Slayers NEXT, episode 1

Setting: The busy streets of the Kingdom of Rekka. The people are celebrating: there are fireworks and created dragons winding through the streets. Dancing maidens perform on a stage; a strong man bends an iron pipe.

Business is thriving in a nearby tavern, where a traveling swordsman and sorceress are ordering lunch.

Kivrin: Hey, lady! I'll have lunch A, triple portion!
Seiji: I'll have triple portion as well.

The waitress sets their order in front of them on one large platter, apologizing for the wait.

Kivrin: Itadakimasu!!
Seiji: *nods and says, a bit more calmly* Itadakimasu. *they dig in*
Outta my way!! *is eating quite a bit for herself*
Haven't you ever heard of the word "restraint", Kivrin?
Kivrin: And what does that mean?!?!
Seiji: *ignoring the question* By the way, Kivrin, are you planning to stay in this city for awhile??
Kivrin: Yeah, I am! What about it?!

Their forks meet and clash as they both attempt to spear the same sausage. A fork fight instantly breaks out. Normally Seiji'd just let her have it, but she's already eaten quite a bit of it by herself, and he's hungry as well.

Kivrin: How many times do I have to explain this, jellyfish brains?!?!
Seiji: An opening!! *knocks the fork out of her hand*

Just as Seiji is relishing his victory and is preparing to eat at a much more leisurely pace, a fight breaks out in the tavern. A large urn of some kind hits Seiji on the head and he falls over backwards. Kivrin just recovers her utensils and starts eating again, stuffing her face

Kivrin: I don't know what's going on but now's my chance!!

A man pushed into her table breaks the table, the dishes, and spills her food all over the place. Kivrin stares.

Kivrin: *quietly**She stands and, angry tears in her eyes, now screams*MY....FOOD!!!! DIL BRAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There's a large explosion that blasts two of the people fighting out into the streets. It turns out they're husk soldiers from the Youjakai.

Husk Soldier #1: What the....?
Husk Soldier #2: What the heck happened?
Kivrin: *walking out of ruined tavern* You guys are free to have a fight anywhere you want to, but involving other people in your fight and then interfering with an innocent girl's meal is unforgiveable. Moreover, when you decide to mess with Kivrin Inverse, consider yourself lucky to get off this easy!

The Husk Soldiers (HS) stand up and draw their swords.

HS #1: What did you say?!
Seiji: Hold it! *he slices their swords into little bitty pieces*
HS #1:
M-m-my sword's been sliced!!
Seiji: Waving those things around in a city is dangerous *he informs them calmly, then walks over and gives them some confidential advice* Besides, if you go and just pick a fight with her you don't know what she may end up doing!
HS #1: Even if you say that, I ain't backin' out now!!! I've never gotten a part with lines before, and I'm not giving up that easily!!
Seiji: *to camera, and audience* They really should stop, you know??

** The Sudden Pinch! The Terror of the Monstrous Angstmeister!!**

Princess Mason (no, not THAT Princess Mason...) is riding through the streets of Rekka, under the standard of Kongo. She reins in her horse and points the scroll in her hands towards the Castle of Rekka.

Mason: Shu!! In the name of Kongo, I shall see this mission through successfully!! *A townsperson yells that there's a fight going on* A fight?? *she overhears two girls talking, saying that it looks like a girl of 15 or 16 is taking on two really huge guys* Eh? Sugoi!! It's been months since I left Kivrin-San and the others. I wonder what they're all doing now. *there is the sound of Kivrin yelling* Yes, yes, she sounded just like that...HUH?!?! *as she double-takes and looks at the fight*
Kivrin Inverse SMASH!!! *as she beats the $#!% out of the guys*

There's a shot of a statue of Ryo the Red Priest; panning down, two of the Husk Soldiers are right underneath.

HS #1: Y-you little bitch! You're not half bad!!
Kivrin: Voo Vrymer!!! *in a quieter voice* The real one, not Boo Brymer... *A shockwave of energy goes into the ground from her hand and into the statue. The Husk Soldiers look up at the statue* Go get 'em, big guy!!

