"The Big Dick, and, uh, Spreewell..." (March 7, 1998)

So Spreewell is back with the Warriors. This might be fair but is this what everyone wanted. I think we need to go over some things just to clear it all up.

From what I understand, Spreewell is now the property of the Golden State Warriors. His guaranteed contract is reinstated. His fine is the $6.4 million he did not collect. But the Warriors are on the hook for the remainder of his contract. He is officially back on July 1, making this a 5 month suspension not a 1 year as originally planned. The Warriors terminated his contract hoping he'd be gone and out of their collective hair. Now he and his braids are back. This isn't what either side wanted.

The Golden State Warriors wanted to be rid of this cancer. They wanted to start over. In fact, they have done a good job. Trading away Joe Smith and Brian Shaw for Clarence Weatherspoon and Jimmy Jackson, and also trading away David Vaughan and 2 seconds for Jason Caffey has solidified this team. They won't be making any runs at the championship but they are a better team than before. The Warriors wanted him gone, which would have opened some serious cap space. The Warriors could have gone after some real players and hopeful started a rebuilding process. Now they are on the hook for Spree. The only bright side is this, the Warriors are going to trade him away, there is no doubt. So the Warriors will get something in return for this guy. At least something is better than nothing. Maybe they can package him in a deal after the draft, when his suspension is over. I know San Antonio would love to have him. The Spurs only have Wil Purdue to offer, but he is a decent big man. I could speculate some more, but I won't. It hurts my head to think too much about this Spreewell debacle.

I know Spree and his camp aren't happy about this. They wanted the suspension reduced, which it was, but he wanted free agency. As a free agent, he would have garnered about $10 million on the open market. It's that simple. Talent wise, he's third only to Michael Jordan and Mitch Richmond. I think Chicago, San Antonio, Miami and even Phoenix would have made a run at him as a free agent, but I don't know many teams who would or even could trade for him. I would love to see the NBA rule book about trades, because there will be some odd offers for him. Golden State has to get rid of him. He will never be allowed to play for Golden State again, no matter what kind of posturing went on by Carlisemo or Spreewell, saying "I could work with him again." No, neither of you could. You hate each other.

Now let's look at the decision. I think a $6.4 million fine is sufficient. I think 5 month suspension is sufficient. I think the arbitrator was on crack when he said Latrell Spreewell was not in violate of the moral conduct clause in all NBA contracts. Let me rephrase that. The arbitrator basically said that it is not out of the ordinary or against people's morals to take a swing at your boss (twice). The arbitrator said it should not have led to the termination of Spree's contract. Unbelievable! I can't fathom what he was thinking. If you take a swing at a guy, you get sued. Criminal charges (and civil charges) in my estimation mean they aren't too moral. What is the arbitrator basing morality on? South Central L.A.? Saudi Arabia? The Ultimate Fighting Championship? I can't figure that out. The arbitrator also boggled the mind when he said that the two (and let me repeat that...TWO) incidents, in which Spree attacked his coach, were in fact, one. Ok, let me piece that together for you. I guess both Matlock and Columbo were out of town that day, because the arbitrator seriously screwed up. He said that both incidents were part of a bigger, single incident. He was saying that even though Spree was separated from Carlisemo and then sent to the showers and home, and was gone for a good 20 minutes, it was one incident. Even though Spreewell came back from the showers, all dressed to the nines, bedecked in a super-stylish hip-hop vibe, it was one incident. The arbitrator said it was because Spree was still angry over the first incident. Does this mean, because I got in a fight when I was 12 and I still don't like the guy, I can take beat his ass like a capture Somali, it would be like one incident, back when I was 12. Does this mean the three Holyfield-Bowe matches were in fact, one long match. Does this mean Mike Tyson was justified in biting Holyfield because he was abused as a child (no wait, that was Tyson's justification, sorry). I'm trying to figure this out and I can't. The arbitrator reinstated the contract because Spree didn't break the moral clause (which everyone but the arbitrator knows, even Spree didn't want the contract back, he wanted the big bucks as a free agent) and the incident which was broken up by 20 minutes and a shower and time to get dressed and 11 other basketball players was in fact, one incident.

I've got to stop with this, I think I'm getting some sort of brain strain. No wait, that's the Cuban rum taking effect on me. Either way, no more Spree. I'm sure we'll be hearing a lot from him over the next few months. Mark my word, he's gone.

And on to other more pleasant things.....(help me out here, I'm dying. What's left to talk about?) Right. The Warriors. They trade David Vaughan and 2 second round picks for Jason Caffey. Caffey was unloaded because he is an impending free agent and his agent is the same agent as Scottie Pippen (a noted Jerry Krause hater). So David Vaughan is now on the Bulls, right? Nope. He was cut. Why you may ask? Or if you don't ask, screw you! Remember when Dickie Simpkins was traded for Scott Burrell (for Pippen insurance) well the big Dick wasn't penetrating enough. He wasn't finishing off. He wasn't big enough. There was a lot to be desired for the big Dick. So he was cut when the Warriors traded for Caffey. The Bulls had Vaughan for about 3 days when the big Dick came a knocking. Vaughan has some skills, which he showed at Memphis years ago, but has been a chump in the NBA. Simpkins knows the triangle offence and the Bulls system. So there wasn't any surprise when the Bulls cut Vaughan and signed Simpkins. It was luck and genius. The Bulls free up cap space, get a guy who knows the system and gives them a known quantity and a big body who'll bang and also gives them a guy who they can make dick jokes with for the rest of the season. Note: David Vaughan signed a 10-day contract with New Jersey today.

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