DISCLAIMER: I said this, I meant this, nobody made me do it, nobody cares.

Any similarities between what I say and what I mean are purely coincidental.

None of the ideas expressed above are acutally mine. They are told to me by Luthor and Ferdinand, the five inch tall space aliens who live under my desk. In return for these ideas, I have given them permission to eat any dust bunnies they may find under there.

For the low, LOW price of $19.95 these opinions can be yours too!

Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you wouldn't have been notified.

This is a free country. You have a right to send me email, and I have a right not to read them!

WARNING: I cannot be held responsible for the above, as apparently my cats have learned how to type.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

If you don't hear from me soon, I'm probably dead or I've gotten a life. Either way you're in luck.

I couldn't afford a cool signature, so I just got this one.

Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.

The opinions expressed here are not those of my employer, my church, or myself...But they are the opinions of Elvis as revealed to me through the medium of my pet hamster, Lee Harvey Oswald...

disclaimer, i don't neeeed no steeenking disclaimer.

A much wittier reply came to mind immediately after I clicked the 'Send' button.

This email is never sent unsolicited. It is only sent to you because you are lucky enough to know the sender.