The statue of Ryo the Red Priest comes to life, reaches down, picks up the Husk Soldiers, bashes them together a bit and then tosses them away.

Kivrin: Well, I'd say that's that.
Mason: *now being able to see Kivrin clearly through the carnage* Kivrin-San?
Kivrin: Mason?
Mason: *jumping off her horse* KIVRIN-SAN!!!!! *tackle-hugs Kivrin, who manages to stay on her feet* It's been so long!!
Kivrin: What are you doing here, Mason? Nice dress, by the way!!
Seiji: *pushing through the crowd of spectators* Well, if it isn't Mason...
Mason: Seiji-Sama!
Seiji: Konnichiwa. *nod*
Kivrin: Who are you, Korin-Chan??
Mason: *ignores that* I see you haven't changed a bit. *looking at the many unconscious bodies*
Kivrin: *sheepish chuckle* Yeah, well...
Mason: Still, I never imagined I'd meet you again here! What are you doing here?
Kivrin: What do you mean? To see the magical Cookbook of Rekka, of course!
Seiji: Isn't that what you came here to see, Mason? Or did you come to pay your respects to King Ryo?? *with a very slight smirk*
Mason: *blushing slightly, glaring at Seiji* Actually, Shu sent me to...Uh...I mean...I came to see the Cookbook of Rekka too! *backing away from Seiji and Kivrin* Uh, gotta go...going somewhere. Nearby...*jumps on to her horse* Anyway...gotta run! *waves and dashes off towards the castle, her escort hard on her heels*
What's wrong, I wonder?

Meanwhile, in the Castle of Rekka...

Dakota: Ryo! *tapping her foot, hands on hips* Has the messenger from Kongo arrived yet?

The camera focuses on a shot of a really ugly relief that looks a little bit like an unrepressed Shin, an emotionally abusive Touma and Seiji on a bad hair day all crammed together.

Ryo: (off-screen) Yes....Shu sent the current wielder here.
Dakota: Meaning that Kongo still isn't convinced of our hostile intentions?
Ryo: Well, who can say? He's really not as dumb as he seems. But no matter how Kongo moves against us, eventually the world will be mine.
Dakota: Exactly, Ryo...*with a look on her face that says, "ha, that's what YOU think". She starts giggling and then Ryo joins her. They laugh for a bit, pause, look at each other and continue laughing*
Uh, by the way, Dakota....
Dakota: Nani, Ryo?
Ryo: Can't you please move this relief outside? It's just so creepy, you know?
Dakota: What? Don't you think it looks wonderful? It's my patron monster Angstmiester.
Ryo: I won't argue with your tastes,'s a bit much to decorate my throne room with it?
Dakota: Request denied.
Ryo: Sou ka.
Dakota: Anyway, about the messenger from Kongo...
Ryo: Oh her. I'm sure we can handle a young girl or two. Shall we take Kongo's current wielder hostage and then immediately attack Kongo?
Dakota: I've heard that the current wielder is a skilled sorceress. What if she isn't that easy to capture?
Ryo: We needn't worry no matter how good a sorceress she is. Right, my dear sorcerer? *turning his head to look at the entryway*

Touma enters, mask still covering the lower half of his face, and strikes a pose.

Dakota: *gets all cat-looking* Suteki....

Down in the streets surrounding the castle...

