#16. "Plagued With Nostalgia" (06.04.2003)
In those rare moments where
I can feel exactly how I did in
the past, I always feel nostalgic.
As long as the emotions aren't being
felt now, I want to feel them again.
Time fades the memory of sadness
while keeping the feeling with you,
until you forget why you're so sad.
Knowing I can never have that happiness
back is destroying my will to live.

I want to believe in this new
life that I'm working so hard for.
But those smiling faces in my mind
are killing my soul like a disease.
Today I was walking forward.
But my heart was so cold -
I wouldn't look at the people
who passed me by.
All this time that's going by
can't erase the pain from my face.

My nights are plagued with nostalgia.
I'm sure that if my mind was
erased I'd remember that pain.
And there is so much left to feel.
I don't want to get hurt by
trusting people again or regret not
doing things because of fear.
Is there a point where your mind
just shuts down to avoid more pain?
If I reach that point, I'll still live.

When will I finally forget
that face and voice of yours?
I feel it always holding me back.
But maybe the day I forget
is the day I fall in love again.
I'll never let that happen.
So maybe I'll be held back forever.
Living with pain isn't really
living, but I'll take this
numbness with me everywhere.

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