Truth
I burn the grass that grows around me,
In heaven, I burned the palace in which I lived,
Preachers call me Satan,
If you call me friend...
I won't care.

Purity
An old man sit upon a stone,
With a chest of gold he smiles with his crooked teeth,
and says, "Believe, and you may have this chest of gold,"
I say, "I believe,"
He cries and disappears,
I laugh and become a fool.

Hell
I live in my world of boredom,
The truth is, I am no longer living,
I had a restless soul,
Now I wait.

Jesus
I played with death,
Now I rest at the gates of Hell,
What have I done?
A tear comes to my eye as I remember,
I was beaten to death by reality,
I was unplugged, wretched....

A voice wakes me from my rest,
A terrifying voice,
A voice from my past,
The chosen one, the father
speaks to me and says,
"You will never live again,
Feed Jesus."

I tremble, not understanding,
I run as fast as I can,
I see Jesus and I stop,
He kisses me and all becomes black.

Heaven & Hell
The light burn and fades away,
Sunlight, beautiful sunlight, gone,
Moon, black moon,
Be my guide, guide me through this shit,
I'm cold, please warm me.
I think this is Hell,
I wait....... and nothing,
I cry and I'm not heard,
I scream and no one cares.
This place is pure,
No one screams or cries,
Except me, Maybe I'm in Heaven,
I laugh and become blind,
Maybe Not.

Repent
I'll repent if I have a sin,
If the devil made me do it,
is it my fault?
If I don't believe in God,
Should I care?
"I don't care," answers the priest,
I ask, "Who are you?"
No reply, and I repeat,
"Who are you?"
The priest looks up at me
and says, "No one." and leaves.

Trapped Sin
Stan is trapped in my mental box,
A box made of twine and sticks,
only the will of God holds him in,
Sometimes he escapes and I sin,
Its my fault and I repent,
I'm forgiven with a pure heart,
I seek perfection,
Yet, I know I can never obtain it,
Still, I keep searching,
Now I know, God loves me.

Bleed
Believe me, I have sinned,
Lie to me, it'll make me feel better,
Elevate yourself upon this altar,
Eden is here,
Die for I have sinned.

Blind Celebration
I love the celebration,
turn a blind eye towards me,
I love the high,
take me higher,
No one seem to understand me,
I don't care,
bleed me.... I've had too much to drink,
Cure me of this evil,
It makes me blind,
Sometimes I like the darkness,
Come to my celebration,
I hope to see you sometime,
Sometime.....
I might see you in the darkness.

Bleached Sin
Throw some bleach on me,
I'm blackened with sin,
Evil thought cloud my mind,
I see a sun,
A black sun,
Bleach me of my sins,
I dare not repent,
I give to Caesar what is his,
I take from God what is mine,
I've asked before, and did not receive,
God told me my eyes were dirty,
They need to be cleaned,
I guess I'll steal with my sullied hands,
Eat my moldy bread,
and drink the wine that sickens me,
for I have nothing else,
except my bleach.

False Paradise
Miserable faith and pure lust,
My tower of hope crumbles,
I am the one...
Rocking chair to put my fears to sleep,
I'm relaxed et restless,
My pain drives me on like faith never did,
Welcome to my paradise,
Anger, pain, sin, greed,
that's me..... that's you,
I built my own paradise,
Maybe you can to.

Terror
When a sinned man dies,
He dies by a mockery of crucifixion,
With the cross laying down,
and his arms and legs staked to the ends,
and a stake through his skull,
his diseased flesh will burn,
and locusts will bite at his face,
and tear away at the flesh,
he will scream in terrifying agony,
and his blood will flow down the cross,
and scorch the ground,
the worst feeling will not be of pain,
but helplessness without the love of God.

The Puppet Master
The stage is full with puppets,
No control, No evil,
Interrelated sorrow and joy,
Occasionally a puppet will become free,
the freedom is short lived however,
the puppet will become limp without its master,
One day the puppets can live without their master,
What good is a blind puppet master anyway?

Pray
Someday, I'll hold out my hands and pray,
and alleviate myself of my pain,
Alas! I cannot pray,
for I cannot believe in the love of God,
therefore he cannot believe in me,
I have faith in myself,
and I have faith in you,
for this is reality,
and God is a state of mind.