Kivrin: Mason was acting so obviously strange...
Seiji: Well, she ALWAYS acts strange in a way, but even so...
Kivrin: She was almost acting like she's really involved in something...That's gotta be it! That girl's up to something! And she doesn't want us getting mixed up in it! That's why she suddenly went all formal and distant on us.
Seiji: Hmm *nods* That would make sense....
Kivrin: It's the only thing I can think of! But Mason swore that she'd always follow me!
Seiji: And just WHEN did she ever swear THAT?
Kivrin: that we know this, we're gonna help her out!
Seiji: Huh? *clearly shocked*
Kivrin: Nani?
Seiji: I was just thinking that's so upright for you to say.
Kivrin: *instantly attacks Seiji, pulling his cheeks painfully* Hey! I can be upright once in a while!! Besides!
Seiji: *released from cheek pulling* Besides?
Kivrin: That girl's the current wielder of Kongo. If things turn out right, I can get a preferential look at the Cookbook of Rekka!!
Seiji: And you wanted this Cookbook of Rekka thing....why?
Kivrin: Ohh!! How many times do I have to explain this, you bleached-blonde twit? *as she smashes his face into a fruit stall*
Seiji: *takes off his wig* Technically, I'm bald.
Kivrin: I DON'T CARE!!! *gets all dreamy eyed* The whole reason I came to this city in the first place was so that I could see the magical Cookbook of Rekka. Of all books of cooking, without exception, the most famous one is the Suiko Gourmet Bible. It had several connections with the revival of the Demon Lord Arago many years ago. They say he came back just to taste food made from the recipes in that book! They say the Cookbook of Rekka is almost as valuable. The book was entrusted to this kingdom, and they only allow the public to see it once every 50 years. So there's no way I'm going to miss seeing it! So, do you get it NOW??
Seiji: *awakes from his meditation* I'm sorry, your constant prattle put me into a trance-like state, so I took the opportunity to meditate.
Kivrin: DIL BRAND!!!!!!!

Princess Mason (no, not THAT Princess Mason...) is en route to the throne room, guarded by her two hunky bishonen escorts. She's thinking about her recent run-in with Trouble itself.

Mason: *thinking* Oh I wish I could've been more honest with Kivrin-San. Still, I'm here this time as Kongo's ambassador! If Kivrin-San, the chaos and destruction poster girl, gets involved here...Oh, I hope I can keep a war from starting.

Trumpets announce the Princess's arrival before the court. Ryo stops them by raising his hand.

Ryo: Well, Princess Mason (no, not THAT Princess Mason...), I must say you look exceptionally lovely today....
Mason: *blush* Really? I*cough, clear throat* King Ryo! *holds up her scroll with the proclamation on it* Hear my words!! *thinking* Oh lord, give me the strength not to jump him here and now.... *saying aloud* We have evidence that you're building up troop strength far above what our treaty allows! *thinking* And if you keep being a naughty boy, I'll have to spank you....urgh...keep your mind focused, Mason!! *saying aloud* If you continue your military build-up at this rate...
Ryo: *thinking as he looks at Princess Mason (no, not THAT Princess Mason...)* Damn, she's a hottie....fiesty little thing too. Maybe after we take her hostage, I, no, pay attention to what she's saying, damnit!!!
Mason: ...then, in the name of Justice, Kongo shall consider you an enemy!

There is much mumbling from the crowd.

Ryo: Princess Mason (no, not THAT Princess Mason...) our military build-up is purely defensive.
Mason: Silence! Even if it is delicious, I mean, defensive, this build-up is seen as a threat by other kingdoms! If you cause unnecessary tensions to rise between them...*thinking* I can think of some tensions I'D like to raise....*saying aloud*...a war will eventually break out! And when that happens, do you intend to take responsibility?!
Ryo: *trying to think of something to say that doesn't involve her, her dress (the removal thereof), and his royal bedchamber*

A laugh is heard through the throne room. Dakota is perched on a chandelier, laughing. She jumps and tries to flip to the floor gracefully....and ends up falling on her face.

Mason: Your form is terrible!! When you land, you should turn your body like this...!! *falls on her face as well. Ryo looks a bit freaked and is drooling, since he got a brief flash as Mason's skirt flared*
Dakota: We won't take any orders from you! *standing and posing* Our responsibility is to take over the world!!

Mason stands up opposite Dakota.

