Sesame Street News Flash - Santa Claus
skit with Kermit the Frog (Jim Henson)
the Easter Bunny, the Halloween Witch, and a male Muppet
Announcer [speaking as the Sesame Street Newsflash logo appears]:
We take you now to Kermit the Frog for another fast-breaking news story!
[Scene changes to an area with some trees in the background.
Kermit is standing behind a board-fence and talking to someone offscreen.]
Kermit: Are you sure he's here yet?
[Turns to face the camera and clears his throat.]
Oh! Hi-ho there, this is Kermit the Frog, and today we've got some very exciting news because we're about to have a chat with a man who is one of the world's most famous people. He is the man who travels in a sleigh pulled by eight tiny reindeer.
[Pushes his face towards the camera as he asks ...]
Anybody out there know who that is? Hmm? I'll give ya another hint, he travels all around the world, he slides down chimneys, and he delivers presents once a year. [Pause] Who's that? [Nods his head] You're right! And here he is now, ladies and gentlemen, here comes Santa Claus! Come on in!
[A lavender Muppet rabbit in a blue turtleneck sweater enters, carrying a bulging sack made of brown cloth.]
Rabbit: Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Oh, Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho, ho.
Kermit: Hold on, wait a second. [Looking confused.]
Rabbit: Let me put this bag down. [The Rabbit puts the bag down beside him.] Get that out of the way.
Kermit: Pardon me there ... umm ... Who ... who ... who are you?
Rabbit: I’m Santa Claus. I thought you’d recognize me.
Kermit: You’re not Santa Claus. You’re a rabbit!
Rabbit: Well, no, no, ahhh ... I’m Santa Claus.
Kermit: [To camera] I don't exactly know what to say here folks.
Rabbit: Well, why don’t you ask me what kind of presents I'm going to deliver on Christmas morning?
Kermit: Do I have to?
Rabbit: Oh, come on, go ahead, be a pal.
Kermit [in very forced tones]: What kind of presents do you deliver on Christmas morning?
Rabbit: I’m glad you asked!
Kermit [To camera]: I’m sorry I asked.
Rabbit [Looking into his bag.]: Yeah, well, mostly jack-o-lanterns here. Yeah, jack-o-lanterns.
[He takes out a plastic pumpkin and puts it on a board sticking out from the fence. He also produces a mask and puts it next to the pumpkin, but it falls off behind the fence.]
And scary masks. They’re funny.
[TD Note: At first I thought it was a Nixon mask he pulled out, which would have been pretty funny, but on closer inspection it appears to be Frankenstein.]
[He takes out a toy black cat and puts it with the other stuff.]
And black cats, they're good for a scream, ya know? Ha, ha.
[Takes out a modern-day broom.]
And brooms, broomsticks ...
Kermit [Getting irritated.]: Wait a second! Now, just wait a minute here! Broomsticks?! Broomsticks?! All that stuff is for witches! That’s all Halloween stuff, is what that is!
Rabbit: What are you talking about?!
Kermit: Listen, where are the eggs?
Rabbit [a bit nervously]: Eggs? W-w-what eggs?
Kermit: The Easter eggs! I know you. You’re the Easter Bunny, and you’re supposed to be delivering Easter eggs. Now, where are the Easter eggs?
[A lavender Muppet witch, holding a basket of colored eggs, bounces onscreen.]
Witch [hopping up]: Hi, there! Right here, yeah, I got ‘em! It's me! Yeah, I got ‘em!
[She bounds to a stop at Kermit’s other side.]
Me, the little ol’ Easter witch, hippity-hopping all around the land, hiding eggs hither and yon, here and there!
Kermit: Wait a second! This is all ridiculous! Now you two have got this whole thing all mixed up!
Rabbit: It seems perfectly clear to me.
Kermit: No, no, no. Now, let me explain.
[Turns toward the witch.]
Now, listen. Witches go with Halloween. That's when you ride around on broomsticks. And people dress up in funny masks, and things. All that stuff here that the rabbit had, see?
[Looks at the rabbit.]
Okay, and you, the Easter Bunny...
Rabbit: Yeah?
Kermit: You’re supposed to hide colored eggs for Easter morning. And Santa Claus, he’s the guy ... he's the guy who delivers Christmas presents by sliding down the chimney. And he’s the one who goes, “Ho, ho, ho!” Now, ya got that?
[A white-bearded Muppet man in a red suit and hat enters behind Kermit.]
Man: Wait, wait, wait. Say that once more.
Kermit: I said, “Ho, ho, ho!”
Man: You’re Santa Claus! I’ve been looking all for over you!
[He jumps into Kermit’s lap.]
First I would like a train and then I want a truck ...
[The witch and the rabbit crowd around Kermit, with all three of them trying to shout their wish lists at once.
Kermit’s biggest wish seems to be an escape from the lot!]
Kermit: Hold on! ... Will you get off my lap?!
[To camera.] This is Kermit the Frog returning you to your studio.
Transcribed by Silvery Shoe, with help from your webmistress Tiny Dancer