelled, "I'm going to go out and buy some more towels before the shops close-YOU do absolutely nothing-don't touch anything-ANYTHING- until I get back!" he nearly screamed slamming the door on his way out of their quarters. "Well, try to do a guy a favor..." Julian frowned heading back for the kitchen. Garak could be so ungrateful sometimes... Garak "I've had enough Julian-I'm going in that room and I'm throwing away every scrap of clothing you own!" Garak said heading for their bedroom, "Everything is so stained and worn with holes that you'd probably be arrested for wearing it out on the promenade-and what ever clothes you do have that aren't in shreds are just plain ugly!" "Garak, I happen to like my clothes," Julian complained following him into the room. "Of course, you do," Garak said opening drawers and tossing clothes onto the floor, "Don't worry-I'll replace everything." "You'll replace it with fru-fru blouses and a bunch of frigging johdpurs- I know you, Garak!" Julian stated determinately. "Alright," Garak sighed looking up, "I'll make sure to replace them with items in the same...style." "Even my pajamas," Julian insisted. "Except the pajamas," Garak said again digging into Julian's clothes. "Garak!" "Fine," a disgusted look crossed the Cardassians features, "Plaid pajamas." "Flannel," Julian insisted, "No silk, no satin, just plain flannel." "Fine," he conceded reluctantly. "And Y-fronts Garak," he added, "none of those damn boxers or colored G-strings that crawl up your ass everytime you take three steps." "Fine." "Cotton Y-fronts-in white." "Alright," the Cardassian smiled cheekily, "but I pick the colors." Julian threw his companion a guarded look, "Nothing embarrassing-I do use the public showers after I work out, you know." "Something subtle," the tailor agreed, "Perhaps, say, 'PROPERTY OF ELIM GARAK' across the front?" Julian laughed a bit before crossing over to give Garak a kiss, "Just make it quick-I can't very well go around naked, you know." "Why not?" he smiled before pushing him out the door, "Now go away and stop distracting me." "Drats! Foiled again!" the Doctor over-dramatized as he went back into the room. Garak tsked and rolled his eyes as he quickly inventoried his beloved's clothes, "Computer, list articles of clothing as follows;" he started pulling things out, "Twenty-five pairs of underwear," he paused, "he must change them six times a day...half of these have so many holes, i can't tell where the waist is!" he tsked, "Twenty-three t-shirts-half of which I'm going to assume wer white, various sweatshirts and pants, socks-none of which has a partner, thirteen pairs of jeans-seven blue, four black, one green, and one pair in an indeterminate shade we'll assume is brown," he then started rattling off various other items, "Shorts, polo shirts, bra...Bra?" Garak examined the red satin and lace garment with a practised eye, "And one pair of matching panties," he pulled out the article of clothing and looked at the tag, "Not Julian's size-thank the gods for that one small favor. Julian!" "Is the fashion war over--oh," the human came up short as he noticed the underwear dangling from Garak's fingertips, "Hon, I appreciate the thought, but that's just a little too kinky for me..." "They're not mine," Garak smiled humorlessly, "and I know they're not yours--the question is, whose are they?" "I haven't the foggiest," the physician shrugged, "Were they in my drawers?" "Yes, and if you ever want in my drawers again, that fog in your brain better lift and soon," he bit out. "They might be Leeta's," Bashir said scratching his head, "I haven't had to go through that bureau as of late." "No good," Garak shook his head, "I make Leeta's dresses and this," indicating the offensive lingerie, "is not her size-Whose is it, and more importantly, how long have they been here?" "I have no idea," Julian shrugged, "To tell you the truth it could be almost any..." "Nevermind," the Cardassian held up a hand, "I don't want to know." "Are you actually jealous?" the doctor laughed, "Garak, please-you know I love you-I married you for God's sake!" Julian walked over and kissed him on the cheek, "That's so cute. I know you'll realize eventually just how silly you're being and get over it, Garak. I'll be over a Miles' til late," he chuckled and walked out the door, "Want me to put up some tea before I leave?" "No, thank you," the Cardassian said through clenched teeth, "'Cute' my ass," he muttered darkly. 