Walking
I sit alone and speak to myself,
strange thoughts going through my head,

When I sit, I ask myself,
where can I stand?
Do I bleed through the sheets,
or do I sleep in them?

Questions I ask with no answers....
blank verse after blank verse,
where do I go?
I'll never know until I learn to walk.

The Crystal Shard
I see a blind man with a brilliant crystal shard,
every time the sun hits it, a spectacular display of light flares,
I told the blind man of my amazement,
and he cried, he hates being trapped in the darkness,
I asked him how he became blind,
he smiled and said," Stare into the light",
He laughs his satanic laugh and runs,
I become trapped in his darkness,
never again to see the light. 

Light of Day in the Sand
I've seen the light of day,
shine bright then go away,
the world is no virgin to evil,
when the soul is gone there is nothing left to kill,
twisted grain of salt,
narrow mind is my fault,
No fruit to bear,
No apples, peaches, or pears,
I watched the evil sweep through the land,
now it just blows away the sand.

Statue
Drop your head in shame,
Things will never be the same,
The lights go and you change,
Sinful wishes you sang,

You saw the droplets of blood,
They fell down in the mud,
You put your ear to the ground,
Seeing if God is making a sound,

No one wants to talk to you,
You think your soul is brand new,
You're just a statue filled with blood,
With a covering of mud.

Ideal Disbelief
Perfection is the key to injustice,
Horrid Angel invocations call me,
Black obsidian jade,
smooth and evil,
Flaws are what makes everything so beautiful,
Perfection is boring,
and so are ideals,
If I believed in ideals,
I'd try to forget them,

I tried flying without wings,
and I stumbled,
I believed him,
and he lied,
I strove,
and I failed,
sometimes I ask myself why,

I remained charred of my thoughts,
a useless game of charades,
a pool of blood and no cup to drink from,
I have a lot of matches with nothing to burn,
Everything is missing, how about my mind?

On winter's coming,
Snowflakes hit the ground,
and the grass dies,
leaves and fruits go away,
the birds take flight,
yet I remain.

Too Many
I couldn't trust myself,
so I bled my child,
and he died on the cross,
I ate my apple as a spectator,
and I laughed,
now I'm in Hell,
one god is enough for me.

Aimless
Too much light can make you blind,
Too much darkness can make you blind too,
I've had enough light and darkness,
but I still can't see,
Maybe I'll enjoy my sight....
While I'm walking around aimlessly.

Wasted Time
Time pass as I watch the sand,
that drifts away from my hand,
a sorrowful tear creeps down my cheek,
for I know the future is bleak,
I close my eyes and cry,
knowing I'm going to die,
I gaze towards the West,
to the setting sun,
I remember that I'm blessed,
and I laugh and let the sand run.

Free
Behold, the freedom well,
It's what governments strive for,
then we all become slaves,
sometimes we all forget how corrupt we are,
the freedom well,
it's what anarchy gleams of,
then we all become slaves,
sometimes we can't trust ourselves,
look at the rats,
they look free and happy.

Desire
When I look upon her,
I shutter from lust,
Her wavy black hair reminds me of the night sky,
Her face makes her look like a princess,
A princess in a kingdom not mine,
and not mine to have,
I sin for this lust,
I regret this, but I must still have my way,
God, have no doubt in me,
I am weak and temptation took me,
I'd burn me eyes out to please you,
but I'm too weak,
and I'll continue to seek my desire.

Killing Field
Down under, they will arise,
and their tortured soul will cry out in agony,
A field of dandelions will become their killing field,
They sinned and will sin again,

A red carpet,
Is laid out for their king,
the man with the crown of roses,
be ready, the day will come,
he is not the judge,
just the executioner.

Sin
I am your idea of joy,
I am the source of your sorrows,
I killed your friend,
and I'm killing you,
You can't live without me,
and you can't live with me,
I am your pitiful hope,
and hopelessness will always be yours,
I am with you always
a parasite sent from Hell,
that's me.....
always me.

Shade
The sun rises and melts the ice,
I'm cold, maybe I'll find a nice tree,
A crystal lake washed me,
I'll be dirty tonight,
until then, I'll dance with my shadow,
It's hot...I'll find shade,
The ashes of my day blow away,
I'd wash myself,
but the shade is too comforting.

