(screen says in plain letters "begin")

Announcer: **ahem** And how long have been a superhero?

Tick: Me? Well, I guess I've always been a superhero. I don't know much else!

Announcer: Arthur, what's the Tick really like?

Arthur: The Tick? He's great. He's a little hard to work with sometimes but he's stronger than anyone.

Tick: Listen. Ours is an epic tale. True friendship, heart stopping adventure. Men and Women in tights. Makin' the rules and breakin' 'em. We are not 2 men we are 10 men! Listen! It all started in Reno.

(camera moves over a "Hall of Justice" looking building as the Tick speaks)

Tick (narrating): Every year heroes flock to the National Super Institute to win the best cities to protect from crime.

Announcer 2: Ladies and gentlemen, The Blowfish Avenger.

(Blowfish Avenger suddenly inflates, knocking over a microphone)

(cut to a panel of superheroes with a blinking sign overhead reading "New Rochelle")

Announcer2: Avenger gets New Rochelle. Way to go Blow.

Tick: One year I decided to compete.

(The Tick slams open the doors pushing a large box)

Tick: Hello, Reno! I am the Tick!

(Tick pushes button-activating box revealing spiked objects, etc. Sirens whistle)

Tick: I am mighty! But you may ask how does one prove his mightiness? To this I answer by surviving the deadliest engine of destruction 1974 had to offer! Ladies and gentlemen you may want to shield yourself with your desert menus, I might be dangerous!

(Tick sits down in chair pulls lever. Small Hammer konks him on the head.)

Tick: Well, this is disappointing.

(Large thing on chain comes down, explodes)

Tick: Whoa-ho...

(Panel, now blackened, sign reads "The City" before it falls)

Tick (narrating): And the rest is history!

(bus rides through destiny)

Tick: Denstiny. Destiny's powerful hand has made the bed of my future and it's up to me lie in it. I am destined to be a superhero, to right wrongs, and pound two-fisted justice into the hearts of evil doers everywhere. You don't fight destiny, no sir, and you don't eat crackers in the bed of life or you get all...

(passengers on bus groan)

Tick: ...scratchy. Hey, I'm narrating here!

(bus continues to move, backgrounds changing.)

Tick: They've assigned me a city. My mission: to free it from the ravages from evil and super villainy. So it's citizens may sleep easy, secure in the knowledge that they are protected. The City: my The City. It's cries to me of its need.

(In the City two superheroes are swinging on ropes when one hits the other)

Superhero: Excuse me….

(cut to a business office with telephones ringing and typewriters typing)

Mr. Weiderspan: **ahem** Arthur.

Arthur: Yes, Mr. Weiderspan?

Mr. Weiderspan: Arthur, I’m afraid the firm feels it’s time to allow you the opportunity to peruse other avenues of employment.

Arthur: I’m fired? Is there a problem with my work?

Mr. Weiderspan: Well, Arthur… it’s… IT’S THAT STUPID BUNNY OUTFIT!

Arthur: Oh, no not bunny sir, moth. It’s my moth suit. Actually, it’s a flying suit. The wings are in my briefcase.

Mr. Weiderspan: Arthur, you’re making the other accountants nervous. We all find this kind of rampant individuality very disturbing.

Arthur: I know you think I’m crazy Mr. Weiderspan, but I’m not!

(Crusading/Caped Chameleon appears in the background, not visible to Arthur. He’s jumps on the window and crawls his way upward.)

Arthur: It’s just that ever since I found this suit I’ve felt strange new needs, urges. I can’t live this life a moment longer. Somewhere out there a life of destiny and adventure waits out there for me.

(Arthur picks up his briefcase and begins to walk out)

Arthur: Accounting is a fine skill to fall back on but the road less traveled, much less traveled, the moth suit and wings road, is a lot more exciting then taxes.

(The Tick’s bus arrives at The City. As he gets off the bus rocks and dents the neighboring one.)

Tick: City! It is I, The Tick, your destined defender! Show me where it hurts.

(he looks up a tall building)

Tick: Tall!

(he is in an elevator with many people humming loudly)

(atop the building)

Tick: Oh, there’s crime here, I can smell it! I can taste it! So I begin my first patrol of the City with one giant leap.

(Tick jumps off building, begins running rooftop to rooftop)

Tick: Soon they will know me. Soon, they will need me.

(Back on the ground)

Arthur: Well, great now I’m unemployed. How am I gonna find adventure and excitement when I can’t even cover my expenses.

(Back on the roofs, Tick is still jumping grunting as he runs.)

