LAUGHING MATTERS
The Italian bandit who robbed a New
York bank was apprehended on a busy street by an American police
officer a few days later. The officer spoke no Italian and the
Italian spoke no English, so a passing Italian was asked to be
the interpreter.
The officer poked a gun in the Italians belly and said to
the interpreter, "Ask him if his name is Mario".
The interpreter said, "He says, yes, he is Mario".
"Ask him if he was in the First National Bank".
The interpreter said, "He says, yes, he was and admits he
robbed the bank".
The officer pushed harder on the gun. "Now tell him",
he said, "Im going to pull the trigger if he
doesnt tell me where the money is".
With sweat pouring down his face, the thief stammered in Italian,
"Dont shoot! Ive got a wife and four kids at
home. The money is in the well behind the house".
The interpreter said, "He says you one big mouth. You no
scare him! Go ahead and shoot!"
During a sermon on life after death,
the village priest asked all those who wanted to go to heaven to
stand up. The whole congregation stood up except for one man. The
priest told those who preferred the fires of hell to stand up. No
one moved.
Perplexed he turned to the odd man out and asked, "And you?
Do you know where you want to go?"
"Nowhere", he replied. "Im fine where I
am."
A waitresss boss caught her
pocketing 5-pound left at a table by a man who bought beer and a
sandwich.
"What do you think youre doing?" he yelped.
"Fancy that!" the waitress calmly replied. "A man
comes in, has a beer and a sandwich, doesnt pay the bill
and then leaves me a 5 pound tip".