New sigs in bold.

I found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time

Jesus saves - Gretzky gets the rebound and scores!

When we talk to God it's called prayer. When God talks back it's called schizophrenia.

Jesus loves you. Then again, so does Barney.

On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out.

If you freeze to death and end up in hell... wouldn't you be really comfortable some point along the way?

Jesus Saves! By using double coupons and shopping wisely.

Frisbeetarianism, n.: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

Jesus saves. Satan invests.

In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, 'Let there be Light.' And there was still nothing, but you could see a bit better.

Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid that I'll take over.

I'm an creationist. I refuse to believe I could have evolved from humans.

It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.

We'll get along just fine as soon as you realize I'm God.