"Pinky and the Brain try to take over Redwall."

(Scene: Pinky and Brain are walking through Mossflower. Brain is reading a book on hypnotism as he walks. Redwall Abbey can be seen in the distance. They both stop to look at it. Brain is silent and deep in thought, Pinky, however is overcome.)

Pinky: "Naaaaaarrff! Oh, Brain! Isn't it beautiful!"

Brain:"Yes, Pinky. Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

Pinky: "I think so, Brain, but don't you think Disney has built enough parks already?"

Brain: "No, Pinky! I mean Redwall Abbey! Look at it! It's the symbol of everything. Every creature looks up to it. If some genius were able to go in and take the place of the Abbot he could use that power to force the Redwallers to conquer Mossflower, even Salamandastron and eventually the world! And I, Pinky, am that genius."

Pinky: "But, Brain, how are we gonna get inside to make you Abbot?"

Brain: "Simple. They're famous for their hospitality. All we have to do is march up and knock on the door. We'll pretend to be simple, hungry travelers. Once inside we'll gain their confidence and let them think we're harmless. I'll get the Abbot alone and using the techniques in this hypnotising book I'll hypnotise him into making me Abbot. Once I'm Abbot Brain it'll be easy to take over Redwall and then- the world!"

Pinky: "Well, that sounds very..um..-narf!"

Brain: "Yes, I suppose it does. Let's go."

(Pinky and Brain go up to Redwalls main gate and pound on the large wooden doors.)

Brain (whispering): "Remember, Pinky, leave the talking to me."

(The door opens and they're greeted by Constance the badger.)

Constance: "Hello there!"

Brain: "Greetings. This is Pinky and I am Brain. We are but simple, hungry travelers who seek shelter."

Constance: "Well, what a polite dibbun!"

Brain: "Dibbun?"

Constance: "Come on in. I'll have our Friar Hugo make up something special for you."

(Pinky and Brain follow Constance inside. Brain is embarrassed at being called a dibbun. Constance takes them to the dining hall and shows them where they can sit. They're brought food and drink.)

Brain (whispering as they eat.) :"I didn't expect this, Pinky. Because of my size they all think I'm a..a dibbun! No matter. I don't think it will interfere with my plans."

Pinky and Brain finish eating and start to walk around. They're greeted by everybeast and Brain decides they should go outside so they might be able to talk privately. They go outside and make their way the secluded looking orchard.)

Brain: "See, Pinky? No problem."

(From out of nowhere Basil Stag Hare pops up.)

Basil: "I say! What a cute little rogue of a mouse. Brain isn't it? Constance told me all about you. Said you'd been traveling as well. Can't have a small little tyke like you wandering 'round the countryside with out a snack to keep yer strength up. Here you go, young feller me mouse!"

(Basil gives Brain a bag of candied chestnuts. Brain takes one, tries it and hides his disgust as best he can."

Brain: "D..delicious."

Basil: "Thought you might like 'em. Well see you two later at supper tonight!"

(Basil leaves. Brain spits out the half eaten candied chestnut. He gives the bag to Pinky.)

Brain: "Here, Pinky. I hate chestnuts. Ugh!"

(Pinky is enjoying the candied very much.)

Pinky: "Whooohahaha-narf! Oh, I say! These are right yummy, Brain!"

Brain: "Please, Pinky. I've got to think of a way to get the Abbot alone."

Pinky: "But, Brain. These candied chestnuts are so yummy! Point!"

(Brain grabs Pinkys nose and yanks on it hard.)

Pinky:"YEOWCH! I'm sorry, Brain!"

(Constance comes up and Brain lets go of Pinkys nose but not before she saw what he did.)

Constance: "What's this? I thought you were such a nice little thing too. You don't pull the noses of your elders and betters. Apologise to him this instant!"

Brain: "What? Me apologise to this wooden headed dumb-dumb?"

(Next scene: Brain is in Frairs Hugos kitchen washing a mountain of dishes. He's very angry and is grumbling and complaining under his breath.)

(Next scene: It's later on in the day and Pinky is outside by the Abbey pond. He is joined by a now free Brain.)