'Silly'? When he found out to whom those panties belonged, he'd show them how cute and silly he could be. "Synthetic fiber, too," he said, again examining them, "Bitch." *Sex and the In-laws* Julian "Oh Gods, don't stop," came a low growl, "Yessss!" Julian kissed his Cardassian lover deeply, intending to do just that, when...he felt it-a set of steely grey eyes boring into his back. The young human looked over his naked shoulder to see the portrait of Tain on the wall glaring at him-Yes, he was certain of it, the damned thing was looking right at him! Garak kissed his companion's neck, playfully nibbling and licking his throat oblivious to Julian's distress, "Take off your pants," he breathed. "I can't," Julian said in strained tones. "Why not?" Garak asked running his hands down the doctor's sinewy back. "It's looking at me, again," he said his eyes darting toward the portrait. "It's a painting, Julian!" Garak said in exasperation, "Tain's dead, so how can his portrait be staring at you?" "I know," Julian said rolling onto his back and crossing his arms over his chest defensively, "but I can't...do it while he's looking at me." Garak sat upright and looked at his young lover in disbelief, "You're a scientist--you know 'it' can't really see us!" "I just can't!" he insisted, "It just feels...wierd." "Fine, I'll take it down tommorrow," his voice became husky as he stroked Julian's smooth chest, "But right now....?" Julian looked at Garak in disbelief, "How can you even think about ...sex-when your FATHER is staring right at us?" "If Tain were actually in the room, I could understand your discomfort," he sighed, "but it's just a painting-it's not like he's asking if he could make it a threesome or anything!" Julian suddenly got up and headed for the bathroom. "Where are you going?" Garak asked with a frown. "I've got to take a shower," the other man said with a shudder, "That image of us and Tain-talk about a mood killer!" *CLICK* Garak The two men rolled across the carpet, rolling and gasping with excitement, "Oh, God-Yes!" Julian groaned as Garak reached down to grab his... *INCOMING MESSAGE* Suddenly, the holovid behind the couch came to life, "Jules? It's mother-I can't see you." "Oh shit!" Julian said grabbing his shirt and pulling it over his head, "I'm here, Mother!" "Why were you on the floor?" she asked as he stood up from behind the sofa. "I was, uh, doing something for Garak," he said as he silently signalled for the Cardassian to get up. "I can't find my pants," the other man whispered. "Then just stay behind the couch," Julian said through his teeth. "What did you say?" Julian's mother asked curiously. "Hmmn? Oh nothing, I was just talking to Garak, Mom," he smiled brightly, "How's Dad?" "He's home!" she smiled, "Want to say hello?" she asked before colling out to her husband, "Julian's on the holovid, dear-hurry!" "Is that 'man' with him?" came the voice in the distance. "Yes," she motioned out of view, "They were in the middle of sex when we called." Garak buried his face in his hands as Julian's face suffused with color, "God!" "Hello, son," Garak's father appeared on-screen. "Hi Dad!" Julian greeted a bit too brightly, "You're looking well." "You, too," the older Bashir returned as he visually scanned the room, "Where's your...husband?" "Spouse, Dad-not 'husband', spouse." he coughed slightly. "Whatever, Garak-you there?" he called out. "Get up," Julian whispered. "I can't," the other man returned. "He can't see you if you stay behind the couch," the doctor insisted. "Well? Where is my...son-in-law?" Richard Bashir asked in a none too thrilled tone. "Here, sir!" the Cardassian stood up keeping the couch between himself and the image. "My God Man, where are your pants?!?" Slowly Garak slunk to the floor and crawled into the bedroom on hands and knees, determined that he was going to tear the damn holovid out of the wall as soon as he got the chance. *The Sex Drive in Reverse* Julian Julian stroked his beloved's hair and began to kiss his neck. He stroked his back lovingly, tenderly, and felt his own body tighten in response. "Garak, darling, I want you to know that whenever we're together, it always feels like the first time. Garak?" Suddenly, the Cardassian rolled over, "*SNARK*Hmmmmn." Julian grimaced, "Well, hell, now isn't that romantic?" Garak settled into the covers, completely oblivious to his companion's arousal, "*SNORT*hmmm*smack-smack*poot*!" Julian fanned the air slightly and rolled over, "Had I known just how flaggalative Cardassians were, I'd have stayed a bachelor." Garak opened one eye groggily, "You say something?" "*SIGH* Nothing." Garak "...and you are a stubborn, egotistical ass! Goodnight!" Garak shouted marching angrily into the bedroom and slamming the door behind him. Grimly, he crawled into bed and punched the pillow down, "Geneticly enhanced, my foot!" he muttered, "The only enhancement he has is a swelled head!" A few minutes later, the door opened and Garak felt the bed dip slightly as Julian crawled into bed beside him. A few moments later, Garak felt a slight pull at his pajama top and a hand caress his back, "What are you doing?" "What do you think?" he doctor chuckled in response. "You want to have sex?" the Cardassian turned and looked at him in disbelief, "What are you-a rabbit!?!" "You're not still angry are you?" Julian