Shackles
I bear the shackles of society,
an overgrown wall stands before me,
conform or die,
individualism is suicide,
that's what is written,
that is what I despise,
they are sheep,
they say I'm the lion
seeking to destroy them,
I'm a sheep,
I just have a different color wool.

Sugarless Sweets
Blessed heart of sugarless sweets,
pumps out blood unto my sheets,
the spirits of vanity kills my sanity,
so I may sleep,
and watch the children eat the grass,
like sheep, it's Hell's way,
Mindless flocks of cattle go to the slaughter,
just the same as the farmer who sold his daughter,
It's Hell's way,
a sorrowful tear rolls down my cheek,
the cold air freezes it and the ice bites my face,
to remind me that tears are for the meek,
it's Hell's way.

Judgment
Here I stand to be judged,
the befallen one will laugh at me,
to Hell I go with my sins,
I've pleaded with my greed,
and went down to oblivion,
I'll eat my apple from Eden,
Ha... I know true evil,
I know true good,
I chose evil,
It's my nature
I played with Satan's temptations,
He won,
Love of God is lost,
Where did it go?
It went with my sins,
Despair....
I love chaos,
It coincides with my lust,
A lust long gone,
 A greed unpaid,
I know where I'll be.

Sorrow
Who can deny the sacrifice of sorrow?
The red wine will still be there tomorrow,
The scent of incense will remain,
and the constant sadness will never change,
blue angles blow kisses in your face,
and you are never at peace in any place,
your sanity is gone,
your blindness remains,
your mind sings a song,
and the constant sadness will never change.

Worthless Soul
As I open my eyes,
I see death grinning at me,
As I close my eyes,
I hear death taunting me,
I have a worthless soul,
I can't even sell it to Satan.

Whirlwind
A whirlwind of thought comes to me,
For I leaned to see,

Soul....
Just a worthless hunk of coal,

Mind...
It makes you blind,

Sin...
It's never evil, until you do it again,

Sometimes I deceive myself,
and think life will never end,
Its short history
Is like the missing pages out of a book.

The Bedmaker
Deceased bedmaker, I join you now,
Burn your sheets, they are no longer white,
Can I ever sleep in the flames?
I will rest now...

and my worries will be my pillow,
I had a bed made of oak,
now it's made of dreams,
What will I dream?
I will never know until I close my eyes,

My shelf of wood covered with dirt is comfortable,
the last breath was a troublesome one,
the gathering of friends as sweet,
Their cries of sorrow will be long forgotten,
When we all fall asleep.

Deception
I hate dreams,
because they're all based on lies,
I hate dreams, that come true,
those tend to nightmares,
they tell me who I am,
When I look in the mirror,
I don't see me,
but rather,
I see who I think I am,
When I look at someone else,
They are covered in fog,
it's hard to see through it,
because there is nothing there,
even though there is nothing in the fog,
the fog often destroys us.

Wishful Memories
Wishful memories come from the melody of the rain,
Unsought wishings play the chords of pain,
I'd let out a frightful scream,
but that would only add to the harmony of the rain,
the puddles reflect sights unforeseen,
and the visions are driving me insane,

The droplets of rain remind me of sin,
the sky keeps on falling,
and it kills the bugs that are crawling,
sometimes I think this terrible song will never end.

Easy Chair
As I sit in my easy chair,
I watch the magical images dance before me,
they tease me and I chase them,
I chase them to the ocean,
I see a beautiful women dancing on top of the waves,
her silky black hair
and elegant smile beckon me,
so I dance with her,
I listen to the melody of the wind,
and I start sinking,
I see water everywhere,
but only blood to drink,
as I close my eyes,
I drown in my paradise.

Crown of Thorns
As I crawl
I see the blackest rose,
The thorns upon its stem are beautiful,
fit for my crown,
I bear fruit in this desert flood,
I stand to keep from drowning,
but my flower dies
and the thorns turn brown and die,
I drop my fruit
and starve,
there are no more roses here,
I must look somewhere else
for my crown of thorns.

Free Soul
Look inside yourself and find your soul,
Laugh at it while it cries,
When it's starving, feed it sin,
When it dies, you'll never see it again,
Dance with your demons,
and watch its demise,
freedom you seek,
and you'll be.....
that what you despise,
but free and detached,
eating a soul full of sin,
you'll laugh until you find out that you're Satan.

