Getting Away From It All
skit starring Harvey Kneeslapper (Frank Oz) and assorted monsters and people
[Harvey Kneeslapper is wearing a loud plaid suit. A Muppet man enters.]
Harvey: Excuse, me sir...
Man: Yes?
Harvey: Do big, hairy monsters attack you on the street?
[As if on cue, a big, hairy monster who looks suspiciously like Herry Monster stalks onscreen, growling and snarling. He grabs the man, gives him a few good shakes, and exits.]
Man: Uh...the answer to that question, I think, is yes.
Harvey: Do crowds of people trample you underfoot?
[A crowd of Muppet people rushes across the screen. They miss Harvey, but run right over the other man.]
Man [getting shakily to his feet]: All the time. But what can I do about it?
Harvey: You need to learn about...
[A trumpet fanfare sounds as the words AWAY FROM appear across the screen in huge letters.]
Harvey: ...away from!
Man: Away from? What’s that?
Harvey: I’ll show you.
[He pulls the man close to him.]
Harvey: Now you are near to me!
[He pushes the man away.]
Harvey: Now you are away from me!
Man: But how can that help me?
Harvey: Very simple. Now, the next time a big, hairy monster starts to attack you on the street...
[The same big, hairy monster stalks onscreen, growling and snarling.]
Man: Oh, no!
Harvey: ...get away from him!
Man [running into the background]: Like this?
Harvey: That’s right.
[The monster leaves.]
Harvey: Come back again, near to me.
[The man comes back to Harvey’s side.]
Harvey: Now, the next time a crowd of people starts to trample you underfoot...
[The same crowd of people rushes onscreen.]
Man: Oh, no!
Harvey: ...get away from them!
Man [running into the background]: Like this?
Harvey: That’s right.
[The crowd of people rushes offscreen, again missing Harvey.]
Harvey: Come back again, near to me.
[The man comes back to Harvey’s side.]
Harvey: You have just learned the magic of...
[A trumpet fanfare sounds as the words AWAY FROM appear across the screen in huge letters.]
Harvey: ...away from! Yes, never again will you be attacked on the street by big, hairy monsters, or trampled underfoot by crowds of people, or anything like that!
[As Harvey speaks, he keeps giving the other man huge slaps on the back.]
Man: Excuse me, but I think I’m going to get away from you, too!
[He runs offscreen, leaving Harvey standing there in shock.]
Transcribed by SilveryShoe@aol.com