Author's Notes: This takes place during the series, but not at any particular point. It's bizarre, it's fruity and the opening is from the second season of The Twilight Zone. I don't want to violate copyright law or anything.

As for how Arago got a body -'s COMEDY!!!! Lighten up!! He's a demon, he probably possessed some poor human schmuck to do it. But possessing poor human schmucks won't enable you to conquer worlds; that's why he needs the yoroi. *nod nod* Yeah that makes sense. Every once in a while I CAN pull a good explanation out of my...err..nevermind. ^_^ Just read.

Dedicated to Magma Angel and to Tav's computer


You're traveling through another dimension. A dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind. A journey into a wonderous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead; your next stop:

Cobblestone Psychological Group

The once great Lord of the Youjakai sighed as he walked up to the door. How humiliating. He hoped no one recognized him.

The offices were in a busy strip mall. How inane. Drop off the dry cleaning, donate some clothes to Goodwill, stop in and see the shrink before picking up some Chinese carry-out to take home for dinner.

But that had been part of the point. No one would ever expect to see him there. This was the absolute LAST place anyone would EVER look for him.

So imagine his surprise when he ran into Naaza and Anubisu coming out of the office.

"Boss?! What are YOU doing here?" Anubisu asked, wide-eyed.

"How did you find us?!!" Naaza exclaimed.

Arago didn't get to be the Lord of all the Youjakai by being a total dimwit. "I will ask the questions," he boomed in his best "FEAR ME!!" voice. "Now explain your presence here to me!!"

"We uh...well it's like this, boss..."

"It's our monthly Evil Henchmen Support Group meeting," Anubisu explained.

Arago blinked. "Evil Henchmen Support Group??"

Naaza took over. "Well, it's tough being an evil henchman, even if you're sort of higher up like we are. I mean, what IS a henchman anyway?"

"Oh don't get started on THAT again," Anubisu groaned.

"No seriously. Hench? What the hell is a hench?? Or is it a verb? To hench? I don't know! If I don't even know what a henchman is, how can I be a good evil henchman?!"

"You two are the only ones attending group?"

"Well we tried to get Rajura to come, but he's in..." Anubisu whispered the last word, "Denial."

Just then, Sh'ten walked out of the office and stared in abject surprise and horror at Arago. "Arago-sama...what...?"

"I should've known YOU'D be here too."

"He comes to hit on the receptionist," Naaza snickered.

Sh'ten blushed. "Urusai."

"BE GONE FROM THIS PLACE NOW!!!!!!!!" Arago roared and all three scared henchmen (whatever a hench is or however you hench) disappeared, heading back for the Youjakai at top speed. He looked around to make sure no one was watching and entered the office. "If they figure out why I'm really here, I'll never live it down..."


"Now, Mister Arago, please have a seat," the therapist said in a calm, smooth, even voice as they entered one of the many office suites. The room was decorated in cool blues and purples and grays, with two overstuffed armchairs and a large sofa in it. Bookcases along one wall, filled with leather-bound books on psychology and classical literature. Very sedate and calming.

"Where?" he asked.

"Wherever you like." His newly-appointed therapist was a male human in his mid-forties with slightly graying hair at his temples, bifocals, and gray-black beard and mustache.

Arago was immediately drawn to one of the armchairs but felt too confined so he opted instead for the couch.


He nodded. " do we start?"

The therapist, Dr. Klein, sat in one of the armchairs with a notepad and pencil. "I'm going to take notes on our first couple of sessions, if you don't mind. Just until I get to know you."

"I don't mind."

"Why don't we start with why you think you need counseling?"

Arago took a deep breath. "Job stress."

"Job stress?" Jot jot note note. "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm an Evil Overlord who's trying to take over the human world in order to make all of humanity my slaves."

Note note. "And you're finding some resistance to this, I would think?"

"Quite a bit. There are these...these TEENAGE BRATS who keep getting in my way!! They have these mystical yoroi..."

"Uh, excuse me, yoroi?"

"Suits of armor."

"Ah got it." Jot jot. "Please continue."