Boxed Hell (May 15, 1996)
I built my own boxed Hell,
Each wall a demon exposed from my mind,
Sic Walls of Hell at my command,
I laugh the sorrows away,
and felt away my pain,
My walls are bare........

Garden of Blood
As I stand before my garden of blood,
I kneel down and praise myself,
Eve cried as I tortured her,
Jesus only knows I'm a sinner,
Joyfully I rob myself,
Sickened, I drink the blood
of those who have sinned,
As I grow stronger,
My mind weakens,
And I rob myself again,
If I like hurting myself,
why don't I feel the pain?

Blissful Wishes
I was there once...
No freedom, no sacrilege,
Only blissful wishes,
Undying trust for society I had,
Only scars remain and now I search,
Not knowing what I'll find,
The purple sun sets as I look on,
The grass dies
and the trees grow old,
I listen to the wind
Whispering to me,
It's hard not having anything to hold on to,
Maybe I'll fall in the silence of my search,
I know what I'm looking for...
I just don't want to admit it.

Get me out of Here (Feb. 13,1996)
Blood stains the puddles of shit,
Plastic thoughts run out,
and reality exists,
Get me out of here,
I've gone far enough,
Body explodes from self,
Mind implodes into the space you actually use,
Tight ropes snap from the last knot,
Stress you kill me,
Get me out of here,
No way out of here,
No way out,
Like clogged arteries,
I'm your heart attack,
In your mind I'm strong,
In reality, I'm nothing,
Get me out of here.

Forced Life (Feb. 15, 1996)
Forced life,
cannon and knife,
kill thy savior,

Bitches thigh,
cut high and dry,
blood from other places,

Non-conformity is they key,
Fight with all your might,
Although might doesn't make right,
It doesn't make you wrong.

Angels blowing kisses at me,
I melt them away
because I'm me and I'm them,
I don't reassure myself.

Loneliness (Feb. 16, 1996)
As I rest in peace,
I open my eyes and stare,
Then I realize.. there's nothing here.

Disappearing ghosts reappear,
They try to scare me with their laughter,
I shed a tear,
They leave.

I see my loneliness,
My loneliness sees me,
It leaves.

Eternity (Feb. 17, 1996)

Thank God you have come,
I have waited an eternity,
I prayed for you,
I want you, only you,
Oh, Sweet Death, take me away.

I'm a wanton rat,
With deformed thoughts,
Caged in ecstasy ,
Dreaming of your seductive dance,
Oh, Sweet Death, take me away.

Kill me before I kill myself,
I don't want suicidal murder,
Bleached needle seems to come closer,
Approaching crimson death,
Oh, Sweet Death, take me away,

Death, why do you cast your eyes down in pity?
I love myself,
take me away,
Death, where are you going?
I understand, I must wait longer.

Evil Sights (Feb. 18, 1996)
Evil sights blind me,
I like darkness,
Impale me with your sight,
Turn a blind eye towards me,
And give me your guidance,
All is dark,
All is good,
Sweet blind sights,
Sexual haven of pleasure,
Tears at the mind,
while ripping the soul apart,
Light shines through the holes,
The holes of your soul,
Orgasmic blackness comes,
and your mind is reborn,
all is quiet,
all is black.

Black Apparitions (Feb. 19, 1996)
Black apparitions stand before me,
Chanting their satanic chants,
I close my eyes,
All I hear "666"

I run where I can,
No longer knowing where I am,
lost, but still,
All I hear "666"

I sit down and dream away,
I see weird images in my head,
Demons and Gods and
All I hear "666"

I die ands float away,
What did I do?
Sweet angels look at me cast out,
All I hear "666".

Forsaken (Feb. 20, 1996)
Death, though hast forsaken me,
I wanted to go,
but you didn't want to be my guide.
I put my body on the altar,
and offered it for sacrifice,
I sold my soul,
and only got my sanity in return,

Why must I live this life,
tools, centuries old never die,
nor do I,
Am I your tool,
Your plaything?
Death, tools tend to break,
never to be fixed,

I'm a broken soul,
I have my mind, and nothing else,
I'd rather be a fool with a soul,
but that's the price I pay,
of being Satan.

