Joke List #1


How many members of your astrological sign does it take to
Change A Light Bulb?

AriesJust one. You want to make something of it?
TaurusOne, but just "try" to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.
GeminiTwo, but the job never gets done - they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done!
CancerJust one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.
LeoLeos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo to do the job for them while they're out.
VirgoApproximately 1.0000000 with an error of 1 millionth.
LibraEr, two. Or maybe one. No - on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you?
ScorpioThat information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.
SagittariusThe sun is shining, the day is young and we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid light bulb?
CapricornI don't waste my time with these childish jokes!
AquariusWell, you have to remember that everything is energy, so...
PiscesLightbulb? What lightbulb?




Little Leroy came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."

Little Leroy was a bit of a trouble maker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Leroy's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Leroy, of course, thought he did. Leroy's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted Leroy to reflect on his behavior over the last year.

"Go to your room, Leroy, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday."

Little Leroy stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1
Dear God:
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Leroy.
(Leroy knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.)

Letter 2
Dear God:
This is your friend Leroy. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday. Thank you. Your friend, Leroy.
(Leroy knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.)

Letter 3
Dear God:
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
(Leroy knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Leroy wrote a fourth letter.)

Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please! Thank you, Leroy.
(Leroy knew, even if it were true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.)

Now, Leroy was very upset. He went downstairs and told his Mom that he wanted to go to church. Leroy's mother thought her plan had worked as Leroy looked very sad.

"Just be home in time for dinner," Leroy's mother told him.

Leroy walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Leroy went into the church and up to the alter. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Leroy bent down and picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Leroy began to write his letter to God.

Letter 5
God,
I'VE GOT YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE! Signed, YOU KNOW WHO