MOM'S DICTIONARY
AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman
who has gone through labor to make love again.
DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids
would care to order dessert.
FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your
children the proper distance apart to keep you
on the edge of financial disaster.
FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your
baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
FULL NAME: What you call your child when
you're mad at him.
GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your
children are wonderful even though they're sure
you're not raising them right.
HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone
mutters a dirty word.
IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of
labor is still vivid.
INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to
be as long as they do everything we say.
OW: The first word spoken by children with
older siblings.
PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws
other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than
yours.
STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's
pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's
pacifier by blowing on it.
TOP BUNK: where you should never put a
child wearing Superman pajamas.
TWO MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's
face turns red and she begins to make those
familiar grunting noises.
VERBAL: able to whine in words
WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your
house...
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