Why on Why?
As I sleep, my angel of Death appears,
I see his grin and slip away,
My soul burns,
Now I can smile, with my cry of cries,
I ask myself,
Why on why?

As I die, I cannot cry,
my friends cry for me,
but only for a while,
then I'm forgotten,
I'd cry if I could,
but all I can do,
is ask myself,
Why on why?

Everything important is forgotten,
nothing seems to matter,
If I could live again,
I would do nothing,
I see nothing,
and I ask myself,
Why on why?

(Feb. 22,1996)
I see his blank stare,
Heavenly kisses breath down my face,
I cry when I wake,
Back into reality,
Back into reality,
Back into my nightmare,
This is Hell,
and society is my butcher,
A weak mind is like society,
Both corrupt from within,
and then collapse,
A strong mind sees corruption,
Evil corruption surrounds you,
Then becomes battered and broken,
Mind is Hell,
I think, therefore I am.

(Feb. 23, 1996)
As I sit upon a rock,
I see a man clad in black,
silent as death,
Serene as Satan,
I laughed and turned,
He laughed and turned,
I turn again and see myself,
A mirror? No, it's the man clad in black,

The man in black pulled out a jeweled knife,
Piercing pain in my chest made me scream,
Heart in hand,
I died,
The funny thing was..
the man in black was me.

(Feb. 24,1996)
Breath deep and come with me,
feel my channel of ecstasy,
Live through fire and ice,
as get set you upon my altar of sacrifice,
give thyself as much as you can to me,
and I will kill thee,
I am death, lord of mind,
pray to me, I'll be kind,

You laugh, you pray,
maybe you'll get away someday,
Never I say,
Your soul is the price you pay,
I will sell you, mind and soul,
Then I'll dig a hole,
and bury you there,
I swear....

(Feb. 25, 1996)
Iterate your soul,
'tis time to die,
Massacre your ideals,

Die I say,
Etchings of God,
Allah, I say
Die my friend.

Where Am I? (Feb. 26, 1996)
Where Am I?
I'm gone, dead,
I laughed when I died,
I'm crying now,
Crying from my nest of sorrows,
My flock is large,
I sleep now, in my nightmare.

(Feb. 27, 1996)
I've seen your broken mirror,
Seven years of agony,
I laugh now,
I reflect upon this pain,
Your pain.....

(Feb. 28, 1996)
I've see your jagged memory,
sights unforeseen,
stay away,
be seen,
ha.. I laugh,
pestilence, be gone,
for I am here,
someday, someday,
I'll be away,
Pathetic fallen angel,
with a kiss of death,
be gone, I am one of two,
mind and soul,
which one?
I don't know.

(Feb. 29, 1996)
Seasons close in a puddle of mud,
If I died today,
would you cry or laugh?
I scream every day,
for the sun that never sets,
and the moon that never rises,
I'm in my own abyss,
I'm in my own emptiness,
I wanted nothing before,
Now I want more,
In life it was so easy,
to see my blood fall to the ground,
Now I have none,
Why me?
I laugh the laugh that doesn't matter,
I cry the cry that has no tears,
Get me out of here,
The only thing that can hurt me now,
is my mind,
I don't have that anymore.

(March 1, 1996)
I see you dead,
I see you gone,
Dropped form your brightness,
You descend into the murky waters below,
I see the black side of things,
I see the skeletal remains of your fathers,
I see the blood of wars long past,
Each a scar till the last,
Death took that all away,
A big wasteland,
I see the black side of things,
Your ideals, thrown all over the place,
Stomped upon by me and you,
Big footprints often leave big imprints,
Some people deserve to die,
Maybe you do, and your unheard ideals,
I see the black side of things.

(March 2, 1996)
Close your eyes,
Open your mind,
Burn your sheets and have a dream,

Listen to me,
There isn't anywhere to be,
Take some time,
and hear yourself,

Ask oh why,
Why must we die,
Leave my friend,
I won't ask why.

(March 3, 1996)
Sometimes I forget who I am,
I walk in my own wasteland,
A beautiful path surrounded by fury,
I become confused and my vision becomes blurry,
I laugh at myself and keep on walking,
not knowing what demons might be stalking,
I hear the chant of an ancient mind,
I keep on walking and I go blind,
Sometimes I hate myself for being so bold,
I think I'm dead because I'm cold,
My vision comes back and I'm sitting in a room,
Stuck in a nut-house like an old heirloom.

