I Hate Christmas
sung by Oscar the Grouch (Carroll Spinney)
Words and Music by David Axelrid and Sam Pottle
(c) 1975 Sesame Street, Inc.
Actions from "Christmas Eve On Sesame Street"
[People, laughing and talking, are standing on and around the snow-covered steps of 123 Sesame Street.
Among them are Bob and Mr. Hooper, with their arms full of wrapped presents.]
[spoken]
Mr. Hooper: Well, I’ll see you later, Bob. I have a little errand to do.
Bob: Okay, Mr. Hooper.
[Mr. Hooper starts off.]
Bob: Oh, Mr. Hooper?
[Mr. Hooper stops and turns around.]
Bob: Happy Hanukkah.
[Mr. Hooper’s smile grows a bit wider.]
Mr. Hooper: Thank you, Bob. And a merry Christmas to you.
[Meanwhile, Oscar, in total disgust, is watching this scene from his trash can.
Oddly enough, though, a stocking hangs from his trash can.]
Oscar: Merry Christmas, merry Christmas! Huh! I hope their Christmas trees get termites.
[singing]
I can’t think of anything that’s dumber.
To a grouch, Christmas is a bummer!
Beaming faces everywhere.
Happiness is in the air.
I’m telling you, it isn’t fair!
I hate Christmas!
[Oscar hits Maria in the back with a snowball as she walks by.
Next he goes over to Susan, Gordon, and some kids by the steps.]
People loaded with good will,
Giving presents. What a thrill!
[Oscar hands a girl a newspaper-wrapped package with brown stuff dripping from it.]
That slushy nonsense makes me ill.
I hate Christmas!
[Bob comes out of a door, still carrying a tall stack of presents.]
I’d rather have a holiday like normal grouches do.
Instead of getting presents, they take presents back from you!
[Oscar grabs one of the presents from Bob, making him drop the whole stack.
A sound of breaking glass is heard.]
Here comes Santa, girls and boys!
So who needs that big red noise?
I’ll tell him where to leave his toys.
I hate Christmas!
[speaking as he heads toward the store]
And if you want the truth, I ain’t so crazy about Thanksgiving or Labor Day either!
[On the album, this line is: “And if you want the truth, I ain’t so crazy about Easter and Labor Day either!”]
[Scene changes to inside the store, where a huge Christmas wreath is on the wall.
Underneath it, Mr. Hooper is hanging a string with the word NOEL dangling from
it in paper letters of silver and red.]
Christmas carols to be sung.
Decorations to be hung.
Oh, yeah? Well, I stick out my tongue!
[Oscars tears off the E and the L, leaving the word NO.]
I hate Christmas!
[Scene changes to outside the store and the Fix-It Shop, where three musicians are playing
something that sounds like both “Joy to the World” and “The Twelve Days of Christmas.”
In front of them is a kettle on a tripod, like one of the Salvation Army’s.
Two kids walk by, each dropping something in the pot. Oscar comes up.]
Christmas bells play loud and strong.
Hurts my ears, all that ding-dong.
Besides, it goes on much too long!
[Oscar pulls half the bars off a sort of hand-held xylophone.]
I hate Christmas!
[Linda, Maria, and two kids are under the store’s awning, exchanging gifts.
A broom sticks up behind them.]
I’d rather have a holiday with a lot less joy and flash,
With a lot less cheerful smiling, and a lot more dirty trash, yeah!
[Oscars brushes the awning with the broom, making a load of snow fall on them.
Next minute, he and his trash can are back in their usual spot.]
Christmas Day is almost here.
When it’s over, then I cheer!
I’m glad it’s only once a year.
I hate Christmas!
(The album version has this added spoken line:)
And whoever hung that mistetoe over my trash can, well, I say, "Phooey!" and "Bah humbug!"
(Oscar goes into his can and slams the lid behind him.)
Transcribed by Heather Kalsisak, with actions added by the fab SilveryShoe@aol.com
Images shamelessly stolen from the equally fab ToughPigs.com
Originally released on the album
Merry Christmas From Sesame Street (1975)
Children's Television Workshop
available on the album
A Sesame Street Christmas (CD)
also available on the DVD
Christmas Eve On Sesame Street, and on Video