The Union for Bat's Rights
skit with The Count (Jerry Nelson) and assorted bats
[Bats are gathered around the bottom of a staircase in the Count’s castle.
The Count comes downstairs to find the bats squeaking loudly and indignantly.]
Count: What’s wrong, my pets? Why are you angry?
Bat #1: ‘Cause ... ‘cause we want our rights! We’re going on strike!
[Loud agreement from other bats.]
Count: On strike? Ah, but what is wrong?
Bat #1: ‘Cause ... ‘cause we never have any fun! We never get to count!
Bat #2: It’s our turn to count!
Other Bats: Yeah, it’s our turn to count!
All the Bats: It’s our turn to count! It’s our turn to count! It’s our turn to count!
[They keep up the chanting through the next speech.]
Count [to himself]: Ah, I have an idea.
[Aloud, to bats.] Okay, my darlings! You will get to count!
[Bats cheer.]
You will get to count all the Counts in the room, and then I, the Count, will count all the bats.
[Laughs. Bats groan.]
You first, my pets!
Bat #1: Wait a minute! What do you mean, count all the Counts? There’s only one of you here!
Count: Precisely so! One wonderful Count!
[Laughs, and thunder and lightning come. Bats groan again.]
Now it is my turn to count.
[Begins counting the bats, who are all complaining aloud.]
One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Seven batty bats!
[Laughs, and more thunder and lightning follow.]
Ah, fooled them again!
[Walks off, leaving bats squeaking angrily.]
Transcribed by Silvery Shoe