Today's subliminal thought is:

I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Transvestites are men who like to eat, drink, and be Mary.

A dyslexic, agnostic insomniac - one who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog...

Brains by Mattel.

Profanity sucks.

Carrot Top: ###*+*###

My name's not Elmo but you can tickle me anytime.

My car does 0-60mph in 5 miles!

If this car is being driven safely, call the cops - it's been stolen!

Write your questions down on the back of $20 dollar bill and send them to me.

It was such a lovely day I thought it was a pity to get up.

Keep grandma off the streets. Legalize bingo.

As easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841

'Every man has his price. Mine is $3.95.'

Feel good? Don't worry; you'll get over it!

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

I've been talking with my inner child lately...and now the little twit won't shut up!

Chaos, panic, disorder - my work here is done.

It's not that I'm antisocial, I'm just not friendly.

2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.

I wasn't sleeping. I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.

I can never remember if I'm the good or the evil twin.