**commercial break**

Mason: Take over the world?!
Dakota: Exactly! And then we'll sacrifice the world to the monstrous Angstmiester!!
Ryo: *freaks at that statement* Uh, actually I just want to use the army to take over the world...
Dakota: *ignoring Ryo and doing much gratuitous posing*And, sooner or later the biggest threat to my plans will be Kongo!
Mason: *goes into her own refreshing pose break* Not only do you wish to take over the world, you desire to sacrifice it to a horrible monster! By any other name, that is evil! Heaven may forgive you, but Mason will not!
Dakota: Just the words I was waiting for. Everyone! Capture this girl!
Ryo: Um, I am the king, Dakota, so maybe I should....
Dakota: Ryo, shut up!
Ryo: H-hai...
Dakota: Get Her!!

The guards attack and Dakota laughs again at her victory until...


The guards are taken out by the powerful spell.

Dakota: It looks like her sorcery really is pretty powerful.*nibbling worriedly on a thumbnail, eye twitching* Well, we have our own. *she whistles, as though calling a dog*

From the shadows, Touma walks out. He takes the face mask off to reveal his full face. Mason slowly realizes who he is as he comes to stand opposite her.

Mason: Touma-San!!
Touma: To think we would meet again like this...*sigh* Such is destiny. *draws his sword*
What are you doing here, Touma-San?
Touma: I'm working for this kingdom. In other words, you and I are now enemies!
Mason: Oh No!!
Touma: Lately, I'd almost started to think of myself as an easy going guy, but this is my true form!
Mason: Oh, for two people who once battled together in the name of Justice to have to meet again in battle! What a dramatic situation!
Touma: Oi....*take* You know how powerful I am, Mason.
Mason: *is obviously torn. She thinks* I couldn't seriously fight one of my old comrades. But if I show any mercy to him, there's no way I can win! Still, if I appeal to him as an old friend, he'll see the big picture and realize that justice is...*aloud* Hey! *realizes the guards have tied her up while she stood there pondering* When did this happen?! *As Dakota cheers in the background and Ryo just stares at her* A clever plan, Touma-San! You used my love of justice against me in an act of psychological warfare!
Touma: Uh, actually no, but...hey I like your version better! *shrugs as he puts away his sword*

Cut to one of the bell towers of the castle. Princess Mason (no, not THAT Princess Mason...) is tied up. Touma is on the ledge of the bell tower, sitting, watching for intruders, while Ryo and Dakota discuss their plans inside.

Mason: Here I am, captured for the sake of world peace...Oh, how beautiful...
Ryo: *looking up at her* Uh, moshi moshi? Should you really be getting into this so much?? *thinking* Hey, I guess she LIKES being tied up...I'll make a mental note of THAT....
Mason: Right! When you think about it, this isn't how I'm supposed to act! I want to be the hero who RESCUES the captured princess....although I'd settle for being rescued by Heero.
Dakota: Wrong anime, baka...but anyway, now Kongo will have to do what I say!!
Ryo: No, not as YOU say...
Mason: No! I may be caught in your plot, but justice will triumph in the end! I may be imprisoned for now, but I know some justice-loving person will save me!

There are explosions leading up towards the tower, Touma notices. The tower begins to shake.

Ryo: Na-na-nani?!?!
Dakota: Kongo surprise attack?!
Mason: It can't be!
Kivrin: *from outside* MEGA BRAND!!! *The top of the tower breaks off and hits the ground. Kivrin lands gracefully while dropping Seiji* I came to save you, Mason!
Ryo: Wh-who the hell are you?!
Kivrin: *flipping her hair and posing* Well, though it is a little presumptuous to introduce myself this way, I am the beautiful young sorcery genius, Kivrin Inverse!
Seiji: *stands up, dusting himself off* Uh, Kivrin...
Kivrin: *angry* What? I've got a good scene going here. Don't interrupt!
Seiji: I merely wanted to point out that you seemed to have blown up Mason as well.
Kivrin: *blink blink. She runs over to Mason, who is under a large bell* Daijoubu, Mason? *shakes the bell until it breaks*
DAIJOUBU JA ARIMASEN YO!!! Kivrin-San, how could you do that?!
Kivrin: Gomen, I guess it's been a while since I used my full power. Besides, I was worried about you. So what?
Mason: That isn't an excuse!!
Kivrin: Anyway!! *turning her attention back to Dakota and Ryo* I heard the whole story. Your evil scheme ends here!
Dakota: *chewing on part of her cape worriedly* Ryo!!
. Ryo: Kivrin Inverse?! You mean the walking force of destruction? The natural enemy of all who live?! The girl who leaves wreckage and chaos in her wake?! Kivrin, the Dragon Spooker....
Kivrin: URUSAI YO!!!
Ryo: Get her!!

