THE DIVORCE

A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a
divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?"
The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce's."
The attorney asked, "Well do you have any grounds?"
"Yea, I got about 140 acres," answered the farmer.
The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"
"No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."
The lawyer said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a
grudge?"
"Yea," said the farmer, "I got a grudge, that's where I park my
John Deere."
The attorney exclaimed, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
The farmer replied, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on
Sundays."
Exasperated, the attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you

up or anything?"
"No sir," replied the farmer, "we both get up about 4:30."
Finally, the attorney asked, "Okay, let me put it this way, WHY DO
YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"
And the farmer answered, "Well, I can never have a meaningful
conversation with her."


NEW FARMER

Doug, a lifelong city dweller grew tired of the rat race. He
decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country,
and become a chicken farmer. He found a nice, used chicken farm, 
which he bought.
It turned out that his next door neighbor, Chester, was also a
chicken farmer. Chester came for a visit one day and told him,
"Chicken farming isn't easy. Tell you what. To help you get started,
I'll give you 100 chickens." Doug was thrilled.
Two weeks later Chester stopped by to see how things were going.
Doug said, "Not too good. All 100 chickens died."
Chester said, "I can't believe that. I've never had any trouble
with these chickens... I'll give you 100 more."
Another two weeks went by and Chester stopped by again. Doug told
him, "You're not going to believe this, but the second 100 chickens
died too."
Astounded, Chester asked, "What did you do to them? What went
wrong?"
Chuck shook his head, "I'm not sure. But I think I'm not planting
them far enough apart."