A guy walks into a bar... and says: Ouch.

clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, BANG! -- An Amish drive-by shooting.

Q. What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?

A. Nothing. He just let out a little wine.

What do you call a clairvoyant midget who just broke out of prison? A small medium at large!

Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? They they would be called "bagels"!

How did the toothpaste travel around London? In the tube! -- Fozzie Bear

How did Hitler tie his shoes? In little Nazis!

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

When you're swimming in the creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!