Ebirah: So, what’s up for review today?
SpaceGodzilla: The TOHO Classic, Rodan!
Ebirah: You sound kind of interested for once
SpaceGodzilla: Well, it’s a good movie
Ebirah: That it is very true, we actually agree on something for once
SpaceGodzilla: Can’t let THAT happen!
Ebirah: What do you mean by that?
SpaceGodzilla: Hoo hoo ha ha ha!
Ebirah: Ack!…. Ok, so we find some mine workers workin’ their tails
off
SpaceGodzilla: And the water floods the entire cave!
Ebirah: Yep, and two guys die and they don’t know why.
SpaceGodzilla: Precisely.
Ebirah: Are you going to be nice to me for once?
SpaceGodzilla: Don’t get your hopes up
Ebirah: Gersh dernit!
Gorosaurus: Howdy, all!
SpaceGodzilla: Hey, Goro, do you think that I should be nice to him
for once?
Gorosaurus: WHAT?! ARE YOU NUTS?!
Ebirah: Uh oh…
Gorosaurus: That’s the only way we stay in business! Butt kicking is
the only reason people read these dang things!
SpaceGodzilla: Oh goodie goodie…..>=^)
Ebirah: Mommy!
Gorosaurus: Not yet, I’ve got a better idea!
SpaceGodzilla: What’s that?
Gorosaurus: Special guests!
SpaceGodzilla: I’m for that… for the moment
Gorosaurus: Yeah, how about Tony?
SpaceGodzilla: Nah, he usually picks on me a bit
Ebirah: Riiiiiggghhht! Aren’t you just the poor little kaiju
SpaceGodzilla: Ok, you sorry excuse for a moss-eating, checkers-
cheating, worthless crustacean being! YOU’RE MINE!!!
Ebirah: Ulp!
Gorosaurus: Ooo… Oh, forgot about the review!
Ebirah: Ok, so some giant bugs enter someone’s house, attack them,
and the bugs are labeled “meganurons”
Gorosaurus: Mmm…. Meganurons….. ahhhhhh, good
SpaceGodzilla: Umm… Gorosaurs eat bugs?
Gorosaurus: And mud!
SpaceGodzilla: Mud?
Gorosaurus: Yeah, that’s your name, right?
SpaceGodzilla: No, I don’t know what you’re talking ab…..oh…
Gorosaurus: Moo Hoo HA HA HA!
SpaceGodzilla: AAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!
Ebirah: Go for the jugular!
SpaceGodzilla: HE ALREADY DID!
Ebirah: Oh, my mistake
Gorosaurus: AWWWWOOOOO!!!!
Ebirah: It think that he’s having fun
SpaceGodzilla: NNNYYYAAAHHHH!
Ebirah: That’s number one in family entertainment on my list!
Tony: Join da’ club!
Ebirah: Hey, Tony! Welcome back!
Tony: Da’ Boss sent me afta’ yoos.
Gorosaurus: Who is your boss anyways?
Tony: Well, after I quit working for Spa…err…someone, I joined up
wit' Someone else
Ebirah: Who?
Tony: Can’t tell ya, it’s classified. If I told ya’ I’d have to kill
yas’
SpaceGodzilla: TELL HIM, TELL HIM!
Tony: I’m workin’ fer Angouris
Ebirah: Angie? I never would’ve guessed. Wait a minute, you just…
Tony: WWWWWRRRAAAA!!!!
Ebirah and SpaceGodzilla in unison: AAAUUUGGGGHHH!!!!!
Gorosaurus: This could be good!
Ebirah: ACK! OWWIE! YOWSERS! YOWCH!
SpaceGodzilla: Ooo! AGH! EEEK! OGGG!!!
Gorosaurus: Ok, so they find a worker who is suffering from amnesia
Ebirah: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
Gorosaurus: This guy remembers watching some baby Pterodactyls hatch
SpaceGodzilla: Ouch!…Ok, so strange things start happening around
Tokyo
Ebirah: Like….ACK!….planes seeing strange objects, tourists…
OUCH!…disappearing.
Tony: Ohh… tourists, they’re always sticking babies on me and getting
Out cameras. Heh heh heh… Soon after, they’re not very
happy Campers!
Gorosaurus: You strange, sad, little monster
Tony: Hey, you heard the name too!
Gorosaurus: Oh yeah?… BRING IT ON!