Tick: Aha-ha! And double flip—

(Tick runs off building)

Tick: Aha-ha! I’ll bounce off that flagpole and flip to safety!

(Tick breaks off flagpole)

Tick: Aha-ha. I’ll bounce off that broad flat surface.

Arthur: If I don’t eat out, and if I reverse my underwear to get an extra day…

(Tick sees Arthur on ground below him)

Tick: Or maybe not…

(Tick goes through pavement)

Tick: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Gravity is a harsh mistress.

Arthur: Are you all right?

Tick: I’m fine. I’m a superhero. I’m nigh invulnerable. I’m built for this kind of thing.

Arthur: Nice outfit. A superhero?

Tick: Known to evil-doers everywhere as… The Tick.

(Tick gets out of road)

Arthur: I’m Arthur, known to taxpayers everywhere as "The Accountant." I’m looking for adventure.

Tick: Come have lunch with me Arthur, adventure will follow.

(Tick and Arthur go to diner)

(At the diner Tick and Arthur have some tea or coffee… something out of a mug.)

Tick: Why would they send a superhero of my caliber to a place like this?

(Camera shows a man also drinking something that looks a remarkably lot like Clark Oppenhimer from the comics)

Tick: I’m not even sure this city needs a champion.

Another man at counter: So? You’re a superhero huh? And what sort of costume is that supposed to be?

Tick: Costume? No costume, friend. I am simply… The Tick.

Man: Well you can’t be… The Tick. Ticks are arachnids they got eight legs.

Tick: How do you know I don’t?

Man: Tick’s suck blood. Do you suck blood?

Tick: Uh… yeah sure. I suck blood all the time.

Man: Yeah, right!

Tick: Look, pal, I’ve got a straw right here. Do you want a demonstration?

Man: No, no, thanks. No.

(An explosion is heard in the distance)

Clark: An explosion!

Tick: Come Arthur, evil is afoot.

(Clark runs to the bathroom)

Clark: I have only seconds to shed my everyday disguise. This looks like a job for….

(Clark finds the door to be locked)

Person from inside the bathroom: There’s somebody in here.

Clark: Occupied…

(We now see The City bank with a large crater taken out in the front of it. The Caped Chameleon pops up into view)

CC: This looks like a job for… The Caped Chameleon!

(CC jumps from rooftop object to object adapting to the color of each item as he does.)

(Tick and Arthur run up to the bank)

(We now see the Idea Men talking in muffled sentences to each other because of their masks)

Arthur: They’ve got guns!

Tick: This is definitely illegal. Arthur, do you fly?

Arthur: My wings are in my briefcase. Back at the diner. I’ll go get them.

Tick: No time!

(The Tick grabs Arthur and they jump to the top of the building and through the skylight in the ceiling

They land in a cloud of dust and the Idea Men all turn and point their guns at them.)

Arthur: I think I’ll just lie down here for a second.

(Arthur faints.)

Tick: Criminals! You face the sworn protector of this fair city. You face… The Tick!

(The Idea Men all mumble assorted garbled phrases)

Tick: Speak up! I can’t understand a word you’re saying through those stupid masks!

(The Crusading/Caped Chameleon crawls in through the hole that Tick and Arthur made as they jumped through the building.)

(Louder muffled speech from the Idea Men)

Tick: ENUNCIATE!

(Chameleon walks onto a plaid curtain and changes many different colors. Spots, lined, etc.)

CC: Can’t….do…. plaid!

(Chameleon falls to the ground)

(The Tick picks up a flaming desk and throws it at them)

Tick: Eat desk!

(It hits them and they are thrown out the building)

(Arthur awakens)

Arthur: Are we dead yet?

Tick: Far from it, Arthur! We have them on the run!

(The Tick runs towards the Idea Men as ropes fall into view and each of them grab on to them)

Tick: Onward!

(They are then pulled up into a blimp with a large blinking light bulb on the side)

Tick: Hey cool! They’ve got a blimp!

(Screen shows blimp flying)

Sally: That was the scene today at the Rive Droite Bank as the mysterious gang known as the "Idea Men" struck again continuing their terrible crime wave. It was the sixth time in as many days that the baffling criminals have descended from the sky to literally lift The City’s most valuable assets. But today their nefarious plot was foiled by a heroic blue stranger.

Tick (on TV): Hey cool! They’ve got a blimp!

Sally: Our modest blue benefactor exited the scene without comment. The Idea Men’s menace is far from over. Says Mayor Blank:

Mayor Blank: ...In fact we believe these criminals have just practicing for a more larger caper.

