Welcome to my Jokes page. Here are the jokes I like. I hope I don't offend anyone with them tho.
 

irony

• "Yes, the president should resign. He has lied to the American people, time and time again, and betrayed their trust. He is no longer an effective leader. Since he has admitted guilt, there is no reason to put the American people through an impeachment. He will serve absolutely no purpose in finishing out his term; the only possible solution is for the president to save some dignity and resign." stated by Bill Clinton, 1974, commenting on Richard Nixon

• Dr. Alice Chase, author of Nutrition for Health and other books on proper eating, died of malnutrition.

• A couple were celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.  "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the lady.  "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my husband's mule stumbled.  "My husband quietly said 'That's once.'  "We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again.  Once more my husband quietly said, 'That's twice.'  We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time.  My husband took a pistol from his pocket and shot him.  I started to protest over his treatment of the mule when he looked at me and quietly said 'That's once.'"

• A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor.  While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police.  When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said "this could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important."  Two days went by and the construction workers couldn’t stand it any more, they had to know who they had found.  They called the police and said "we are the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important."

The police said “it’s not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important."  "Well, who was it?"
The 1956 Polish National Hide-and-Seek Champion.
 
• One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed.  She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."  A long silence was broken at last by his shaking little voice: "The big sissy."
 
 

• "We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO.  We have a firm commitment to Europe.  We are part of Europe."
• "I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
• "When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
• "For NASA, space is still a high priority."
• "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.  It's the impurities in our air and in our water that are doing it."
• "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean, in our century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."

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