(March 4, 1996)
Blue angles blow kisses in ,my face,
at the pinnacle of my happiness,
I'm gone, done,
laughter, ha,
I ate fish,
I don't care,
Kill your feelings and have a child,
I am naked, I am naked.

(March 5, 1996)
Sometimes I am blue,
sometimes I am gray,
It doesn't matter when you're dead,
No feelings of horror,
No sight of death,
No taste of autumn blood,
I'm dead, thrust into my Hell,
I'm dead, thrust into my Hell,
I'm someone yet no one,
Sarcasm, I love,
Love, I love,
Me, Maybe I am.

(March 6 , 1996)
Bring me my bag of carrots,
Maybe I can see again,
I've seen seven tricks,
Each a different one,
Seven tall tales of men who died,
tell me a story of sic of them,
Then I know all but one,
Does it matter,
I'll never know,
Someone told me we're all the next story,
but does it matter?
What's done is done.

(March 7, 1996)
Freedom from your life,
brings me some kind of Hell,
answer to no one,
belong to no one,
I am myself,
People trade their fathers,
I guess they wanted dads,
A faithful platitude never changes,
and always never seems to work,
People dance around me like a brick house,
I can't see too far,
Do I want to?
Maybe, only if I knew what laid ahead.

(March 8, 1996)
Bring me up,
and hang me,
Let my mind explode,
Gone without thought,
but a tired rest,
too slow,
too far gone.

(March 9, 1996)
No reason to hide,
got yourself some pride,
can't find a home,

Can't find no one to beat,
So beat yourself,
Why don't you go?

People whip themselves,
because they have nothing to sell,
Why don't you buy?

Freaks for sale,
Bones to eat,
Bent upside down.

(March 10, 1996)
It all started with a rainbow,
A recycled piece of trash,
Head shaved and mind blown out,
There seems to be nowhere to go,

I want to roam,
I want to go home,
Family pictures and a can of mousse,
There's nowhere to go,

Sit in the bathroom,
all constipated,
Tears in my eyes,
While I'm being yelled at,

A loud man,
With a round black hat,
Said try to exceed,
and never give up,

I want to roam,
I want to go home,
Family pictures and a can of mousse,
there's nowhere to go.

(March 11, 1996)
Heal my friend,
It must be healthy for the end,
Right now its torn to shreds,
like one man with six heads,
Each head for each self,
All hiding from the true self,
You are not who you think you are,
You are who I think you are,
Seeing is believing,
too bad hypocrisy is not leaving,
You have different faces for everyone,
It's terrible,
you can't just have one for everyone.

(March 12, 1996)
Cloud beyond cloud,
Canyon beyond canyon,
Stopped only by the horse,
A horse named time,
Sometimes the horse runs faster than I do,
Do I care?
No, I keep on running.

(March 13, 1996)
A satanic stench is in the air,
Death is the season,
In God we trust, sometimes,
I'm lost when I'm found,
Found in a wasteland of tears,
Angels crying because everyone is dying,
Death is the season,
Check me if you please,
I'm clean, in a sense......

Epilogue
No feelings, no right, no sound, no taste, no smell,
No sense, What am I?
I'm clean, In a sense.....
Death is the season.


(March 14, 1996)
You are the reason,
It's hunting season,
A haunted man is never good,
but once.... a haunted soul was God,
disbelief is what I hear.....
I don't care, I believe,
I believe in me,
I believe in you,
I don't believe in your ideals,
so how can I believe in mine?
But still, I believe in me,
I believe in you.

(March 15, 1996)
My eyes are sewn,
like a drunk voodoo doll,
the halls of justice are clear,
My mouth is sewn,
I'm speechless, dumb,
Feelings bottled up,
Never to be let out,
My nose is sewn,
No smell of ever present danger exists,
You sins creep nearer,
My mind was never sewn,
Falling apart, hung upside down,
Now the clock never turns,
Sometimes it's better to be all sewn up,
Deaf, blind, and dumb,
but better yet, sane.

once again i have forgotten who gave me these poems sorry