Sally: We’ll have more on the story as it develops. In the meanwhile, On a lighter note… clowns

(screen shows….clowns)

(cut to Arthur opening apartment door)

Arthur: Heh. Heh. I always have trouble with these keys…

(He opens door)

Arthur: Well, here’s my place. What do you think?

Tick: It’s great! It looks just like an apartment. Where’s your secret headquarters trigger? Is this it?

(Tick rips off coat hook from wall)

Arthur: No! Wait!

Tick: You know a trigger. Like a candlestick or a statue that you twist and all your secret crime busting equipment pops out. This is it right?

(Tick goes after lamp, Arthur goes out to save it)

Arthur: No!

Tick: What does your sofa turn into? Your sonar/radar perimeter defense unit?

(Tick flips over sofa)

Arthur: No! It turns into a bed! Please, this is just an apartment.

Tick: It is?

Arthur: Yes! Yes!

Tick: Oh, well this place is going to take a lot of work if it’s going to be our superhero headquarters.

Arthur: No!

Tick: No?

(Arthur sits down on over turned couch)

Arthur: I don’t know. I just don’t know if I’m ready for this. To much excitement. To much adventure. I think I’m going crazy.

(Tick sits on couch)

Tick: You’re not going crazy Arthur. You’re going sane in a crazy world. Some people are destined for greater things! Arthur, you are one of those people. You can’t hide from it. You’ve got to hug it. Hug your destiny Arthur! Hug it…

(Arthur gets off couch, still holding lamp)

Arthur: (kinda scared) Uh huh. I think I’ll sleep on it, okay?

Tick: That’s fine my small friend. You rest up and I will monitor the culture.

(Tick turns on TV)

TV Announcer: Taste me! That’s Drama Flakes tasty challenge! Attractive, successful people love Drama Flakes. Guaranteed to make your like more eventful and dramatic with every golden spoonful. Just listens to them get an earful.

(Shot of Tick watching TV. Gunshot, screaming sound effects as announcer talks)

(Flips Channel)

Sally (on TV): Good evening. This is Sally Vacuum with a special report. I’m here at the City’s hydroelectric plant. Apparently the notorious Idea Men have taken the City dam hostage. Although we can’t understand a word they’re saying.

(Idea Man is talking in muffled speech)

Man offscreen: What? I’m sorry, we didn’t get that.

(Idea Man is pushed into dam by another Idea Man holding a sign that says "Give Money/or/Bomb Dam/Flood City)

Tick: Good heavens! They’re going to flood the city!

(Tick runs into Arthur’s room, still holding lamp, wakes him up)

Tick: Arthur! Get up! The City calls upon her steadfast protectors!

Arthur: Wh-What?

(In a setting of a different bedroom)

Bi-Polar Bear: This looks like a job for… Bi-Polar Bear. (sobbing) But I just can’t seem to get out of bed this month.

(Elsewhere in The City, a superhero is standing on a roof0

CL: This looks like a job for… (jumps off roof) Captain Lemmmmiiiiinnggggg!

(loud crashing noise)

CL: Come on spine, work with me!

(By a phone booth…)

Clark: Excuse me miss, I- I’ve got to change my outfit!

(woman in phone booth shuts booth door on him)

(At a nice suburban home with a giant cannon in the back yard)

Human Bullet: This looks like a job for the Human Bullet! (he gets in the cannon) Fire me boy!

(young boy launches HB across the town)

(Meanwhile on Arthur’s apartment roof)

Tick: Get those wings on Arthur!

Arthur: This isn’t such a good ide-

Tick: The wings. Put them on.

Arthur: I’m not so good at this.

Tick: You’ll get better.

Arthur: I’ve never flown before.

Tick: (pauses) Not a problem…

(Arthur is now standing on the edge of the roof with his wings extended)

Arthur: No! No. No. No.No. Changed my mind. Wanna come down.

Tick: It’s you’re destiny Arthur! Hug it!

(Tick pushes Arthur’s back, he begins to fall as he yells)

(He then begins to fly upward.)

Arthur: I’m very frightened.

Tick: No, Arthur! You’re very flying! You see, no more doubting yourself! Now, on to the dam! We have work to do!

(The Tick runs from rooftop to rooftop as Arthur flies overhead until Tick has no more roofs to jump to, he stops abruptly and grunts)

Tick: We’re all out of roofs.

(Arthur lands next to Tick on the roof)

Arthur: What happens now?

(Suddenly a grappling hook/line type thingie connects to the chimney on the roof and a bat-like figure swoops down from it)

Tick and Arthur: Wow!

Bat-figure: All out of roofs, eh?