Brain: "There you are, Pinky. I thought I'd never get done. Listen, Pinky. I'm going up and check out the Abbots bedroom. I heard where it was while washing dishes. Perhaps I can find something there that will help us when I take over."

Pinky: "Sure thing, Brain."

Brain: "But I need you to come along as a look out."

Pinky: "What's a look out?"

Brain: "You are to look out and see if somebeast is coming while I'm in the Abbot's bedroom. Understand?"

Pinky: "I'll do my best!"

Brain: "That's what I'm afraid of."

(They go upstairs to the Abbot's bedroom. They stop outside the door.)

Brain: "I saw the Abbot down in the dining hall so it's safe to go in. Just stand here and keep watch."

Pinky: "Righto, Brain! Narf!"

(Brain goes inside the Abbots bedroom and closes the door behind him. He looks around and sees a huge map of Redwall Abbey and the surrounding area hanging on the wall.)

Brain: "Now, this is more like it."

(Brain goes over to the map to study it. Outside Pinky is leaning against the wall by the door waiting for Brain. He hears two creatures coming up the steps towards him. They reach the top. Pinky sees that it's Abbot Mortimer and Matthias. They're busy talking and have'nt noticed Pinky yet. As they approach the room they then notice Pinky.)

Father Abbot: "Hello, my son. Where's that son of yours? Staying out of trouble I hope."

Pinky: "Um, I dunno what he's doing. He's in here right now."

(Pinky points to the Abbots door. Matthias and the Abbot look at each other and start to go in. Suddenly Brain comes out.)

Brain: "Pinky, it's perfect! I found a map of-"

(Brain finds himself being confronted by a very stern faced Father Abbot and Matthias.)

Father Abbot: "Child, what are you doing inside my bedroom?"

Brain: "Well..uh..a, I was just uh-Pinky can tell you. Right, Pinky?"

Pinky:"I sure can, Brain! Brain went inside to look for something to help him once he took over the world."

Father Abbot: "I see. Well this is'nt a game. You, Pinky should'nt encourage him to get carried away with his playing, espically when they involve going into another creatures personal quarters. And you, Brain, are never to go into a creatures bedroom unless you have their permission. Do I make myself clear?"

Brain (angry and embarressed): "Yeeess."

Matthias: "Well, let's go have Frair Hugo give you some pots'n pans to wash to make sure you understand."

Brain: "No, no! I understand, honest! Pinky, do something! Tell them I understand!"

(Matthias takes Brains paw and drags him off downstairs towards the kitchens. Father Abbot puts a arm around Pinky's shoulders and escorts him inside his room.)

Father Abbot:"My son, please come in. I feel I must give you some advice on child rearing."

(Next scene: It's now night and everybeast in Redwall, including Pinky and the Brain, are in the Dining Hall eating and watching various creatures get up and entertain them all with various songs, tricks and stunts. Brain is very quiet, he's still upset after being scolded like a little dibbun. Pinky, however, is throughly enjoying himself.)

Pinky: "Whhooaaahhaahaaaa-narf! Lookit that! That otter fell right on his-!"

(Brain grabs Pinky's mouth, shutting it tight.)

Brain: "Pinky! Don't make me angry. If have to wash another pot beacause of you-"

(Brain releases Pinky's mouth and looks at his paws.)

Brain: "Look at this! I'm getting dishpan paws thanks to you, Pinky. Why didn't you tell me they were coming when I was in the Abbots room? You were supposed to be a look out."

Pinky: "But, Brain, you said a look out just looks for somebeast coming, you never said they warned."

Brain (growling in anger): "RRRRrrrr..."

Pinky: "Besides after you left me and the Abbot had a great talk-narf! Though it was mainly about you though."

Brain: "You..talked to the Abbot? Alone?"

Pinky: "We sure did, Brain! Well, he actually did most of the talking. He said you were spoiled and how I should be more strict and-"

Brain: "Never mind that, Pinky! Listen! I'm going to teach you to hypnotise the Abbot. The chance will be greater for you to see him alone than mine. Just say you want to talk to him some more about me, then once you're alone hypnotise him and get him to make me Abbot."

Pinky: "But I dunno how to hypnotise, Brain."

