B Or Not A B

recited by Patrick Stewart
The scene is a stage, empty save for a high stool. Perched upon the stool is a figure draped in Shakespearean garb holding something in his hand. As the spotlight brightens, we see it is Patrick (*swoon*) Stewart holding a letter B. Might I be pushing it to say the letter appears to be carved in bone? ;-) Think "Hamlet", folks, picture what he was holding when he gave the "To be or not to be" speech .... Take it away, Patrick ...

B or not a B?
That is the question.
Whether 'tis the second letter of the alphabet, or some other merry letter.
(He raises the letter B and gazes upon it)
B or not a B?
This letter doth have a stiff, straight back.
And the word "back" begineth with B!
B or not a B?
This letter doth have two bumps in the front.
And I reckon the word "bump" begineth with B!
Zoons, the word "begineth" begineth with B!
If "begineth" be a word.
Now, by my sword, I declare, B or not a B, 'tis B!
Good night, sweet B.
(He kisses the lucky letter B!)

Transcribed by the archive's webmistress Tiny Dancer