asked suprized. "Hell, yes, I'm angry!" Garak burst out, "What else could I be but angry!?!" Julian gave him a comehither smile, "I understood that Cardassians saw arguing as a form of foreplay." Garak gave the younger man a look of pure disgust, "We appreciate debate, yes, we may even grow excited-yes-but what we had was a fight- NOT a debate!" "But Garak," the younger man wheedled, "haven't you ever heard that the best part of having a fight is making up?" "Fine," Garak said, " I'll go 'make up' the couch and you can go screw yourself-GOODNIGHT!" *SLAM* *Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder* Julian Julian entered the bedroom, his bare chest gleaming with droplets of water as he looked toward the figure on the bed. Garak lay with his back towards him, his raven hair gleaming in the low light as he read from a PADD. God, he's magnificent, he thought as he crossed the room. He dried himself off and then dropped the towel before padding nakedly across the floor and slipping between the crisp sheets. Silently he began to caress Garak's shoulder's and nibble at his neck. "You're feeling playful tonight," Garak chuckled without turning around. "I can't help it, you're just too damn sexy." he grinned. And then it happened... Garak turned to face his young lover. "WHAT THE HELL!?!" Julian leapt out of bed with a start, "What's wrong with your face?" Garak reached up to touch the blue beauty masque, in question, "This? I use it to moisturize." "What?" Julian could only stare in transfixed horror at Garak's face. He looked like a Cardassian smurf with bad skin. "It tightens the pores," he explained, "You should try it." Julian reached up to touch his own face before grimacing, "There's nothing wrong with my skin." "Nothing much," he agreed, "but you definately should do something about your pores," he brightened, "Have you ever thought about getting a facial?" "I'm not getting a facial," he scoffed. "Suit yourself," Garak shrugged, "Although there is nothing immasculine about good skin care habits." "Thank you," Julian replied drily. "Is that your towel on the floor?" Garak frowned. Julian grumbled darkly as he picked up the towel to toss it into the hamper. Oh, yeah, he thought, isn't it just too romantic? Nothing gets you hotter than a blue-faced Cardassian talking about pores-ooh, baby! Garak Garak sat in his chair and gazed lovingly at the man across from him. Even in casual clothes and barefoot, he was a magnificient specimen. It was his physical beauty that first drew the Cardassian to the young man but it was his intelligence and charming niavete that had kept him spellbound. Julian stared at the PADD in his had, oblivious to the other man's appraisal. Garak watched as the doctor's long, supple fingers danced over the instrument. His every movement seemed to be the epitome of grace. As Julian shifted in the seat and propped one leg upon the other, Garak noted the fine ripple of muscles under the material of his soft trousers. His long tapered fingers began to carress his bare foot-to massage the tension away. Gods, he was so... At that moment, Julian began to scratch at the bottom of his foot and pop his toes each in turn. Garak shrugged a bit, after all, one couldn't be graceful all of the time. He then dropped his foot and shifted a bit in the seat before...adjusting himself and scratching at the inseam. Well, okay, Garak was a man and he could understand Julian's discomfort. After all, who hasn't... Julian, eyes still on the PADD, brought one hand up to scratch at his scalp before inserting a digit into his ear canal. He wiggled it about then brought it up to his eyes for inspection. "Hmmn?" Julian looked at his finger with interest before wiping it off on his shirt. Now that was just disgusting, Garak thought as he slumped in his chair. He then watched with horrified awareness, as Julian brought that well traveled finger up to his nose and... The Cardassian suddenly got up and left the room. One had to keep some illusions. Julian looked up in time to see his spouse exit the room, "Hmmn? I wonder what made him leave?" he then shrugged and continued to go about his own business. Author's Note: There's more to our two love bird's nesting adventure to come, so stay tuned all you true believers...but just for the record, Mom, believe it or not I didn't get all of my material from you and Dad--I got most of it when I walked into a department store and stopped married couples to ask them what drove them nuts about their spouses. Hey, if any of you have stories about the little quirks of your mate, send them to chapman@dixie-net.com so that I can write about 'em and profit from your misery. Oh, and not to sound too cynical folks- I truly believe that marriage is a truly beautiful thing. I absolutely adore watching two people in love share their most intimate and personal experiances with each other...from a distance. --Jen