Tick: Uh, yeah.

Arthur: Guess so.

(A woman in a red, white and blue maid’s outfit joins the heroes)

Woman: Die Fladermaus, I should have known you’d be out tonight.

DF: Well, if it isn’t American Maid. They worlds most patriotic domestic. This looks like a job for, Die Fladermaus, not some mop-squeezer. Why don’t you go scrub out a toilet somewhere?

AM: Why don’t you go smell up some cave?

Tick: People! People! There’s a dam about to blow up! We should team up and use all our resources to battle this evil!

AM+DF: Team up?

DF: I’m not going to team up with her!

AM: There’s that fear of commitment again!

(The two continue to bicker with each other)

DF: Oooh! Listen to Miss. Intimacy here!

AM: Jerk!

DF:Jingoist.

AM: Rabid goon.

DF: Clean freak.

AM: Nerd!

Tick: Some people just shouldn’t be in this business. To the dam!

Arthur: But how?

Tick: We’ll figure it out!

(Tick and Arthur jump to the ground)

(camera zooms out showing a gun-totting vigilante, watching the heroes)

Man: Amateurs, none of them really know how to handle evil! This looks like a job for… Big Shot! (maniacal laughter)

(he shoots a chimney into the shape of a skull)

Sally Vacuum: The mayor is now arriving and it looks like he’s brought the ransom money. Mayor Blank, are you really going to give in the Idea Men’s criminal demands?

Mayor: Well, Sally. Let me put it this way. How well can you swim? (laughs) But seriously. We have no choice. They have our dam and no force on earth can stop them now!

(The Tick and Arthur are getting out of a taxi in front of the dam. The Tick rushes out ahead of Arthur. As he runs he takes out a road barrier.)

Arthur: Let’s see 15% of…

Tick: Arthur! Onward!

(Arthur throws all the money to the driver)

Arthur: Just keep the change.

(Arthur runs along and stops for a second to catch his breath)

Tick (off camera): Arthur!

(On the dam)

Sally Vacuum: Seconds from now the mayor will hand over a briefcase containing ten million municipal dollars the biggest ransom ever paid in The City’s history.

(The sky shows Human Bullet still flying through the air.

(Big Shot runs up to a sign saying "No Trespassing: City Property" and shoots the shape of a skull into it)

(On the inside of the dam, the Idea Men are all by the turbines. One is talking on a phone. )

Arthur: Look!

(All of a sudden the one with the phone begins mumbling loudly and the others cheer as he hugs another.)

Arthur: They must’ve gotten their money!

(One of them activates the bomb)

Arthur: Hey! They got their money and they’re still gonna blow up the dam!

Tick: Hey! No fair!

(The Tick walks behind 4 Idea Men all standing in a row and he flicks the furthest one with his finger. All their heads bonk into each other, knocking them all unconscience)

(He picks up one of them and the front of his helmet opens)

Tick: OK Idea Man! What’s the big idea?

Idea Man: Well, we thought we’d steal a lot of money, and then we’d be rich, and we wouldn’t have to work anymore!

Tick: You cads! Now, turn off your bomb!

Idea Man: We can’t! Once it’s activated it can’t be shut off!

(The Tick rips the bomb off the wall and reaches his fist in)

Arthur: What are you doing?!

Tick: Shhh… I’m defusing it.

(The Idea Men begin to run out the door when an explosion throws them backwards. Big Shot comes running in guns-a-blazing)

Tick: Guns and superheroes don’t mix.

(Big Shot suddenly runs out of ammo and begins to cry)

Tick: Seek professional help. My goodness! I’m a walking time bomb! Get out of my way!

(Tick runs outside)

Big Shot: Why didn’t you love me… mom?

(he hugs Arthur, still crying)

(Tick is outside as Idea Men are being loaded onto their blimp. Seeing Tick they jump into the water, off the dam)

(The bomb explodes, destroying the Idea Men’s blimp. The ones on the blimp parachute down with large glowing lightbulbs on them, visible through the smoke)

(Arthur flies down)

Arthur: I-I guess we saved the City.

Tick: For the moment, yes, my friend. But, with luck, our future holds still more dire threats. More perilous plots, Wherever villainy rears it’s great big head, wherever evil sets it’s ill smelling foot, you will find… The Tick…

Arthur: oh… and Arthur! His, uh, sidekick!

Tick: Good show! And yes, my sidekick Arthur. Certainly a force to be reckoned with! May evil beware. And may good dress warmly and eat plenty of vegetables.

(The Human Bullet hits the Dam)

Human Bullet: I’m okay…