LAUGHING MATTERS  

There had been severe flooding throughout the West Country and the vicar was stranded on the roof of the church. A rowing boat passed close by and one of the rowers shouted , 'Come on down , vicar - get in the boat!'

'Save the others!' the vicar shouted. 'The Lord will save me!'
The waters continued to rise and just as they reached the vicar's waist, a motor boat chugged up. Again the vicar cried, 'Save the others! The Lord will save me!' The motor boat chugged off and an hour passed. By the time the helicopter arrived, the water was up to the vicar's chin. 'Hang on!' shouted the helicopter pilot. 'We'll lower a rope!'

'No, no!' shouted the vicar. 'The Lord will save me!'
As the helicopter flew off, the waters rose still further and the vicar disappeared from view. When he arrived in Heaven, he said indignantly to God, 'Oh Lord - why did you let me drown? I was sure you would save me!'
'What do you mean - let you down?' said God. 'I sent two boats and a helicopter to take you off that roof, didn't I?'

George Bernard Shaw once sent Winston Churchill a couple of tickets for the opening night of one of his plays. Attached to the tickets was a note: Bring a friend - if you have one.
Churchill was busy that evening, so he returned the tickets to Shaw with a note which read: Can't make it tonight. I'll come to the second performance - if there is one.

The following is the text of a letter said to have been received by an income tax official in Cape Comorin, South India:

DEAR SIR,
With reference to the attached form. I do not know what is meant by filling in this form. I am not interested in this income service. Please cancel my name in your books as this system has upset my mind and I do not know who registered me as one of your customers.