RASHIF A. SHAHZADA
STATUS OF PARENTS
What sort of a relationship should we maintain with our parents? In what matters are we not allowed to obey them? Generally what opinion has Mankind held concerning their parents and ancestors when the Message of Allah was delivered to them? What should be our relationship with our parents in case they are believers? ...The answers to such and many other questions are provided in the Qur'an as guidance for all Mankind.
The Qur'an provides us a clear
criteria for estahlishing a relationship with our parents whether
they are Believers or Unbelievers. The following are some Ayaat
dealing with this subject:
Code of conduct with parents
As believers, we are instructed about the sort of behaviour that we are to maintain with our parents, specially when they have reached old age:
"And you Rabb has decreed that
you will serve none but Him, and that you be good towards
parents. Whatever one or both of them attain old age in your
life, say not to them (even ) 'fie' nor rebuke them but address
them with terms of honour"(17:23)
"And out of kindness lower to them
the wing of humility and say:" My Rabb, Bestow on them your
mercy even as they cherished me in childhood".(17:24)
In the above ayah we are restrained. from evcn sayiy 'fie' (oof) to our parents as people who are harsh on their parents and rebuke them are described as 'those in loss' (khasireen): "And (there is one)who says to his parents 'fie' on you! Do you hold out the promise to me that shall be raised up, even though generations have passed before me? And they too seek Allah's aid(and say) 'Woe to you! Beleive! For the promise of Allah is true'. But he says: "This is nothing but tales of the ancients!' (46:17)
" Such are they against whom is proved the sentence among the previous generations of Jinns and Mankind, that have passed away; for they are those in loss".(46:18)
As beleivers we are also commanded to spend on our parents from our resources as they cherished us in chilhood: "They ask you what they should spend. Say: 'Whatever you spend that is good, is for parents an kindred and orphans and those in want and for wayfares. And whatever you do that is good, Allah has its knowledge".(2:215)
It is obligatory for us to provide
for our parents when they are in need and not to desert them in
an old home.
Furthermore we cannot impose any
hardships on them. Essa ibne Maryam is an example for us in this
regard:(Essa/Jesus said) " And he has made me kind to my
mother and not overbearing or miserable"(19:32)
When are we not to obey our Parents?
While maintaining good behaviour
with their parents, the beleivers are instructed not to obey
their parents in certain situations:
" And We have enjoined on man
concerning his parents: In travail upon travail did his mother
bear him and his weaning is in two years: Show gratitude to me
and to your parents: To me is your goal"(31:14)
" But if they strive with you to
associate with me that which you have knowledge, obey them not;
Yet bear them company in this life in a recognised manner. And
follow the way of those who turn to Me. In the end the return of
you all is to Me, and i will tell you the truth of all you
did".(31:15)
We are not to obey our parents if
they suggest "Shirk" yet bear them company in a just
manner.
Reaction of Mankind towards the Message of Allah
Generally people maintain those beleifs in their lives which they have inherited from their parents and ancestors. They don't analyse those beleifs by reason nor intelligently or critically evalute them. Many people take their faith of their ancestors to be the whole truth under the assumption that 'How could our elders and loved one's be wrong?' also they are discouraged by their parents and influential to raise questions concerning relegious beleifs and suggest blind following to their doctrines without proof. The inherited faith has always caused a barrier in accepting the truth of Allah as the beleifs of ancestors is mostly at variance with the Message of Allah. In all times the foremost reaction of people, when the truth and reality of Allah is made evident to them is that they found their fathers following something else and they will stick to their ancestral beleifs. The excuse that people give when they are told to follow Quran is the same and they prefer the blind following of the sect or cult in which they are born rather than personally consult the Quran for guidance:"And when it is said to then; 'Follow what Allah has revealed!' They say:'Nay! We will follow what we found our fathers following'. What! Even though their father were void of wisdom and guidance?" (2:170)
The faith of ancestors has always been a barrier in accepting the truth of Allah and the Messengers were given the same argument.