The guards attack. Seiji gets rid of them all (with one swing no less!)

Seiji: Forgive the late introduction. I'm Kivrin's guardian, Seiji Gabriev. *bows*

Touma, who must've been levitating above all this time, lands on a rock spire and looks down at them all.

Mason: Kivrin-San! Touma-San is working for them! He even called ME an enemy!

Touma leaps off the rock spire, flips and lands expertly. He draws his sword.

Kivrin: Well, it sure looks that way.
Touma: Sorry, but as long as my employers don't betray me, I can't break my promise to them.
Kivrin: That's an admirable professional ethic.
Dakota: Touma-Sama! Go get them!! *cheering*
Kivrin....omae o korosu *slight chuckle* I've always wanted to say that.
Seiji: Touma, you aren't really going to kill Kivrin, now are you?
Touma: I'm doing this so that I can finally get a girlfriend.
Kivrin: Get a girlfriend?
Touma: Yes. In return for protecting them, I get the Cookbook of Rekka. Then I can actually learn how to cook and impress some woman with my cooking skills.....without them winding up in the hospital.

Kivrin and Seiji look at each other and Kivrin pulls a book out.

Kivrin: Oh, you mean this thing??
Ryo: Th-that's the Cookbook of Rekka!! How did you get it?!
Kivrin: When I snuck into the castle earlier, this accidentally fell out of the vault. Didn't want to waste the chance so I took it with me. ^_^
Ryo: You thief!!
Mason: Kivrin-San, you mean you didn't come because you were worried and wanted to save me?
Kivrin: Well, I suppose that's one way to put it. The thing is, this book's of no use to Touma! *as Dakota sneaks off* All that's written in it are special microwave instructions for things like macaroni and cheese and reheating pizza. That's all!
Ryo: W-well.... *as Touma glares at Ryo over his shoulder*

Touma spins and points the sword at Ryo's throat.

Touma: I won't support your evil plans any longer!
Seiji: That guy has the easiest behavior pattern to predict...

Ryo runs off.

Mason: Oh! He's getting away!
Kivrin: After him!!

Somewhere within the chambers of the castle, Dakota is pulling switches, moving levers, and laughing diabolically at the terror she is about to unleash....

Meanwhile our four heroes have caught up with King Ryo.

Kivrin: Now then, you've got five choices here. *ticks them off on her fingers* One, you can be punished by me. Two, you can be punished by Seiji. Three, you can be punished by Mason. Four, you can be punished by Touma.
Ryo: And the last is having you all do it together?
Kivrin: *laugh* What else? Well...*running a hand through her hair again before turning back to Ryo* Why don't you offer me some money to forget about all of this?
Seiji: Baka.

Dakota is doing more things that are surely not good (Author's Note: hey, if you were watching the anime, you wouldn't be able to describe this really well either, so lighten up).

Kivrin: Oro, I'm serious here. Just beating up this one guy isn't gonna fatten my purse any.
Mason: You can't do that!
Seiji: much would you ask for anyway?
Kivrin: *standing and gesturing to the palace behind her* Maybe this castle and everything around it?
Ryo: Who would pay that?!

As Dakota pulls more switches...

Kivrin: Well, no choice then. Guess I'll beat him up myself!
Ryo: I KNEW you'd end up doing that!

A loud rumble sounds and everyone looks confused, except Ryo who just laughs evilly.

Ryo: That's the ultimate weapon passed down along with the Cookbook of Rekka! Come forth, O-Hariel-Con Golem!!

A large golem breaks through the top of the castle and looms menacingly above our heroes.

