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GK- #1, Peter Schmeichel- GONE! Won the "screaming at your defence" contest at Marks and Spencer prior to this season but will leave Man Utd. at the end due to his realisation that racism is bad. Notorious for addressing Wrighty with various racial epithets, Schmikes, as he is known to his teammates has been rumoured to be carrying Trabzonspor president Mehmet Ali Yilmaz's baby. GK- Mark Bosnich Racist, Xenophobic and Australian. Ex-Villa keeper started his career off at the Jammy Mancs but was soon let go. Known for his anti-semitic hand gesture towards Spurs fans and lost his place to Michael Oakes, need i say more? D- #2, Gary Neville- has a pet doppelganger named Philip, Known for repulsive looks and tendency to stomp on the feet of opposing attackers. D- #3, Denis Irwin- Irish international who could pass for the pet schnauzer of Wolfgang the german luftwaffe captain. Also known as ol' tubby by teammates for his odd look of a famous food dough-hybrid. Known for his antics on the pitch such as not knowing he had his strip on backwards and taking over the spot kick from octagenarian Teddy Sheringham. D- #5 Ronny Johnsen- In a continued bid to bastardise the legacy of english football Allie (oops, thats Alex Ferguson on off-nights) purchased this norweigan "international" from Besiktas in the land of third world football clubs who beat man utd. on a regular basis. D- #6, Jaap Stam- Known as Yip-Jaap to his teammates for his antics like that as a dog when he fails to take his medication for tourettes syndrom. Rated the most expensive defender in the world but can't even shake a Nigerian from going 3/4 of the way into the box and making the pass to get a goal past peter-pigfarmer. Also rumoured to be a nutter as he grew up in a religious compound...apparently. D #12, Philip Neville- Happy Camper Doppelganger to Gary Neville, never does much and goes into comas on the pitch from being fed too many fishheads M- #7, David Beckham- Ah old becks. Spends most of the time putting in pinpoint crosses (he aims them into touch) and massaging his hair. Married to plastic blowup doll, posh spice and has a kid named Brooklyn not named for beckhams Toughness or overall strength. M- #8, Nicky (___|___) oops, im sorry thats nicky Butt. My mistake. May end up at some relegation doomed club next year along with good old red dwarf and hasn't had a great career unless you consider upper-cuts at referees an accomplishment. M- #11, Ryan Giggs Mr. Feral himself. Needs a shaving lesson along with peter-pigfarmer. An anomaly due to the amount of hair which may be explained by Mr. Giggs' constant sheepshagging (don't ask). Occasionally scores last minute goals but shouldnt be credited because half of them are due to fatigued defenders. M- #15, Jesper Blomqvist After taking part in the gang beating of man utd., alex thought it would be a good idea to purchase the little rodent to no avail. M- #16, Roy Keane Thankfully this short fused bloke has no relation to gunner target, Robbie Keane and I think he's happy about that. RoY is the mancs captain................like that explains anything but is known to stomp on the heads of opponents and scream "fick ya fick ya fick ya ya fickin wenker" at referees. F- #9, Andy Cole Gunner reject who could never do much anyway was overhauled into man utd. from newcastle (when the lad actually possessed some talent, solely under the guidance of Kev Keegan) but anyways he couldn't score in a 2 quid brothel and falls apart in the box (like a jigsaw puzzle!). F- #10, Teddy Sheringham the octagenerian was replaced by teen sensation Michael Owen through out the world cup. He rarely shows up and is dumb enough to think that a cracked rib enhances your game. F- #18, Paul Scholes oddly enough i have little against red dwarf because he'd solid internationally but could be the best if he didn't play for some half-arsed team. F- #19, Dwight Yorke The overbitten rasta himself bought for 12.6m from Aston Villa. was good at the beginning of the season but the fact that he's shite as an international player (even trinidadian fans think so) began to show in club play around february. F- #20, Ole gunnar Solsjkaer Say his name 3 times fast!!!!!!! and you'll come out saying old gunned down skank which is what he is.
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