(Ebirah pulls out boom box and starts playin’ the Mortal Kombat music)
Tony: HEEEEYAH! Whatah! Wateesh! Watoosh! Kaboosh! (uppercut)
Gorosaurus: RRG…GGGRRRAAAWWWW!!!!! YAHH! (does a round-House on Tony)
Tony: Why yoos little punk!
Gorosaurus: C’mon, I’m ready!
(Tony throws multiple punches at Gorosaurus, all direct hits)
Ebirah: Wow, this is good stuff!
SpaceGodzilla: You’re eating lobster too, hmm?
Ebirah: Huh? Wait a minute…..AAAHHH!! MY TAIL!
SpaceGodzilla: Hee hee hee >=^)
Gorosaurus: Ouch… you fight well, but not good enough!
(Gorosaurus grabs Tony by the neck, jumps up high, and then smashes
Tony head first into the pavement)
Tony: Uggghh…. I guess dat I’m not king of da ring,… but da firing
line…
!!!!!!!!BBBOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!
Ebirah: AAAAUUUGGGHH!!! Why did you shoot me in the claw! My
juices pouring out! My succulent flesh spewing all over the
ground! The horror! THE HORROR!
SpaceGodzilla: Oh shut up! He didn’t even HIT your claw!
Ebirah: He didn’t? Oh, that was just you chewing on me
SpaceGodzilla: Yeah, he hit your stomach
Ebirah: AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!!
(Tony walks on over to Mobil and comes back with a container)
Gorosaurus: Truce?
Tony: You bet!
Ebirah: Umm… let’s finish this!
SpaceGodzilla: Yes! Let’s!
Ebirah: Ok, so they find out there’s two Rodans, they send out the
military, fail to hurt them, they destroy a bunch of
cities, and then go to sleep in a nearby mountain
Gorosaurus: And they figure that they’ve got to put their lights out
once and for all
Tony: Speaking of….. (pours black liquid all over Ebirah)
SpaceGodzilla: He’s melting! Ha ha ha!
Ebirah: Oh real funny… sheesh… now wipe this off me!
Gorosaurus: Wait a minute… a Mobil station, black liquid, and Ebirah…
SpaceGodzilla: I think that we’re about to see the ending of this
movie, but in real time review-o-vision!
Ebirah: Am I missing something here?
Tony: Now, let’s finish this review!
Gorosaurus: Ok, so they figure that they should erupt the volcano
the Rodans are sleeping by
SpaceGodzilla: And the finale starts!
Ebirah: So the Rodans try and escape once it blows it’s top
Tony: Only one makes it out safely, but the other stays burning
horribly In the fires of the super-hot lava… Time for the
fun!
(Tony puts a match to Ebirah)
FFFFFFFFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!!!!!
Ebirah: AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGGHHHH!!! THE PAIN!!!
Gorosaurus: Monster jam, HE’S ON FIRE!
SpaceGodzilla: Too much ESPN for Gorosaurus, there
Tony: Ok, so the other one heroically goes back to the volcano to
save Its friend.
(Tony dunks the rest of the gas on Spacie, and pushes him into Ebirah)
Gorosaurus: Such sacrifices…. LET’S ENJOY!
Tony: Ahh, I love a good BAR-B-QUE!
SpaceGodzilla: NNNYYYYYYAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Ebirah: AAACCCKKK!!!!
Gorosaurus: Neither of the Rodans survived
SpaceGodzilla: THIS SUCKS!
Tony: No, that leach I stuck on you does, though
SpaceGodzilla: AAAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!!
Gorosaurus: Ok, so the mayor or someone gives a pretty good speech
about the rodans, almost as good as Burr's in G 1985
Tony: Ok, its all over now, looks like we can stop them burning now
(Audience “Awwww’s”)
Gorosaurus: Now, how to put them out…
Tony: Add super hot coals? Flammable gasses? How about newspapers?
Gorosaurus: Tried all those already…
SpaceGodzilla: AAAAHHHHHHH!!!
Gorosaurus: It says here that you should put out fires with sand
(Tony throws big sharp rocks at them)
Ebirah: NNNOOO!!!
Gorosaurus: No, I mean like REAL sand
Tony: Oh, I got just the stuff
(Tony throws some sand all over the two, putting them both out)
Gorosaurus: Well, it did the job
Tony: Yep, but looks like Mr. Meow’s gonna’ have to hold it in until
I Can find some new sand for him
THE END