Seiji: What the heck is that?
Kivrin: Is that what's written about in the Cookbook of Rekka?
Dakota: *from inside the top of the golem where she's "driving" it* This golem's body will reflect common spells and can withstand direct attacks as well! It's even self-cleaning!
Ryo: Awaken from your thousand years of sleep, Golem!
Dakota: Ryo, leave this to me, please?? *in a voice that says "Shut up you sound like an idiot"*
Kivrin: Oh...I THOUGHT she ran off before!! So that's where she went.
Dakota: Now, in the name of the monstrous Angstmiester....Let's GO!! *as the golem starts to radiate power*
Mason: I don't think she's got all her oars in the water.
Kivrin: The Monstrous Angstmiester?
Seiji: You know about him?
Kivrin: I thought I knew most legends and folk tales pretty well, but...I've never heard of him.
Dakota: I'm not surprised you've never heard of him.
Kivrin: qwack? (Author's Note: I SWEAR Lina quacks here. She sounds like a duck, really!)
The monstrous Angstmiester....*as the golem poses* is something I made up myself!
Kivrin: LIKE I CARE?!?! Dakota: Here we go!

She pulls a lever over and the chest of the golem opens up to reveal a cannon sort of thing. Dakota puts on sunglasses as she aims for the ruins outside the city. She pulls a hanging chain and a blast of concentrated microwave radiation shoots forth and completely obliterates the ruins. Insert nuclear reference here.

Ryo: *laughing* Did you see that?! The power of our golem!
Dakota: Be thankful! I'll make you the first sacrifices to the monstrous Angstmiester!
Kivrin: You've got to be kidding!
Dakota: Prepare to die!

She pulls the lever again and the machine starts blowing smoke.

Dakota: Chotto! chotto!!!!

The golem collapses and shatters into rubble, trapping Ryo and Dakota in the debris as our heroes get out of the way.

Kivrin: When you think about it, it was passed down with the magic cookbook. Meaning that golem was pretty darned old.
Seiji: So it doesn't work correctly anymore, ne?
Ryo: Uh, tasukete, tasukete?
Dakota: *who's scrabbling trying to get out* Hey, you people! Are you just going to stand there watching? Do something!!
Seiji: Well, what are we supposed to do?

The main power supply of the O-Hariel-Con golem starts going beserk. Flashes of microwave radiation start blasting various parts of the castle and countryside.

Kivrin: Oh. It's out of control.
Ryo and Dakota: Stop it! Agh! Stop it! Please!!
Mason: And just HOW are we supposed to stop it?
Touma: If common spells and direct attacks won't work on it...
Kivrin: ...then you have to use an UNcommon spell, ne?
Mason: Yeah, I guess...AAAHH!! *as she realizes what Kivrin means*

In the town square, Mason is cranking a siren. Seiji is shouting into a megaphone. Touma is merely standing there with a large sweatdrop. The townsfolk are hurrying past in fear.

Mason: This is a Dragon Slave Alert!
Seiji: All citizens please evacuate as quickly as possible!!

Kivrin: *begins chanting* "Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows! Buried in the flow of time...In thy great name, I pledge myself to darkness. All the fools who stand in our way shall be destroyed by the power you and I possess!"

Dakota's still fighting to get out; Ryo merely looks scared.

Kivrin: "DRAGON SLAVE!!!!"
Dakota: *as the spell draws near* I know I said common spells wouldn't work, but....!!


Outside the's left of the city.

Kivrin: Well, if they were lucky, they were saved.
Seiji: You think Luck would've saved them from THAT just now?
Mason: It doesn't really matter does it? At the very least, we definitely destroyed evil here...
Kivrin: What's wrong, Mason? Why so down?
Mason: It's just of those bad guys was SO CUTE!!!!!!! *whimper*

A lone traveler on a lonely barren road.

Dakota: Those....*fist clenched. She raises her fist as she poses dramatically in front of the sunset* Mark my words!! In the name of the monstrous Angstmiester, I shall have my revenge!!!

THE END...??