WORLD EXCLUSIVE

TOMATOMANIA GRIPS
PEOPLE EVERYWHERE
Special Report Compiled By: Fru T. Kase

FRUIT & VEG. DEPARTMENT

The Hindus have seen their marble god Ganesh drink milk by the gallon. The Catholics have seen the statue of Virgin Mary cry tears of blood and Hollywood has heard Maddona sing. Miracles are happening daily in this world but nothing as great as the Tomato Miracles seen around the Globe within the last few months. Our special correspondents have sent their reports.

Paris : A Tomato was rushed to the hospital last night. It emerged that as Mrs. S Tazum returned home from shopping a tomato fell onto the kitchen table. Mrs. Tazum tried to save it but could not stop it from hitting the floor. On lifting it she noticed it was badly cut and saw some 'reddish' liquid gush from the opening. The liquid appeared to form the name 'Muhammad'. Said Mrs. Tazum, Doctors confirmed that it was 'juice' and are keeping the tomato overnight for observations. 'We hope to carry out some tastings in the morning' said one doctor.

London : A miracle is said to have occured in a local Asian grocery store. Mr. Kaleem who has worked in the fruit and vegetable store since 1946 made a remarkable claim. 'I opened up a box of tomatoes and saw that there were many tomatoes in it. And when I placed them in certain position they spelled the name of Allah and if I changed the position they spelled Ali. And when I put them in a different position I would see my name. Yes this is indeed a miracle.' Yesterday the box of tomato was donated to the Oxford University Department of Languages who will be researching into this phenomena. It is understood the department has also ordered some cucumbers, bread and some other essential items as part of the study.

Cairo : Archeologist Mr. Jones has discovered a miracle. He has found tomatoes being canned at a local factory. 'This is an amazing discovery,' said Mr. Jones, "Tomatoes are being canned at a local factory. I wonder if this is an ancient Egyptian practice to preserve food and store in pyramids.' While at the tomato canning factory Mr. Jones saw picture frames distinctly displaying the name of 'Allah' and Muhammad in Arabic calligraphy.

Dehli : Millions of people rushed to the vegetable stalls this morning as tomato prices soared to 3 Rupees a metric tonne due to shortages. Supplies are expected to run out by noon today. It will be a miracle if we can afford them at this price. Allah help us! Said one man who wished to remain anonymous.

Mecca : Thousands flocked to the city as reports leaked out that the word 'Allah' was found marked on the pages of a historical scripture. "We never seen this before!" Said a housewife who had travelled all the way from Huddersfield to see this. It later transpired that the pages also contained some simple and explicit instruction for self improvement. Our investigations revealed that duplicates of this book are gathering dust in millions of homes. "We never knew this!" Said a young girl who had also travelled all the way from Huddersfield to see this. However other people who had witnessed the opening of this ancient script confirmed that the word 'Allah' was indeed scribed on many pages with other highly valuable pieces of information. "This raises many questions" said a Scholar "For example, why don't people read this book?" "Where's my tomato" asked an old woman. But there wasn't a tomato in sight.

WARNING :
Miracles such as the name of 'Allah' written on tomatoes are being witnessed worldwide. If you see such a miracle please report it to the Miracles Centre