Response to Nuh:
"....Never did we hear such a
thing among our FATHERS of old".(23:24)
Response to Hood:
"...Have you come to us that we
may serve Allah alone and leave that which our FATHERS
served..?" (7:70)
Response to Salih:
"....Do you forbid us that which
our FATHERS served..?" (11:62)
Response to Shoaib:
"O Shoaib, does your Salat order
that we leave of that which our FATHERS served..." (11:87)
Answer to Ibraheem's question:
"They said: 'Nay we but found our
FATHERS doing thus what we do!" (26:74)
Yusuf reminder:
"If not Him you serve nothing but
names which you have named, you and your FATHERS..." (12:40)
Response to Moosa and Haroon
"..Never did we hear the like
among our FATHERS of old"(28:36)
Reaction to Muhammad:
"..This is just a Man whose
intetion is to oppose you from that which your FATHERS
serve.."(34:43)
The Quran strongly oppose the blind
following of faith or parents and ancestors. It invites people to
use their reasoning ability and intelligence in ascertaining the
truth ( See 38:29, 47:24, 43:3, 21:10 ). The Quran not only
provides evidence for its claims ( See 4:174, 6:104) but also
asks its opponents to provide sufficient proof. The blind
submission to ancestors beliefs is encourage by Shaitan as his
chief objective is to keep Mankind away from the Quran:
"..When they
are told to follow what Allah has revealed, they say: 'Nay we
shall follow the ways that we found our FATHERS following!' What!
Even if it is Satan beckoning them to the penalty of the blazing
(fire)?" (31:21)
Instead of taking guidance for all matters requiring guidance from the book of Allah, people insist upon copying the ways of their FATHERS..
"What! Have we given them a Book before this to which they are holding fast?" (43:21)
"Nay! They say: We found our FATHERS following a certain way and we will guide ourselves by their footsteps."(43:22)
"Justin the same manner, whenever We sent a Warner, before you to any town, the wealthy ones among them said:'Surely we found our FATHERS following a certain way and we will certainly follow in their footsteps". (43:23)
By following the faith of their ancestors people get involved in worshipping those names and heroes which exist in their ancestral traditions and do not serve Allah alone. Yusuf also faced similar situations and he reminds..
"If not Him you serve nothing but names which you have named, you and your FATHERS, for which Allah has revealed no authority: The governance is for none but Allah; He has ordered that you serve none but Him, that is the established Deen, but most of Mankind do not know". (12:40)
The condition of those who blindly
followed their parents and ancestors faith in the hereafter:
It is essential once
we have the opportunity in this lifetime that we use our
reasoning and the criteria of Al Quran in analysing the faith
that we have inherited from our parents, whether it confirms to
what the Quran is saying or is against it's teachings. In case we
are not relating the guidance of Al Quran in our lives and are
blindly following our fathers then our end has been foretold..
"Then their turn is to the BLAZING (fire)". (37:68)
"Surely they found their FATHERS on the wrong path". (37:69)
"So they (too) rushed down their footsteps". (37:70)
Allah will question on the last
day..
"The fire will burn their faces
and they will grin therein with their lips displaced".
(23:104)
"Were not my AYATS REHERSED TO YOU and you did but treat them as falsehoods?". (23:105)
"They will say: 'Our Rabb! Our misfortune overwhelmed us and we became a people astray!". (23:106)
People will further admit on that
day..
