Detective Grover
skit starring Grover (Frank Oz) and another Muppet (not sure which one)
(Opening: Grover, wearing a trenchcoat outfit, is sitting at a desk in an office. There is a closed door leading outside, and through the window we can see trees swaying in a strong breeze. Music, like that from a Humprey Bogart detective music plays for a minute or two, but ending before the first lines are over.)
Grover's Voice-Over: The name is Grover. I am a detective. Oh, yes. I am cute, too. I was sitting in my office one windy day when there came at the knock at the door.
(At these words, Grover looks up expectantly. A moment later, there is a knock at the door, and a very agitated Muppet man enters.)
Man: Is this the office of cute, furry Detective Grover?
Grover: That it is, and you are looking at him.
Man (closing the door behind him): Oh, Detective Grover, something has been bothering me all day long!
(Ominous detective-type music begins to play. Grover and man both look up at the sound, as if to see where it's coming from.)
Grover (leaning forward and looking the man straight in the eyes): Something has been bothering you?
Man: Yes! Something has been bothering me, and I don't know what it is!
Grover's Voice-Over: I could tell this case was going to be really something. I asked for clues.
(Music has stopped by this time.)
Grover: Calm down, sir. I will find out what this something is that has been bothering you, but first I need clues. (Picks up a pad of paper and a pencil.) Now, how has this something been bothering you?
Man (shivering with fear): Well, this morning it rattled my windows!
Grover (writing on the tablet): Hmm, rattles windows. I seem to recall a window-rattling case in Fresno once. Tell me more.
Man: Well, then I heard it making low moaning sounds and whistling sounds.
Grover (writing): Moaning and whistling. More?
Man: Well, when I went outside on the street, it started throwing things at me. Leaves and dirt... and even pieces of paper!
Grover (still writing): Hmm. Messy. Very messy. What does this something look like?
Man: I don't know! (Music starts again.)
Grover (leaning forward in his chair): You do not know?
Man: No! It's invisible! I know it's there, but I can't see it! (Looks fearfully around him, whimpering.)
(Music has stopped once more.)
Grover: This case is getting stranger all the time. Now, let me go over my notes again.
(He looks at the tablet. At that moment, the door blows open and a blast of wind rushes in, blowing papers around, but Grover seems not to notice.)
Now, this morning you had your windows rattled.
(One of the walls of the office has been blown away, and the furniture is following suit! Grover is still not noticing, but the man is desperately fighting against the force of the gale.)
It makes moaning and whistling sounds, and...
(Man, in an effort to keep from being blown away, is clinging desperately to Grover's collar. Grover looks at him as if everything is normal.)
Please, sir, do not crush the collar!
(Grover looks back at his notes.)
Then things started being thrown at you.
(Man loses his grip on Grover's collar and gets blown away with a terrific yell. We hear the sound of him crashing into something. Grover looks up and sees him gone.)
Grover's Voice-Over: A come and a go in a detective's work. But it was too windy a day to work on a case anywaaaaaayyyyyyyy...
(The wind blows him away, and we hear another crash.)
Transcribed by Silvery Shoe