Junk Mail

This is a page of all the fun little things I get in my email, but hate forwarding to people.  You see, I'm on about 2 thousand of those 'daily stuff' lists, so my box is stuffed with useful junk.  Make sense?   No?  Well I haven't slept in 24 hours so deal with it.

In order to prevent the people who distributed these things from kiling me, I'm posting their list's site addy so you guys can sub if you want.

I'll change the content whenever I get something good in the mail.  Who knows when that'll be.

August 14, 1999

Why did the chicken cross the road?

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't
you people see the plain truth in front of your face?
The chicken was going to the "other side." That's
what "they" call it: the "other side." Yes, my
friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that
chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott
all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like
"the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross
the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

KEN STARR:
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at
the behest of the president of the United States of
America in an effort to distract law enforcement
officials and the American public from the criminal
wrongdoing our highest elected official has been
trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just
another pawn in the president's ongoing and
elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of
law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the
chicken unconditional immunity provided he co-operates fully
with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken
will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road
until our investigation and any Congressional
follow-up investigations have been completed. (We
also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked
information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell,alleging the
chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit
any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at
least to ruffle his feathers.)

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal a job from a decent,hardworking American.

DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free
to cross roads without having their motives called into
question.

GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the
road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on
it.

RONALD REAGAN:
What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How
many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

MACHIAVELLI:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who
cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies
whatever motive there was.


FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the
chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual
insecurity.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken 99, which will not
only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
documents, and balance your checkbook -- and
Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the
road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do
you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken
please?

IMMANUEL KANT:
The chicken was acting out of a sense of duty to
cross the road, as chickens have traditionally crossed
roads
throughout history.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN:
The road, you will see,represents the black man.
The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample
him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto
the chicken,"Thou shalt cross the road." And the
chicken crossed the road, and there was much
rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?

L.A. POLICE DEPARTMENT:
Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find
out.

RICHARD M. NIXON:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the
chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any
chickens. I have never known any chickens.