"They will (further) say: Had we
but listened or USED OUR INTELLIGENCE we should not (now) be
among the companions of the BLAZING FIRE!".(67:10)
Relationship with Parents if they are Unbeleivers:
To a Mu'min, the cause of Allah is
what matters the most. Believers cannot give preference to their
parents,children, relatives, careers, etc. over the cause of
Allah, mentioned in Al Quran. The following Ayah reminds us:
"Say: 'If it be that your FATHERS,
or your sons, or your brothers, or your mates, or your relatives;
the wealth that you have gained, the commerce in which you fear
of decline; or the buildings in which you delight are clearer to
you than Allah and his messenger and the striving in his way;
Then wait, until Allah brings about decision; and Allah guides
not the Fasiqeen (Dissolute)". (9:24)
If the parents and relatives hold
such beleifs and actions that are against the teaching of Al
Quran then they are not to be taken into intimate ranks:
"O believers! Take not as
protectors your FATRHERS or your BROTHERS if they love Kufr
(Disbelief) above Elmaan (Beliefs). If any of you do so then they
are from the Zalimun (Oppressors)". (9:23)
In such a situation where parents
are unbelievers, we are to deliver the message to them and incase
they do not respond positively and are harsh and aggressive, then
bear with patience but should not misbehave. Misbehaving would
mean taking a stand on your own ego, rather than following the
guidance of Allah. The example of Ibraheem is to be followed when
dealing with unbelieving and aggressive parents:
"And remember in The Book,
Ibraheem; he was a true Nabi/Prophet".(19:41)
"When he said to his FAHTERS; 'O my father why serve that which hears not, sees not and can profit you nothing?"(19:42)
"O my father! To me has come knowledge that has not reached you: So follow me. I will guide you to a way that is even and straight". (19:43)
"O my father serve not Shaitan,
for Shaitan is a rebel against(Allah) Most gracious".(19:44)
"O my father! I fear that a
penalty from (Allah) Most Gracious afflict you, so that you
become to Shaitan, a friend". (19:45)
To Ibraheem's invitation his
father responded in negative:
"(The father) replied:'Do you hate
my gods O Ibraheem? If you forbear not, I WILL INDEED STONE YOU!
Now get away from me for along while!". (19:46)
Ibraheem did not reply in a harsh
manner to his father's threat..
"(Ibraheem) Said:'PEACE BE ON
YOU: I WILL PRAY TO MY RABB FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS, for He is to me
mos Gracious". (19:47)
Believers do not have any
affection or love for those who oppose the way of life prescribed
by the Quran even if they are their parents and near relatives:
"You will not find any people who
believe in Allah and the Last day, loving those who oppose Allah
and His Messenger even though they were their FATHERS or their
brothers, or their kindred. For such he has written Elmann/Belief
in their hearts and has strengthened them with a spirit from
Himself. And He will admit them to Gardens beneath which rivers
flow, to dwell therein forever. Allah will pleased with them and
they with Him. They are the Party of Allah. Surely it is
the Party of Allah that will prosper". (58:22)
Righteous Parents of no Help
Even if our Parents are genuinely righteous in the sight of Allah, even then they can be of no help to us on the last day. As such and everyone of us is responsible for our own actions (See 53:38, 35:18) how much we follow the guidance of Allah in our lives ourselves, that we ourselves have to face. The instance of Nooh is evident in this regard as he being a Messenger of Allah could not save his own son:
"And Nooh called upon Rabb, and said: 'O my Rabb, surely MY SON is of my family and your promise is true and you are the most just of judges!". (11:45)
"(Allah) said: 'O Nooh!He is not from your family, for his conduct is unrighteous, so ask not of Me that of which you have no knowledge! I give you counsel, lest you act like the ignorant!". (11:46) We are responsible and accountable for our own actions, what our parents and ancestors did, we will not be questioned about them: "That was a Ummah that has passed away. For them is what they earned and for you is what you earn. And you will not be questioned as to what they did". (2:141)
Mankind are reminded about the day when parents and children will be of no help to each other. In this life we are responsible for our own beliefs and actions and have been provided with the faculty of reasoning and the guidance of Allah in Al Quran and the free will to chose our line of actions (See 18:28).
It is our own duty to seek the truth and follow the guidance, rather than blindly follow our parents and ancestors. On the last day we cannot put the blame on our parents for the results of our actions.
"O Mankind! Do your duty to your Rabb and fear a day when no father can avail ought for his son, nor a son avail ought for his father. Surely the promise of Allah is true: Let not then this present life deceive you, nor let the chief deceiver deceive you about Allah". (31:33)