WCW Starrcade

Deadly Unions, Pt. 2

When this card was announced, there was interest worldwide in this event. Tickets sold out in a mere 6 hours at The Kiel in St. Louis. Of course, the wrestlers themselves had supreme interest in this card as well:

BRET HART: Starrcade: Deadly Unions. Heh, an appropriate title in a way because it will be a deadly union when I get my hands on that scum from the nWo Raven. You screwed me out of victories over DDP and Hulk Hogan. I guess when you've never been nothing, it starts to eat at you doesn't it Raven? Well, this time, you've picked on the wrong guy. I'm glad you want this match under Raven's Rules because that means I'll get to kick your butt from pillar to post all over The Kiel auditorium.

RICK RUDE: Hey, Saturn!!! You have had it easy so far in your reign as NWA TV Champion. Well, the standard bar has just been raised because you are about to face "Ravishing" Rick Rude. You are a great wrestler with some impressive move but you're looking at a man who has done it all in wrestling. Every where I've been, I've held titles. Now, I am about to add another trophy for myself and for Degeneration X. See ya in St. Louie!!!

This next interview has both "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff.

HOGAN: So, Shawn Michaels finally had the guts to sign a match for my WCW World Title. He even got enough courage to have it in a cage. This way, he can't run, he can't hide from "Hollywood". Rest assured that that belt will be mine at the end of the night. But what I want to know, who the hell signed Eric Bischoff to face that freak of nature Chyna!!!

BISCHOFF: I signed an open contract to face someone at Starrcade. I didn't sign up to face that amazon!!! That freak!!! Well, Chyna, remember that you're still a woman and that a woman can't beat a man in a wrestling match.

HOGAN: You said it brother, Chyna won't know what hit her when Eric gets through with her. Chyna, you'll be right beside "little" Shawn in the hospital when we get through with you.

Now, we hear from Chyna.

CHYNA: Little, little Eric. Let me give you an idea of what you're about to face. I am an expert kickboxer as well as a licenced bodyguard in addition to being a pro wrestler. I have interfered in matches with guys that were five times the man that you'll ever be. Come Starrcade, you better have you're nWo buddies nearby because you won't leave that ring on your own. I am going to beat you within an inch of your life for what Hogan did to me and Sable. And Hogan, you better look over your shoulder because you are not safe either. "Bitchoff", it'll either be the DDT or the "Chyna Rack". Either way, get ready for some pain.

WINDHAM: Benoit, they call you "The Canadian Crippler". Well, I've been known to put some men in the hospital myself. Come Starrcade, you will face the biggest test of your career. You were a Horsemen, I am a Horseman. Bring everything you have because I plan on walking out of that ring with that US title.

ROBERTS: Dallas, Dallas, Dallas. You thought that you were finished with me after Halloween Havoc didn't you? Well, I was just taking my time and waiting for the right moment. I see that you have a new toy, the WCW World TV Title. Well, that belt would look real good on me. At Starrcade, you will face me again and this time you won't be so lucky. It'll be you and me.....oh, and the DDT.

MICHAELS: Hogan!!! We finally get to settle this thing once and for all. You have hounded me for the last three months. You've attacked me in parking lots, dressing rooms and even attacked Chyna just to get to me. Well, you finally got me at Starrcade in a cage. But, there is a stipulation that was just added that you are now about to know about. If you win, you get the WCW World Title. But, if you lose, prepare to pucker up because I will drop the tights and you will kiss my ass!!! That's right Hogan!!! If you lose this cage match, you will be puckering up and kissing HBK's ass!!! See you in St. Louis.

AUSTIN: For those of you that don't know, my name is "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and I am the National Wrestling Alliance World Heavyweight Champion. Now, at Starrcade, the "Nature Boy" Ric Flair seems to want what he once had back. Well, Flair, I opened up a can of whoop-ass on you the last time when I "stunned" you on this championship belt that I have over my shoulder. This time, you are the challenger and I am the champion. It is a whole new ball game. You have to pin me or make me give up to get this belt back. Well, good luck at getting the three count because you'll never get "Stone Cold" to say 'I Quit' and that's the bottom line cuz "Stone Cold" said so.

FLAIR: What you and the wrestling public seem to ignore "Stone Cold" Steve Austin is that I am at my most dangerous when I am the challenger. Go ask Dusty Rhodes, Sting, Harley Race, Ricky Steamboat and all of the others who were fortunate enough to beat me once but couldn't do it again. Austin, grab your best hold brother because at Starrcade, you are mine and the NWA World Title will be coming back home with "The Nature Boy"!!! WHHHOOOOOO!!!!!

NASH: Coming up at Starrcade at the Kiel, "Big Sexy" Kevin Nash, the WWF World Heavyweight Champion will be facing "The Rocky Mountain Monster" known as Vader. I see you, The Undertaker, Sting, Luger, and Benoit have taken our own moniker of the WolfPack. Well, that's all fine and good. You have done the name justice. Still, you'll never measure up to the original Wolfpack and that's me, Syxx and Hall. Vader, you are a tough customer but at Starrcade, you'll face one of the original WolfPack members. It is Powerbomb VS. Powerbomb at Starrcade. See you there!!!

KIMBERLY: At this Starrcade, the Page family is planning on bring home some fruit. First, my husband, Diamond Dallas Page is going to take out Jake Roberts once and for all. Then, I am going to win that Luke Peep Show contest. What I do on WCW Nitro will be next to nothing compared to what I will do at Starrcade.

WOMAN: You little girls better go home before the event even starts honey. You are looking at the primo woman that is Woman. Can any man resist this (pointing at her figure)? Now, now, don't get excited. Come to Starrcade, where you'll get to see everything you see here plus everything you don't (she puckers and blows a kiss to the camera).

MISS JACQUELINE: Baby, you are looking at the "chocolate" queen of pro wrestling. Now, I am there to take care of business with Ms. Sable for this title. But, once that is done, all of you fellas will get to see this "primo Real Estate" body strut her stuff and give you everything. See ya boys.

MISSY HYATT: Come on now? Does anyone really think that any of those other women can compete with this? If it wasn't for women like me, half of these girls wouldn't have jobs right now. I'm the one that made bikini's popular in wrestling. Now, this Luke Peep Show, it is anything goes so you can bet you will see Missy Hyatt do anything that PPV allows.

MADUSA: I couldn't help but here the comments of Ms. Missy. Missy, if you were all that, then Eddie Gilbert wouldn't have left you for me (Writers Note: Gilbert was, in fact, married to Madusa when he died in 1993. Bear in mind that Eddie is still alive in my stories.). I mean, this is a real woman's body here. Everything is in shape and is soooo firm (she says seductively as she holds her breasts and then slaps her butt). Come Starrcade, you are looking at the winner of that Luke Peep Show. I am already an accomplished ladies wrestler, now I will show that I am the most beautiful and sexiest women in wrestling too.

To Be Continued
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