Sesame Street News Flash - Kermit In Wonderland
skit starring our intrepid reporter, Kermit the Frog (Jim Henson), and Alice
parody of Alice In Wonderland
Voice-over: We take you now to Kermit the Frog with another fast-breaking news story!
[Scene changes to a room decorated with Victorian furniture.
Next to Kermit is a tiny girl holding a bottle.]
Kermit [talking to an offscreen person]: So where’s the White Rabbit?
[Pause]
Late again, huh?
[He suddenly realizes the camera’s rolling and turns to face it.]
Oh, hi ho, there! This is Kermit the Frog, and I’m speaking to you from Wonderland, where anything can happen and it usually does. And with me is Alice. Hello, Alice.
Alice: Hi there, Kerm.
Kermit: And, Alice, I understand you’ve been having some pretty amazing adventures.
Alice: Yeah, that’s right.
Kermit: I see, and ... uh ... incidentally, you’re kind of small, aren’t you, even for a little girl?
Alice: Yeah, I know. It must’ve been something I ate.
Kermit: Well, Alice, what is your next amazing adventure going to be?
Alice: Well, I’ll tell you, Kerm. I have this little bottle of water here that says, "Drink Me," so I’m gonna drink it.
Kermit: I see. And what will happen after that?
Alice: I don’t know. We’ll see.
Kermit: Well, that’s Wonderland for you, folks. You never know what’ll happen when you drink some water.
[Alice is taking a few gulps from the bottle.]
There she goes, she is drinking the water.
[Alice is starting to grow.]
Wait a minute, what’s happening here?
[Alice keeps growing until she’s a normal-sized girl.]
Wow, Alice, that was amazing! You just took a drink and you got big fast!
Alice: I know I did. You know, that was curiously refreshing. I think I’ll drink some more of this.
Kermit: You sure?
[Alice is already drinking some more of the water and is growing bigger.
By this time, she’s taller than Kermit.]
Kermit: You know, you’re bigger now, Alice!
Alice: I know I am. Well, I might as well finish this drink.
Kermit: You think that’s smart? I mean, there’s a fairly low ceiling in this place ...
[Alice is drinking the remainder of the water and shooting up until we see nothing of her but her legs.]
Kermit: Look out for the ceiling, Alice!
[We hear a tremendous crack and see bits of plaster raining down onto the floor.
By this time, Alice has finally stopped growing.
Only her shoes and stockings are showing in the picture.]
Kermit [disgustedly]: Alice!
Alice: Oh, dear!
Kermit: You hit the ceiling, Alice!
Alice: I know!
Kermit: Are you okay?
Alice: I’m okay. I’m sorry about the ceiling, though.
Kermit: Well, how do you feel?
Alice: I feel big!
Kermit: Well, you’re certainly the biggest little girl I’ve ever seen.
Alice: This is the biggest I’ve ever been.
Kermit: Well, Alice ... you’re real big.
Alice: I am big.
Kermit: Well, Alice, I’m getting a stiff neck just from talking to you ...
Alice: Oh.
Kermit: ... so I guess that the interview’s over.
Alice: Oh, okay. Bye, Kerm.
Kermit: Bye bye.
[Alice walks offscreen.]
Kermit: Boy, I’ve seen big in my time, but she is the biggest ... Hey, what’s down there?
[He bends down and picks up a cupcake labeled "Eat Me."]
She left a cupcake. I think I’ll take a little taste of that.
[He takes a nibble of it.]
Hmm, that tastes rather strange ...
[All at once he gives a shout of surprise as he begins to shrink.
Close-up to show him shrunken out of his clothes.
His head pokes out from the pile.]
Kermit (teeny tiny voice): This is Kermit the Frog returning you to your regularly scheduled program and ...
[He tries to pick up the microphone.]
How am I gonna explain this back at the office?
Transcribed by SilveryShoe@aol.com