"And they're DAMN GOOD at using them!! I never expected such resistance. And they're so relentless!! I mean, it's like they're not even teenagers at all!"

"What makes you say that?"

"Oh come ON. Any NORMAL teenager could be bought off with some money or something. Offer to get them a nice stereo or get them laid or something and they'd do whatever you wanted. At least, that's how it was back when I was growing up." Arago shook his head. "Kids these days."

"Why do you want to take over the human world?"

"I already said - to make all of humanity my slaves."

"But WHY would you want all of humanity to serve you?"

Arago paused. " know, I never really thought about it."

"Having a large number of slaves shows power over people. Is it a power issue?"

"Well I'm already an Evil Overlord. I mean, I have all of the Youjakai groveling at my feet...if I had feet."

"But that isn't enough for you?"

"Can you ever have too much power?" Arago asked.

"Is there a point to conquering the human world besides showing your might and strength?"

"Well, there are some DAMN sexy women in this world. Not that there aren't in the Youjakai; I mean, Lady Kayura's shaping up to be one fine lookin' woman, but I raised her from a little girl. It'd be like incest. Now Salma Hayek...Daaaaaaaaaaaammmmnnn fine woman SHE is."

"So you have a sexual interest as well?" Jot note.

"'s more power than sex."

"Well sex is a sort of power in its own right."

The Evil Overlord Arago nodded thoughtfully. "Point."

"You like your job then?"

"Oh yeah, it's great. I really get a kick out of the whole power over other, more insignificant, lives and destruction of major centers of culture and commerce."

"And why do you think that is?"

"I'm Evil."

"Oh that's right," the therapist readjusted his bifocals as he re-scanned his notes. "So the stress is coming purely from the resistance from these 'Teenage Brats', then?"

"Well not entirely. I have some pretty sketchy hench...err..flunkies." The therapist arched an eyebrow minutely. Note jot. "But mostly, yeah it's those blasted Troopers."


"That's what they call themselves. Samurai Troopers. How patently ridiculous. The only way they could have picked a stupider name would've been if they'd gone with something like..." Arago paused to think.

"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?" the therapist suggested helpfully.

"Ronin Warriors," Arago decided aloud. The therapist nodded in agreement and motioned for his new patient to continue. "So they're always thwarting me at every turn, destroying all my hard-wrought plans..." Arago sighed wearily.

"And how does that make you feel?" Jot note jot.

"ANGRY. Frustrated."


"Depressed??" He took that into consideration. "Well...maybe just a little bit. I mean...well...I'm EVIL. That's just what I am, who I am. That's me. And it just gets old, being constantly persecuted just for being ME, you know?? I mean..." He began to sniffle a little. "What about MY feelings, hm? Why am I so unimportant?? Don't I matter at ALL?? Why is it always THEM THEM THEM!?" He started crying, and the therapist pulled a couple of tissues from a nearby box and handed them to the sobbing Evil Lord of the Youjakai, who accepted them with tear-stained gratitude.

"You've reached a good point now. You're letting these feelings out. I feel like you've really hit something important today, Mr. Arago. Think about your feelings of unimportance and what they may mean in relation to your desire to conquer other beings and make them your eternal soul-less slaves, okay?" The patient nodded as the tears slowed. "And I'll see you next week, right?" Nod nod nod. "Make sure to make an appointment with my receptionist on the way out and arrange for payment options."

"Payment?" Arago asked.

"Of course sir. This isn't a free clinic. My fee is $100 dollars per session..."

Arago, knowing only Japanese yen, worked the conversion rates over in his mind and was bowled over. "You've got to be kidding me!"

"It's a standard price, quite fair really."


"Now see, think back to where you just were and find that place again and think about..."


Arago's attack was swift, brutal, and over in a matter of minutes. As he stood amidst the rubble, he sighed and looked up at the sky. What he could see of it through the smoke was clear and blue and bright. Birds were singing. "I feel so much better," he said to no one in particular. "Good day to take over the world." Nodding, he put his hands in his pockets and strolled along what remained of the strip mall, whistling a happy tune.