LAUGHING MATTERS
A brieving old woman who was a miser
had just lost her husband. She went to the local newspaper to
place the obituary. Trying to save money she kept to the smallest
amount of words. "Tom Died". "I'm sorry but you'll
still get charged for the minimum five words," said the
receptionist. After completing for a few moments the old woman
wrote "Tom Died - Volvo for sale".
John, a new driver had just been
stopped for speeding. The policeman got out of the patrol car and
strolled up to the young offender. John rolled down the window
and looked up at the policeman. "Aye son, we've been waiting
for you all day", said the policeman as he took out his
notebook. "Well I came as quick as I could," retorted
John.
A newspaper carried the following ad
in its Lost and Found columns: 'Lost - a £5 note. Sentimental
value'.
"A man lost fifty pence this
morning in the high street," said Bob to a friend, "and
I couldn't move until crowd dispersed". "Why couldn't
you move?" asked the friend.
"Well, said Bob, "I didn't want to take my foot off the
fifty pence piece".
Two tramps got involved in a brawl. The police soon arrived and
they were arrested. On Monday morning they appeared before the
magistrate. "What is your address," bawled the
magistrate to the first one. "I have no fixed abode,
Sir," he replied. "And you?" asked the magistrate
facing the second man. "I live next door to him," he
replied.