uncle billy, microsoft and windoze

'the' is a registered trademark of Microsoft Corporation.

Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. 'No' is the answer!

Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"

If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed ... Oh, wait a minute, he already does.

Windows95: n. A 32-bit extension and graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition.

Q: How many Microsoft engineers does Bill need to change a light bulb?
A: None. He just declares darkness to be an industry standard.

Love is Hate. War is Peace. Windows is Stable.

Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I...

The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is probably the day they start making vacuum cleaners.

"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
-- Bill Gates, 1981

The Windows 2000 Eveready Bunny: It's still loading, and loading...

A computer without Microsoft is like a dog without bricks tied to its head.

For evil to triumph it is only necessary for good men to buy Microsoft.

A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting

Destroy the Borg? Upload Windows 95 !

Dogs crawl under gates, software crawls under Windows.

"Technically, Windows is an 'operating system,' which means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that it needs to suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, stop operating."
-- Dave Barry


MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Them

Microsoft's slogan -should- read: "Where do you want to go today? It doesn't matter, you're coming with us."

Your mouse has moved. Windows has to reboot for changes to take effect. [ OK ]

This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."

Microsoft Windows: Proof that P.T. Barnum was correct.

Claiming that your operating system is the best in the world because more people use it is like saying McDonalds makes the best food in the world.

If an infinite number of computer programmers programmed for an infinite number of years, they would eventually come up with a working operating system. Bill Gates, being impatient, gave them two days and took the first one that was finished.

"How can we have a Y2K problem in a country with both Microsoft and Intel?"
-- Al Gore, Vanity Fair, Jan, 1999

Welcome to Hell. Here's your copy of Windows.

To "shut down" your system, type "WIN."

Windows: Just another pane in the glass.

The nice thing about Windows - it does not just crash; it actually displays a dialogue box and lets you press OK first.