Brain: "That's why I said I was going to teach you. You need a clear mind and you, Pinky, with what little mind you have, should be perfect."

Pinky:"Gee, thanks, Brain!"

(Constance comes up to them.)

Constance:"Hello, you two!"

Pinky:"Hello, Constance-narf!"

Brain: "..Um..greetings.

Constance:"Well, Pinky, I'm sure Brain here is a little tired, dont you think?"

Pinky: "Umm, well, I suppose he might be. Espically after scheming to take over the world all day."

Brain (hissing under his breath): "Pinky!"

Constance: "Well, then, come along, Brain. The other dibbuns are in bed already. I have a cot all made up for you in the dormitory."

Brain: "The...the dormitory!?! Pinky...!"

Constance: "Now, now. You wont be there by yourself, there are others there too."

Brain: "But I'm not the least bit tired. I..I always stay up this late. Sometimes even much later. Isn't that right, Pinky?"

Pinky:"Oh yeah, Brain stays up really, really late sometimes."

(Constance picks Brain up)

Constance: "Well, here in Redwall dibbuns go to bed at a decent hour. You shouldnt let Brain stay up this late, Pinky. Little wonder he's cranky all the time."

Brain: "But I'm not tired! And I don't want to sleep in a dormitory! Pinky! Pinky!"

(Constance carries a still protesting Brain off to bed. Ambrose Spike sits down next to Pinky.)

Ambrose: "That young mouse needs a good hidin' in my opinion. Here, 'ave some October Nutbrown Ale. There! Whatcha think o' that?"

(Pinky drinks it.)

Pinky: "NARF! Whhooohaha! (HIC!) POINT!"

(Next Scene: It's now morning. Brain is still asleep in the dormitory. Brain is rudely awakened when he is hit in the face by a thrown pillow.)

Brain (angrily): "Who threw that?"

(To his right Brain sees a young squirrel jumping on the bed two beds away from his own. Her name is Leela and she's laughing heartly.)

Leela: "Haha! Sorree! I missed Jo and gots you instead! Haha!"

Brain:"And who, might I ask, is Jo?"

(Brain is hit with a pillow from behind. He turns to his left to see another young squirrel. He is also on a bed two beds away from Brain's. He's laughing heartily as well.)

Jo: "Hahaaha! I be Jo!"

Brain: "You're going to be catmeat if you don't stop."

(Leela bounces over and lands on Brains bed.)

Leela: "Oh,poo! You alla time mean. You justa big stinker!"

(Brain shakes his fist at her.)

Brain: "If you were'nt a mere infant why I'd.."

(Constance just happens to walk in and sees Brain with his fist shaking at Leela.)

Constance: "Here now! What's all this, Brain?"

Leela: "Bwain's bein' mean."

Jo: "He say we catmeat."

Brain: "No, no! I did'nt mean it! What I meant was.uh..that I uh.."

(Constance picks Brain up and carries him out.)

Brain: "No, no! Not again!"

(Next scene: Pinky has finished eating breakfast and is looking for Brain. He asks Winifred the otter if she's seen him.)

Winifred: "I sure have, Pinky. That young scalawag of yours was going to hurt one of the dibbuns in the dormitory. Frair Hugo has some pots and pans for him in the kitchen. That's where you'll find Brain."

(Pinky heads towards the kitchens. Once there he finds it empty except for Brain who is bent over a sink filled with dirty pots and pans.)

Pinky: "Um, hello, Brain!"

Brain (surprised): "Pinky! We've got to make me Abbot! I can't take much more of this! Frair Hugo will be back in a few minutes. I have to teach you to hypntise the Abbot right now. It's really simple. Do you think you can do it?"

Pinky: "Narf!"

Brain: "Good thing it's simple. Okay, Pinky. First you must clear your mind, that should be no problem for you. Next stare the Abbot in the eyes like this."

(Brain stares at Pinky but not directly in the eyes.)

Brain: "Now you say you're getting sleeeepy. Sooo sleeepy. Now you try it, but Pinky, dont stare right in my eyes or-."

(Pinky has started staring into Brains eyes.He wants to really please Brain so he's staring really hard.)

