The Rules of Life Annotated
As
decreed by G.R. Hambley
Don't
defecate where you eat
Rule
one is simple stuff. It just isn't as simple as don't crap in your
home. We humans eat and feed in many places. Some might even call
not dumping where you eat relationship skills.
Examples of
excreting where you eat include;
confronting a loved one, friend
or colleague with fears and suspicions not facts
having an office
affair … in the office
failing to recognize the contributions
others make that have directly benefited you
Don't
mess with bears
Believe
it or not there are biped bears and you have to watch out for them
more so than the furry quadrupeds. It is important to pay attention
to the creatures around you so you can recognize the bear and govern
yourself accordingly. Whether they have four feet or two feet, bears
will eat you and not in a way that you like.
Don't
ever invalidate someones feelings
How
ever ridiculous or silly or wrong or misplaced you may think
someones feelings are, they aren't. You tell someone they shouldn't
feel the way they do and you are headed for a world of trouble. You
may wind up wishing you had been eaten by a bear.
It is good
and helpful to say something like, “I'm sorry you feel that way”
or “I wish you didn't feel like that”.
If you find
yourself going around and around on the same feeling with a friend
or loved one it also helpful to point out the number of times you've
talked about that feeling and you're wondering why that feeling
remains as is without change.
The
Blue Whale is your friend
Long
long ago when I was young and impressionable I was watching
television, yes television and a highly emotional scene was taking
place. In the scene the question was asked, “do you know why the
Blue Whale has a brain the size of your fist?” The answer to that
question, “because that's the way it is.”. That is to my mind my
first real lesson in acceptance. I got it. I got it right away and
it has stuck with me and been something I've used and held up for
others to look at for decades. I can't even count all the times I've
brought out the Blue Whale for others.
There are times when
you can do everything right and what ever “it” was you were
doing goes terribly wrong. At some point you are just going to have
to accept it for your own peace in mind. No I did not typo and I did
not misquote either. I said it and I'll repeat it, accept it for
your own peace in mind. When you find the way, that way, to be
accepting you release your mind from denial and turmoil. You remove
denial and turmoil and you are going to be a much happier and
healthier you.
In its own way by failing to “accept” you
also fail to take ownership which can also be known as denial. See
Rule 5 for further explanation.
As you journey through life, take the Big Blue Guy I
love with you! Introduce him to others when they are distressed. Sit
down talk it out, feel your way through and find the acceptance.
Good for them and good for you!
Own
what is yours
Take
ownership of what you do, what you say, what you mess up and what
you do good. We all know there are those who will try and take away
for themselves what you have done good. It is your responsibility to
yourself to refuse to let anyone take away your good.
The
more you recognize what you own the easier it is to recognize what
you don't own and give it back!
You
don't have to get over it
I
believe there are some things you should not get over, ever. Get
through it, get around it, yes. Get over it, no. I believe you must
remember what got you from there to here. Those remembrances and
lessons will help you get from here to where ever there may be.
If
you prefer, this falls in to the same category as learn from history
or repeat it!
Don't
forget you are the animal human
One
of the things I say to people is we sometimes get in to trouble
because we forget we are animals. We are the animal human. Like all
other animals we have instincts and we humans can get in to some
serious problems when we don’t use those instincts as well as our
brains. I am a proponent of, “Feeling your way through”. I
mentioned feeling your way through in rule 3. Feeling your way
through depends as much on instinct as it does on what your brain is
processing.
It's
all about me isn't necessarily selfish
Everyone
has heard, “If you can't make yourself happy you have no happiness
to spread around”. Everything you encounter, think, feel, express
is all about you and how you absorb and react to what is taking
place. Do you want to be seen as thinking, feeling, sentient
creature or as something less than that? So while it is all about
you for you, it is all about them for others and that is vitally
important to remember.
Never
give yourself the worst of it
Part
of giving yourself the worst of it is owning something that isn't
yours. There are many out there who are glad to hand you the dirty
end of their stick. Those people are more than happy to abdicate
what they own and in the process build themselves an excuse or a
rationalization or both.
Don't be beating yourself up over
matters you cannot control. Invoke the Blue Whale on those things
you can't control. Sure try and help if you're inclined to do so but
don't feel obligated to pull the stick out of for somebody
else.
Don't take on those things that you know belong to
others because that is most definitely giving yourself the worst of
it!
You
can say anything you want
Yes
I believe and practice this rule in my every day life. I also
believe you cannot say what you want any way you want. Be
understanding and compassionate while you're expressing what you are
thinking and feeling. I will say to people, “I appreciate what
you're saying and I hope you can appreciate what I'm saying”. Pick
your words carefully and consider the company you're with when you
respond. The old axiom of, “Think before you speak” is an old
axiom for a reason. I use “axiom” because I'm not a fan of
cliché because cliché is defined as, “a trite or obvious
remark”.
Don't
wanna know, don't ask
Well
if you don't wanna know don't ask me. You ask me something I will
answer you. You may not like what I tell you. That is not my problem
it is your problem. I will answer you thoughtfully and with
consideration of you and your feelings.
If you commiserate
with the individual and support the stance or their position, even
when you only do so in your head and your own feeling differs, you
may find yourself in the position of openly supporting that person.
You may then find yourself in the position of having to tell them
you didn't really mean what you said at some point in time. That
scenario happens and you'll find yourself in something else which
brings me to the next rule.
Someone
pausing for breath or thought isn't an invitation for you to
speak
You
are having a conversation, debate, argument with someone and
naturally enough you want to take any opening you percieve to get
your points in and take the upper hand.
Rushing in when
someone pauses in their delivery for breath or to form a thought
usually starts the person that was interupted firing back
immediately with more volume and tone because they do not apprecaite
what you did. You interupt that way and the other person thinks
you're trying to bully your points or views across and over top of
their position.
Avoiding confrontation and a shouting match
is simple stuff. Just pay attention to the person you are in
conversation with. Usually the person will give you a sign they're
done for the moment and it is your turn to respond. If you're not
sure if the other person is done speaking, ask them, nicely.
There will be more rules when I make them up