Dufus & Shirt…

...Attack of the Giant Noel Clarke

Day Two (Sunday)

Shirt woke with a start the next morning, the towel having fallen off the Noel Clarke board, meaning that Mr. Clarke’s features were the first thing that he saw when he opened his eyes. Having got ready, sorted out their items for signing, and eaten breakfast in the hotel restaurant, they checked-out and struggled with the board to Dufus’ car where they just managed to cram it in the well behind the front seats, leaning on the back seat. Five minutes later, and they were again pulling into the convention hotel car park.

Following a detour to the merchandise room, in which Dufus purchased the BVB DVD, “Zygon”, mainly due to a naked photo of Jo Castleton on the front, they took their seats in the panel room. As they did so, Dufus had a thought.

“What happened to Alexandra Moen ?”, he asked, as she did not appear on the timetable for either day. Answers were not forthcoming.

The first panel of the day was Colin Baker, who was in fine form, also expressing his surprise that Terry Molloy had not been asked back to play Davros. He spoke of his delight in starring in Large Endings’ audio plays, and raved about a production of "Hamlet" that he had seen over the summer with Louise Jameson as Gertrude and Joseph Milson (Maria's Dad in SJA) as the great Dane. He also seemed a little bitter at the collapse of the series of American conventions that he was supposed to be at that week, turning down other work to be free.

Gerard Murphy was next, having a good array of anecdotes not only about ‘Silver Nemesis’, but also about ‘Father Ted’, ‘Batman Begins’ and many other productions that he had been involved with. He also treated the interviewer's question, “People say that John Nathan-Turner was a difficult man to work with. Do you have any stories about this ?”, with appropriate contempt, having no such stories, and expressing his gratitude to JNT for giving him an acting job. The only acting role that had not been mentioned was his narration of the Radio 4 epic dramatisation of ‘The Lord of the Rings’, but just as Dufus and Shirt were about to leave for the autograph room, a fan asked him about this, and he again expressed his gratitude that they were willing to go for an unknown to play the part. His complete repertoire having been covered, they moved into the autograph room.

Signing were Kai Owen, Tom ‘PC Andy’ Price, Mike Tucker and Mat Irvine (who still cost extra). Having met Kai the day before, the two joined the queue for Tom Price, who seemed surprised at all the attention.

“I thought there’d only be about three people in the queue for me”, he admitted to Kai, sitting next to him.

Shirt’s ‘Torchwood’ poster and Dufus’ boxset signed, they moved to the other side of the hall, where they joined the short queue for Mike Tucker.

Mike also seemed pleased to see the friends, as he had been suffering the curse of the ‘behind the scenes’ people, ie. ‘If you don’t see them, I don’t want their signature’.

Morning signings completed, they returned for the end of John Leeson’s panel, just in time to hear the ‘K9 doing the Times Crossword’ anecdote. A real K9 prop (provided by Mat Irvine) accompanied John on stage, making occasional interruptions (always with John’s lips moving at the same time).

The next panel was for ‘The Fires of Pompeii’, and featured Sasha Behar and Francesca Fowler, who played Spurrina (Priestess) and Evelina (daughter of the family). Sasha seemed almost bashful about her most well-known role, ‘Mad Maya’ in ‘Coronation Street’. They also spoke about the time that it took to get the eyes painted on their hands and their arms ‘turned to stone’. However, it was their anecdote about their co-star, Francois Pandolfo (Quintus) and the undewear under his tunic that he referred to as his ‘period pants’, that provoked the greatest response from the assembled fans.

Lunch time having been reached, Dufus and Shirt again went to the special “Bad Wolf” canteen. Feeling full after stuffing his face in the Premier Lodge restaurant the previous evening and that morning, Shirt decided to simply go for a filled baguette, which bizarrely came with chips. Reaching the till, Shirt was surprised that his items came to £1 more than he had expected, but paid anyway. However, a split second later, the woman who had been in front of him in the queue returned to state that she had been overcharged. It then became clear that the woman on the till did not have the menu, and so was charging the usual £1 for chips not knowing that they were included in the price of the baguette.

“Well I can’t give you any money back, the till won’t agree at the end of the day”, she flatly told them both, when they asked for a refund.

Sensing that the female customer was about to get angry, the till operator then came up with the clever idea of deducting £2 from her entry of Dufus’ items to get the till to agree. The two sat down, Shirt still mumbling about the till operator’s attitude.

As with the previous day, Dufus and Shirt joined the queue that had formed for the afternoon signings – Colin, Gerard, John, and the two ‘Pompeii’ stars. However, having failed the previous day to stick to the numbering system, when the doors opened, all the queue was allowed in.

Dufus and Shirt headed for Gerard, with Shirt getting his label for his ‘The Eighties’ signed, whilst Dufus got him on the ‘Silver Nemesis’ video cover.

Moving across to the two ‘Pompeii’ stars, Shirt bought a photo of Francesca (following his pattern of buying photos of the young attractive female stars), before getting both women on his Series 4 poster (next to Phil Davis). Dufus also bought photos, as well as getting both on his ‘Fires of Pompeii’ DVD sleeve.

Having left the two longest queues to last, they decided to chance their luck with Colin. His queue moved surprisingly fast, and soon both were getting Large Endings’ audio covers signed. The queue for John Leeson, which they had hoped might have got shorter, was still the longest of the weekend (possibly due to the recent release of ‘K9 Tales’ DVD boxset). The queue moved very slowly, but finally they reached the front of it, getting DVD covers signed.

Returning to the panel room, the final panel of the day was Kai Owen and Tom Price. Shirt posited the suggestion that they leave early to save money on the car parking, but the panel that followed was so entertaining that this idea was shelved. Both were on fine form, mocking and joking with each other, but both agreed on the loveliness of Eve Myles’ bottom. This brought the day’s proceedings to an end, and as almost all the other guests were already on their way home, there was no closing ceremony.

Returning to Dufus’ car, they stowed their bags in the boot, moved the Noel Clarke sign so that Dufus could see out of the back window, and started for Dufus’ home, again making a detour to Dufus’ old house, for a discussion on patching it up, with one of his neighbours. Finally reaching Dufus’ new home, they made themselves a quick snack before moving to Dufus’ computer to check out others’ views of the weekend. An early night was called for, and so they returned to their own rooms, and sleep.

Epilogue (Monday)

The next morning, Dufus’ birthday, was spent in Shirt giving Dufus his presents, and in the two watching “Zygon” at double speed looking for the rude bits. A quick game of the “Lord of the Rings Trilogy: Trivial Pursuit” DVD game bought for Dufus by Shirt (won unsurprisingly by Dufus), and Dufus took Shirt to Worksop Station from where he would wend his way home. As he watched the country fly by (and tried to stay awake whilst listening to “The Dark Husband”), Shirt mused on another convention experience with Dufus – four lovely ladies (Georgia Moffett, Sheridan Smith, Francesca Fowler & Lisa Bowerman), three minor ‘Torchwood’ guest stars, two Doctors, and one gigantic Noel Clarke. What a weekend !

Back to Day One

[PL]