"You know you've been reading too much Redwall if..."

You're out walking in some woods when you see a badger and you automaticaly look around for the Long Patrol.

You start climbing up the sides of extinct volcanos to see if there are any hares or badgers living there.

You like to use the word "beast" alot. As in "everybeast", "anybeast", "nobeast".

You use the words "paws" or "footpaws" instead of "hands" and "feet".

When you see a vermin of some kind, like a rat, fox or ferret, you automatically try to kill them.

You only eat food from Redwall recipes.

You only look up Redwall sites on the internet and stay to look at them for over five hours because you "just love being in Redwall."

If you see a ferret you look to see if it has six fingers on one of it's paws.

If you see a pine martin you're careful not to look directly into it's eyes.

You talk in mole speech or hare speech alot.

You run if you see an adder (I guess this counts.)

You're out in some woods and you're careful that you don't get lost because you don't want to spend the night out in "Mossflower".

You call babies and small children "babes", "young 'uns" or "dibbuns".

Whenever you see a good creature, like a mouse, mole, badger or hare, you stay close to them in case they have something important to tell you.

You win the lottery and blow all your money on making a full-scale, human-sized replica of Redwall Abbey, complete with St.Ninan's Church and Mossflower Woods.

You see a hare and you automatically say, "Good day, wot?"

When you get up in the morning and you brush your "fur".

If you see an animal fighting with another and the one losing is a good beast, like a hare, you rush to help it screaming, "EULALIA!!!"

If you think Peter Rabbit should've asked for help from the Long Patrol before he raided farmer McGregors garden.

If you see an old sword and wonder if it once belonged to Martin the Warrior.

If you legally change your middle name to "Stag".

If you legally change your whole name to a Redwallish sounding one, (like Dotti Blackfur HuffaHare.)

You wonder why the animals in the woods by your house run around "naked" and never carry weapons.

You never look a snake in the eyes.

You kill every spider you see before they can cover your room in cobwebs.

You win the lottery and blow it all on purchasing an extinct volcano and turning it into a real life Salamandastron. All of your servants, (if you had any money left to afford any,) are required to dress up and act like hares.

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©1998 Stephany White aka Shadoe Hare. Not to be used without permission.