LAUGHING MATTERS
An insurance salesman was trying to
sell a policy to a warehouse owner. `I've got all the insurance I
need,' said the executive. `Fire, accident, employers liability,
the lot, so don't waste your time.' `Are you covered against
floods?' asked the salesman. `Floods?' said the businessman with
interest. `How do you arrange a flood?'
Groucho Marx was leaving a
particularly boring party. At the door, he said to the hostess,
`I've had a wonderful evening but this wasn't it.'
An Irish detective working in
Scotland arrested a criminal in a Aberdeen. Just as he was about
to slap on the handcuffs on him a gust of wind blew the
detective's hat down the street. 'Shall I go and fetch it for
you?' asked the criminal. Do you think I'm crazy?' said the
detective. 'You wait here and I'll go and get it.'
A young lady was talking to an
astronomer at a party. 'I can understand how you people work out
how far the stars are from the earth, and what their sizes are,'
she said. `but how on earth do you find out what their names
are?'
`I'm prescribing these pills for
you,' said the doctor to the overweight patient. `I don't want
you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and
pick them up one at a time.'
Having asked his commanding officer
or a day's leave to attend his sister's wedding, a solder was
asked to wait outside the door. The officer then called him in
and said, 'You're a liar, solder. I've just phoned your sister
and she told me she's married already.' `Well, sir, you're an
even bigger liar,' the solder replied, because I don't even have
a sister.'