Pinky: "You're getting sleeeeeeepppyyy. SSooooooooo sleeeeeeepppppyyyy."

Brain: "...else you'll..hypno..tise.. mmme.."

(Brain is now asleep and is ready to be hypnotised. He's still standing and is slightly snoring.)

Pinky: "Oh no! I've hypnotised Brain and I can hear Frair Hugo coming!"

Pinky: (Shaking Brain)"Oh, Brain! I'm sorry! Wake up! Oh! All I wanted to do is help you be Abbot. Just be Abbot!"

(Upon hearing "Just be Abbot" Brain snaps out of it. But under hypnotism he now thinks he's Abbot and in the back of Brain's mind he wanted to take over the world so now Brain thinks he's Abbot and must make plans for conquering the world.)

Brain: "Pinky! I'm Abbot and future world leader! Don't just stand there. Bow down before me!"

Pinky: "Um..Righto, Brain."

(Pinky bows. Frair Hugo comes into the kitchen.)

Frair Hugo: "Here! What d'ya think you're doing? I gave you dishes to wash."

Brain:"Wash them yourself you fat fool! Abbots and Rulers don't wash dishes."

(Brain leaves the kitchen followed by Pinky. They can hear Frair Hugo angrily shouting at them. Brain ignores him and continues to walk away. Brain holds his head up high and carries himself as if he was the Abbot and world leader he believes himself to be.)

Brain: "Pinky, we must organise these simple creatures into a strong fighting force. We need weapons, armor, plans! No creature shall be safe from me! I, Abbot Brain, will take over the world!"

(Constance comes up.)

Constance: "I heard Frair Hugo calling after you, Brain. Are'nt you supposed to be in there washing dishes?"

Brain: "How dare you talk to your Abbot like that! Bow down before me, stripedog!"

Constance (very angry): "Pinky, are'nt you going to do something with him?"

Pinky: "Er..uh, Brain, please.."

(Brain punches Pinky in the nose.)

Pinky: "OWCH!! Narf! That hurt, Brain!"

(Father Abbot comes up and several Redwallers gather to look at the goings on.)

Father Abbot: "Pinky, I'm sorry. Never before has a visitor been asked to leave but I'm afraid, my son, I must do so now. Brain is rude, ill-tempered, spoiled and shows no regards for others. Until you can control him I'm afraid you two will no longer be welcome within these walls. Please go now."

(Next Scene: Pinky, and a still hypnotised Brain, are walking through Mossflower and away from Redwall. Brain is very angry and upset. He hurls a stone into a creek they're walking by.)

Brain: "I dont understand it,Pinky."

Pinky:" What? Why it took so many to drag you out of the Abbey? Well,you were struggling quite a bit, Brain"

Brain:"No, Pinky. I'm the Abbot! I'm the future world leader and here they go and throw me out as if I were a common mou-!"

(Brain doesnt watch where he's going and falls into the creek. He is helped out by Pinky. The cold water has snapped Brain out of the hypnotism.)

Pinky: "Are you alright, Brain?"

Brain: "W..what happened?"

Pinky: "Brain? Brain! Harrah! Thank Heavens you're back! WWhhohaha-narf! Don't you remember? You were teaching me to hypnotise the Father Abbot but I accidently hypnotised you instead."

Brain: "What?"

Pinky: "And you thought you were the Abbot already. You were gonna rally up all the Redwallers into a force and go and take over the world. You were making them all bow down to you and it got them all upset'cos, well, you werent really the Abbot."

Brain: "But how come were out here and not inside the Abbey?"

Pinky: "Well, ummm, we got kinda kicked out on account of you calling Constance a stripedog, Frair Hugo fat and 'cos they said you were rude, ill-tempered, ill-mannered, spoiled, that you picked fights...."

Brain (sighs): "Alright, alright."

(They continue to walk on in silence. Pinky starts humming one of the tunes he heard in Redwall.)

Brain: "Please, Pinky. I've got to plan for tomorrow night.

Pinky: "Why? What are we doin' tomorrow night, Brain?"

Brain: "They same thing were going to do everynight, Pinky. Try to take over Redwall."

The end.

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©1998 Stephany White aka Shadoe Hare. Not to be used without permission.