One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.

Everybody should believe in something: I believe I'll have another drink.

If you mix milk of magnesia with vodka and orange juice, do you get a Phillip's screw driver?

Only Users Lose Drugs...

Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

"To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to all of life's problems." -- Homer Simpson

And God said: Let there be vodka! And He saw that it was good. Then God said: Let there be light! And then He said: Whoa - too much light.

24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, people take prozac to make it normal.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -- Henny Youngman

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862!

Don't drink and drive - you might hit a bump and spill it.

LSD melts in your mind, not in your hands.

Just plead the Fifth -- or drink it -- either way.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't face drugs.

I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down. No problem.

Dough, the stuff, that buys my beer, Ray, the guy that tends the bar, Me, the guy, who drinks my beer, Far, the distance to the bar, So, I think I'll have a beer, La, Laa lAA lAh LaH LAA LAAAH! Tea, no thanks I want a beer, which brings us back to Dough Dough Dough!

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana...The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are." Matt Lauer, on NBC's "Today" show, August 22, 1996

I say no to drugs. They just don't listen.

I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

Drink wet cement - get stoned.

Cocaine is God's way of telling you you make way too much money.