Collie and Pet Jokes

1.   Where do Superman's goldfish live?   (In the super bowl.)

2.   Where to Batman's goldfish live?   (In the bat tub.)

3.   What kind of footwear did Lester buy his frog for the summer?   (Open toad.)

4.   What does Timmy use to make Lassie's food? (This is a good one speaking of collies!)   (Collie flour.)

5.   What is it called when your pet rabbit is grumpy?   (A bad hare day.)

5.   What did the vet say when Martha's snake got caught in the garbage disposal?   ("It won't be long now!")

6.   What's the fastest way to get a police dog?   (Dial K911.)

7.   What do you call a German cat that gets caught in a lawn mower?   (A cat o' nein tails.)

8.   How can you tell a cat from a comma?    (A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma has a pause at the end of a clause.)

9.   How did the parrot get to the vet?   (Flu.)

10.   Why did dumb Dan buy birdseed?   (He wanted to grow his own canaries.)

11.   What's the difference between a fly and a canary?   (You can't zip a canary.)

12.   What's the most important part of a horse?   (The mane part.)

13.   What do you get if you mate a parrot with a shark?   (An animal that talks your ear off.)

14.   What did Wyatt Earp call his kitten?   (A posse cat.)

15.   What tree will a cat never climb?   (A dogwood.)

16.   What do you call a mangled dog after a run - in with a tough cat?   (Claude.)

17.   Why are dogs bad dancers?   (Because they have two left feet.)

17.   What has wings, a beak, and sees just as well from both ends?   (A bird with its eyes shut.)

18.   Where did Albert Einstein keep his fish?   (In a think tank.)

19.   What's the difference between a dead bee and a mangy cat?   (One's a bee deceased, the other a seedy beast.)

20.   What kind of dogs have there eyes closest together?   (The smallest ones.)

21.   When is a dog like a teenager?   (When it's between a boy and a girl.)

22.   When is it terribly bad luck to have a black cat cross your path?   (When you're a mouse.)

23.   When is a cat like a teacup?   (When you're teasin' it.)

24.   What does a Chow Chow say when you turn it inside out?           ("Ouch!,  Ouch!")

25.   What's the difference between a rabid dog and a hot dog?   (One bites the hand that feeds it; the other feeds the hand that bites it.)

26.   How did the dumb dog get a bloody forehead?   (From chasing parked cars.)

27.   What's the difference between an expensive dog and a dog that does whatever you want?   (One's pedigree - able, the other agreeable pet.)

28.   What do you call a court action to determine a colt's father?
(A palomino suit.)  

29.   What's the difference between a political activist and someone who breeds skunks?   (One raises a stink, the other a lot of them.)

30.   Why did a Hoichi encourage his pet skunk to go into show business?   (Because he always wanted to be the scenter of attention.)

31.   What do you call a snake that Ms. Derek or Mr. Jackson keep as a pet?   (A Bo Constrictor.)

32.   What do you get when you cross a pigeon with a parrot?   (A bird that apologizes for the mess it makes.)

33.   When they first wake up in the morning, what kind of pets do hogs resemble?   (Ham stirs.)

34.   What do you call a killer snake that's also a fine soprano?   (A choral snake.)

35.   What's the difference between a coward and a mother hen?   (One tends to chicken - out, the other tends 'til chicken's out.)

36.   Why did Charles Dickens' chicken cross the road?   (To get to the author's side.)

37.   Why did the rubber chicken cross the road?   (To stretch her legs.)

38.   What do you call a well - behaved pet snake?   (A civil serpent.)

39.   How is a limping dog just like a hill?   (One's a slow pup, the other's a slope up.)

40.   Why did the mason buy a chicken and feed it concrete?   (He wanted to turn it into a brick layer.)

41.   Why did the cow jump over the moon?   (The milk maid's hands were cold.)

42.   What kind of pet is CRAZY about snack food?   (A chipmunch.)

44.   Where do soldiers keep their pet fish?   (In the tank corps.)

45.   What Arabian pet is always changing its colors?   (The camel - eon.)

47.   What's the difference between a small, cute minnow and a tough little canine?   (One's a pretty guppy, the other's a gritty puppy.)  

48.   What do you call insects that live in an ant farm?   (Tenants.)

49.   What's the difference between someone who has faith and a hornet that leaves the apiary?   (One's a believer, the other's a bee leaver.)

50.   Where do you fix a rabbit's broken leg?   (In the hopspital.)

51.   Why did the dummy put his pet duck under the mattress?   (So he could swim in the spring.)

52.   What's the difference between a pop singer and a hurt beekeeper?   (One is Sting, the other stung.)

53.   What do you call a cat chased by dogs?   (Hounded.)

54.  What's black and white, black and white, black and white, and green?
    (Three skunks fighting over a pickle.)